Six Years (4 page)

He glanced back at me all serious. "I have friends, had many girlfriends, but nobody who knows where I'm coming from. I think that’s my issue.’’

I grabbed his hands in mine and squeezed. "You don't have to cut all contact with your past anymore. I hope...I hope that you won't cut me out of your life once you're back in New York.’’ My heart gained up speed again, slamming against my ribcage. I couldn’t believe I’d say something like that to him. 

He intertwined our fingers, something he’d never done before. My heart did a cartwheel in my chest. "I won't make the same mistake. I need my little Brooklyn in my life. You've always grounded me."

I tugged softly on his hands. "I'm not so little anymore."

He shrugged. "You'll always be to me."

I forced a smile on my face and waved at the TV. It wasn't a Friday night, but I really needed some movie to brush away the pain and disappointment his words created in me. He would never see me as a young woman. That was the big problem when your best friend was six years older than you. And he was the only one able to make my heart flutter like this. I knew he'd be the only one able to keep me interested in the long run, but it wouldn’t happen. At least, he was back. For now.

* * *

NOLAN

I watched as her big eyes fluttered to finally close. A long sigh escaped her lips when she let sleep overtake her. Her hair with brown and red strands encased her soft face, rendered womanly over the years. Her youth was obvious, but there’s something in her that made her more mature than she should be. And it made it impossible for me to look away from her form deep in slumber.

I should feel guilty to be on her bed, to be with her like this, having these thoughts in my head, but the guilt was held up in the back. Only confusion and sadness were there, tearing me apart.

I scoffed at my own thoughts and rubbed at my tired eyes. I knew being in Riverdale would fuck me up good, but I would have never thought it’d be more than just the pain from not seeing Little B grow up, from not being a part of her life. It’s so much more than that.

I glanced back at her and let my eyes wander along her body, her very adult and womanly body. I swallowed and clenched my jaw until my teeth ached. I still had a hard time thinking of her and Mike. Of her and any guys to be honest. Just imagining them touching her made me want to puke my guts up. She should have been with a good guy, someone who would be worshipping the ground she’s walking on, not fucking around with guys only after her because she’s willing to open her legs.

It looked like nothing was as we thought it’d be. I didn’t lie when I said that it’s hard for me now that I had everything I ever wanted and more. Somehow, leaving everything behind ultimately caught up to me and it hit me far harder now that I was back in Little B’s life. She’s my past, she’d been my motivation for a long time and her belief, her faith in me and my talent pushed me that much harder to go after my dreams. But now, I only had new people to share my success and nobody who knew where I came from, who knew and witnessed the mess I had to go through to actually be where I stood.

And now, I was on Brooklyn’s bed, watching her like a creep and that missing piece was finally almost ready to fit back where it belonged. Almost.

One thing was certain though, I wouldn’t make the same mistake. Brooklyn and I? It meant more than any writing awards, contracts and author royalties I’ll ever receive. She’s my past and should be my present and future. She’s my best friend even though our friendship was everything but conventional.

I wiggled closer to her warmth and let my bare arm touch hers. I ignored the goosebumps on my skin, the way my heart skipped a beat and I closed my eyes. I should go back to my hotel, I knew it, but I didn’t give a damn.

* * *

BROOKLYN

I groaned. The sun was hitting me square in the face. I forgot to close the curtains last night. I moved a little and froze. My head wasn't plastered on my pillow like I first thought, but on a firm chest. A wave of panic washed over me before I relaxed. It could only be one person.

I opened my eyes and watched Nolan sleep. We talked for a long time last night after we watched The Avengers on TV. At one point we probably fell asleep watching another movie. Why I was plastered against his body with my head on his chest and my hand on his hard stomach while one of his arms was around my hip was a complete mystery, but I didn’t sleep that well very often.

His face was relaxed. His thin lips were slightly parted and the little loop on his lower lip was catching a ray of sun, making the silver blaze. His thick eyebrows weren't hiding the shape of his closed eyes. The scruff on his cheeks was darker today and I craved to run my fingers over it, or better yet, feel his scruff on my neck. His hair was everywhere, very sexy in this disarray. I knew I was biased, but in my eyes he was perfect.

I didn't know how long I’d been watching him sleep, but when he opened his hazel eyes and locked them on my eyes, I tensed. With his free hand he rubbed his eyes hooded by sleep and smiled. "Good morning." His voice growled to my ears and I felt it everywhere.

"'Morning." I put my chin on his chest and didn't look away from his gorgeous face. I wouldn't move until he asked me to. I needed this closeness with him and for the first time in years I felt good waking up. I wasn't dreading this new day. I was happy. It was so easy...

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked, his hand tensing for a second on my hip.

"No reason." I moved my hand up his chest and on the way his abs contracted.

He pushed me away abruptly, forcing me to sit up with him. With the scruff hiding parts of his cheeks I wasn't sure, but he seemed to be blushing. "You shouldn't touch a man like that in the morning," he rasped, his hands hiding his crotch.

I gaped at him for a second before I doubled over in laughter. But what he didn't know was that it had more to do with my excitement and giddiness than the humor of his predicament. I knew it wasn't just me, but knowing he was having a hard on in my room and had to push me away when my hand touched his chest lightly was enough to make me feel giddy.

"It's not funny, Brooklyn. It's fucking embarrassing."

I calmed down and took a few deep breath to force my breathing back to normal. "Chill, Nolan. It's not going to shock me, you know."

"I'd prefer it if it did."

"Why's that?"

"Because when I think about Mike touching you I want to beat him to a pulp. That's why." His hazel eyes were serious and hiding nothing about his distaste of my sex life. Embarrassment filled me and I didn't know what to think anymore. Before Nolan came back in my life, I didn't care what other people thought about my life. I didn't even care what Mike did when I wasn't around but for the first time I was reconsidering everything.

I had never been a brilliant student—probably because it seemed impossible to stay focused for that long every day—but I wasn't dumb either. It was easy to understand why I lived my life like I did and Nolan had always been good at reading people.

I loved being under the spotlights, I loved attracting the attention and I loved to drive a man to his knees with desire for me. I needed all of that because I lacked any attention at home, so I looked elsewhere. Was it a good enough reason to sleep with someone I didn't even care about? No. Did that mean that I had parental issues? Certainly. Should I feel embarrassed? Not really because I didn't hate my life and it wasn't easy to have a life I felt at peace with. I was dealing with what I was given and even if Nolan had fought against the odds, I wasn't a fighter.

"If it's because you're worried he’s going to make me suffer—"

"That's not even the point," he cut me harshly. He breathed through his nose and exhaled. "Do you really know these guys? I remember some of the talks I had with them back in high school and I hate to think about..."

I stood up and walked to my dresser. I opened it and turned around to see Nolan frowning at me. "What did they tell you about me so far?"

He paled slightly, but I remembered that was when he's very angry or about to lose it. He didn't go red in the face, no, instead he paled. "Nothing you need to know."

I closed the few feet separating us and put my hands on his tensed shoulders. "They told you that I enjoyed sex, mostly rough sex, that I didn't have many taboos and that I wasn't clingy. The other girls..." I patted his left shoulder. "The difference with the other girls is that I'm truly their friend. They’re not going to spread some BS about me."

He chewed on his pierced lip and shook his head. "And it doesn't bother you what they say?"

"They're telling the truth. I don't see why I should be offended. It's not like they're describing anything graphic."

His frown deepened. He pulled away from me, avoiding to look me in the eye. Was I disgusting him? "We shouldn't talk about sex."

"Sex is part of life, Nolan."

He groaned and walked to my window. "But we don't have to talk about it." He opened the window. "When a guy talks about sex he often gets a vision in his mind and with you in front of me it's... wrong."

"Wrong? Just because you can't forget the fucking twelve year old I was? Don't worry, Nolan, I'm not going to jump your bones," I bit back. I shouldn't be surprised or pained, but I was. It's ridiculous of me, but I hoped that upon waking up in each other's arms he'd see me like a man sees a woman for once. Just this one time.

"What? You'd prefer it if I tried to fuck you, Brooklyn? Shit!" He held up his hands. "I’ve got to go, see you later."

I stared at him as he climbed out of the window and sprinted to his shiny SUV parked two houses down the street. He didn't look back once before he drove away and I didn't know how we went from laughing to fighting in less than ten minutes after he opened his beautiful eyes and gazed at me with a softness I had missed.

Above everything, it was difficult to be rejected by the only man who was important to me. I never laid it all on the table, but I knew it wouldn't change a thing besides bringing more awkwardness to this old-new friendship. We were on shaky ground and it was going to be damn hard to discover each other again.

* * *

NOLAN

I paced in my hotel room. It only took five steps to go to the window and five back to reach the door, skirting around the bed. But I saw nothing at all, nothing other than my feet pounding on the floor.

But what I felt was another story. My heart seemed too big for my chest, my lungs on fire, but the worse was in my pants. I was still hard as fuck. I left Brooklyn’s bedroom half an hour ago and I was still hard. At this point, I couldn’t ignore the fact that it’s beyond simple morning wood and that’s why I couldn’t do a thing. Damn, if I jerked off…

I stopped right in the middle of the room, just in front of the bathroom door and I swore under my breath. I needed my dick to go back into submission and there’s only one thing left; a cold shower.

I stripped quickly, keeping my eyes away from my crotch and I walked to the shower. As soon as the icy cold water hit my head and cascaded down my back, I growled, closing my eyes tightly.

“Fuck me,’’ I mumbled and ignored my cell phone ringing from my pants that I left on the floor just outside the bathroom. I knew that particular ringtone, a ringtone that was picked especially for this caller.

What the water hadn’t already cooled off, that ringtone, that call, finished the job.

I was all sweaty. I hated being ill. My throat was so painful that I could barely drink the glass of water my mother brought an hour ago, just before she left with my father. They didn't care that my fever was still strong and my headache so painful that I couldn't fall asleep. And I was so tired.

I snuggled in my bed and pressed play on the remote to start Beauty and the Beast for the third time in a row. I loved that Disney movie. And the castle. And the huge library. And the songs.

I sniffled and let a few tears fall. Anna, a girl from school, had been ill last week and when she came back on Monday she told us how her parents had taken care of her, snuggling with her on the couch, putting a cold face wash on her forehead, kissing her on the cheeks. My parents drove me to the doctor, bought my medicines, gave them to me with a glass of water and left to go out. It was Friday night, after all.

My window opened and Big No's head appeared. He smiled at me and ran a hand in his buzzed cut short hair where some snowflakes fast melted. "I heard you're ill, Little B. Can I come in?"

And suddenly my sore throat, headache and fever were worth it. I nodded and brushed away my long brown hair sticking to my sweaty forehead. He climbed inside and sat on my bed. He put down a brown paper bag and focused all his attention on me. He brought a hand to my forehead. His palm felt icy cold on my hot skin. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Do you want me to let you sleep, Little B?"

I opened my eyes and saw his worried face. "Can you stay a little? I don't want to be alone. Mom and Dad left," I croaked, my voice making him cringe.

He leaned to my forehead and kissed it softly. It was the first time a boy kissed me on the forehead. I shivered and felt hotter. "I brought some DVDs. You told me that you want to watch the Disney Mulan."

“Did you buy it for me?"

He ran his cold hand from my temple to my cheek with a soft smile. "Of course. I'm not really into Disney movies anymore you know, but for you, Little B, I'd do it."

He stood up, put away the DVD of Beauty and the Beast and put in Mulan. He walked back to the bed and laid down beside me. He opened one arm and brought me against his chest. I could hear his heart beating steadily, softly while mine was skyrocketing.

"Thank you."

He squeezed my arms and I snuggled closer. I didn't have my parents, but I had Big No and I wouldn't trade him for the world. "Next Friday night I'll chose the movie. Deal?"

I smiled against his chest as the movie started. "Deal."