Six Years (8 page)

"And holding hands?" He arched an eyebrow at me before his dark eyes went back to his old friend, openly defiant.

Nolan held up his hands and started to stand. Before I could catch up with my own movement, my hand shot up and I forced him back in his chair, not once looking away from my "boyfriend".

"Stay here. I need to have a word with Mike."

"That's fine, I have to go so..." he trailed of, his face now devoid of any trace of his previous turmoil. The only tell that gave his annoyance away was the way he was tugging with his teeth on his small lip ring.

I shook my head and pinned him with a glare. "Stay."

I didn't wait for his answer and led Mike outside. He was starting to relax as we were putting some space from Nolan. I waved at my coworkers who were more interested in my little drama than in the impatient customers when I walked to the front door and outside in the warm summer air.

Mike stopped me with a hand on my shoulder before I could walk farther into the parking lot. His grip was loose, but it felt constricting all of a sudden, just like this thing between us was. I shook him off and turned around to face him.

"What was that?" My voice was deadly calm and he knew me well enough to know it didn't bode well. My cold anger was not something that should be messed with.

He looked back at the bar where a couple of guys were leaving, laughing their asses off, breaking the calm night with their raucous laughers.

"I don't like the way you two look at each other, Brooklyn."

I couldn't help the scoff that came out of my mouth
.
The way we looked at each other
?
"Really? That's what you come up with?" I tugged down my shirt that was riding over my waist.

His mouth twisted into an uninviting smile and it was quite creepy in the night. "Do you really think I forgot how you felt about him? You've always been drooling at his feet, and now it's like you're begging him to fuck you. I'm not one to share my girl." With each of his words he came closer to me, invading my personal space and forcing me to take a few steps back.

I pushed on his chest, but he didn't budge. Under my palms I felt his muscles bunch. "I'm not your girl, Mike! You don't even bring me to your place to fuck me!’’ I moved my hand from him to me. "We're nothing more than a convenience and we both know it. You don't like me, you probably go around behind my back and before Nolan's return you’ve never cared what I was doing when we're not together. So what is it?"

"I can't believe you!" he yelled at me, his composure slipping away. "We've been sleeping together for the last seven months. Seven months! Do you really think it means nothing to me?"

"What do you want from me, Mike? I'm not going to ignore Nolan just because you want me to."

His dry laugh rang between us. "Of course not. He's your Big No, the one you've always loved, the one you’ve pined after for years, the one you secretly hope will open his eyes and want you. Don't think I'm that big of an idiot, Brooklyn."

My heart missed a beat and I looked down at the cracked concrete of the parking lot right next to the road that was dividing our little town in two parts, straight without a detour and while Mike and I were on the same side right now, we’d never been more far apart. It was like the road was this uncrossable road and we were on opposite sides.

"I don't love him anymore. It was six years ago."

"Oh really?" he said with disbelief and I couldn't blame him. To my own ears, I didn't sound all that much convincing. "Then be with me."

I stared at his face once again, silently and slowly. Mike was a good looking guy, so much so that I knew he could have anybody around here and his family was well known. He had money, a secure job and he wasn't a bad guy even if he did act like an asshole sometimes, but at heart, he was a good guy. But at this point, now that Nolan was here I was starting to see things with fresh eyes. It wasn't that I was hoping to lure Nolan to my bed—he had a steady girlfriend and I was just his Little B—but he made me remember what I used to dream about, who I used to be.

"I can't. We're not good for each other."

He looked down and nodded slowly. "I knew you'd say that. You don't even know it, but every time I hinted at something more between us, you backpedaled and I never fought for you." He looked up and I saw all the fight leaving his body, his eyes losing their angry spark and it was replaced with sadness. "I messed up and thought that you'd stay, but now there's Nolan."

"I'm not trying to..."

"I don't want to hear about it, Brooklyn." He sighed and fished his car keys in his cargo shorts. "For the first time I was starting to feel something for a girl who is not emotionally available. It's just my luck."

It was difficult to swallow all of a sudden. I never thought that breaking up with Mike would be hard or painful even. I've always seen this thing between us as convenient, easy and I knew it would end sooner or later, but I’d never envisioned him starting to feel something more for me. Not when I'm so closed off. About this, Mike was quite dead on. Whenever I feel a guy getting close one way or another beyond the physical stuffs, I clammed up and most of the time I didn't even realize it.

"I'm sorry."

He shrugged good-naturedly, starting to walk away and towards his car parked farther in the parking lot. I momentarily lost track of him when a car drove down the road, its lights blinding me. "I'm sorry too, because this thing with Nolan is going to hurt you."

And he climbed into his expensive car, not wasting a second before he sped away, leaving me with his parting words echoing in my head and buzzing in my ears. Why my feelings for Nolan were still there, inside me? Why? I closed my eyes, trying to chase away the spots left from the car's lights.

I shook my head and walked back inside and as soon as my eyes landed on him, my world came back on its axis. Shit. I really was pining after him. Even six years later. He looked up from his empty beer bottle he pulled the label off and his hazel eyes warmed me. Tingles started where there shouldn't be any
.
He had a girlfriend
.
The pain could have made me trip if I wasn't better at getting a hold of myself. I shook my head
.
I needed to get back to work.

I sat back on the chair I vacated a few minutes ago. It was hard to keep my eyes locked on his as I could see questions swirling in them. He ran a hand in his hair and messed even more with it. I clasped my hands together under the table as an intense need to run my fingers through his unruly locks appeared inside me, taking away the sensible part of me that was very important right now.

"Trouble in paradise?" he finally asked me, his voice colder than I was expecting.

In a ridiculous way only a woman could feel, I was thrilled that he hated the fact that I was with Mike. It was irrational and not even relevant because he hated it just because he knew how Mike could disrespect women. There was nothing more to it and yet... My blood was rushing madly into my body, and I felt alive. Damn, I felt so alive whenever I was close to him. How come I ignored it these last few days? Nolan would always b
e
Nola
n
. He was my weakness, my biggest dream yet too far out of reach.

"It's over."

His lip ring popped out of his mouth and my eyes couldn't look away, even less when his tongue made an appearance and swept on his lower lip. "You broke up?"

I nodded and stood up. "I need to go back to work."

He nodded absentmindedly, his eyes lost in thoughts. When we were younger, I remembered him having this look whenever he was ready to lose himself in his writing. But he snapped back to the present when I took his empty beer bottle. "When are you working tomorrow?"

"Hmm... Noon 'til six. Why?"

"Movie night, but this time in my room." His eyes never wavered while my heart tried to burst out of my chest. I brought a hand to my chest and scratched uneasily.

I shouldn't make a big deal out of this. After all, we had countless movie nights and it wouldn't be any different. But it had always been in my bedroom, in my parents' house. Never had it been somewhere else, never in a hotel room and now we were both adults
.
Adults
.
I mentally scoffed at myself
.
Yeah, right. Like he sees me as an adult.

"Okay. It's a date." And I never wanted my words to be more true, despite his amused laugh at hearing me.

I saw Big No kissing a girl earlier. It wasn't the first time, but it felt different and I didn't like how it made me feel. It was painful in my chest and I didn't want to see him. I finished the last sentence of my homework—I didn't like math very much—and grabbed my stuffed bunny. It was white with long ears and it was Granny who gave it to me a while ago. I was too old to keep a stuffed bunny and I didn't want Big No to see it, but right now I needed Eary-Bunny.

I pressed it against me, but it wasn't like when Big No hugged me when I was sad. Eary-Bunny couldn't hug me back. I shrugged and put it back under my bed before I sat back.

A few minutes later, my window opened from the outside. I glanced and when I saw Big No come in my bedroom, my stomach knotted, but it was different than it normally was. I was sad because that girl was older than me and prettier. And he kissed her and pressed his body against her.

"Hey, Little B. How was your day?" 

I shrugged and turned on the TV. It was an old movie, a black and white one with singing people. "It was okay."

The bed caved when he sat. I wanted to look at him and hug him tight to never let him go. I wanted him for me alone because the other girls shouldn't have him, but it wasn't possible. He had other friends, I had others too at school, but it wasn’t the same.

"What's going on? Was there something wrong at school? A boy bugged you?" he asked me softly. He put a finger under my chin and turned my face toward him.

His lips were redder than usual and his eyes were brighter and it was all her doing. I hated her. I didn't even know her but…

“Nothing.’’ I pulled away and looked down to my pink and grey bed, so very childish. It screamed ten year old little girl.

"Don't bullshit me, Little B."

I looked up and bit on my lower lip. His voice was stern and he was never like this with me. Never. I didn't want him to be mad at me and leave. "I saw you kissing a girl. Is she your girlfriend?"

His eyebrows shot up and he chuckled, shaking his head. "It's not like that."

"But I saw you with her."

He sighed and took one of my little hands in his big one. "You're too young to understand that, but she doesn't mean anything. You're the only girl in my life, Little B, and it won't change."

My heart sped up and I felt all funny again. I smiled and looked away when I felt my cheeks getting hot. He chuckled again and I loved this sound. It was just for me.

NOLAN

I checked my watch again and cursed loudly in the quiet room. “Fuck!’’.

It wasn’t even three in the afternoon and I was already going mad here. Usually, when I was writing I could spen
d
day
s
locked away in my apartment. Days. Here, a few hours in and I already had the urge to go out and do something else.

I gripped the roots of my hair and tugged until my scalp started to numb from the pain. I closed my eyes and cringed when the low beep signaling a new email sounded from my laptop on my knees. An hour earlier it had been Lena asking me how my writing was going and what I had planned. I didn’t answer her. Since I’d been back here in Riverdale I’d barely written fifteen pages. I didn’t even want to think about these pages because I was pretty certain they sucked. And as far as my plans went, I didn’t feel like telling her about Brooklyn and our movie night. Opening that can of worms now would bring a mess. It’s my own damn fault considering that I never talked about my life in Riverdale with her.

I sighed and opened my inbox to see an email from my editor and good friend. I clicked to open it and braced myself
.

From: Trey Jordan

To: Nolan Bell

Nolan,

Get your head back in the game! Bro, what’s going on? I know you have a busy writing schedule and I’m sure you feel the pressure, but it’s nothing new for you. I know you have a lot going on these days and I’m sure it’s hard to be back home, but keep in mind that you have work to do. You’ve signed a contract. The boss is already on my back and I don’t know how long I’ll be able to buy some time for you before they start harassing you themselves.

If you need to talk about anything, you know I’m only a phone call away.

In the meantime, send me what you have and I’ll review everything. That way we’ll have something for the bigwigs if they become an issue.

Take care, man,

Trey Jordan

I shook my head, quickly hit him with a short email and the light file. I didn’t give a fuck right now and that’s the problem. All I had in my fucking head were thoughts of my dying mother and Brooklyn, whom I found way too sexy and fascinating for my own good.

I closed the lid of the laptop and dropped it on the bed next to me and fell back against the headboard. I tugged on the loop in my lip until the pinch became painful. My blood was boiling in my veins and my cock started to harden. In a few hours Brooklyn would be here in my bedroom, on my bed. On my fucking bed. And Lena… She didn’t know anything about Brooklyn. I never thought I’d be an asshole like this.

I rubbed at my eyes and tried to empty my head. That mess could wait. I had a book to write and it wouldn’t write itself. I sat up again, grabbed my laptop and as soon as my eyes landed on the open file, a cold sweat broke out on my skin. I physically couldn’t write a single word. Nothing. Not a fucking thing.

I closed my eyes and immediately I pictured Brooklyn’s full lips parted on a moan, her eyes glassy and her pupils dilated, her cheeks flushed and her body…Her smoking body bared only for me.

At one time, she had been my motivation to write more and more, to believe in my talent and dreams. Now, she was the reason of my block and I had no clue as to how to make it better.

* * *

BROOKLYN

I glanced one last time in the kitchen where my mother and my father were silently cooking. My father was a tall lanky man, almost too thin to be healthy and his wrinkles were pronounced on his angular face. His hair was almost all grey now and it always surprised me how he seemed to be aging before my very eyes. Worries were not good for a person, and he was always worried about my mother.

My mom was stirring something in a skillet, some vegetables probably and her eyes were lost in thought. The dark rings under them showed how little sleep she had and how tired she was, both emotionally and physically. Her face was almost unrecognizable from the pictures of a time when Kelly was still alive. Her beauty deserted her, leaving just the shadow of it behind.

I spent so many days resenting them for the last few years that at seeing them now, I couldn't help but feel guilty. They were lacking greatly at being parents, but that didn't mean that I couldn't be compassionate. When Nolan left, he took with him my compassion and understanding. Now, everything was back.

In the pit of my heart, I still wanted to shake them, make them realize that they had another daughter in front of them, but it wasn't at the forefront anymore. I was just sad for our family and disappointed that I wasn't what they expected me to be when they decided to have another child.

They never glanced my way while I was looking at them and with a sigh, I left the house. Someone honked, startling me so much that I had to brace myself against the side mirror of my car or else I'd be sprawled on the unkempt grass in front of the house. With my heart beating fast, I looked up, my hand itching to grab the pepper spray I always kept close by in my pocket. When you lived in such a place, you had to. But when my eyes landed on the big Cayenne parked in the opposite curb, I relaxed and chuckled at my idiocy.

I waved and walked to the luxurious truck and climbed in without a second thought. Even with its tinted windows, I knew the only person in this little town with such a car.

"You're jumpy tonight," Nolan pointed out as he drove away swiftly.

I observed him out of the corner of my eye. With his deep blue tee-shirt and distressed jeans, he was looking good. I inwardly cringed when my heart sped up. I was a lost cause. Even at eighteen I was reacting to Nolan just like I used to as a little girl. But now, I had some visuals in my head of what I wanted to do to him and what I wanted him to do to me and it got me quite flustered. Fortunately, it was hot enough that even if he saw my blushing face he could put it down to the heat.

"I hate it at night around here." I touched one of many buttons to make the A/C colder. "Once I had to use my pepper spray on a junkie when I was going back home after a late shift."

His head snapped to me, his hazel eyes hard. "What happened?"

"Nothing much. The guy was trying to get in my pants or something and he was a little forceful. He was high so... You know."

He nodded stiffly and he finally parked in front of the small hotel, the nicer one of the two around here. In the silence of the car, I sat still, waiting for him to move. Anger radiated from him and I knew this. He used to be very protective of me and whenever he knew something bad happened to me, he got very quiet. Until he opened his mouth and got angry.

"You can't stay there if you work late shifts, Little B."

I rolled my eyes even if I was quite thrilled to go back to our old ways. And yet, I wanted to carve a new path in our relationship even if I knew he had a girlfriend. My excitement died. "Next month I will have enough money to live in the new complex where your mother lives. Don't worry."

He shook his head and opened his door. I did the same and jumped out. I had barely enough time to close the passenger door before he was in front of me, towering above me. His lip ring caught a ray of the street lamp and I had a hard time looking away from his mouth. His frown deepened.

"How much do you still need?"

It was my turn to frown as the underlying meaning hit me. I wasn't one to accept pity and I was an independent girl. I held up my hand between us and turned around to walk to the hotel. "None of your business, Nolan."

"The hell it's not!" he called from behind me, his footsteps longer than mine. In three more strides he was beside me. "I'm not going to let you stay there if there is a guy..."

"Stop it!" I caught his arm and forced him to face me. "I will never take money from a guy, even if this guy is you. Or anyone, for that matter. We spent six years apart and now you want to pay my way into a new place to live? Does your girlfriend even know I exist?"

His face smoothed. He grabbed my elbow and pulled me toward the hotel lobby, ignoring the guy behind the counter who was obviously bored out of his mind if I believed his heavy looking eyelids. In the elevator, Nolan released me and sighed, closing his eyes.

"I didn't want to imply that you can't take care of yourself, Brooklyn. I'm just worried."

"I'm fine. I know my life may seem pathetic and I know it's not at all what you expected to find, but it's okay. I manage."

He turned his head to me and brought a hand to my cheek. His thumb caressed my cheekbone softly and I felt it in my core. With his eyes looking deeply into mine he said, "Your life is not pathetic, but you should have a life that is not something you go through because you have to. You should enjoy it; you should be happy and not just manage day to day. I want more for you, Little B."

The 'ding' of the door opening broke the moment before I could say something. With a start, he pulled away from me, almost as if I burnt him. He cleared his throat and led me down the quiet and clean hall. He fished his room key card out of his pocket and stopped in front of the room 407. Easily, he unlocked the door and let me in before he followed me into the room.

It wasn't very spacious, but it was cozy. The heavy green and off white curtains were closed, the big double bed in what looked like to be the same material as the curtains was perfectly made and there were no clothes on the floor. In the far left corner a closed door probably led to the bathroom. A big dresser was on the wall next to the bed and near the foot of the bed, a modern TV of a respectable size and a DVD player were waiting for our movie night.

But even if my eyes swept the whole room, I couldn't help looking back at the bed. Goosebumps appeared on my skin and I ignored my wild thoughts. I was being ridiculous, once again.

He spent the night in my bedroom, on my bed with me in his arms and nothing happened. I should keep that in mind. And I needed to remember that he wasn't single. I might not be an innocent girl when it came to guys, but I never went after a guy who was in a relationship. It was one of my rules.

"Uh... Which movie did you choose?" I asked hesitantly as he was looking at me intently taking in his room.

"Inception."

"Great movie," I replied distractedly, nodding several times before I realized how crazy I must look.

"Is it disturbing you that we're in a hotel room?"

"No! Why?" I said in a half yell that was so not convincing. I sat on the bed and forced the R-rated images out of my head. I'd never been so obsessed with sex before. Nolan was definitely not good for my sanity. Not when everything in me was begging him for some attention, not when my heart was bursting with feelings I thought were gone.

He tilted his head on one side, assessing me silently. He joined me on the bed, but on the other side. He grabbed the remote on the bedside table and turned on the TV and DVD player. "Don't worry, I'm not going to bite you." The laughter in his voice was unmistakable.

I humphed and he outright laughed as we laid down side by side. The opening credits started and I decided to keep quiet. I'd always hated it when he laughed at me. I crossed my arms over my chest and felt my bottom lip jutting out. Oh Fuck! I was pouting! He chuckled beside me, his strong shoulder bumping into my soft one.

I turned my head to look at him and couldn't help the laugh building inside. I chuckled along with him and let him drag me against his body as his left arm snaked under my neck and around my shoulder. His hand trailed down my right arm and I couldn't fight the shiver that shook me. With my left side plastered against him, I was burning up from the inside. I didn't dare to even bring a hand to his chest. It would be too tempting to explore it with my fingers, tracing the ridges of his lean muscles.  

Everything about him was enticing me, calling out my name, making me believe that his body was mine to discover. I loved to see the crinkles around his eyes as he laughed. I loved the little dimple in his cheek when his mouth was smiling wide, the smile that made me forget my own name. I loved his longish hair, something I had never seen before. I loved everything about him, even his flaws.