SEPARATED: CONCLUSION TO UN-RELATED (2 page)

“Of course I don’t love her. Abby, I told you, it just happened. But the next month when I got the bill for my rent, there was a zero balance due and $500.00 cash in the envelope.”

“For that one night?” I asked.

“No, it was um…more than one night. We sort of set up a schedule…”

“A schedule?”

“Yeah. I know it was wrong, but I wasn’t seeing anyone,” he looked up at me and added, “
yet
, and she was lonely, so I didn’t see any harm in it. I wasn’t doing it for the money, Abby. I told you, she’s nice, and attractive. It was a win-win at first. She missed her husband…missed having a man in her bed, and I was stressed from school, so it was a good stress reliever for me.”

I reached for the bottle of ibuprofen again, and opened the bottle, feeling a headache coming on.

“We sort of fell into a routine…on Tuesday nights. She was busy, most of the time. She was very wealthy and spent a lot of time away, but she was always home Tuesday nights. We’d have dinner, talk about nothing…and we’d end up in bed. It went on like this for months. I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t mind it. She wasn’t clingy or needy. She only wanted…sex. I never spent the night with her. She’d come to my bed…most of the time and then once we were done, she’d leave.”

“How could she leave…you?” I managed to ask with a shaky voice.

“She didn’t love me, Abby. I told you, all she wanted was…”

“I heard you! I got it. Go on,” I snapped, interrupting him.

“So, I had free room and board, and some spending money. Like I said, I knew it was wrong, and I tried to give the money back to her, but she refused. She kept saying that if I didn’t take the money, she’d kick me out. I still did other things around the house for her, other than…sex. It wasn’t a relationship, just a business arrangement. I finally just stopped arguing with her and started putting money in a savings account.”

He sighed and went on, “Then one day, one of my classes was cancelled, and I came home a couple hours early. I walked into the house and I heard a bunch of voices coming from down the hall. I walked toward the noise and walked into the study and found myself in the middle of a room full of women. It was Lorena’s book club friends and they were drinking wine and discussing…whatever book they were reading. I apologized to Lorena for interrupting, and I tried to step out of the room, but she quickly grabbed my arm and introduced me to some of the richest women in
Connecticut. Most of them stared at me like they knew what kind of jobs I did for Lorena…and of course, they did. I nodded appropriately and got the hell out of there as fast as I could, but as I closed the door behind me, I couldn’t help but over-hear one of the ladies say, ‘I’ll bet he’s very handy to have around, Lorena. He’s much prettier than the last one. How long are you planning on keeping this one?’”

“Kellan…I…”

He put up his hand, telling me that he needed to finish. “I waited for an answer, thinking that Lorena would say something nice to defend me, but she laughed and said, ‘Until I’m tired of him, of course. But he is handy in the bedroom.’ I ran up to my room and tried to get her words out of my head, but I couldn’t…I still can’t. I knew it was just sex, she made that perfectly clear. But, until that moment, I thought she cared about me…a little.”

I reached out and grabbed his hand. There were tears in my eyes but I didn’t know what to say to comfort him, so I just squeezed his hand and let him go on.

“She came to my room later that night, but I pretended to be ill. She was nice about it, but I was certain she knew I was lying. She didn’t question it, and she still paid me like normal a few days later. I finally got over it, and realized she was right. She told me from the start it was just sex. It wasn’t like I was in love with her. I guess I was just hoping for some kind of connection, besides a physical one. I was stupid…”

“No, you weren’t. Everyone’s always let you down…you don’t deserve that.”

“You never let me down…and I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that. I love you.”

“I love you, too. I hope you’ll still feel that way…when I’m done.”

“I will. I promise,” I smiled through my tears.

He took a deep breath and said, “So, the next day, someone knocked on the door. The staff was gone, so I answered it. It was a woman and she looked familiar. She was one of the ladies from the book club. She introduced herself again and asked if Lorena was home. When I told her she was out and wasn’t due back until late that night, I thought she’d leave, but I was wrong. She made excuses to stay and said she was thirsty. I made us some coffee and we chatted about nothing at first. She was a really nice lady. She was smart and well read, and there was such sadness in her eyes that I felt bad for her. She told me that her husband died a few years back and then she asked about my childhood. She seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. I liked her immediately. She asked me if I needed any pro bono work for school credit and said she had just the job for me.”

“I’ll bet,” I said.

“Yeah, that subject came up as well. Abby, I don’t know why I said yes…there was just something about her. She seemed as lost as I was.”

“Is she the one that owns this apartment?” I asked.

“Yes. Her name’s Margot Winters. She has more money than all of those ladies in the book club combined. She renovated a historic building in the center of town where she lives. She’s very well thought of. She really did need some pro bono work, but on her way out the door, she told me that I reminded her of her late husband…when he was young, and she asked me to spend one night with her. I immediately told her no, saying it wouldn’t be right. She was very kind and said she understood. She handed me her card and said to call her assistant about the pro bono work and she walked out.”

“I though you said you told her yes?”

“I’m coming to that.”

He stood up and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. “Do you want another Coke?”

“No, thanks.”

He sat back down and continued, “After she left, I made myself a sandwich and I must have left the card on the counter because Lorena found it and brought it upstairs and threw it on my bed. She was angry…at me, or Margot…I wasn’t sure which, but she threatened me to stay away from her friends…especially Margot. I was shocked and irritated. I was obviously only a play thing for her, so I didn’t understand why she cared what I did. I told her that I was only doing some pro bono work for one of her charities, nothing more. That seemed to appease her, but the next thing I knew, she was cuddling up next to me in bed telling me how much she missed me. I should have left then…I should have walked out the door that night and never looked back, but I didn’t…I stayed.”

“And?”

“And I called Margot the next morning. We met that night…and well…it just kind of got easier after that. Soon, another one of Lorena’s friends dropped by…leaving me her card, and then the circle of friends expanded, until I was…”

“Doing a lot of pro bono work?” I asked, my eyes filling with tears.

“No, they paid me…well.” He looked away from me and said, “Abby, I made a lot of money. Some weeks I made close to five thousand dollars, and other’s more like ten. These women have so much money and they hand it out like candy…”

I gasped, “Ten thousand dollars…a week? How many…never mind, I really don’t want to know.”

He took another deep breath, “I told you before…A lot. And, before I knew it, I had a client list a mile long. I bought another cell phone just as a business line. I was terrified you’d find out, and I didn’t want you in any way associated with my…clients or business. It was getting out of hand, and I was exhausted, my grades were suffering, but I couldn’t stop. I know it sounds stupid, but I just didn’t want to let them down…and I guess, in some ways, I was angry with Lorena and I was trying to get back at her.”

“I wondered how you suddenly had so much money. I guess I was afraid to ask.”

“Abby, look at me.
” He reached out and gently grabbed my chin. "I swear I haven’t touched any of them again…not since I made you that promise. I swear it! I moved out of Lorena’s house that night. And, I haven’t been back even once.”

“Where did you go?” I asked.

He sighed and said, “I went to Margot’s…and before you say anything, it’s not what you think. We’re just friends, now. I swear I haven’t touched her, either. She’s one of the reason’s I came back here, to you. I wasn’t going to. I know I made you that promise, but I was determined not to keep it. I only said it at first so that you’d call Tyler off. I just wanted you to wait. I wasn’t coming back, Abby. Margot talked me into it.”

“Why?”

“Because she knew…”

“She knew what?”

“She knew…I was in love with you, even before I did. She told me I’d be a fool to give you up. She said you don’t find true love often and that I’d be making the biggest mistake of my life if I didn’t come back. She was right.”

I wanted to reach out and hold him tight, but we had to get it all out first, “Are you still living with her?” I asked, curious.

“No. I stayed for a week, just until I found my own place. I told you I have a lot of money now, Abby.” He stood up and walked over to the desk in the corner of the room. He walked back and handed me a savings account booklet.

I looked up at him and he told me to open it. 

I drew in a deep breath when I saw his balance and started shaking once again.

He handed me the other book. I didn’t want to open it, but he insisted, stating he had to get it all out in the open. I opened the book an
d saw that it was in my name and there was twice as much money in the account he opened for me as there was in his own. I looked up at him, but I was speechless.

“It’s college money…plus…whatever you want.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Say that you still love me…that you might be able to forgive me…someday. Say you don’t hate me, please?”

I could see the pain in his eyes and I knew he was still torturing himself. He was exhausted, I could see it, feel it. “Is that it? Is that everything?” I asked.

He nodded, but looked down.

I grabbed his hand and led him to his bedroom.

“Abby, I don’t think I can…”

“Shh, we’re just going to sleep.”

“I should take you home…”

I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He followed suit by wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my shoulder. He was breathing hard, and I knew he was still torturing himself. I put my hands on his face and pulled it up to look at me and whispered, “I am home as long I’m with you. I love you…there’s nothing to forgive. And Kellan, I could never hate you. You never have to doubt my feelings for you, because I will love you forever. I always have, and I always will.” I hugged him close for a few minutes, and when I felt him relax a bit, I asked him if he had any pajamas.

“I have pajama bottoms. I um, I don’t usually sleep in…” he sighed, “anything.”

“Put them on and can I have one of your t-shirts, please?”

“Abby, I really should…”

“It’s my birthday, so humor me, okay? I swear I just want to be with you. I’m not asking for anything more.”

He nodded and walked over to the dresser and pulled out his flannel pajama bottoms and then grabbed a shirt from another drawer. He told me there was a new toothbrush and other toiletries in the main bathroom. I got ready for bed and when I walked back into his bedroom, I noticed he was sitting on the edge of the bed, still wearing his clothes.

“Is that how you normally sleep?” I asked, trying to lighten his very somber mood.

“No.” He looked up at me and said, “I told you how I normally sleep, and with whom. Are you sure you can forgive me?”

I walked over to him, lifted his face and kissed him. “I told you, there’s nothing to forgive. Please stop worrying.”

“I’m so afraid I’m going to lose you. That you’re going to wake up in the morning and realize you made a terrible mistake.”

“Kellan, get ready for bed, please. I need you to hold me, and you need me to hold you, too.”

He stood up and grabbed his pajama bottoms and headed into the bathroom. He didn’t say another word, but he was in there a while, I’m sure debating on whether or not to take me home. 

“Kellan, are you okay?” I asked from outside the bathroom door.

He opened the door and I noticed he was still pale white. He looked down at me and touched my face as he walked by. He walked over to the bed and pulled back the blankets.

“Are you sure that you don’t want to go home?” he asked.

I climbed in to bed and reached my hand up to him. He took my hand and sat down next to me. “Abby…”

“Kellan, just come to bed, please.”

He sighed but climbed in like I asked. He was quiet as he slowly laid his head down on the pillow. I leaned in next to him and kissed his cheek.

“Abby…”

“Shh, it’s my turn to talk.” I sat up and leaned over him. “I know you think you’ve committed some unforgivable sin, and that I won’t be able to get over it. But, I love you and there’s nothing you’ve done that I need to forgive you for. The only one who needs to forgive you…is you.”