Six Years (7 page)

"Why would you do this if you never kept in touch with Nolan?’’ she asked.

"He means too much to me to turn around and resume my life without him. He was my best friend and family for years before he left. I can't forget that. I don’t want him to suffer because of his past anymore.’’

She couldn't stand up, but as she was looking at me, it was like she was towering over me. She could see through me, she understood what I was not saying aloud
.
I've always loved him.

"He's lucky to have your love, honey. I hope he won't waste it because of me and his father."

I shrugged and walked to the door. With my back to her, I said, "It doesn't matter. He doesn't see me like that. He has a girlfriend back in New York."

"Live with no regret, Brooklyn. That's the best advice I could ever give you."

Just before I walked out of her little apartment, I looked over my shoulder, unsure of what to make of her words. Instead of saying something, I waved and fished my phone. It was too early to call my "boyfriend" to my rescue—I bet he’d just hang up on me—but it wasn't too early to call Nolan. I didn't want to walk for an hour to go back home. I still had work tonight and I would be walking enough in the bar as it was.

"Why are you crying, Little B?"

I looked up and watched Nolan climb through my window. I didn't want him to see me cry because my parents didn't want to hear about what happened at school. They didn't care, didn't love me and I didn't want Big No to know about all of it. I didn't want to be that little girl in his eyes.

He knelt in front of me, his big hands on my thighs. My heart missed a beat and my tummy was all funny again. I shook my head, but I didn't pull away. "Talk to me. You know how I hate to see you cry." His soothing voice made the tears fall faster.

I opened my arms and sneaked them around his neck, burying my damp face in his neck. He smelt of body wash and smoke and I felt secure against him because I knew that he cared about me. He always cared about me.

"A boy stole my lunch at school and he made fun of me."

Big No pushed me away just a little bit, but I didn't want to. I dug my fingers into his shoulders getting bigger. He bit his lip ring and his frown deepened. He was angry. "Nobody told your teacher?"

I shook my head, my eyes widening. "I'm not a tattle-tale!" I sniffled and pushed my hair away from my forehead. My bangs were getting too long, but I didn't want to ask my parents to go to have a haircut. They were always sighing when I asked for something. I hated asking for anything.

"You or your friends should have told someone. Who is this boy?"

Once again, I shook my head. I knew Big No. He'd go see the boy's parents if he knew who it was and I didn't want him to do this. "He won't do it again."

"Do your parents know about this?"

"Mom has a headache and Dad doesn't want to talk, I think."

"Fucking role models my ass," Big No mumbled, and it made me chuckle. He smiled at me sheepishly. He hated it when he said bad words in front of me, he thought it was bad for me or something. "Give me the boy's name, Little B. If nobody talks to him he'll bug you again and I don't want you to cry over a boy. Never. Even if a boy does stupid things to get your attention."

"He doesn't want my attention."

He chuckled and shook his head, his hazel eyes soft on me. "God, you're so young." He stood up and looked down at me. "His name?"

I rolled my eyes. He won't stop. He was so stubborn sometimes. "Cole Troscky."

He scoffed. "I know his older brother." He grabbed his cell phone in his jeans pocket and started dialing a number before he looked back at me, his frown even more pronounced. "He's older than you, isn't he?"

I nodded. "He's twelve."

He brought the phone to his ear and waiting a few seconds before Cole's brother picked up. I wanted to hide and never go back to school. They would all know that I told someone, tomorrow. "Hey Nick, it's about your little bro." He listened a second before he cut the other off. "Yeah, he messed up someone's lunch today and bullied her." He walked to the window and closed it as the wind was getting colder outside. "I care about this little girl so tell him to stay away from Brooklyn Powell." He chuckled and shook his head, tension leaving him. "She's my neighbor."

Neighbor. That's all I was when just one of his dimpled smiles was the thing I was always looking for to light up my day. I was his little friend and even if it hurt to be just that, at least I meant something to someone.

He hung up and walked back to stand next to my bed, towering over me.

“So Little B, ready for our movie night?’’

I nodded with a big smile as I made some room on my bed for him. I had Big No for me alone for a couple more hours, way more than my parents ever gave me.

BROOKLYN

Of course Nolan wouldn't answer. Seriously, What the fuck was that? I was beyond pissed and I just wanted this day to end. For the third time, I checked the time on my phone. I didn't have the time to walk back home before my shift if I wanted to be there on time. I could kiss goodbye a hot shower and fresh clothes
.

I shook my head and grabbed the earbuds of my iPod and turned it on. I needed some loud and fast beat music to calm down. I sang over a song by Shinedown I liked, but it's when someone honked that I paid attention to my surrounding. I screeched, jumped behind an old tree next to the road and looked around.

"What was that?" Nolan asked, his lips twitching.

His big posh SUV was in the middle of the road, the windows down. Nolan's eyebrows were up high on his forehead and he seemed amused. To be honest, I must have given him quite a show when I leapt out of the road.

"What are you doing here? I called you several times, but you didn't pick up," I said after I decided to ignore his question. I put my iPod back in my handbag and walked to his car with all the dignity I still had, which wasn't much.

"Sorry for that. Climb in¸ I'll drive you home."

I opened the door and as soon as I was sitting in his car, I enjoyed the cold air blasting from the AC. I sighed. Nolan was still looking at me, but his amusement was not visible anymore. Instead, when he bit his lip ring nervously, I knew that he was worried I'd go bat shit crazy on him. I wouldn't do that. Not on him, at least.

"Feel any better?"

He shrugged and drove away toward my house. His eyes were not leaving the road, even for a second. "It was a mistake to go there."

"You should go back to see her. She's not..."

"I'll stop you right now, Brooklyn." He looked back at me and I recoiled in my seat when I saw his eyes more dark than hazel. I've never seen that look in his eyes. Ever. "She's my mother and I am the one who had to live with her. Don't pretend you know everything."

I looked outside and I realized that we were in front of my house. My parents' cars were parked in the curb and I dreaded going inside, but I didn't want to stay in this car either. Not when Nolan was like this. I looked one last time at him, feeling the wall between us once again.

"Fine. Just ask yourself one question. Will you have any regrets once she’s dead?"

And I turned around to the house without waiting for an answer. After all, he needed to think a little, dwell on this. I knew him, he might come across as though he has a short fuse sometimes, but there was more to him than that. He could spend hours or days even thinking about something, analyzing it and dissecting it. I was sure it helped his career and that was why his thriller books were so widely acclaimed for their details and complexity. Not that I’ve ever read one…

* * *

NOLAN

Will you have any regrets once she’s dead?

Brooklyn’s question and her voice echoed in my head as I watched her walking to her house, her hips swaying tantalizingly at every step. A heavy weight fell on my shoulders because I didn’t have to ponder that question to find the answer.

Yes, I would have regrets. Many, many regrets. How could I not? But there’s nothing anyone could do to prevent these regrets to arise. But most of all, I wanted to protect myself because when facing her, it undid me.

Brooklyn gazed at me over her slim shoulders just before she closed the door behind her and my gut twisted. Fuck. What was she doing to me? I wasn’t supposed to think about her that way, to picture her as a woman, as
a
ver
y
attractive woman. She’s doing something to me, something I had a hard time understanding. She’s Little B! Damn it. She’s not some woman I should want in my bed. But…

And as if on cue, my phone started ringing. Katy Perry’s voice invaded my car and guilt washed over me, freezing me to my core. I took a deep breath and answered, pulling away from the Powell’s household.

“Hey, babe.’’

“Nolan? I called you twice already. What’s going on?’’ Lena’s voice sounded annoyed, but also concerned. Since I’d left New York she’d been on my back, texting and calling every few hours as if to check on me or something. And she’s not giving me any space to actually miss her. Instead, the woman on my mind is the wrong one.

I forced a smile on my lips. “I was with my mother for a bit. I’m sorry, babe. I told you it’d be challenging to be back here.’’

“Maybe you should come back home. I don’t know why you’re putting so much pressure on yourself when it’s obvious you’re not happy in Riverdale. And you have a book to write. You can’t let yourself be sidetracked.’’

“I know ok!’’ I let slip some of my frustration, my voice harsher than it should have been. Damn, I was a dumb-ass. She’s a great girl, patient and sweet with me and all I was doing was brushing her off. What the fuck was wrong with me these days? “I’m not going to stay for long.’’

She sighed softly in the phone. “I don’t get why you keep me out of this.’’ Her voice sounded small all of a sudden, almost a whisper.

I cringed and my guilt increased. “I…I don’t want…’’ I cursed under my breath, not really sure how to simply end that sentence. “My past has nothing to do with my life in Manhattan. That’s all.’’

“But you left to visit your mom. It’s important, isn’t it?’’

I swallowed uneasily as a lump formed in my throat. “Lena…’’

“I’m your girlfriend, Nolan. Doesn’t that mean something?’’

I pulled over in front of the only diner in Riverdale, an old rundown establishment passed down from generation to generation of the Finley family. I stared at the peeling cream paint and the washed out letters over the door saying “Finley’s Food’’. “Of course it does. Please, just give me a few more days. We’ll talk when I get back, okay?’’

She’s quiet for a few moments, making me wonder if she’s even listening to me. Oddly, the idea that she’s somehow detaching herself from me wasn’t as difficult as I thought it should be. Finally, her soft voice, pitched a little bit higher than usual breaks the silence. “I guess so. Call me later?’’

“I’ll call. I’m stopping at the diner here to write for a little while.’’

“That’s good, really good.’’ She’s smiling now, I was sure of it. Her words weren’t laced with disappointment and sadness anymore. At least, I managed in reassuring her. If only I could convince myself that not everything was crashing around me, that’d be wonderful. “Talk to you later. Love you!’’ She chirped.

“You too,’’ I mumbled automatically and turned off my phone. I grabbed my laptop case from my trunk and walked to the diner. There were very few patrons; a few old ladies holding court and gossiping, and a teenager boy flirting with the girl behind the counter.

Without a word I settled at a small table and turned on my laptop, trying to stave off the doubts, the emotions swirling inside me. I was too far behind schedule to put this off any longer. I was supposed to send the first fifty pages to my agent and publisher before I left for Riverdale. I hadn’t even written thirty pages yet. It had never happened to me but for the first time in as long as I could remember I was afraid of the writer’s block.

I closed my eyes for a minute, trying to settle my nerves and find the calm I needed to write efficiently. But there’s only one image behind my closed eyelids. Brooklyn and her sassy smile.

I growled and rubbed my eyes.

* * *

BROOKLYN

"Two beers on tap, please Elena," I asked the bartender, a woman of few words. She was new in town and I didn't even know where she was from. Whenever I asked her a question, she answered evasively and I found it quite strange. But aside from her closed off persona, she looked quite average with her wavy brown hair, brown eyes and barely there make up.

She nodded and gave me the beers. I walked back to the table and gave the men their beers. I winked at them and when I turned around, Nolan was there, looking expectantly at me.

"Do you have a minute?" he asked me with a soft smile I couldn't say no to, not when everything in me was warming at his presence.

"Take a table and I'll join you in a second."

When he walked away I did something I couldn't be scolded for doing. I checked out his ass in his jeans and... That looked good. I fanned myself and Lisa, the waitress I was working with tonight laughed at me. She was a petite and curvaceous girl.

“Are you okay if I take my break now? Just five minutes."

"Of course. Have fun with him," she said with a smile gracing her little mouth as she finished cleaning a table.

The bar wasn't very crowded tonight and I was thankful for it. I was too tired to run around for hours and I hoped I might be able to leave soon. The down side was that I wouldn't make many tips tonight. But you couldn't have everything.

I sat in front of Nolan and waited for him to say something but instead he was looking at me like it was the first time he’d met me. I thought about waving in front of his face, but I would come across as awkward and that wasn't my idea of fun.

"I thought about what you said earlier." He sighed and leaned back on his chair. "I would have regrets, but I can't exactly yell at her when she looks so... I mean she's fucking dying!"

I grabbed one of his hand and squeezed it. Maybe I was doing this to comfort him, but it would be a lie if it wasn’t also because I wanted to touch him. I was falling back again and fast, or maybe I’d never stopped feeling something for him. And it was still hopeless, but at least, I could touch him a little bit.

"I want to tell you something, but I know you're going to be mad at me and I don't want you to be," I said after a few more seconds of silence.

He cocked his head on one side and put his hand over mine. I was tingling. "Tell me."

"In all this shitstorm with your mom, you're lucky about one thing," His hand under mine and the one above tensed, but I kept going. "She loves you. It's something I don't have with my parents. They don't yell at me, don't put me through what you went through, that's true, but I get the cold shoulder. They’ve never told me they loved me and I know that your mom told you she loves you. I never had someone to just talk to at home and even if your mother was often out of it, she talked to you. You were wanted when she got you, I was not. I'm the child my parents decided to have in the hope of being some kind of replacement to my dead big sister and when they had their first look at me they saw that I was lacking in everything Kelly was and they rejected me. You have no idea what it's like to not know what it's like to be loved." My voice broke slightly, but I cleared it. I wouldn't cry over this. It was my life and I had to deal with it. It's not like I had any choice, but I wanted to open Nolan's eyes. I didn't want him to suffer once his mother was gone. He deserved to find some sort of peace from his past.

"They love you, Little B. They have to." I looked up and my breath caught in my throat. There was so much emotion on his face and it was directed right at me. "They don't know how to express it after they lost Kelly. And you know what it feels like to be loved. I love you, Little B."

My heart missed a beat. I wanted his words to mean so much more. I wanted him to b
e
i
n
lov
e
with me, Brooklyn Powell, not feel sisterly love for Little B. But in a way, he was right, I knew what it felt like because he was attached to me, deeply so. I smiled at him.

"You look very cozy over here."

Nolan released my hand and turned to his right where Mike was, frowning down at him. "We were talking."

Mike glanced at me and his brown eyes could have killed. They drilled into us.

I frowned at him, feeling annoyance coming, flooding me. At seeing Mike all threatening against Nolan, you would think I was his. I glanced at Nolan and saw him ready to bolt and it angered me even more. Granted, we weren't havin
g
a momen
t
, but our talk was important, was meaningful and now he acted almost as if it was wrong.

"Relax, Mike. We were just talking," I replied dismissively, my voice nonchalant as I was burning a hole in his face. Since Nolan came back, Mike had been awfull
y
clos
e
to me, flaunting me to his face and I hated that. I didn’t want to be used to spite Nolan. I was fed up.