Semper Fi (19 page)

“Cal!” Jim hurried over. “Would you wait a second?”

“Why? What more is there to say? I got the message loud and clear.”

“Message?” Jim exhaled, clearly exasperated. “This isn’t because of…
that.
”

“Uh-huh.” Cal knew he was being petulant, but couldn’t stop.

“Whatever this is…” Jim glanced around. “Whatever this is between us, it’s a lot to take in. I need some time. But I’m not denying it. I really do need you to pick up the pesticide. I know the timing stinks.”

Sighing, Cal ran a hand through his hair. “Okay. Just don’t talk yourself out of anything while I’m gone. I know this is new for you.” He wanted to take Jim’s hand, but resisted, simply stepping in close instead. “We could have something good. We
do
have something good. We always have. But it can be more. Just remember that.”

Jim nodded. “I will.”

“See you tomorrow.”

“Let me know how much the hotel costs and I’ll reimburse you. For gas and meals too.”

Cal chuckled. “I’m going to leave before we get into another fight about money.”

Jim smiled softly. “Drive carefully.”

As Cal drove down the laneway, he watched Jim in the rear view mirror, standing there with his hands in his pockets and an unreadable expression on his face.

Two days later they were back at the breakfast table, the children chattering as Jim and Cal listened and nodded.

Jim finished eating and wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Cal, can you rake up any old leaves in the orchard while I check on the newer trees?”

Cal concentrated on a light tone. “Sure. Worried about anything in particular?”

Jim had been perfectly friendly, and had looked Cal in the eyes since his return the previous evening, but there’d been no hint as to how he was feeling. Cal had let him off the hook after dinner and claimed a headache as an excuse for an early night. Still, he’d waited and hoped that Jim would come to him once the children were asleep. He’d finally drifted off alone.

“Apple scab fungus. It can spread to the healthy young apples as spring warms up.”

“Well, we don’t want that.”

“Uncle Cal, guess what?” Sophie bounced in her seat.

“Mabel started making chocolate milk?”

Sophie giggled. “Noooo!”

“You said to guess.”

Everyone laughed, including Jim, and Cal felt a little better.

As the morning went on, he raked forcefully in the shade of the orchard. He still struggled to put the look of disgust that had creased Jim’s face the other night out of his mind. He thought back to the first time he’d tasted semen. He’d licked Michael Thorngood clean and had asked for more. Tasting himself on Michael’s lips later had sent an erotic charge through his veins.

That doesn’t mean Jim has to feel the same way. It’s okay if he d
oesn’t like it. He’s not me
.

“I know he’s not me,” Cal muttered.

“They say talking to yourself is one of the first signs of insanity.”

Cal chuckled as he turned to find Jim several feet away. “I’m sure I display more than just one sign.” Even after so many years, a thrill of attraction whipped through him at the sight of Jim, with his blond hair gleaming and jeans hugging his hips. His plaid shirtsleeves were rolled to his elbows.

Jim smiled and lifted up a basket. “I brought lunch. Made your favorite.”

“Peanut butter?” Cal’s stomach growled.

“What else?”

“And you actually made this sandwich? Or did Mrs. O’Brien?”

Jim sat on the freshly raked grass beneath the nearest tree, crossing his legs. “I’ll have you know I slaved over this for a full two minutes.”

Laughing, Cal took a seat beside him, leaning back against the tree trunk. “My apologies to the chef.”

They ate quietly, drinking from their canteens as the sun blinked out from behind a cluster of clouds. Rabbits scurried by in the distance, Finnigan barking after them. When they were finished eating, Jim tidied up the basket and leaned back against the tree beside Cal.

He inched closer, pressing their shoulders together. “I’m sorry for the way I acted.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. You were honest. That’s all I can ask for.”

“But you deserve so much more.”

“Jim—”

“Let me say this, all right?”

“All right.” Cal tried to relax.

Jim took a deep breath and blew it out. “This is all…new. Obviously whatever this is between us, but everything else too.”

“Everything else?”

“With Ann, it was never…she never…” He waved his hand in the air. “In the bedroom, it was very…basic. I remember the guys talking about the wild things they did with women, and I thought they were making it all up.”

Cal smiled. “Most of them probably were.”

“But Ann and I—it was never anything like the other night. I’ve never felt like that. The way I feel with you.”

Cal tentatively rested his hand on Jim’s denim-clad thigh. “How did you feel?”

“Connected. So full of need I could hardly stand it.” After a quick glance around, he covered Cal’s hand with his own, threading their fingers together. “I can’t believe I’m feeling this. For you.
With
you. Nothing seems real. I keep expecting to wake up.”

“Me too.” Cal’s pulse spiked as he leaned in and kissed Jim’s neck.

Jim took a shuddering breath, squeezing Cal’s hand. “It scares me. Not like in the war. A different kind of fear. But still terrifying.”

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.” Even though it would nearly kill him to turn back now, Cal couldn’t bear the thought of Jim being unhappy or frightened.

“But I do. I
want.
I want things I didn’t know were possible. That’s what really scares me. I shouldn’t want this.”

“It’s okay. I promise.”

“How is this happening? How does it feel so…right?”

Cal caressed Jim’s face with gentle fingers. “It’s not wrong. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. Love isn’t wrong.”

Jim swallowed hard. “Love?”

“Of course.” Cal smiled. “I love you. You must know that.”

Jim squeezed his eyes shut, and Cal’s heart thumped. He’d gone too far, too fast. He was about to take it back when Jim looked at him.

Eyes glistening, Jim reached with both hands to cradle Cal’s face. “God forgive me.” He pressed their lips together.

Cal’s head swam with pure joy, and they were lost, kissing deeply as time fell away. All Cal knew was the stroke of Jim’s tongue against his own, and their mingled breath. Their hands gripping each other. When Jim broke the kiss, Cal followed, groaning at the loss of contact. His chest rising and falling rapidly, Jim smiled shyly and popped open the button on Cal’s jeans. He took a deep breath, pausing.

Although he ached for Jim’s touch, Cal reassured him. “There’s no rush. You don’t have to.”

“I want to. I really do.” He appeared surprised by his own admission.

Leaning back against the rough bark, Cal watched as Jim fished into his pants and pulled out Cal’s stiff cock. Jim’s eyes darted back and forth between Cal’s crotch and his face as he stroked tentatively. Cal lifted his hips, thrusting into Jim’s grasp. “Oh. Yes. Like that.”

Every guttural moan and murmur seemed to give Jim confidence, and he twisted his thumb over the head of Cal’s dick, teasing the leaking slit. Cal was so heavy and hard in Jim’s hand, all his nerve endings zeroed in on the slick pressure. Sweat gathered at Cal’s brow as the pleasure coiled low in his belly, ready to strike.

Birds sang overhead, the leaves swaying gently in the late spring breeze, new blooms in the air. Cal panted as he arched his back, Jim’s hand tight around him. His cock pulsated, so heavy and full, and he could hardly believe Jim was actually touching him— bringing his fantasies to life.

Breath hot on Cal’s ear, Jim whispered, “Let me see you come.”

His balls drawing up, Cal shot over Jim’s hand, crying out as he shuddered. The pleasure waved through him, and he felt complete peace. He yanked Jim close to kiss him hard.

They jumped apart at a sudden noise, and stared at Finnigan several yards away, watching them with head cocked. The dog barked again, and they burst out laughing, flopping back against the tree.

“It’s okay, Finnigan,” Cal called out. “Just don’t tell anyone what you saw, all right? I’ll buy you a nice juicy bone.”

Jim’s smile faded. “We really do have to be careful. No one can know about this.
No one.
This isn’t a game.”

“I know. We have to hide, but we won’t be the first. Won’t be the last. We’ll make it work.”

Jim nodded. “Okay.” He lifted his sticky hand, peering at it curiously.

“Here, I think I have a handkerchief.” Cal rummaged in his pockets and passed over the cloth.

Jim wiped off most of his hand, and then paused and lifted his index finger to his mouth. His tongue flicked out. He raised his eyebrows, and then took his finger into his mouth, sucking it clean. “Hmm.”

Cal licked his lips and reached for Jim’s fly, pretty sure they weren’t going back to work any time soon.

It was still night when they climbed from the belly of the ship and fell into line on deck. No moon was visible, and clouds obscured their view of the southern stars. Sporadic firelight flickered on Guadalcanal Island in the distance. The sun would be up soon, but until then the world was only shadows.

Jim swiped at a bead of sweat on his forehead as he adjusted his pack and secured his rifle over his shoulder. Beside him, Cal smiled unconvincingly.

Leaning in, Cal whispered, “Look how many ships we have. All these men. The Japs don’t stand a chance.”

Nodding, Jim squinted at the island—a dark, mountainous shape looming before them, populated by an unseen enemy. He realized he’d never actually met a Japanese person. Now he’d kill these men or be killed.

Captain Brown’s voice was loud and confident. “Moving out! Over the side and down the nets!”

One platoon at a time they did as they were told, clambering over the edge of the ship one man after the other. Jim threw his leg over and caught hold of the cargo net, putting his foot on one of the squares of rope. The net swayed—shaking with the exertions of the men who’d gone before him—and he thumped against the hull of the ship, which rocked in the swells of the ocean.

Peering down, he could barely make out the Higgins Boats waiting below. A heavy boot landed on his fingers and he bit back a cry as he forced himself to keep moving, gripping the vertical ropes to avoid being stepped on again.

About three feet above the waiting vessel, the net stopped short. Fear of plunging into the murky depths gripped Jim, but there was no time to hesitate. He stepped off and landed safely with a thump on the bottom of the boat. He let out the breath he’d been holding. His equipment must have weighed fifty pounds, and he wasn’t sure he’d have been able to make the surface again if he’d missed the mark.

Cal steadied him, and they all took their places as the boats moved into assault formation, wave after wave lined up and fanning out toward Guadalcanal in the impending dawn. Crouching low below the gunwales, they kept their heads down. The boat vibrated beneath their feet as the engines kicked in, and they surged forward.

“Here we go,” Cal muttered.

They’d trained in the boats so many times that the spray of salt water on Jim’s face was strangely familiar and comforting. They each knew exactly what to do when they landed, and he could already imagine the gritty sand that would coat his tongue and sting his eyes as they stormed up the beach.

But this time, it wouldn’t be NCOs waiting to critique their performance and offer a hand up or an encouraging clap on the back.

Icy terror coiled in Jim’s stomach as the boat cut through the waves. For a desperate moment, he closed his eyes, praying to the Almighty that this was only a dream, and he was safe back in Clover Grove, or even in the troop ship, where the war was still a mythical, faraway thing even as they steamed ever onward toward it.

“Hey. It’s okay.” Cal’s voice trembled for the briefest of moments, belying his words. He cleared his throat. “We’re going to be okay.” He leaned in a little closer, and their helmets clanked together.