Shackles of Honor (52 page)

“It’s no longer important to me. Please, simply let it be and rest yourself. You waste your strength in talking.” She helped him to raise his head as she held a glass of water to his lips, allowing him to sip from it.

“No,” he whispered, shaking his head as it fell weakly to the pillow beneath it once more. “It’s wrong. All of us were wrong to keep it from you. Mason knows, of course. Has known for years. He has a singular power over his mother’s heart, and she could not keep it from him once he began to inquire so persistently.” The man smiled for a moment before continuing, “And besides that, my dear…have you not heard of deathbed repentance? Of souls who have been long in torture with cached secrets in their hearts that they feel the need, before they face their Maker, to confess all to those whom they may have hurt?”

“Oh, surely, sir, it can be nothing so terrible as that?” Cassidy argued. But as his trembling hand
—
a hand that had once been as powerful as Mason’s now was
—
as his trembling, frail hand reached forth and grasped her own suddenly, she knew that what he must say, he must say. She smiled at him with understanding and nodded her head.

“We were all young once, you realize, my young dove,” he began. He smiled at her and winked affectionately before closing his eyes to continue his tale. “All of us are young once. Young and in love with…someone. For me, it was one of our kitchen maids, Minna Darcy. She was a beautiful young girl and sweet
—a
s sweet and innocent as a hatchling. I did not merely trifle with her, mind you,” he added firmly, looking at her once more. “No. I was not the sort to do such a thing. I truly cared for her. Loved her in a way. Not completely or madly perhaps, but I did love her.”

He paused for a moment, resting his tired mind and body before continuing. “Minna’s parents, however, were ambitious for her, of course. After all, I was heir to my father’s title, to all that he owned. My parents were horrified when Minna’s parents approached them one day, demanding that I marry her…insisting that I had promised to do so…that it was necessary. I know you’re an insightful young lady, Cassidy, so I’ll not verbally convey to you the reasons her parents concocted to demand my marriage to her. I perceive that your imagination can conclude properly. Yes?”

Cassidy blushed and nodded in understanding. Lord Carlisle chuckled slightly and sighed, seemingly amused at some thought. “No doubt Mason would not pause in discussing such things with you in a far more forthright manner than I. Am I right?”

Cassidy smiled and confirmed, “You know him well enough. That is factual.”

“Well, my parents knew I was an honorable young man, that I valued honor, duty, morality. And they knew that Minna was no girl to let her virtue be compromised. So my father chose that moment to reveal to them, and to me as well, that I had long been betrothed to another, that my taking Minna to wife was inconceivable and preposterous! Minna’s parents worked as gardeners on our grounds
,
and they were both immediately dismissed. Minna left us for a time but returned to our employ and
was happily married to our head
man, Robert.” Lord Carlisle coughed again and waved his hand, indicating he was fine, when Cassidy leaned nearer to him, concern evident on her face. “I am rambling, I know. Perhaps telling you things that are irrelevant. But let me babble, sweet child, for I must say it all.” Cassidy nodded
,
and he smiled at her.

“I was nearly as surprised as were Minna’s parents to find I was one who had been promised in marriage already. I, like you, my dear, had no prior notion of it, and I was angry. Furious! Until the moment I saw my intended.”

He closed his eyes and sighed heavily,
and
the smile on his face broadened. “She was a beauty! Is still, I know. But, oh! I had never envisioned her to be so perfectly sweet…so perfect in demeanor and character as well as of face. Devonna was a prize
,
and I loved her nearly immediately.”

His smile faded
,
and he continued, “I loved her so fiercely that when it was soon my knowledge that she loved another, I was not angry but compassionate. The man she loved was completely worthy of her was the sad part of it, not like Minna
,
whose social standing was not acceptable to my parents or my position. But a gentleman, heir to his own title and fortunes. I truly pitied her, for it did break her heart at first to leave him…to fulfill her duty. She married me. She left the man of her dreams and married me.”

“But Lady Carlisle has told me herself, sir, that you
are
the man of her dreams. That she loves you more purely and deeply than
—
” Cassidy began.

“Oh, I know that
,
my dear. I know that she loves me
—t
hat we did fall in love
—t
hat we have had a beautiful life of perfect companionship and affection. But she did love another before me,
d
ove. Truly loved him. And her heart did break w
hen she was forced to leave him, a
nd he her. For it was quickly revealed that he, her beloved first love, was the pawn in an arranged marriage as well. He was to be wed only three days after we to a girl he had known but never had intention to marry.”

Cassidy felt the back of her neck prickling
,
and the sensation soon covered her entire scalp. The revelation was emerging
,
and her mind was beginning to guess at it already.

“I pitied my sweet
,
young wife, for I knew that, though she was coming to love me
—
liked me
,
in fact
,
and enjoyed my company
—
even as the midwife laid our beautiful son in her arms, some part of her regretted it was not her first love sharing the moment instead of me.”

“I am certain that is not true, sir. You must not believe that
—
” Cassidy began.

“She loves me now, sweet. Loves me like she never loved him
,
and that is my comfort. But during Mason’s first years
,
she still had heartache. And so, one day, when a message came from the man she had so long loved…”
H
e began to stumble over his words. “The man that had so long loved her…when the message came that a daughter had been born to him and his wife…it was decided that Mason and this girl baby would one day marry.” Cassidy felt the blood fairly draining from her face and limbs as she looked in disbelief at the man. “I agreed, as did Cylia, to the arrangement, both of us feeling that maybe the promise of the children to wed would heal Calvert’s and Devonna’s wounds somehow
—n
one of us thinking that our lives had been so intervened upon at our parents’ exact actions in our lives.”

Cassidy looked away as she struggled to comprehend it all. Her father had loved Mason’s mother? Had wished to marry her? “But…but I’m certain my father loves my mother. Truly loves her!” she blurted out. If she w
ere
to find out her father had loved another woman for the past twenty-five years, if she were to understand that her own mother had not been in his heart…

“Calvert does love Cylia, Cassidy. As I love Devonna. There was no deceit when it came to their sincere affection and feeling for each other, my dear. Your mother was understanding, patient
,
and compassionate, as was I. Perhaps that is why Cylia and I have our own unique bond of friendship.” He paused before asking, “You know my wife’s full name as it stood before her marriage, do you not?”

Cassidy could not understand the relevance of the question. What did Mason’s mother’s name have to do with the situation at hand? “No, sir. And I do not understand why
—
”

“Devonna’s full name is thus
:
Devonna Sabine Bliss. She is Devonna Bliss Carlisle, my dear.”

Cassidy slumped forward in her chair, burying her face in her hands. “You’re telling me that my father named me after Mason’s mother?” she asked, looking up to him.

“No. Your mother named you, child—to show your father that she held no bitterness against him for loving another before her.”

“Why was I never told this tale? Why, even when Mason appeared at Terrill and
I
was expected to return here with him…to wed him? Why was I not told?” she asked, tears streaming down her lovely cheeks.

“I suppose to avoid the sense of insecurity…the sense of doubt in your parents’ affections for each other you are now having. They do love each other,
d
ove. I do not pretend that perhaps Devonna and Calvert would not have known happiness as well. But Devonna loves me, and your father loves and cherishes your mother. The gold band…the bracelet your father wears. Do you know of its origin?” He struggled to sit upright
,
and Cassidy helped him to do so.

“No, sir. I admit I do not,” she stated. “But I know it is his most valuable earthly possession.”

“A token of devotion, my dove. Of love undeniable. I myself had it crafted for him
. W
e had by then become quite amiable friends
,
soon after he and Cylia were married. If you were to chance hold it, you could gaze at the inner circle and read the inscription there…a pledge of eternal love to your mother. Her name is also engraven
ed
in the pledge. He had me commission someone to craft it
,
for I have a friend who is an extremely gifted jeweler, and he presented it to her the night he confessed that Devonna had long since departed from his heart and there was only Cylia there. He told her that it represented his soul and how it was a prisoner to her will, her heart, forever. Have her tell you of it sometime. It was more imaginative than my pledge to Devonna,” he said, smiling and pointing to his chest where Cassidy knew his tattoo to reside. “And more vividly reminding.”

Cassidy sat in silence, unable to fully comprehend all he was telling her. How could their families, hers and Mason’s, be so completely intertwined and she never guess at any of it?

“Now,” he continued weakly, “I tell you this for the simple reason that you deserve to know. For the reason that I now leave the choice to you
.
I grant you your freedom, Cassidy Shea. Freedom to return to your family and choose for yourself with whom you will spend your days. If you choose to go
,
I will tell Mason and the others…your parents and Devonna. I have nothing to lose this close to death.”

“Do not say that! Please! You cannot die! You…you’re Mason’s father!” Cassidy exclaimed, suddenly panicked. It appeared to her that the man was living his last hours. The loss, she knew, would be devastating to Mason.

“You must accept, my dear. But let me finish before we discuss…me. I am offering you a way out, child. The chance to avoid being forced into marriage with my son.” He smiled and took her hand once more. “Tell me if I’m wrong
. T
ruly tell me. You do not want freedom from him, do you?”

Cassidy brushed the tears from her cheeks with her free hand. “What I want does not matter, sir. I do not want to condemn him to a life
—
”

“Life with you, my dove…would not be considered condemnation by any man ever born.”

“But he harbors no love for me. Though I think he is accepting me as his fate…even possibly in a manner of friendship…still, he does not love me.”

Lord Carlisle smiled understandingly. “You’ve been here two months, my dear. You know Mason well by now. Or at least part of him. Do you really believe he would marry you if he had no desire to do so?”