Sexy Book of Sexy Sex (20 page)

BE A
good guy

» IS IT TRUE THAT CHICKS LOVE THE SWEETEST OF DICKS? WIPE THAT
MAPLE SYRUP
OFF YOUR SCHLONG AND FIND OUT THE HARD WAY: BY BEING NICE! FOLLOW THESE EIGHT SIMPLE TIPS, AND BEFORE LONG, YOU’LL BE CATCHING SEX FLIES WITH SPOONFULS OF GENTLEMAN HONEY.

COMPLIMENT HER FACE » Tell her she’s pretty, but really go into detail. Say her eyes sparkle like chrome on a Corvette and her nose looks a bitchin’ hood ornament. If you run out of things to say, compare her to a beautiful horse. Chicks love horses.

MAKE HER DINNER IN BED » A woman’s taste buds are never more sensitive than when they’re tasting things in bed.
Prepare
her an elegant meal that she has to digest horizontally and be prepared for a hot roll in the crumbs! If you want to keep getting that kind of action, keep her bedridden by serving her breakfast, lunch, and intravenous midnight snacks. After a while, she’ll be immobilized due to atrophy, but those stomach and vagina muscles will be in tip-top shape!

GIVE HER ALL
YOUR
MONEY » You
could
buy your girl any number of things that would make her
happy:
diamonds, designer gowns, babies. But in the end you are just going to give her all your money. So why not get it out of the way? Write her a check, or just sign your bank account over to her. Now you’ve just bought your
lady
the best present of all, the security of knowing you are financially unable to leave her.

BE HER PERSONAL DOORMAN » If you’re a nice guy, your lady shouldn’t have to open a door ever again (and she may not be able to, if you’ve been properly bed-feeding her!). Open doors until she starts taking it for granted. Then, pretend your arms are broken. When she can’t leave the room, she’ll realize you’re the guardian angel who’s been turning all those knobs, and will reward you by polishing yours

RUB HER FEET » The way to a woman’s heart isn’t through her ear holes or even her vagina-it’s through her feet! On the bottom of the foot are nerve endings and pressure points connected to every single organ in the body. So take advantage of them! Think her breasts could be a little bigger? Work those feet, son! You can awaken nerves in the feet connected to the boobs
that
will activate them. And she won’t have any idea what your true motive is. All she’ll know is that you are a great guy who rubs her feet for four hours every night.

Sand Whispers

Welcome to SandWhispers™, the world’s premier erotic destination. Whether you’re celebrating a new love or rekindling the flames of passion, the SandWhispers Sexperience™ is guaranteed to pamper, tempt, and titillate you and your love-mate to new heights of ecstasy. At SandWhispers, there are no limits to how sexy you can be!
*

Skindinavia

Some of the most beautiful people in the world are Scandinavian … you! Take the Fondela Gandola to SandWhispers’ Viking-themed love nook of the North. Get cozy at night to avoid freezing to death, and come morning, you’ll be ready to rape and pillage … each other!

GRUNDELBEACH: Forget nude beaches, Skindinavia is home to the world’s only nude fjord. Take a super-quick skinny dip and becume a member of the SandWhispers Polar Bare Club.

ICE MOTEL: Hourly rates make this the perfect place for a secret rendezvous. But don’t get too hot and bothered … your room might melt!

THE MATTERHORNY: Let our sex sherpas guide you to the peak of ecstasy. Then, hit the slopes on one of our covered Love To-boggans for a private getaway all the way down the mountain.

Plymouth Cock
EROTIC COLONIAL VILLAGE
Step back in time and experience romance as a settler in the New World. Let your passions be as untamed as the wilderness—Plymouth Cock is anything but puritanical.