Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1) (16 page)

“It was my pleasure.” He responds while taking a step closer to me and lifting his hand to my face. His proximity is a little unsettling but welcome as well.

I close my eyes, knowing what’s coming next; him kissing my forehead. I’m looking forward to it. It’s such a sweet thing for him to do, and for someone like me that hasn’t had much sweet in her life, I love it all the more. I’m starting to look forward to these intimate gestures from him.

What I don’t expect and completely takes me by surprise is the warm lips that lightly settle on my own. Jaxon uses his thumb under my jaw to gently tip my head back. I’m still stunned and comply immediately. His kiss is soft and tender, like he’s afraid he might scare me. I have to admit that I am a little scared, but I’m also excited.

Jaxon timidly runs his tongue across the seam of my mouth and in a bold move I never thought I was capable of, I open my lips to him. He swoops in immediately and tangles his tongue with mine. He tastes of mint and coffee and I love the combination.

As if Jaxon knows that if he pushes too hard I’ll withdraw, only his lips and hands are touching me. There’s still a couple inches separating us and I can’t help but be disappointed in the space. This is a big step for me and I’m surprised I haven’t started freaking out yet. Yes, I’m nervous and unsure but it just feels right. I can only assume it is because Jaxon doing the kissing. I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else. Even the thought repulses me.

Jaxon slowly pulls away but places two more sweet kisses against my lips. He then rests his forehead against mine. His breathing has become labored. Mine isn’t much better. The kiss couldn’t have lasted more than a minute, but it feels like it was hours.

I’m left with not knowing what to say while he stares into my eyes. His is searching mine to make sure that I’m okay. I give him a reassuring smile to let him know that I am. In return, he gifts me with a smile as well and places another kiss against my lips.

“I’ve got to go,” he murmurs there.

“Okay,” I whisper. I don’t want him to go, but I’m also relieved. I need time to think about the kiss.

“I’ll see you tonight.” He murmurs again.

“Okay,” I whisper back, already looking forward to it.

“I don’t want to leave.” He says while staring into my eyes. I stare back, transfixed by his beautiful gaze. The one is my favorite color again. Steel blue.

Reluctantly he drops his hand while pulling away and reaches behind him to open the door. He takes a quick step back to me and lands another sweet kiss on my lips.

“Later, Angel.” He says softly with a smile.

“Later Jaxon,” I reply just as softly with my own smile.

“Lock the door behind me.”

“Okay.”

I heard his heavy boots against the floor once he hears the turn of the locks.

––––––––

O
ver the course of the next several days, I find myself developing a routine. In the mornings, I get my first hit of coffee while sitting at the table overlooking the main street of town. Sitting there, I watch the pedestrians and wonder what their lives are like. Are they happy with where they are in their life? Are they married? Did they have any kids? Where did they work? What are their hobbies? Where are they going that day?

I’ve always been fascinated with others’ lives. Even as a child I would love to watch other people. When I got older sometimes I would fantasize that I was one of the people that I was watching. I would make up these elaborate stories in my head that had me working as an elementary school teacher. Each day I would come home to my loving and dedicated husband. He would be someone that showered me with attention and loved me unconditionally. He would be a hardworking man that doesn’t shy with helping me around the house. We’d have three beautiful kids, which we both adored. We’d live in an average house in an average neighborhood. My fantasies weren’t real fancy, but they were my own and I could make them into whatever I wanted.

Every once in a while I would see an Amish cart ride but I think what held my attention the most was watching the kids walk to school. I have always wanted children. I’ve never really had the opportunity to be around them that much but I know, even as a kid myself, that I wanted them when I got older. They are so innocent and carefree, with no worries of the world. Even though my own childhood was a disaster I knew that I would cherish my child and protect them with my life.

After I would sit and watch the world go by I would get dressed and be ready for when Jaxon would stop and pick me up for breakfast. I was a little skeptical at first when he kept asking me to have breakfast with him, but I’ve grown to love the time I get to spend with him. He may look tough and dangerous with all his tattoos and piercings, and he probably is, but with me he is one of the sweetest and kindest men I’ve ever met. I may not have known him long, but I feel safer with him than I have with any other man. It’s an unusual and exciting feeling.

We usually eat our breakfast, drink several cups of coffee, and then sit and talk for a couple of hours. I reveal little bits of my past, the pieces that aren’t tainted, and he tells me about himself. He has also told me a little bit about the town. I learned that he and his family have lived in Jaded Hollow for generations.

I also learned that Jaxon’s pub was originally built by his great-grandfather, who was also named Jaxon, and when he passed away several years ago from lung cancer he left it to him. Maggie’s Diner has also been in the family for years. His family consists of him, his grandmother, mother, Mia, Anna, an aunt and uncle and a few little cousins. He also has some extended family members from his father’s side that he hasn’t seen in years. When Jaxon revealed that his father ran off a few years ago, I could tell there was more to the story than what he was telling me. There was hurt and betrayal written in his eyes. It was obviously a sore subject so I didn’t try and pursue it.

I learned that Jaxon owns a motorcycle and he enjoys taking rides just for the freedom it gives him. He said that when he needs time to think he’ll hop on it and just ride, with no destination in mind. He claims it calms him and allows him to clear his mind. I also learned that he got his first tattoo when he was just sixteen years old. His mom threw a fit, until she saw it. It was a simple design of the word ‘mom’ written in calligraphy, which he had placed above his heart. Once she saw it, she burst into tears and pulled him into a hug. She couldn’t be mad after that.

The more I learned about Jaxon, the more I liked him. He truly is a great guy. Anyone would be lucky to have him in their life. Not only is
he
wonderful, but he has a wonderful family as well. I can’t help but to be a little jealous of him.

After our breakfast and little chats Jaxon would always walk me home. There, standing at the door, Jaxon would lightly kiss me, just like the first morning. At first I was nervous but I’ve come to cherish each and every time he tenderly places his lips against mine. He’s always so gentle and sweet, never pushing for more. I know I’m not ready for anything more and I guess Jaxon realizes that. I may not be ready emotionally, but my body is another thing. Each time he kisses me, my body sings. My mind may be telling me to keep things slow, but my body is telling me to go further.

After Jaxon would give me the sweetest kisses ever he would leave, after hearing me lock the door. From there I would grab my purse and a book and head to the library, where I would get lost in a book for a couple of hours.

Anna and I have gotten closer as well. Once I leave the library I would head back over to Maggie’s Diner and sit while she works. Or if we both have a day off at the same time we would go back to one of our places or go to the next town over, which has several shopping centers. I’m still very diligent with my money, I never know when I might have to up and leave, but I’ve also splurged a little on clothes. As my wardrobe is seriously lacking I’ve justified the spending to needing some clothes anyway. 

Nick left town a few days ago for another construction site so Anna has been depressed. I try to keep her busy so her mind isn’t constantly dwelling over Nick not being here. I have no idea what Anna is going through because I’ve never loved anyone so wholeheartedly, but I can see that when her mind wonders to Nick she is completely miserable. I can’t imagine loving someone so much that you feel lost and incomplete without them. I thought I had loved Steven in the beginning of our relationship, but it never crippled me when we weren’t together.

Each evening I would go to work. I’ve become more comfortable with my surroundings while at Jaxon’s Pub. There have been instances where a man will flirt with me and I’ll stiffen but Mia, Andrew, or Jaxon is always there. I know most of the men are harmless, but I still can’t help the natural reactions in me telling me to cringe. When the regulars do the flirting it doesn’t bother me that much, but when it’s someone I’ve never met before that’s when I become uncomfortable. It’s been ingrained in me since childhood. I’m getting better, but I’ve still got a long way to go. Luckily there have been no more Shady incidences.

Mia is still quiet and reserved, but she’s started opening up to me more. I can tell there is a story behind her reserve. Something happened to her as well. We are two peas in a pod.

Andrew is the life of the bar. He is absolutely hilarious and I love to see him shamelessly flirting with Jaxon. Jaxon doesn’t seem to mind. He’s confident in himself and his sexuality. It’s funny to watch when Jaxon gives Andrew a little run for his money and flirts back. Andrew knows that Jaxon is as straight as an arrow and nothing will ever come of it. Andrew likes to act like it’s all fun and games when Jaxon shuts him down, but I know it’s all an act. I also know that Andrew does secretly love Jaxon, I see it when he looks at him sometimes when he thinks no one notices, but he knows it’s utterly impossible. Andrew has actually confided in me about his feelings. It’s unrequited love, but he’s not hurt by it. He just knows that’s how it’s supposed to be.

I’m growing to love being in the bar. For the most part everyone is very nice. The town and its inhabitants are growing on me and I’m becoming attached, something I never thought would happen. I really enjoy seeing everyone interact with each other. The people of Jaded Hollow act as though they are one big happy family. It’s amazing to witness.

Each night Jaxon walks me to my apartment door and gives me another lingering kiss. He never asks to come in, needing to get back to the bar. I want to ask him to come in, even if it’s just to watch a movie with me, but I don’t know how to approach it. I don’t want him to think I want more right now but, I love spending time with him. I see him in the mornings and then again at night during work, but it just doesn’t seem enough. I hate to hear him on the other side of the door walking away. I’m so confused and I don’t know what to do.

So, that is my current daily routine. Currently, I am lounging on my couch watching
The Big Bang Theory
. It’s a show that I discovered the other night when I got off work and couldn’t get to sleep. Every night since then I try to catch an episode whenever I can. Sheldon is a hoot and I love to see what crazy idea he comes up with next.

I’m sitting here debating on whether or not to go to bed or watch another episode, when my phone starts ringing. The only people that have my number are Chris, Jaxon, Mia, Anna, and Andrew. Knowing that it has to be one of them I snatch up my phone and answer it without looking at the screen.

“Hello.”

There’s nothing but silence. Thinking that maybe they didn’t hear me I repeat myself. “Hello?”

Just as I am about to hang up because obviously there is a bad connection, I hear one of the most chilling sounds I’ve ever heard. I go completely still and I’m frozen in place. My heart stops for a second before it starts slamming in my chest like it’s trying to escape. My mouth goes dry and I begin to hyperventilate, breathing in and out heavily. What I hear crushes me. It’s a sound that I used to long to hear but now it terrifies me.

On the other side of the phone I hear a baby wailing at top of its lungs. It’s excruciating to listen to and it breaks my heart into a million pieces. The baby cries and cries and cries. The sound seems like it goes on for hours, but I know that it’s only been a couple of minutes. In the minutes that I hear the awful sound I come undone and let loose my own sobs. Clutching the phone to my ear my other hand comes to my mouth and I fall apart.

Abruptly, just as quickly as it started the wailing stops and then silence. I’m still crying into the phone when I hear a click and then the dial tone.

I drop the phone into my lap and grab at my hair on either side of my head, pulling hard. I scream out so hard that I wouldn’t be surprised if I popped a blood vessel in my eyes. I know I’m losing it, but I’m helpless to stop it.

It’s obvious that Steven has figured out my phone number, but I wonder if he knows where I am. I’m thinking he doesn’t because if he knew where I was then he would be here right now, instead of terrorizing me from afar. He may not know where I am now, but it won’t be long before he does.

I squeeze my eyes at the thought. I don’t want to leave this place. I’m finally happy where I am. I have friends, I have a job, I’m sort of living on my own, and I have a guy, I’m not really sure what Jaxon is, that seems to genuinely care about me.

I don’t want to leave, but I also don’t want Steven to find me here either. There’s no telling what he’ll do if he sees that I’m happy and that there are people that care about me. It terrifies me to think about Steven’s reaction if he finds out about Jaxon. I know that Jaxon can hold his own in a fight, but Steven won’t come at Jaxon without backup. He also won’t come at Jaxon fairly. Steven is a hot shot lawyer and he has many contacts, some that work on the right side of the law and some that work on the wrong side. I need to leave.

Just then my phone starts ringing in my lap and I jump. I can’t deal with another phone call like the one I just received. I pick it up to throw it against the wall when I see on the screen that it says it’s Jaxon. I frantically push the talk button and bring it to my ear.