Shane's Fall (The Escort Series Book 2) (15 page)

One wave of Dom’s hand and the bartender appeared and poured a drink for Shane. He took a long sip and enjoyed the alcohol as it burned his throat and then settled in his stomach, warming it. Shane recognized the liquor as one of the more expensive brands.

“What is that you need dug up, my young friend?” Dom asked as he waited for the bartender to refill his drink.

“You’ve probably figured out that something happened to Savannah.”

Dom nodded, anger clear in his features.

“She won’t give me the details, but I’ve managed to figure out a few things from the little that she has told me.” He had all of Dom’s attention now, but the man remained mute. “I think it happened sometime after her parents died, but before she left for school. My guess is she knows the attacker.”

He heard Dom draw in a breath. “But she won’t give you a name.”

Shane shook his head. “She’s worried about telling her brother, but I think it’s more than just knowing the guilt he’ll feel for not having been able to protect her.”

Dom’s hand closed tightly around his glass and his body stiffened as if he were ready to strike. “You think the attacker was a friend of her brother’s.”

“She mentioned once that she shouldn’t have opened the door that night.” Shane chugged the rest of his drink as he felt his own anger mounting. “She wouldn’t have opened the door to a stranger.” He paused, then said, “It also could have been someone from her high school or something, but the way she’s worked so hard to keep it from Logan makes me believe it’s someone from his life – a college buddy maybe. Some of the guys would meet at his house for poker night throughout college. Savannah met them all at one point or another.”

Dom mulled the words over as he nursed his drink and then nodded. “I’ll have to dig into the brother’s background – all of it. You realize that, right?”

Shane hesitated for only a moment before saying, “Do it.” He knew Logan would understand and forgive the intrusion if it meant finding the monster that had taken Savannah’s childhood. “Logan Bradshaw.”

Dom nodded. Before either could say another word, the ladies were walking towards them, Sylvie saying something that made Savannah laugh. Shane vacated the bar stool he was sitting on.

“Honey, I was telling Savannah that she and Shane should join us one of these weekends up at the house. We could go out on the boat, maybe do some whale watching or island hopping,” she said hopefully.

The difference in Dom’s appearance was instant and dramatic. He smiled genuinely and his big hand instantly closed around his wife’s tiny one as he drew her close. The woman automatically fit herself against his side as if she’d been born to be there and Dom’s whole countenance relaxed once she was there. A pang of envy shot through Shane as he realized he wanted that same thing – he wanted Savannah to become an extension of him – like two halves that didn’t truly work until they were together. Savannah seemed to notice Dom and Sylvie’s connection too, because she looked up at him with those liquid blue eyes. But she made no move to sidle up against him because she knew, rightly so, that he was still keeping that last piece of himself apart from her.

“I would love that,” Savannah said and Shane didn’t miss that she’d said “I” and not “We.”

“Are you ready to go?” Shane asked, suddenly needing to get as far away from this place as he could.

She nodded and he took her elbow. “Good night and thank you,” he said to both Dom and his wife. As he led her away, he saw Savannah smile and silently mouth the words “thank you.”

As they made their way to the front of the restaurant, Shane found his hand moving from her elbow down to her hand and then he was intertwining their fingers. He cursed himself for the intimate gesture, but his heart refused to allow his brain to release her. For every moment he spent with her, he kept pulling her closer instead of pushing her away. How was he ever supposed to give her up when he couldn’t even tell his fucking hand to let hers go?

It made him a selfish bastard, but still his hand hung onto hers like a lifeline. And as they waited for the valet to get his car, he was drawing her closer to his body so she could benefit from his heat in the cool, damp Seattle air. People walked past them, cars honked in the busy intersection, but all he felt was her pressed against him. All he heard was her soft breathing. All he smelled was the floral scent of her shampoo along with that fragrance that was unique to her.

The ride home was silent and the only way he could keep his hand from grabbing hers again the way it demanded, was to hold on to the gearshift until his knuckles turned white. He pulled into his assigned spot and put the car in park. His nerves were frayed with a combination of lust and need, but just beyond that was a longing for something he knew he couldn’t have and that was worse than anything. She’d made him feel more in the last month than he had in years. She’d seen things in him that he had tried so hard to bury, but instead of criticizing him or judging him for those weaknesses, she’d offered her strength and understanding.

He felt like his whole identity was crashing around him and panic needled at him. When he heard her unclick her seatbelt and reach for the door handle, he snaked out his hand and grabbed hers. She stilled but didn’t say anything, as if somehow sensing the turmoil that was wreaking havoc on his soul. How had something as simple as a night out of dinner and dancing had this profound effect on him? And then he realized it hadn’t. It hadn’t been just tonight that had started this. It had started as a slow burn inside of him the moment she’d first touched him with those lips. He’d been blindfolded then, but something inside of him had known the woman leaning over him, her soft, sweet lips exploring his, was different. She hadn’t even seen all the ugliness inside of him yet and she stayed. Even now as she sat next to him, she waited patiently for his next move.

“Why didn’t you just walk away when you had the chance?” he muttered as he dragged her across the armrest in between them. His lips were on hers before she could even finish awkwardly straddling him. With the steering wheel behind her, it was a tight fit but she didn’t seem to care because she was kissing him back. His mouth was demanding and hard, almost punishing. It was unfair to take his frustrations out on her for the confusing thoughts that were coursing through him, but he couldn’t stop himself. She moaned as his tongue sought out hers and he felt her hands tighten in his hair. Her dress had ridden up so he could feel the softness of her thigh under his hand and he immediately began to seek out her warmth. The sound of a car door slamming was the only thing that kept him from slipping his fingers under the line of her panties.

He pulled back from her and ripped his mouth from hers. She cried out at the loss and tried to follow him. “Not here,” he managed to get out, his voice sounding too guttural even for his own comfort. Getting out of the car was awkward as she scrambled off his lap and he nearly dragged her up the stairs two at a time. It was only sheer will that got them inside of the apartment and then he was stripping her as he hurried her towards the stairs.

Instead of trying to maneuver them up the spiral steps, he placed her hands on the thin metal bar that made up the top rail of the bannister and stepped behind her. Within seconds, his hard length was sheathed and pressing into her in one hard lunge. She cried out at his entry, but the slickness that welcomed him and her hips pushing back against him reassured him that his hurried methods were welcome. A few hard thrusts had her coming and he didn’t even try to stop himself from following her over. His control was completely gone, replaced with the fiery hell of pleasure that he finally acknowledged he was never going to be able to let go.

Chapter 14

Savannah lay in Shane’s bed and listened to him move around the kitchen. She’d felt him leave the bed a few minutes ago, but she’d been too exhausted and relaxed to even wake up enough to kiss him good morning. She was seriously hoping he was going to come back to bed, hopefully with coffee, because her muscles were too drained to do her body any good right now. He’d kept her up almost all night, his need suddenly insatiable. She’d lost count of the number of orgasms he’d given her and her body ached from his relentless lovemaking.

At some point, warning bells had gone off in her head that he was too desperate, too determined. It was like he couldn’t stand to be away from her for too long and even after taking her, he’d stayed inside her for long periods of time as they each recovered. He’d pull out long enough to get a new condom and then he was working her body into a passion all over again. Hard and fast, slow and gentle. Shower, floor, wall – and he’d been there through it all. He hadn’t just been fucking her to sate some physical need. No, she could see by the almost pained, hopeful look in his eyes that he was trying to vanquish some feeling inside.

She wanted to believe that maybe he was finally starting to feel a little bit of what she felt for him, but it was foolish to get her hopes up. He’d said some heart stopping things to her last night about how badly he needed her, the things he wanted to do to her body and some other dirty things that even now had her blushing, but had her body awakening with desire. But no words of love, no telling her they’d always be together. It was sex, she had to remind herself, phenomenal sex, but still just sex.

When she heard someone knocking at his front door, she glanced at the clock on his nightstand. It was early, just barely after six in the morning. She needed to get moving so she wouldn’t be late for class. As it was, she barely had enough time to stop at home for a change of clothes. She couldn’t help but stifle a laugh at the thought that she was glad their last time was in the shower so at least she wouldn’t reek of sex when she got to work. She heard Shane open the door. Because of the open layout of the floor below, she could hear nearly every word being spoken as it drifted up into the loft.

“Mom. Dad. What are you doing here?”

***

Shit, shit, shit
. Shane felt his mother’s arms close around him as he stood there dumbly, spatula in hand. He’d been attempting an omelet and had been in mid-flip when someone had knocked on his door.

“Shane, honey, we’ve been so worried about you,” his mom said as his father slapped him on the back in greeting. Linda Matthews reached out to pat her carefully coiffed, honey colored hair to make sure hugging her son hadn’t messed it up. Fresh looking highlights suggested she’d been to the hair salon recently. She didn’t look at all like her fifty-nine years and Shane knew she paid a lot of money to make sure that was the case. She was petite and slim, her five foot frame encased in a purple pantsuit with absurdly high heeled gold, strappy shoes. Gold jewelry glittered on almost every visible body part and he couldn’t help but wonder if the excessive jewelry physically slowed his mother down. Even with the early hour and the sun still hiding behind the horizon, she was in full makeup and had a fancy shawl draped around her shoulders.

“Paige called us,” his father announced as he moved into the apartment and pulled off his heavy wool coat. Jonathan Matthews was wearing his typical go-to business suit and tie along with silver cuff links and the big gold watch he’d had before Shane had even been born. It was a Rolex that his father had received from his own father as a graduation gift when he followed in the family footsteps and graduated law school. Shane’s grandfather had died before he was born so he’d never met the man, but his father always talked about how they’d planned to start their own firm one day. Shane supposed that was where his father’s obsession with bringing his son into his practice had started. He’d just ended up with the wrong son since the first one refused to be forced into a life he didn’t want.

Shane sucked in a breath when he suddenly understood what his brother had been trying to escape. Michael hadn’t wanted any of it if it meant he had to someday give up the person he was meant to be with.

“She told us about the engagement,” his mother said excitedly. “You should have told us you were finally going to make it official.”

Shane couldn’t really hear either of their voices anymore as realization slammed through him. He had literally taken his brother’s place in every way, including falling in love with someone he wasn’t supposed to want. He’d known it last night as he was making love to her and she returned his every touch and kiss, long after he’d sated her and himself. It had been like his body couldn’t exist if it was disconnected from her for even a few minutes. He’d been rough at times, gentle at others. He’d made her laugh as he said naughty things to her and then had her screaming his name over and over as she begged him to give her release. Using everything in his arsenal, he’d tried to bind her further to him by owning her body, but all he’d done was give away more of his heart. He was in love with her.

Dizziness overcame him as his predicament kicked in and he leaned back against a small table near the front door. He wanted Savannah more than anything else in his life – more than his parents, more than the drugs. But how long would that last? At what point would he give in to that craving that was always burning the back of his tongue. That need for one more taste?

If he chose Savannah, he’d have to be willing to walk away from the only family he had left because they only wanted Shane, the soon to be lawyer and prodigal son, not Shane, the always on the edge, almost drug addict. He’d be rudderless, like Michael. He’d have Savannah, but she would be at risk everyday of losing him to the addiction that was always shimmering along the edge of his very being. She’d fight for him too, no matter what it cost her and then she’d have nothing. Even if it wasn’t his intention, he would end up taking her love and using it against her to get what he wanted.

It was then that he realized how silent everything was. He looked up to see that his parents weren’t watching him. Their eyes were on the young woman standing at the top of the stairs, her trembling body only covered by one of his dress shirts, her bright eyes shining with the tears of betrayal. His mind wandered back to his mother’s last words and then he realized what Savannah had heard. Some complete and utter bullshit about an engagement that didn’t exist.

“Savannah,” he said but she turned and went back into his bedroom. His parents were standing like twin statues, their mouths comically open as they stared at the now empty space above them.

“Mom, Dad, can I meet you at your hotel in a little while?” he asked even as he was heading for the stairs, his mind racing. Could he even fix this? Should he?

“Who is that?” his mother asked dumbly. But he was already up the stairs by the time she finished her question and vaguely heard the front door snick closed at their departure. His eyes were on the woman who wasn’t hastily dressing as he thought she’d be, but was sitting on the other side of the bed, the side she had seemingly claimed as hers after the first night she’d spent here with him. She was facing the wall, her back hunched, her black hair spread down her back and shoulders. Her arms were wrapped protectively around herself and she was rocking slowly back and forth. His gut clenched as he moved around to her side of the bed and he felt immediate relief when he didn’t see any sharp objects in her grasp. The band was still on her wrist but she wasn’t snapping it. He wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.

As he got closer, he could see silent tears running down her face. “I wasn’t eavesdropping,” she whispered. “The voices carry up here,” she said.

Seeing her tears caused him physical pain and he knew this was exactly what their future would look like if he tried to make a life with her. She’d be hurting like this and he’d be off somewhere shooting up because the heroin meant more to him then she did.

He wanted to sit down next to her and wrap her in his arms, but he didn’t. He leaned back against the wall so that he was facing her, but stayed closer to the foot of the bed. If he was within reach of her, he wouldn’t be able to do what he needed to do.

“I know that.”

“I couldn’t keep my promise Shane,” she said as more tears streamed steadily down. It was frightening how there was no sound to accompany them. He didn’t want her to hold the pain inside because he knew what that would ultimately lead to.

“What promise?” he asked.

“You wanted me to keep my heart out of this so I would be able to walk away when it was over,” she sniffed. “Our agreement. It was one of your conditions.”

He nodded, his insides threatening to collapse in on themselves from the anguish he was feeling. “I remember.”

“I knew I was in love with you that day but I agreed anyway.”

He had already known she loved him because she wore her emotions on her sleeve, but it was both ecstasy and agony to actually hear the words. He wanted to say them back, to whisper them into her ear as he was buried inside of her, their bodies escaping from the harsh reality of the outside world.

“There’s no engagement. Paige must have told my parents I had proposed to manipulate them into coming here. I told you the truth about not being with anyone else,” he said quietly. No matter what, he couldn’t let her leave here thinking he’d lied to her about that.

Savannah nodded and then used her sleeve to try and wipe some of the moisture from her face. She was a blotchy, beautiful mess and she was his. And he couldn’t have her.

“I’ll tell Logan everything about the attack tonight. He doesn’t need to know about what happened between us.” He hated how the word “us” barely made it out of her mouth and he hated it even more that she was using past tense to describe their relationship.

He knew he had to say the words to end this for good, but he couldn’t make them leave his mouth. “Savannah,” he began, not sure how to phrase his next statement. “I need to know that when you leave here, you won’t hurt yourself.”

She laughed harshly, the hurt in her tone ripping at his heart. “There’s nothing to let out.” She stripped the band off her wrist and dropped it to the floor. “I don’t feel anything anymore.”

He choked back his own sob at her words and stood to go to her but a shrill, piercing sound interrupted. He smelled burning and then remembered the omelet he’d been preparing. Had that only been a few minutes ago? Somehow between blending the ingredients and this moment – less than five actual minutes – he’d gone from discovering how in love with her he really was to how fucked up his entire life had become and finally to accepting that he couldn’t have a future with her.

“Stay here please,” he pleaded and then hurried downstairs. There were actual flames in the pan where the fluffy egg creation that he’d been increasingly proud of had once been. It took several minutes to find the fire extinguisher and put out the blaze and then silence the blaring alarm. By the time he got back to his room, she was gone.

***

Shane pulled away from Logan and Savannah’s house and headed back towards the city. He’d left his apartment to go meet his parents, but ended up driving to her house to make sure Savannah had made it home okay. Her car hadn’t been there, so he was hoping that meant she’d gone to work, but in her condition, that would have surprised him. As he neared downtown, he ignored the exit for the hotel he knew his parents would have been staying at – they were creatures of habit, after all – and headed towards the northwestern suburbs. The elementary school was busy with parents dropping off their children and long rows of buses depositing an endless line of kids on the curb. Shane drove around the employee parking lot, but her car was nowhere in sight. Frustrated, he sent her a text that said
I need to know you’re safe
.

He began the trip back towards the city and then picked up the phone and called Gabe. When his friend answered he said, “Is she there?”

Gabe was silent for a long time before finally putting him out of his misery. “No, but she’s at the gym. A friend of mine saw her come in a few minutes ago and called me to let me know. Apparently she’s going at the bag pretty hard. I’m on my way there now.”

He wasn’t sure if Gabe heard his choked sound of relief and was too messed up to care. “Can you just keep an eye on her for me today?” he asked.

Another long silence. Then with a sigh, Gabe said, “Yeah.” Shane hung up and pointed his car towards the city.

***

She just couldn’t get the rhythm right. Her anger built as she jabbed at the small speed bag. It kept swinging wildly and nothing she did made it move in that clean, fluid motion that was somehow soothing and empowering at the same time. She threw another punch at it and missed. A few more hits connected and she could feel the burning in her shoulders start. It eased some of the raw pain that had begun leeching into her bloodstream after she’d walked out of Shane’s apartment. She hadn’t expected the pain because all she’d felt in his bedroom after hearing his mother talk about his supposed engagement had been emptiness. When he’d come into the room and she’d declared her love for him and he hadn’t said the words back, it was like someone had removed all the blood from her body and injected her with ice water instead. She had nothing left – he’d broken her. She’d even discarded the band because you didn’t need distraction from something you couldn’t feel, right?