Shadows Amongst Light (The Spy Who Loves Me) (10 page)

             
My first assumption had been wrong about Davis. As I read the words of the document I realized that what I’d heard from Davis and the others tonight was a slightly slang version of what I was reading right now.

             
They had all been attempting to speak Aramaic. It’s just that the accent and pronunciation of that language can vary widely. I’d been thrown by this.

             
So, what were modern day terrorist doing using a language as ancient as Aramaic? Was it simply to secure communications or was there something else here that I was missing?

             
I glanced out my kitchen window and saw that the sun was just beginning to rise. It was almost daylight. I‘d survived the worse night of my life.

             
I read the note again searching for something that I might have missed. Possibly some reference to dates. It was then that I saw something in the closing of the document that I’d initially overlooked. A single word but still I couldn’t translate it. Jezzuha.

             
It could be just a form of closing but that little warning tingle at the base of my spin told me this wasn’t the case. There was another meaning that I didn’t understand just yet but I would. I was determined because I knew its meaning contained something important.

             
At this point I was too exhausted to think clearly much less understand its importance.

             
I closed the document and shutdown my computer. Then I showed and crawled under the covers. My bed had never felt so big or so empty before this moment.

             
In spite of the danger, I knew what I was going back out there again tonight. To that very same spot. I’d go there for as long as it took to get the answers I needed to clear my brother and stop the attack that was being planned.

             
If I had to force Davis’s hand, I didn’t care. I needed to talk to Judah. Here from his own lips that he was Elijah before I could believe any of those things. Unfortunately, I was running out of time.

             
It was only a matter of time before someone at The Organization discovered what I’d been up to as well as my connection to the man believed to be one of the most wanted terrorist in America. When that happened, there would be no saving Judah.

*****

              It was late when I awoke the following day. Well into the afternoon. And when I did I went straight to work on it ignoring my grumbling stomach.

             
After literally hours sitting in front of the computer without any luck I realized that the day for the most part was over. The sun was just beginning disappearing from the sky.

             
I made coffee again forced downed a sandwich. Then reloaded my weapon. I was ready for another long night of searching for answers.

             
There were to be no answer tonight or in the nights that followed.

             
Each night I went out, there was nothing but the sounds of the city. A city on the brink of danger and unaware of it.

             
The bad guys were silent. At least for the moment. My brother was nowhere to be found and neither was Davis.

             
There was no denying my time for answers had just about ran out. Something terrible was in the works and I knew about it. I had the power to prevent it. Time was running out. It was time to come clean with Noah, confess what I’d been up to and accept my punishment. I couldn’t let my personal quest get in the way of preventing the biggest threat to national security ever.

             
By the night of our next Agency meeting, I still wasn’t sure that was what I was ready to do just yet.

             
I was the first to arrive at Noah’s shop, which was deliberate on my part. I wanted to avoid that awkward first encounter between the two of us that I was certain everyone in the group would pick up on.

             
I found Noah sitting in his office going over some paperwork. When I walked in he too didn’t know how to react to me. Normally we’d be all over each other given the opportunity but tonight things were different. We weren’t together.

             
After the first few awkward minutes, while each of us still searched for something to say to the other I decided this was crazy. Noah was my husband still. He’d been my friend long before we’d become lovers. We could surely find something to say to each other after all that we’d shared together.

             
I went over to him and put my arms around him. After an awkward second or so, Noah pulled me close.

             
“Cameron, I’m sorry about the other night—I mean the way I did things. I could have given you more warning. I just kind of dumped that on you and that wasn’t my intention. It just sort of happened that way. But I do still think it’s a good idea if we take some time away from each other, don’t you?”

             
“No, you were right. Things were getting a little out of hand between us lately. I guess you were right from the beginning. We should have stuck to just being friends. I want you to know that I still love you, Noah. No matter what happens between us I’ll always love you.” I struggled to get those words out through the tightening in my throat.

             
I was such a fake. I didn’t feel that way at all. I wanted to tell Noah not to leave me. Wanted to tell him about our child. Beg him to help me work it out between us but instead I was silent. I couldn’t force Noah to stay with me but I’d spend the rest of my life regretting letting him simply walk away from me.

             
I sensed that Noah wanted to say something more—something important just before Matt came in and spotted us together. Our eyes met full of unspoken questions and desires. All of which would have to wait until another time.

             
Maybe that was for the best after all. I was filled with doubts about the way things ended up with Noah. About all the lies, I’d told him recently. About the things, I hadn’t said to him that he was entitled to know.

             
Looking at him for the first time since we’d ended things, I felt what I knew I would never be free of loving him. Noah was ‘the one’. He’d always be the only one.

             
I’d never felt this lost before in my life. I wasn’t sure how to move on with it alone without him. Without the most important person in the world to me. In fact for weeks before he’d come to me and ended it, I had been expecting it because I’d been pushing him away at ever chance. I told myself that I was strong enough to survive. I’d be okay. I didn’t need any man. Now, I knew that was all a lie.

             
Once the last member of the team had arrived Noah who seemed just as sad as me turned the floor over to Matt. I knew Noah’s mind wasn’t one the meeting. I felt his eyes on me but I couldn’t meet them. I didn’t want him to see how lost I was at that moment.

             
You could almost feel Matt’s excitement even before he started to speak. Matt had something important to tell the group.

             
“I’ve had some...interesting news this week from one of my sources.” His glance slid to Noah’s where he got the usual reaction to that statement.

             
“Sorry Noah I know you don’t approve but they are a necessary evil.” Matt pulled out his little hand held computer gizmo and started to give details.

             
“There’s been an undocumented death of a Red Jihad member this week.” He announced quietly to the group. “I’ve checked with the other agencies, but no one claims responsibility for the kill. My source tells me that the chatter amongst the other cells here in D.C. is that it was an independent--someone acting on their own. Personally I think he’s either lying or simply listening to incorrect information. After all, as far as I know there are no independents around. To add another little turn to the mix, the guy said his sources say it was a woman, acting alone. She took on three. Killed one...alone.”

             
“You’re kidding right?” This was Shane who was clearly impressed. “Wow, I want to meet this dame. She might just be my type.”

             
Shane’s little joke managed only a mediocre response.

             
“Matt, any of your people have a clue who this woman is? I mean as grateful as we all are that she’s wiping the bad guys off the face of the earth do we really want a loose cannon out there. Sounds like she’s on a personal vendetta going on and that could be very dangerous. Especially if what you believe is true and something is in the works.”

             
If possible I’d sank even further into my chair. I expected Matt to turn to me, point, and say, ‘that’s her. That’s the killer.’ When he didn’t I was very relieved.

             
“Well, no one really knows who she is. Apparently, the guy that got away certainly isn’t talking much about the whole thing. She certainly created quite a buzz amongst the other groups. She got a little too close to one of the guys and almost got herself taken out. There was something mentioned about another party being involved. Someone that came to the girl’s aide.”

             
At the sound of my laughter, all eyes were on me. I realized Noah was now looking at me in a way that told me he was close to guessing the truth and I couldn’t allow that to happen. I searched for a good lie.

             
“Please...I mean this gal takes on two terrorists and takes one of them out and she needs to be rescued? I mean please!”

             
Again, that look on Noah’s face told me he wasn’t buying my answer for a second. For the first time I noticed he seemed distracted by something other than me tonight.

             
“Well you could be right, but it really doesn’t matter, now does it. She’s not authorized which makes her a problem.” The expression in his eyes had me wondering if he’d guessed the truth. “So we need to keep our eyes open and if anyone comes up with something about this woman I need to know,” Matt told the group before passing the floor onto Gina.

             
When it came to me, I was asked what I had uncovered so far about the document. Matt and Noah both knew I was working on it. I had a decision to make. I could tell them the truth or I could keep silent. As my eyes met Noah’s and I believe I saw the truth--that Noah knew what I’d been up to and was simply waiting for me to tell him the truth for once I kept my silence. Sealing my guilt in that moment.

             
I told the team that I had started to disseminate the document. I knew that the language was Aramaic but that was pretty much all I had at the moment. I would keep working and should have something solid by the end of the week.

             
The disappointment in Noah’s eyes as they met mine was hard to take. But he didn’t dwell on it. Noah was distracted tonight.

             
When the floor was given back to him, I realized that something wasn’t right.

             
“I wanted you all to know that I’ve received a new assignment today. I’ll be leaving on an extended trip right away. I don’t know when I’ll be back and of course, I can’t tell you where I’ll be going. All I know is that this could be indefinite.”

             
At the shocked silence that greeted his words and the look of curiosity mingled with sympathy that came my way, Noah tried to cover the fact that it was clear I hadn’t known about any of this until this moment.

             
“I’ve been asked in my absence to turn control over to Matt since he’s been with The Organization the longest. I’ll try as much as possible to keep in touch with Matt, so if you need me for any reason you’ll have to let Matt know.” He stopped and seemed to try and control some emotion before continuing. “I realize that this leaves us short a man, which of course is dangerous all things considered. I hope you’ll all remember that and be extremely careful in everything you do. We all know the risks, right? There’s no need to take unnecessary chances.”

             
It was the hardest thing in the world to get through the rest of that night without falling apart in front of everyone. Throughout the rest of the meeting, Noah’s eyes rarely left mine. I knew he was telling me in all ways but with his words that this was it for him.

             
After the meeting finally ended while each team member stopped by to say goodbye, I waited hoping to get a few minutes alone with him but Matt didn’t take the hint.

             
So I was forced to talk to my husband in front of his friend.

             
“When were you going to tell me?” I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking at the anger and heartache I was barely holding onto. I was hurt that he’d chosen this way to end it. I knew the answer before I asked that question but I couldn’t stop the words.

             
“I only found out yesterday.” I knew exactly what he meant by that. This was Noah’s way of saying goodbye without actually saying the words.