Shattered by Love (2 page)

“Hey gorgeous, and to what do I owe this pleasure?” I shuffle into the apartment with her clinging to me. Once the door shuts, I smirk at her. My hand flat against the panel behind her as I lean in. My gaze pins her to the spot and she peeks up with a mischievous grin. I know she’s here for sex, and I don’t mind giving it to her.

“I wanted to see if you needed a wake up call.” Her lips find mine in a greedy kiss. My hands grip her tight little ass, pinning her against the wall. Sweeping my tongue along the seam of her mouth, she opens for me and I lick into her sweetness. 
Fuck, she tastes so good. 

A growl rumbles in my chest. Reaching down, pleased she’s wearing a skirt; I push her panties to the side and discover her slick warm pussy.

“Fuck, Kenna, you’re soaked.” A blush pinks her cheeks and I make quick work of dropping my boxers. I slide into her, and a groan of satisfaction pulls me under, hiding the agony that tightens my chest and eases the ache in my heart.

I fuck her hard, driving deep into her body.

Brutal. Punishing. Primal.

“Yes, Jayce!” Her cries spur me on as she leans forward, biting on my shoulder to muffle her scream as she tumbles over the edge. Another two thrusts into her tight little pussy and I empty myself deep inside her. My body is calm and the misery of the night before is gone. The satisfaction is brief as I let her down. She smooth’s her skirt and I tug up my boxers.

“That was one hell of a wake up call.” I offer her a lopsided grin and she giggles. “Coffee gorgeous?”

“Please. I figured I would stop by and see how you were doing.” I haven’t seen Kenna in two months. Our relationship has always been strictly casual and occasionally when I look at her, I see something flashing in her eyes that scares me. Emotion. She cares about me and it freaks me the fuck out. Maybe she didn’t mean to feel something, but I recognize it a mile away.

“Good. There's a meeting today which Luke has been stressing over for months. I expect it will go smoothly.” I set the mug on the counter and see her peering at me. “What?”

“I don’t know. You've been different since the wedding.” I can’t deal with this shit right now.

“Ken, baby, I told you, it’s fun. We’re not headed down the aisle.” My words are harsh, and I regret them as soon as they slip from my mouth. 
Why did I have to be such a dick?

Without another word, I watch an extraordinary woman get up and leave my apartment. If I was a better man, I would go after her, but I’m not. So I walk into my bathroom to get ready for the day.

I
lean
in and kiss her. Her chocolate brown hair is long, flowing behind her. She is unreal. This is what I desire. A fuck. The anxiety is gone when I lose myself in someone. The lust in her gaze matches mine. We arrived at the hotel a few minutes ago after my best friend’s wedding and the only thing I want to do is bury myself inside her.

Her dress is pastel pink, and it looks exquisite against her tanned skin. “Turn around, princess.” My pet name for Kenna fits her so perfectly. The petite brunette that barreled into my life, took me by surprise. I reach out and unzip the dress. As it pools at her feet, I suck in a deep breath. The sight before me takes every ounce of my restraint not to bend her over and fuck her hard.

When I visited the club Luke used to frequent, I got my fair share of lessons in BDSM. I even shared a girl with him once, or twice. But what I coveted was observing, the voyeuristic thrill of watching the female form. I assume it's the creative eye I have. Seeing her bound with rope against creamy soft flesh makes my dick pulse with need. That’s where my photography comes in. I love capturing the moments. 

The control of her body is what I crave, having her aching, trembling, and begging. To have her come apart at my touch. Edge her to orgasm until she pleads with me, submitting to me completely. But I can't trust anyone the way I did with Ivy. So I restrain myself. My gaze drinks her in as she crawls on the bed and those tiny panties hide nothing from my hungry stare.

I stalk over to her and lean in, with a small kiss on her shoulder I see the goose bumps rise on the smooth silky skin.

“I want to fuck you, princess. I want to be so deep inside that tight little pussy of yours you’ll feel me for weeks.”

“
J
ayce
?” I glance up at the sound of Lucien's voice. 
Fuck, I got distracted again. 
“Do you want time to sort your shit out, man? I am here, you can talk to me.” I stare out the window of Lucien’s office. It’s got a view to die for where the cityscape greets you from the wall of glass.

“Luke, it’s cool. Let’s get this meeting over with. I’ll be fine.”

“Then why are you acting like such a dick with Kenna?” He gives me a pointed glare, and I realize she must have told Cassie. I groan.

“Lucien, drop it. I am not in the mood for a lecture.”

“Jesus, Jay. I asked you, if you felt the need to fuck around then do it, but don’t do it with Ken. You fucking up with my wife's best friend comes back to bite me in the ass, and I have to defend you while not pissing her off. It’s exhausting man.” His eyes implore me and I have no choice but to surrender. I was wrong, but what am I supposed to do? She makes me crazy and I want her. To be inside her every day. “Do you love her?” The chuckle that escapes my lips is loud, cruel, and not what I was expecting. 
Are you serious?

“I can't love anyone again, Lucien. Nobody will ever be Ivy and I can never let myself feel that way again. I am enjoying life and having fun. No strings attached. I explained this to Kenna.”

“What? After you screwed her?” His incredulous scowl has me fixed to the chair.

“Well, yeah. That’s why she came over right? I mean why else would she be at my apartment at the crack of dawn?” My blue stare locks on his green glare and I can’t help smirking. Yes, I am a douche bag.

“Jesus, you are a dick. Do you not realize she likes you?” There’s nothing I can do. I shrug it off and push up from the seat and stalk to Luke’s office door. “Come for dinner tonight? Cassie misses you.” I realize those three words from his mouth are difficult for him.

“I’ll think about it. Maybe I should take Ken out.” He doesn’t answer. I don't turn to see his shocked expression. Heading out into the hallway, Lucien’s assistant glances up and her eyes twinkle. She was the only staff member who never really grabbed my attention. She’s gorgeous, just not my type.

I walk out toward the elevators with thoughts of Kenna and me.
Can I make this work?
 There isn’t anything, or anyone stopping me. As I step into the empty elevator, pushing the button for my floor, I inhale a deep breath.

Walking down the hallway to my office, I stroll into my spacious open plan room. It's all hard edges, and masculine colors, silvers, blues, and blacks. One wall is glass, which offers a view of the city. The other two walls house bookcases and a small minibar. A small mahogany conference table with four chairs sits to the right of the door and to the left I have two black faux leather sofas.

My desk has a steel base with a glass top which faces the door. As soon as I slide into my charcoal leather chair, the phone on my desk buzzes. I reach out and pick up the receiver. “Jayce Alexander.”

“Jay, it’s Cass. What the hell...? I mean... Ugh...”

“Jesus, Cassie, spit it out.” I am frustrated and don’t need her scolding me about her best friend.

She sighs. “Meet me for lunch?” Her tone is gentle. Contemplative. There's something she isn’t telling me and I need to know what it is.

“Why?”

“Don’t give me shit, Alexander. You’re meeting me. At our spot. Midday.” I am greeted with the beeping tone signaling the end of the call. 
What is she playing at?
 I have work to do, but this is how we are. Best of friends, but every now and again, I wished I could spank her fucking ass for giving me crap. I envy the love her and Lucien share, to feel what Luke does, to find a woman who loves me.

I glance at the time, realizing I have ten minutes to make it to the park where I am supposed to be meeting Cassie. Making my way down to reception, I peer at the girls waiting and none of them catch my attention the way Ivy did.

I should move on, create a life for myself and someday a family. If I can find someone to rebuild the shattered pieces of me, my heart, and to offer solace, then I should seize it.

I step out into the humid Los Angeles air, inhaling a sharp breath. I turn to my right and head to the small park where one of my only female friends is waiting to give me a load of shit. She’s a hard ass. Her fiery temperament and those chocolate eyes pierce right through my façade.

That’s why we’re friends, because she doesn’t take my crap. I cherish her honesty, and I need a slap in the face to wake me from this pain I am enduring.

My estranged sister is in Europe hiding from the police. After that bitch Claudia, Lucien’s step-mother was imprisoned, along with her daughter for fraud and attempting to steal Luke’s company, my sister took off, not looking back.

After only knowing her for a few years when she worked as a model for Lucien’s dad, and while she and Luke dated, I assumed she would be the family I so desperately craved.

Turns out she took after my father more than I thought. Stepping into the park I can see Cassie sitting at a bench, two coffees in front of her, and a grin that shines brighter than the sun. As I make my way to her, I brace myself for her onslaught of questions.

T
here are
times he can be such a dick. I can’t believe I went to his apartment this morning. Although, I’d do it again even knowing what would happen. Jayce has become my weakness, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Slipping into my office chair, I stare at my computer. There are so many emails to get through for the event I am hoping gets cancelled. And since I am requested to attend this wedding, I have to harden my heart. A wealthy businessman who’s booked the whole city of New Orleans to watch him wed his princess. It could have been me, but I chose door number two. I open my e-mail and glance at the photographer’s name.
Fuck. Are you serious?
I have to spend a week with Jayce at the wedding of the man that I walked out on.

“
K
enna
, you’re beautiful.” His lips brush over mine, softly, sending a shiver down my spine. My body responds to him in ways I can’t explain. Jayce plants feather light kisses down my neck and over my breasts. My eyes follow him. Goose bumps rise on my skin, my back arches up, needy, aching for him. “Open those pretty thighs, princess. I need to taste you.”

Immediately my legs separate for him. Jayce’s warm breath between my thighs elicits a moan from me. I lean up, our gazes lock and I feel him lapping at my sex. A low growl rumbles in his chest and my core quivers around his tongue. He feels so good, everything he does to me makes me tremble.

T
he buzzing
of my phone pulls me from the memory of Jayce. Shaking my head to clear the images floating in my mind, I lift the receiver. “Kenna speaking, hello?”

“Kenna, uhm… It’s Jay. I wanted to call and apologize. Can I take you out for dinner?” The thought of him asking me out angers me after he pushed me away this morning.

“Look, Jayce, I don’t think—”

“Ken, princess, it’s okay that you’re angry, I know I fucked up. Just give me a chance.”

His use of the nickname he gave me sends a flutter over my body. Taking a deep breath, I look at the email. This was his doing. He must have planned it. Him and I working together.

“Did you plan this? The job for this wedding in New Orleans?” His silence is the answer I need. “Jayce, you can’t do this. I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. I just need a chance. Please, Kenna.”

“Fine, just don’t expect me to forgive you easily.” He can apologize, but I can’t forgive him, not yet.

“Just dinner, tonight. Please?”

“Sure. What time?”

“Meet me at seven? You choose where and text me the name of the restaurant.” I can hear the smile in his voice. That cheeky grin that makes my heart flutter with a feeling that scares me more than I would have thought possible.

“Okay.” I hang up before he responds.

Things between us haven’t been easy. Even though we’re not dating, it’s still an uphill climb. But I am guilty too. The agony and pain from walking away from the only man that I ever loved me makes me fear loving anyone again. To do that to Jayce—even though I know he will never love—would hurt him.

“Kenna.” I glance up at my assistant. “Your ten o’clock, Mr. Ashford is here.” I nod.

“Show him in, I’m ready.” Even as I utter the words, I know they’re a lie because I will never be ready for this. I wasn’t sure at first, but deep in my gut, I realized I was meeting with my past.

A tall dark haired man saunters into the room with confidence, and when my stare settles on him, there’s no doubt who it is. He looks different. Taller. He’s filled out since I last laid eyes on him. Dressed in a gray dress shirt and black slacks. His chestnut hair is longer, falling into the coffee-colored eyes that shimmer in the light of my office. A smile curls his lips and I can’t stop my heart from hammering against my rib cage. “Cole. It’s good to see you again.” My body is alert with an ache that only he could ever fill. Rising from my chair, I round my desk.

“Kenna, you look beautiful as always. It’s been too long.” He leans in, and his lips brush against my cheek. The memory of his lips on my body has a coil tightening in my stomach. “So you’ve finally opened your own fashion house. I’m proud of you for working towards your dream.” I offer him a smile.

“I did and thank you. Please, sit.” I watch him slide effortlessly into the chair opposite my desk. “So, I’m confused, Cole…” I slip into my chair, and stare at him again. “You’re asking me to design your fiancée’s dress? Why did you request me at the venue?” He shrugs. A simple gesture, but those amber orbs tell me a different story. There is something he’s hiding. I hate secrets.

“I do. You’re the best, and since you come highly recommended, I figured that you would be the perfect person to do it. Lacey is difficult to please. If she needs any adjustments done or anything changed, then having you on hand will be best. Her sister will require a dress, and she is arriving at the hotel a few days before the wedding. That’s why you have to be there.”

Narrowing my eyes, I take in the man in front of me. The one I walked away from five years ago. I know I broke his heart, but looking at him now, all I see is the boy from my memory.

“I accept the job offer. Thank you for thinking of me. I mean, I didn’t expect you to ever talk to me again after…” My glance flits away, and I can feel his intense stare on me. The pain of that day is still fresh in my mind. Slicing through me like a blade, cutting me deeper than anything ever could.

“Look, Cherry Pie, it’s okay. I wanted to give you the business. And your dresses are beautiful.” My cheeks burn with embarrassment at his nickname for me. “Like you.” I lift my gaze, piercing him with a glare.

“If you want me to do this, then you are not to call me that or say things like that.” His chuckle is deep and sexy, just the way I remember. The smile on his face makes my heart happy. I never meant to hurt him when I refused his proposal. I was scared. Too afraid of what the ring would mean once he slipped it onto my finger. And terrified to tell him what happened with his brother. If he ever found out, he would hate me.

“Fine. But, you realize that you will never live that down?” The naughty twinkle in his eyes has me groaning in frustration.

“Just not in public.” The knock at my door interrupts us, and I glance up to see my assistant. The meeting is over, but I don’t want him to leave.

“Miss Holbrook. Your next appointment is here.”

“Thank you. I’ll be there in a moment.” Once I hear the click of the lock; I glance at Cole. “I am sorry to cut this short, but I have to meet with my fabric supplier. It’s best to set up a meeting with your fiancée. She can come through and I can talk to her about what she wants.”

“Sounds good, Cherry Pie. The wedding is in a month so you have time.” He rises from the chair and offers a cheeky wink.

“Cole.” His name a warning on my lips, but I know it won’t have the desired effect.

“Okay, okay, no more mention of it. For now, darling.” I walk him to the door and when he leans in to give me a tight hug, it feels too familiar. It’s a strange feeling, hugging someone you used to be in love with. Someone you’re still in love with. “I will contact your assistant to confirm the appointment.” And with that he was gone. I didn’t realize I was shaking until I glanced down at my hands. My past just walked into my present, and it was going to fuck with my future.

G
lancing at the clock
, I realize I am going to be late. Jayce is meeting me in thirty minutes and I will never be ready. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. It’s not like we’re dating. Since we started this arrangement it’s been more frustrating than when we were skirting around each other. As good as Jayce is in bed, I want something more. I wish I could just put my emotions away when it comes to him.

He loves fucking, that’s for certain, and I know I am not the only one he indulges in. Not that it fazes me too much, but I want him to be happy. The man whore himself deserves to smile. Deserves love.

I remember Luke talking about his ex-girlfriend, but I can’t remember what happened to her. It must have done a number on him because his trust in women is non-existent. His emotional wall is solid. It’s a fortress that will never come down. At least, I don’t think it will.

Seeing Cole again today brought back memories I had forgotten. A time when I was content with my life. I suppose that’s how Jay feels about his ex because those feelings never go away. Your first love is someone that no person can replace, and I refuse to be second best. Never. I know I deserve more, something real, and I realize I will never have that with Jayce.

Cole and I were high school sweethearts. He was the all-star quarterback, and I was the head cheerleader. Talk about cliché. I remember the first time I saw Cole. He was walking to class. The final bell rang, and we had to rush to get to Chem lab. When I turned the corner, he smacked into me, books flying. I was on my ass looking up at the most handsome boy I had ever seen. It all began from there, and we dated into our college years.

Until the day I walked out. There was no point in beating around the bush. I didn’t want to get married, and he did. He took longer to replace me than I thought it would.

“
C
herry Pie
, we love each other. This is the next step. I want to spend my life with you, beside you, inside you.” His beautiful eyes implore me. I love Cole, I always will. But being with him, marrying him, means I need to give up on my dream. The one thing I want to do with my life does not coincide with becoming Mrs. Ashford, and I will not let go of who I am or what I want to be. There are certain expectations that come with being tied to his family. The fear of losing myself is too much.

“I can’t.” Turning on my heel, I face the stairs, my eye on the door just beyond. My escape. He brought me out to the penthouse to propose, and if I walk out of that door, I will not be coming back, I know that, but there is no other way around it. I have my life to think about. A future that will not have Cole in it. The reality of that breaks me and my heart throbs, aches and splinters, but I need to be strong.

There are things that happened he can never know, it’s something that will ruin his life and mine. I need to walk away because I can never face him and live with the lie.

“Kenna.”

“Goodbye Cole.” As soon as the words tumble from my mouth, my body wracks with a sob that I swallow back. He can’t see me break. I rush to the door and pull it open. Without a backward glance, I leave the love of my life, the man who completes me. Why? Because being controlled by the weight of the Ashford name is a guarantee of what would happen. As soon as I sit in the back of a cab, the tears flow freely. The pain in my chest is almost unbearable. I am now left with a gaping hole in my heart that can never be filled.