Straight People: A Spotter's Guide to the Fascinating World of Heterosexuals (20 page)

   
 
An entire drawer of Coors Light.

   
 
One empty bottle of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Spray, which I am told
not
to throw away.

   
 
A bottle of champagne with a price sticker marked $6.99, which the Heterosexual Male tells me he’s saving for a special occasion.

   
 
A jar of pickles, which the Heterosexual Male opens and eats from three times in the short period that I’m there.

   
 
A bottle of Sriracha, which the Heterosexual Male claims he puts on everything from waffles to spaghetti.

   
 
A liter bottle of a soda I’ve never tried in my life called Squirt, which might be the most disgusting soda name I can come up with next to Straight-Up Urine in a Bottle.

   
 
In this particular refrigerator, I discover a shelf that is common in refrigerators owned by Heterosexual Males, and that is the
very
important Girlfriend Shelf.