Somewhere Only We Know ....... (33 page)

So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

This was her Achilles Heel, she let the tears flow and when
her breathing became laboured with the panic attack she
didn
’
t fight it. She reached
over and pressed repeat on the CD player. She sat and listened to
it over and over and over again. The tears stopped and the
breathing went back to normal, but the image of Ben
wouldn
’
t go.
“
Why did I let him hurt me? Why
didn
’
t he love me like I
loved him, like he said he did? Why
didn
’
t we have the chance to
go

somewhere
only we knew?
”
The thoughts
went around and around.

She reached
over and grabbed at her handbag. Taking out her cigarettes, she
felt the heavy letter her mam had given her. She took it out along
with her mobile. She had 3 missed calls from Thomas, she
mustn
’
t have heard her phone
because of the music.

There was also a text.

Thomas

Mam can u ring me asap

“
Oh
God
”
Caroline thought. She
stood and took her cigarettes out to the decking. She sat in the
seat and lit the cigarette, puffing hard, she let her nerves
settle. It was mid-afternoon and it was starting to get dark. The
bungalow was in some sort of order, her bed was made and all the
food had been put away. She decided she would make a cup of coffee
and then sit and read her mam
’
s letter. No she would make her coffee and then she had
better ring Thomas first. She thought that he
wasn
’
t going to answer, the
phone rang and rang.

“
Mam!!!
”
he answered,
the snappiness of the night before had gone.
“
Hi Thomas, is everything
ok?
”
I asked.
“
Mam,
I
’
m sorry. Did you get there
ok??
”
he went on.
“
Yes, fine.
I
’
m a bit knackered now but
the place is nice, what
’
s up
Thomas?
”
she knew him and
she knew by the tone of his voice he had something on his
mind.

“
Mam, will
you listen to what I have to say, will you get yourself a fag, sit
down and listen??
”
he
pleaded.
“
Okay okay,
I
’
ll just go out onto the
decking, right Thomas say what you have to
say!!
”
this is it she
thought, all those weeks he didn
’
t say anything it was all going to come out now. She picked
her cigarettes back up and stuffed her
mam
’
s letter into her jeans
pocket.
“
Let
’
s have it
then
”
she said when she was
back in her seat on the decking.

“
Mam,
I
’
m sorry.
I
’
m sorry for how I have
treat you for the past few weeks. It
wasn
’
t such a shock about
Ben. You are my mam and he is my best friend, I would have to have
been deaf and blind not to know something was going on. But I
didn
’
t want to know, it was
too weird. Even when you were ill, I knew Ben had something to do
with it, but what you did made him ill too, so I kept out of
it.
”
he stated.

“
Thomas,
I
’
m sorry. I know I have
shown you up and I understand why you are angry,
I
’
m just so
sorry
”
the tears were
back.
“
Listen mam, that
isn
’
t what I wanted to say.
I know you are sorry. You have to listen to me and please stop
crying. Ben wasn
‘
t back with
Emma, the night of the accident she had asked him to meet her
because she had something to tell him
”
Thomas waited for me to respond.

Yes, I know
all that, he had got Emma pregnant, I know all this
Thomas.
”
Caroline
replied.
“
Why the hell was
he doing this?
”
she
thought.

“
Mam, I had
been seeing Emma for months. Behind
everyone
’
s back we had got
together. We didn
’
t say
anything because she had always been
Ben
’
s on off girlfriend. But
when he finished her last time she had got in touch with me, she
was angry because she knew that he had left her for you. I denied
it though, I told her she was just being paranoid, but for some
reason we just seemed to click
”
.

Caroline
’
s head was
spinning.
“
Thomas and
Emma
”
she thought. So that
would mean
…
..
“
The baby is mine mam. The night
she asked Ben to meet her she was going to tell him. She thought
that the least he deserved was to be told to his face what was
happening. The accident happened not long as she got into the car.
That
’
s why I was at the
hospital. I told you it was Ben
’
s mam and dad that had rang, but it had been Emma. Ben knew
nothing about the baby until that nurse came in. He knew the baby
couldn
’
t be his, but was too
shocked to say anything at the time, especially as you had your
little outburst soon after. I
’
m sorry mam, it got to be a bit of a mess, even
Ben
’
s mam and dad thought
Ben was the dad. I really bollacked Emma when I read what she had
wrote on Facebook about you, but she has always had a bee in her
bonnet about you and I think she wanted to hurt you. Anyway after
you rang me last night saying you were going, Emma made me come
home, we wanted to tell you what was going on together. When we got
home you had gone. Mam are you there?
”
he asked.

Caroline
couldn
’
t speak. She opened
her mouth but no words came out. The spinning in her head had
stopped and now it felt like all the blood was draining out of her.
She thought that she was going to faint.

She had
accused Ben of all sorts, told him he was a liar and a cheat. A
bastard. All the time he had been telling the truth. Thomas and
Emma!!! Didn
’
t Beth say he
was with Gabby last night? it hadn
’
t been, it had been Emma, in my house. She was almost 300
miles away, she had run away because she had opened her mouth,
because she didn
’
t want to
see Emma
’
s baby. Emma and
Thomas
’
s baby, her
grandchild!!!!!! She heard Thomas shouting down the phone
“
Mam? Mam?
Mam?
”
And then as the
decking rose up to meet her, everything went
black
……………………

An extract from the next part
……
.. Move Over
Darling

Caroline
came around on the decking outside the conservatory. She had
fainted but wasn
’
t sure how
long she had been out cold for. At least she thought she had
fainted, maybe she just fell asleep. It had been quite a 24 hours.
In fact it had been quite a few weeks, but no she
didn
’
t think she had fallen
asleep. Her already tired and aching body hurt, she must have gone
down with a clatter, but there were no bones broken and as she
pulled herself back onto the seat she noticed her mobile phone was
over the other side of the decking.

She picked
it up as she went into the conservatory. Yes she had definitely had
a call off Thomas, it hadn
’
t
been a dream. The conversation replayed in her head. Thomas was the
father of Emma
’
s baby, Ben
hadn
’
t been seeing her
again, he had been telling the truth all along.

She
couldn
’
t think about it now,
it was too much. She had just travelled almost 300 miles, abandoned
her family and her friends because she had thought Ben had lied to
her. Because she thought Ben had lied and was the father of
Emma
’
s baby, she had told
everyone about her 6 year affair with her
son
’
s best friend. It was
too much.

The coffee she had made herself earlier was
still on the kitchen bench, it was still warm. Not hot enough for
Caroline to drink, she poured it down the sink and flicked on the
kettle. While she waited for it to come up to the boil she text
Thomas.

Me

I love you - I can
’
t think straight at
the minute - I
’
ll call you tomorrow Xx

Taking the
hot cup of coffee she went into the living room. It was still a
tip. She moved some boxes off the settee and sat down. Her
mam
’
s envelope was still in
her jeans pocket and it stabbed her in the back as she sat down.
Taking it out of her pocket she put it on the settee and stared at
it. What was this all about she thought to herself? Her phone
beeped.

Thomas

I
’
m sorry mam I shouldn
’
t have let u go I
should have told u b4 it got to this I hope u r ok

Me

I had to go - please don
’
t worry about me - a
good nights sleep will sort me - love you

Thomas

Love u 2

It had been
a long day. Finishing the coffee Caroline went back onto the
decking for another cigarette, she would feel the damage of too
many cigarettes in the morning, but her nerves were shot and
she
’
d make this one her
last. The night was cold, but the sky was clear and there were
hundreds of stars, she liked to think her Granny was one of them
and searched the sky for the brightest.
“
What would she have made of all of
this?
”
she
thought.

Back in the
bungalow she checked the windows and doors, switching off the lamps
in the living room, she picked her
mam
’
s letter up again and
carried it with her into the bedroom.

She ran a bath and as it filled she went
into the bedroom and put her mobile on charge. She quickly sent
texts to Scarlett and Sasha, just saying she was fine, was having
an early night and would call them in the morning. James was next,
even though he was away in Spain she wanted him to know she had got
there in one piece and then she text Beth.

Me

Just to let you know I am fine - I
’
m going to have a bath
and an early night - I don
’
t know if you have
spoken to Thomas or not but he called me before and told me
everything - I
’
m ok - ill call you tomorrow - the sea air is making
me sleepy - love you all

She
didn
’
t stay in the bath
long, she just really needed her hair washing. She pulled on her
jarmies and towel dried her hair, no one to see the frizzy mess it
would be in the morning so it
wouldn
’
t hurt to go to bed
with it wet.

Climbing in
between the sheets felt like heaven. The bedroom looked cosy and
she didn
’
t feel scared that
she was in a new house with strange noises. It felt right.
“
Right for now
”
she thought.

Her mobile was on her bedside cabinet and it
was flashing indicating a message. Picking it up she saw she had 3
new messages.

Bethany

Pleased u ok Thomas texted to say he is
coming along in the morning not a clue wot 4 pleased u spoke though
night night love from us3 xx

Sasha

Miss & luv u hun xxxxxxx

07765335477

No message

Caroline
’
s stomach
did somersaults when she saw the third message, it had to be Ben.
Who else would be sending messages with no messages in them? It
wasn
’
t the first one she had
had that day. She really couldn
’
t think about him, she was too tired and too wound up about
everything.

She put the
mobile down and picked up her mam
’
s letter. Tearing it open there were pages and pages in her
mam
’
s small neat hand
writing. It was written in black ink of course, her mam thought
writing letters in any other colour was an insult.