So Much to Learn (28 page)

It's like when
you’re a kid and it’s a really, really hot summers day. Trudging
home through the sweltering heat your one thought is to throw off
your boiling uniform, put on your bathers and jump into the pool.
As you finally enter the cool house you pour yourself an icy cold
glass of water and that's good, very, very good actually and yet it
doesn't quite hit the spot. You know that the only thing that’s
going to work is if you’re completely engulfed in cold water,
drinking it is just not enough. So you finish your glass and unzip
your school dress, yank on the bathers, and hop across the
uncomfortably hot brick to the gate on the pool fence. You pull at
the safety latch, which should release the gate and allow you to
take a couple of short strides and dive head first into the
delectably freezing water lapping at the pool's edge. But then you
discover, after everything you've been through, after a long, hard
day at school and dealing with the obnoxious boys on the bus,
before the long walk down the road and up the driveway, after all
that you discover that…someone's only gone and double locked the
gate!

Do you see what
I mean? I had been waiting a long, long time (well really only a
couple of weeks, but it seemed longer) for Jack in his entirety and
although I was getting some relief, I needed to be fully immersed
before true and total satisfaction would be obtained.

Oh and the
double locked gate? Yeah that was the layers of clothes that
divided us.

However, just
as my hands drifted to the hem of his t-shirt to begin solving this
problem, a strange buzzing began in his jeans pocket. Breaking my
lips away from his with a great wrench, I gasped, "I get that your
penis can do some interesting things, but is that normal?"

And when he
looked at me in complete incomprehension I grabbed his hand and
placed it over his vibrating pocket.

"It's my
mobile," he said, sitting up over me and fishing it out his jeans.
"I didn't even feel it."

"Don't you dare
answer it," I warned him and he sent me an incredulous look as he
took a quick look at the caller ID then hung up on them.

"As if I
would," he exclaimed, slipping his phone back in his pocket, but
not descending on me again.

"Right then,
enough of this," I said, disentangling my legs from Jack's and
wriggling off the couch. "I've things to see and people to do,
namely you. Give me your mobile."

He looked
confused, but obedient boy that he is, he took it out of his pocket
again and handed it over without complaint. I took no time in
turning it off. Dropping the now harmless object onto the coffee
table I hurried over to the flat door which I locked securely
before digging my own mobile out of my bag and switching that off
as well. Completing my mission I crossed to the home phone and
turned it on so that anyone trying to call would get the busy
signal.

"The perimeter
is secure," I announced with pleasure, turning back to face Jack in
triumph. He had got up off the couch and was standing with his
hands in his pockets watching me. As soon as I saw him my face
fell. "Oh no, Jack, not the serious face. Anything but the serious
face," I implored, but his lips didn't even twitch and I knew that,
during the time it had taken me to put us incommunicado, the
reality of our situation had crashed down on him.

"Doesn't it
seem wrong to you that you had to do that?" He asked sombrely, and
I marvelled at how quickly he had retreated back into his role of
serious, sensible Jack.

"Probably not
as wrong as it would seem if someone interrupted us," I said,
trying to reclaim the previous jokey mood, but Jack shook his head
and I knew that I wouldn't be able to jolly him out of talking to
me seriously.

"Can we just
talk about this properly for a sec?" He asked and I nodded my
assent and gestured for him to say whatever it was that he wanted
to say. "OK, so this creeping around we're doing, doesn't it make
you think that maybe we shouldn't be doing this?" He pulled one
hand out of his pocket and rubbed it agitatedly through his short
hair, "Is this really the way you want your first time to be?"

I moved slowly
towards him with my hands outstretched, like you do with a
frightened animal to show that you are friendly. "Should we be
doing this?" I turned his question round as I walked towards him.
"Probably not," I answered, thinking of Matt and how horrified he
would be at the idea of us together. "But, as for if this is really
the way I want my first time to be…" I'd reached Jack and I
hesitantly lowered my head into the crook between his chin and his
chest, resting my hands against him, my right landing straight over
his heart. "I'd say the answer would be more than anything." I
could feel his heartbeat pulsing against my hand and it sped up
markedly at my last words.

"This is it,
Jack," I murmured. "This is how I want it to be. With someone I
trust and in this flat where I feel secure. Remember my fantasy? In
your room in the flat, clean and warm with nobody to interrupt us,
that's what I want and the fulfilment to that fantasy lies a simple
hop, skip and a jump into that room there," I pointed with my left
hand at Jack's door.

"But…" Jack
struggled for a moment, clearly having difficulty figuring out how
to verbalise his thoughts. "We haven't really talked out this thing
between you and me. The whole thing just seems so…"

"Weird," I
finished for him. "Yeah, I know, but so what? Throw caution to the
wind for once Jack and have fun. According to several reputable
sources sex is supposed to be fun you know."

"Yeah, I
know."

I could feel
the tension in his body beginning to subside and I pressed my
advantage. "And it's been fun so far, hasn't it?" I wheedled and I
felt his chuckle reverberate against me.

"Parts of it,"
he admitted.

"Well then," I
tipped my head back so I could look him in the face, "I'm game if
you are."

He looked at me
for a long moment then said in a low, extremely sexy voice,
"Natalia Jane Davenport are you daring me to have sex with
you?"

I tipped my
head to the side and pretended to think about it for a moment then
replied, "Why yes, Jack Morgan Whitby, I do believe I am."

He grinned then
and I knew that I’d won. The deal was sealed by a searing kiss and
a bunch of fireworks went off in my chest as I realised this was
it, this was really going to happen.

As we kissed,
for what felt like the millionth time that day, Jack started
walking backwards, leading us (somewhat haphazardly it has to be
admitted) towards his bedroom. With only minor injuries we made it
across the room and, after a moment’s wait while Jack fumbled
around for the door handle, we stumbled into his room.

It was very
dark, but just as Jack reached for the light switch, I grabbed his
hand. "No, leave it off," I said, getting my mouth free for a
second. "It's better if it's dark."

"And…why…is…that?" Jack asked between kisses, refusing to lower his
arm even as I pulled at it."

"Because," I
gasped, putting the hand that wasn't on his arm against his chest
to stop him from kissing me for a moment, "I have fairly big
breasts."

There was a
beat when he simply looked at me in astonishment, then he
nodded.

"Yes," he
agreed, "fairly big breasts that I would very much like to see,
which is why the light should be on." Jack said it so
matter-of-factly that I wondered fleetingly whether 'so I can see
breasts in the dark' was Thomas Edison's reasoning for inventing
the light-bulb.

"No, you didn't
get what I meant," I sighed. Boys are so dense.

I thought for a
moment how best to put what I needed to say then took a deep breath
and said, "Everything in life is give and take, right? Skills in
one thing often equal deficiencies in others, that's just the way
things are. It's often not fair, but we just have to deal with it
and take steps towards disguising our negatives and enhancing our
positives."

Jack was looking at me and, even in the dark room, I could
tell that he was incredulous. "You're not seriously starting a
philosophical discussion with me
now
are you? Because I have to tell
you, Tally, your timing leaves something to be desired."

"You idiot!" I
smacked his chest in annoyance, "What I'm trying to say is that I
am no tiny Haley or Simone. I have fairly big breasts, that is the
positive, the negative is that I have the obligatory paunch which
always goes with fairly big breasts…unless you've had cosmetic
surgery, which I haven't. So I think the light should stay off,
it's to your advantage, I promise." I was doubly glad of the dark
then because my face was flaming with embarrassment.

The breast
versus paunch issue had been discussed at length at various times
with Simone. Each time she insisted she would rather have breasts
and I told her that I would give mine to her willingly in exchange
for her completely flat stomach and miniscule thighs. But as the
swap isn’t actually possible without, I suppose, some Frankenstein
type surgery, I had what I had and, although I'm not that self
conscious about the fact that I have curves, I didn't want Jack's
bright, harsh light showing my flaws in all their non-glory.

I knew the
exact moment when comprehension dawned on Jack because he gave a
disgusted snort and exclaimed, "Right, that's it," before brushing
aside my restraining arm and flicking the light switch on. As I
blinked in the sudden brightness Jack grabbed at the hem of my
T-shirt and yanked it upwards, surprising me so much I meekly
raised my arms before I really realised what he was doing.

"This," he said
forcefully, throwing my T-shirt to the side and grabbing me about
the waist, "is gorgeous. That," he pointed towards a pin up of a
gorgeous girl in a very uncomfortable position on a beach he had on
his wall, "is frankly a bit scary."

"So why have you got a picture of
that
," I said, pointing disgustedly
at the picture I had always hated, "on your wall? Rather than a
picture of
this
? I
asked, gesturing down at the stomach exposed beneath my plain white
T-shirt bra.

"Because Matt
might have noticed if I had a picture of you with your tits out on
my wall," Jack laughed, but then, seeing that I didn't look
impressed, he stopped and leant his forehead against mine, staring
into my eyes. "Tally, believe me," he implored, "there could not
possibly be a single thing about you that I wouldn't think is
beautiful."

"Oh please!" It
was my turn to snort in disgust. "You can lay off the sappy stuff,
Jack, I've already said I'll sleep with you."

Rather than
firing up as I would’ve expected, he seemed to simply ignore my
words, choosing instead to begin kissing his way down my neck to my
shoulder. Once there he ran his finger underneath one of my bra
straps and pushed it slowly to one side. He kissed the spot he had
uncovered then did the same on the other side, sending little
shivers down my body. "I'm going to turn the main light off, but
I'm turning the lamp on so I can see every little bit of you,” he
stated, his hands warm on my waist. "No arguments."

And so saying,
he crossed the room and switched his lamp on, sending a warm glow
over his bed, before returning and, as promised, turning the main
light off. I didn't complain, the way he had said 'no arguments'
convinced me it would be pretty useless to object.

"So where was
I?" He asked, his eyes warm and intense.

"Um, just about
here, I think," I replied pointing to the spot where he’d left
off.

A small smile
lifting up the corners of his mouth, he bent his head and gently
kissed the place I had indicated. Over the next few minutes he
covered my neck, shoulders and upper chest area with feathery light
kisses before falling to his knees and providing the same treatment
to my stomach. While his hands rested on my hips, my hands found
their way into his hair and I rhythmically ran my fingers through
the slightly curly, short strands releasing intermittent sighs of
pleasure at the feel of his lips on my skin.

I was so
involved in the seductive feelings rolling over me in waves that,
when Jack's hands left my hips and began travelling up my back, I
didn't notice. It was only when his fingers found the clasp of my
bra that I focused back on proceedings and felt a little thrill of
both fear and excitement flare in my stomach.

Jack's hands
were frozen where they were and, as I looked down at him, I saw
that he was wordlessly asking for my consent. I nodded jerkily in
reply and the next moment he had expertly undone the clasp and the
bra slid forward. He reached up and, as I removed my arms from the
loose straps, pulled it away.

I fought
against the urge to immediately cover myself up, I mean my breasts
were practically poking Jack in the eye so he was definitely
getting a good look at them, what if he didn't like them? Still, as
I shifted uneasily Jack unglued his eyes from my front and looked
up at me.

"Alright?" He
asked, his voice sounding just that little bit hoarse.

"You tell me,"
I said quickly in return.

"Well," he took
a deep breath and blew it out, his warm breath tickling my stomach
and the undersides of my breasts, "I think I can honestly say that
I have never seen anything so gorgeous in my entire life."

"They're not
gorgeous!" I laughed in relief that he wasn't disappointed.
"They're not perfect like hers." I gestured in contempt towards the
pin up again, but he shook his head at my words.

"Believe me,"
he said throatily, "she's got nothing on you."

I was just
thinking that I would probably have had more chance of believing
him if he'd stopped at 'on' when Jack continued, "And just because
I have that picture up, doesn't mean I'm not into equality for
women and I'm going to prove it." And, so saying, he stood up and
tugged his T-shirt over his head leaving him just as bare-chested
as me.