So Much to Learn (30 page)

Something in
his attitude subtly changed as I said those words. Not being able
to see his face I wasn't sure what had happened, but his body had
certainly tensed and then he released a heavy sigh which sounded
almost…disappointed? I was about to ask him what was wrong when he
said slowly, "Sometimes you need to learn your own lessons and I
reckon this is one of those times."

There was a
moment when I considered brushing aside his words and asking him
instead what he had meant by the sigh and the sudden rigidity, but
then what he had said sank in and I focused on that instead.

The more I
thought about it the more sense this new lesson made to me. He was
right, he couldn't tell me what to take away from the experience
and I decided that, once I'd stopped feeling someone had shot me
with a tranquiliser dart, I'd figure out exactly what I had
learnt.

"You're smart,"
I murmured, then, as slowly the enormity of what we had done sank
in, I began to giggle weakly against him.

"What?" he
asked, beginning to rub my back in rhythmic strokes.

"I just did
it," I sniggered, sounding like a grade 7 student in her first
class of sex education.

Jack chuckled
and kissed the top of my head fondly. The feeling of his arms
around me, warm and protecting, was lulling me into drowsiness and
I began to have to fight to stay awake. As if he knew exactly what
I was doing Jack reached over and turned off the lamp. Resting his
cheek against the top of my head he murmured quietly in the
darkness, "It's alright, Tally, go to sleep if you want to, I've
got you."

And, although
this may seem to others to be a strange thing to say, to me it made
perfect sense. Immense changes were in the air but the knowledge
that Jack was looking out for me gave me the reassurance I needed
to close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

According to
all movies everywhere, the next morning was supposed to be a haze
of golden light and naked limbs, but apparently Jack hadn't read
the script because when I woke up the next morning I was alone in
the bed.

But don't feel too bad for me, I got at least one movie moment
the night before. See, during the night I had woken up and, without
even saying anything, Jack and I turned towards each other. We had
stared at each other for a long while and then Jack had gently
kissed me and gathered me against him. How movie-like is
that
?

I think I
enjoyed this second time with Jack even more than the first as the
whole thing was so soft and silent. I was floating in a strange
world where I felt both asleep and yet wide awake. It was the
asleep part which had me moving slowly and languorously against
him, without any need for conversation (something very rare for
me!) simply enjoying the quite murmurs of pleasure from us both.
Which means, I suppose, that it was the awake part which made me
first turn to him, wrap my legs around him and, oh yeah, remembered
to grab a condom out of the drawer.

It's funny how
much difference one night can make, isn't it? I mean yesterday my
having sex with Jack was still hypothetical and now…well now I'd
done it twice!

It had been different from how I had imagined it, isn't
everything? But when I'd thought about how my first time would be
Jack had seemed like a shadow, almost as if he wasn't really there.
In reality, however, he had been so
present
, so completely there in a way
that he never used to be.

Having said
that, you will remember that as much as Jack had been present
during the night he certainly wasn't there the next morning.

I lay still for
a moment, wrapped tightly in his doona, allowing a whole range of
emotions that I couldn't identify to flow through me. I felt almost
serene, as if allowing the emotions to simply race past without
trying to catch and inspect them had allowed me to be at peace with
them. I'm sure that doesn't make sense so, in layman's terms,
suffice it to say that I was feeling pretty good about myself and
my decision the night before, oh alright I was smug!

Eventually stretching and turning my head, I saw a folded
piece of paper propped against Jack's lamp. Feeling my heart skip a
beat I reached out and plucked it off the cabinet. Opening it I
read:
Had a lecture at 9 and didn't want
to wake you. Call me if you need anything. Jack.

I read the note
three times over and eventually a slow grin spread across my face.
It was just so Jack!

Realising that
he wasn't the only one who had a lecture to get to I dragged myself
out of Jack's bed and then froze as muscles I didn't even know I
had pointed out that they’d had a hard night and would much prefer
to just rest up for a while. Being the stoic little bunny that I
am, I ignored these muscles and proceeded to wince my way through
my morning toiletry routine and even managed to get to my lecture
on time.

I had a great
day as even the aches and pains turned out to be a blessing in
disguise, providing me with a constant reminder of the activities
of the night before. Perhaps it wasn't really the best thing to be
thinking about during my lectures and tutes but it ensured that
they weren't nearly as boring as they usually were!

I was obviously
looking so pleased with myself that, as we walked out of the last
lecture of the day, Adam asked me what my secret smiles were all
about.

I shrugged, "I
guess I'm just happy," I replied vaguely.

"Really?" he
asked. "Because I'm feeling vaguely suicidal after that
lecture."

"Poor, Adam," I
said, patting his arm sympathetically, "Never mind it's the
mid-semester break next week so you'll have some time to
recover."

"Yeah," he
agreed, holding a door open for me as we exited the Law building
and started walking up towards the centre of campus, " what are you
going to do on your week off?"

Thinking about
how the first Monday of that week would be the 20th of September
the smile fell from my lips. "Probably just go home and hang out
with the folks," I said, realising that Matt, Jack and I hadn't
really discussed what we were planning on doing. Still, it was
obvious that, at least on Monday, we would have to go back up to
Bridunna.

"That's
probably what I'll end up doing too," Adam said easily, obviously
not having noticed my subtle change in mood. He suddenly laughed
and nudged me, "Hey, what kind of uni students are we? On our week
off we just want to go home and see our parents. How sad is
that?"

"Pretty sad," I
laughed with him.

And we were
both still chuckling and thinking up ideas about how much sadder we
could make ourselves (including turning down a Rory party for a
cheese and wine gathering, and Adam dropping out of the band so he
could use that time to learn to knit) when we rounded a corner and
smacked straight into a couple approaching us from the other
side.

Grabbing onto
Adam to steady myself I didn't realise who we'd run into until a
horribly familiar voice asked, "Talia?"

Jerking my head
up so quickly I think I may have got whiplash, I said, "Brad?"

And there he
was, standing there looking just as shocked as I felt, with his arm
around a girl I'd never seen before.

"How are you?"
Brad asked, and he actually sounded discomfited.

"Good," I
answered shortly, although I wasn't trying to be rude, I was just
so surprised to see him. I'd completely forgotten about Brad over
the last week or so.

He looked at me
closely and I squirmed uncomfortably, feeling as if he actually
knew what I'd done the night before. "Yeah you look good," he said
quietly before seeming to realise what he was saying and pulling
himself together. "This is Chloë by the way," he said, squeezing
the girl next to him tighter against his side.

"Hi," I said,
forcing a smile upon my face and hoping that it didn't look too
fake.

There was a
pause and then Adam cleared his throat and I blushed a deep red,
realising I still basically had my arms around him from when I'd
lost my balance. Straightening up and stepping slightly away from
him I gabbled, "Oh sorry! This is Adam."

"Hey." Adam's
voice sounded like Matt and Jack's had on the night he came to pick
me up for the Kung Fu marathon and, when I looked up at his face, I
saw that he was virtually scowling at Brad. A quick look at Brad
confirmed to me that the negative feelings were entirely mutual and
I barely managed to repress an exasperated sigh, honestly sometimes
you wouldn't think men had evolved past the cave man stage.

"I didn't know
you'd got a boyfriend," Brad said, hostility fairly radiating out
of him. I stared at him for a long time, trying to figure out what
his problem was and, also, whether he was picking up on some vibe
that I had going. You know, an 'I slept with someone last night'
vibe that made him say what he had. Deciding to play it cool I said
slowly, "Well I suppose that makes two of us."

There was a
pause as Brad looked at me in complete bemusement and then Adam
piped up.

"I think he's
talking about me," he said, and I laughed loudly in surprise and
relief.

"Adam’s a mate
of mine," I said, still chuckling.

"Oh." Brad
looked annoyed at himself and then said, in an unnecessarily loud
voice, "Well Chloë is my girlfriend."

The poor girl
looked extremely embarrassed at this and I felt a bit sorry for
her. All this angst wasn't really anything to do with her, so I
took pity on her and smiled amicably.

"Yeah, I
guessed as much, you two make a cute couple."

Before Brad
could make some idiotic comment Chloë smiled prettily and said,
"Thanks, well we've got to go now so…"

Picking up on
her lead I nodded, "Yeah, us too. It was nice meeting you Chloë,
bye Brad." Before grabbing onto Adam's arm and hustling him
away.

When we'd
rounded the next corner and were well out of ear shot I released
Adam's arm and smiled at him apologetically.

"Sorry about
that," I said with a grimace, "Apparently there isn't enough room
on the planet to avoid an awkward meeting with an
ex-boyfriend."

He smiled his
gorgeous wide smile and shrugged. "No problem," he said easily, his
tone in stark contrast to the one he had used with Brad. "So I take
it that was the guy you'd broken up with on the Wednesday before my
gig?"

"Yep," I
replied shortly, before adding, "And if you're thinking 'why the
hell would she go out with that wanker?' then the answer is 'I have
no idea.'"

We continued
walking for a little bit longer until we came to the fork in the
path where we always parted ways; me going along the pavement which
led towards the apartment, he going down to the rooms where the
band practiced.

It was strange
but the meeting with Brad, far from making me annoyed had, in fact,
raised my spirits to the highest they’d been all day and, as I have
already said, they had been pretty high beforehand. You see the
most wonderfully momentous thing had occurred to me as we’d walked
away from Brad and his new girlfriend. And this wonderfully
momentous thing was that I didn't care. I couldn't give a damn
about his new girlfriend or him come to that. I'd once heard
someone say that you know a relationship is truly over when you
feel nothing for the other person, no love and no anger, and that
was exactly how I felt about Brad.

Which has truly
fantastic implications for what had happened the night before. When
I had first asked Jack to enter into the arrangement with me he had
been worried that I was doing it to get back at or with Brad. I had
been sure that it wasn't the case and now I had proof! I wasn't
doing anything because of Brad, my motives were entirely pure. I
could have sung!

~*~

This happiness
continued that night when Matt returned home, bringing pizzas and a
wide smile. Apparently he and Tommo had had a great couple of days
back home, despite their initial misgivings, and Matt was in a
stellar mood.

When he marched
in Jack and I were sitting on the couch, textbooks littering the
floor around us, as innocent as innocent could be. Jack had tried
to talk to me when he'd returned that afternoon but I was having
none of it. I knew he would just want to be serious and I didn't
want to think of the consequences of the night before just yet. So
I had distracted him with the alluring prospect of yet more
studying and, although he gave me a look which said 'I know exactly
what you're doing', he didn't push the issue.

"God!" Matt
exclaimed as he caught sight of us. "Do you two ever do anything
else but study?"

I let out a
short peal of laughter at this and both Matt and Jack looked at me
strangely, although for two very different reasons. I covered up
the moment by reaching for the pizza boxes and beginning to stuff
my face.

And the rest of
the evening passed uneventfully. I can't really describe the
strange, inner contentment that that evening gave me. It was a
subdued happiness, (and I know that sounds totally contradictory)
one that hummed away just beneath my skin.

I couldn't
believe that, despite the momentous stuff which had happened, the
three of us still worked so well together. Jack and Matt were still
able to concoct a disgusting mixture of pizza and ice cream and
agree it was their best invention yet. I was still able to throw my
crust at Matt when he got in the way of the TV. And, perhaps the
best sign, I was able to doze off late in the evening listening to
Matt and Jack talking quietly about football with no hint of
weirdness between them whatsoever.

The next couple
of days passed fairly uneventfully. I remembered to ask Matt and
Jack about our plans for the mid-semester break and we decided that
we would go home for the week. Strangely, even though Jack had
agreed without hassle to take the trip back up to Bridunna, he
exchanged a weird look with Matt at the end of the conversation
which seemed to hold meaning simply for the two of them. Matt had
sighed and said, somewhat cryptically I thought, "Well, we'll see."
And nothing more was said about it.