Struggling Free (Hidden Secrets Book 5) (22 page)

“Vicky,
I do want to but you can’t expect it not to hurt me to be just your friend.”

Swallowing
hard, I lifted my head to him just as my first tear fell. “I just watched a man so in love with a woman who wanted only friendship from him, fall apart and I can’t watch you do that Casey. I may not love you like you love me, but I do care about you. I can’t watch you suffer.”

Casey
pulled me into his arms. “Please don’t cry. You aren’t doing this to me. I’m doing it to myself. All I need to do is let go of the idea of you ever being mine. You are with who you’re meant to be with. I know that. Believe me, I’m so happy for you. You did warn me, right?” He kissed the top of my head and gave a little chuckle.

“I’m
so sorry Casey,” I practically sobbed.

“Hey,
don’t be. I’m not. I wouldn’t take back one moment of the two months I got with you. You may not love me, but you showed me that I can still love after what my ex did to me. Don’t be sad for me. One day I’ll meet the woman I’m meant to be with and we’ll all enjoy double dates. Maybe even I’ll be able to be awarded honorary Uncle Case privileges. Hmm?”

“You
already have that,” I sniffled.”

He
looked in my eyes for a moment. “I’ll always love you, Vicky. I don’t see that ever going away. Just one day it won’t be as strong and hopefully I’ll love someone even more than I love you right now. Please just give me some time to come to terms with the fact that you really won’t be mine, okay? We are still friends and I still want to spend time with you and Jake. He’s not such a bad guy. He’s good for you. You’re good for him. It’s just going to take me some time, okay?”

I
nodded my head and hugged him tightly one last time. He started to sway side to side and singing in my ear, Love and Theft’s
If You Ever Get Lonely
. The tears started falling again. Casey held me tighter as I sobbed into his chest, but he never stopped singing.

Once
the song was over he pulled back and kissed my forehead, lingering for a moment. With a deep breath, he pulled back and looked down at me.

“You
are an amazing woman, Vicky. You’ll be a hard one to beat that’s for sure. Let’s head back, shall we? I can see Jake getting pretty antsy right now,” he said with a sad laugh.

When
we got back to the deck, Jake immediately stood when he saw my face. “What’s wrong?”

“She’s
upset with herself for unintentionally hurting me,” Casey answered honestly.

“Vicky?”
Jake asked cautiously.

“I’m
really tired. Can we go home?” I said not looking at anyone.

“Sure,
baby,” Jake said sadly.

Everyone
was saying their goodbyes, but I had already rushed to the car. My heart couldn’t take seeing Casey’s broken face. I was just as bad as Mary was with Nate.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Jake

“What’s
going on?” I asked as I glared at Casey.

“Nothing.
Honestly, Jake. She said she could see I was hurting. Then said something about watching a guy that loved a girl breakdown completely…”

“Nate,”
I said more to myself than to him.

“Excuse
me?”

“Nate
is the guy that she’s referring to. He loved my sister, but she thought of him as her best friend. She recently had a baby and married another guy. He didn’t handle it well. She was there for the wedding where he just completely lost it. I’ve sent him away on vacation hoping the break in scenery will help ease his heart.”

“Oh,
I see. Well, it seems you Williams clan have an allure about you,” he smirked.

I
could see the sadness in his eyes. Even though we were talking about my life right now, I knew at one point he thought it was his.

“You
know, I never made her choose.” I said suddenly.

“I
know, she chose before you came back. She couldn’t love me back. I understand that. But like I told her, I can’t turn it off. It hurts seeing her so happy and in love with you. It’ll get easier I know, but she can’t expect me not to hurt. You’re a good guy Jake. If I had to lose her to anyone, I’m glad it was you. Please take care of her, though. If you don’t…” he left the threat hanging.

“Good
to know I’ve got someone else willing to protect her at all costs. Would love it if you’d be willing to help me, us, out.”

“How
so?” Casey asked, confused.

“I
have this awards benefit coming up. Paco and Dean are great and I trust them with my life, but there’s more protecting being done and I’d rather it all be on her than me. Would you be willing to help be a protective detail that night?”

“Wow,
uh,” he seemed scared.

“Yes,
he’ll be there, but it could be your time for payback. I mean, if you really think about it,” I said with an evil grin on my face as a plan started to form in my head.

“I
think we’re going to be great friends, Mr. Williams.”

“Hmm,
thought we already were,” I fake pouted. “We’ll talk more later, but you’re game right?”

“Hell
yeah! I can still picture that bastard’s smug face whenever he’d come over to my house to pick her up for some event. He needs knocked down a few pegs.”

“Great.
Come by the house and we’ll start making plans.”

I
had a smile on my face as I walked toward the car. But when I saw Vicky’s face, my smile fell. Seating myself in the car, she still wouldn’t look at me. Sighing, I started the car and backed down the driveway. There was nothing but silence on the way home. The silence was the scariest thing for me because it wasn’t normal. Sure, we had moments where we didn’t say anything, but it wasn’t silent. We’d hold each other’s hand or something…I was getting nothing right now.

The
same silence settled over us as we walked toward the house. As she walked up the porch, I couldn’t take being suffocated in the silence any longer.

“I’m
going down to the cove to sit. You go on and head to bed, baby. I love you.”

She
didn’t say anything, just looked at me. So I turned and walked down to the cove. When I got there everything was still set up from the proposal. Walking over to the stand, I grabbed the picture of us and sat down in the sand. My knees were bent up toward my chest, my arms resting on top of my knees with the picture held there.

We
were happy then. She wanted to hate me, but couldn’t deny the attraction between us. Hell, every time we touched it was like being struck by lightning. As much as I tried to convince myself in the beginning that I just wanted to annoy her, which was why I was so adamant on her portraying my girlfriend, but in hindsight it was because I knew that I loved her. The cover of girlfriend gave me those moments where she couldn’t turn me away if we were around someone. It gave me a chance to prove to her, and myself, that we had something special.

Sighing,
I looked out over the water. Did it only go one way? Had she only chosen me because I got her pregnant? Did her heart really belong to Casey? I growled in frustration. For a few moments, I just shut my mind off and didn’t think about anything. After a few minutes, I felt a hand on my arm.

“Why
do I feel like I’m losing you?”

“Jake,”
she breathed.

“Do
you want to be with Casey?”

“Jake,”
she gasped.

Finally
turning and looking at her, tears filled my eyes. “I want you to be happy, Vicky. If that means you’re happier without me, then I’ll accept it.” My tears fell. “I don’t want you to feel trapped with me because we’re having triplets. We can work out visit-,” my voice broke, “visitations if we need to.” Taking her hands in mine, “I asked you to marry me because I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I get the feeling that you only said yes because you were thinking about our children.”

I
stood from the sand and looked down at her. “Paco and Dean will stay here with you. I’ll go back to my hotel. I wish nothing but happiness for you. Tell Casey no hard feelings.”

My
tears fell and I didn’t care. My heart was left there in the sand. Quickly, I walked inside and grabbed the few things I had there and was walking out to my car when Vicky came running up to my car.

“Don’t
you dare leave me!” She yelled through panted breaths.

I
set my stuff on the hood of the car and turned to her. “Vicky, I love you, but I can’t force you to be happy with me. If you’re happier…”

“Why
on earth would you think I’m unhappy? What kind of person do you think I am?”

“You’re
misconstruing what I’m saying here,” I said, frustrated.

“No,
I’m not. You’re standing here telling me that I don’t really love you, but feel obligated to play like I do because I’m pregnant.” She stomped up to me and punched me in the gut. “I chose you because I love you. I loved you when you were telling me all those hurtful things. I loved you as I practically drank myself into oblivion. I loved you when I sent you away. I loved you when I was with Casey. I love you even now when you’re acting like a fucking idiot! I’m where I want to be.”

My
heart was hammering in my chest and hope dared to bloom. “You are? You do?”

She
let out a deep breath. “Yes, dumbass.” That made me laugh. She stepped closer. “I’m not the perfect person, but I wouldn’t say something if I didn’t mean it.”

Quickly,
I pulled her into my arms. “Thank God. It was killing me to walk away. God, I love you so much,” I breathed right before claiming her mouth with my own.

Picking
her up, I set her on the hood of my car. The kiss deepened as she wrapped her legs around my waist. Unbuttoning her pants, I pulled them down to her ankles, spread her legs as far as I could. Then I unbuttoned my own pants and shoved them down to my thighs. Outside on the hood of my car, I made love to Vicky. It wasn’t tender, but it was passionate and full of love. For a moment, I had thought I lost her. This was reconnection.

Leaning
down, I kissed her passionately. “I love you. I fucking love you.”

“Yes!
I. Love. You. Too.”

Slamming
into her one last time, we both fell over the edge of bliss together. It was raw and intense, and I loved every single minute of it.

Vicky
started laughing. It was contagious, soon I was joining in. We continued to laugh as I corrected her clothing and then mine. Helping her off the car, I grabbed my stuff off the hood and we walked inside. Just as we stepped up on the porch Vicky yelled.

“Night
boys. Hope you enjoyed the show,” then laughed harder as she walked inside.

I
froze in spot. Turned and looked in the direction of the cars. Sure enough Paco and Dean sat in their car with the doors half opened. I just shook my head and walked inside.

“They
are damn lucky I didn’t completely undress you,” I growled as I walked into the bedroom.

“Oh
please, they were looking at you. I wasn’t even there,” she laughed.

“They’ve
seen me before,” I shot back.

“So
have I, but I still want to see you again,” she smiled at me.

“You
need sleep.”

“I
do,” she yawned. “Definitely need some sleep.”

Climbing
in the bed next to her, I wrapped her in my arms. She sighed and whispered she loved me and my heart finally began to beat again. Vicky was mine. All mine.

Waking the next morning, Vicky wasn’t in the bed. Groggily, I slipped on a pair of boxers and walked out into the living room. Vicky’s laughter hit me before any other sound. It was one of my favorite sounds in the world. When the kitchen came into view, I could see why she was laughing. Paco and Dean were here.

Vicky
is standing at the stove cooking and the two asshats are just sitting back enjoying being waited on. I growled and glared at them as I walked into the kitchen. Just as I’m about to yell at them for Vicky cooking and them sitting around doing nothing, Vicky wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. It was a kiss that promised heaven later.

“Good
Morning to you too,” I whispered.

“Come
out here barely dressed, what do you expect me to do.”

“Then
let’s go,” I said as I attempted to pull her from the kitchen.

“I
need to eat Jake,” but she still walked with me.

Stopping
I turned around, “You’re right. I’m sorry. Hurry up, let’s eat.”

Vicky
laughed as she walked back into the kitchen. When she headed back to the stove, I ushered her to a chair moved another over and put her feet up on it.

“You
sit and relax. I’ll finish breakfast.”

As
I cooked, I listened to their conversation.

“So
what did they look like?”

“They
were both gorgeous. Nothing to you, but gorgeous all the same.”

Vicky
laughed. “Whatever. So how’d it go?”

“Well,
because of their schedules and it was the last time for them. They did it all there. That’s why it took us so long to get back yesterday.”

“How
long until you know if it took or not?”

“Around
four weeks. We are so nervous. We were talking last night. Jake?”

Turning
around and delivering the last of the pancakes to the table, then the rest of the fixings from the oven. I lifted Vicky’s feet and placed them in my lap as I began to fill a plate for her.

“What?”

“If this takes, either one or both, I was wondering if you’d be okay with me stepping back for a little bit. At least me,” Paco asked.

“Absolutely
not,” I said and looked up into their shocked faces. “All of us will take some time off and you guys can go back to work whenever. I want to be around for my babies when they are born. I’d expect and offer no less for you guys.”

There
was silence and then a loud audible release of breaths around the table. The whole thing made me laugh.

“Did
you guys think I’d seriously deny your time with your kids?”

“Baby
you haven’t been too nice to them,” Vicky reminded me.

“I
know,” I sighed. “I’m sorry for that. It’s just…”

“Don’t
apologize,” Dean said. “We completely understood where you were coming from. If we had done our jobs correctly, we would have made sure she was indeed in her room. We didn’t secure her and then left you to be shocked that she wasn’t there. So it is us, that’s sorry.”

“Really
Jake, we got so caught up in the prospects of actually making our dream come true that it got in the way of our job. You trusted your life with us and we let you down. Don’t apologize for being scared and angry.” Paco added.

We
all ate in silence for a while. It could be said that we all kind of lost ourselves in our own thoughts. I know I did that’s for sure. It was Dean’s question that not only broke the silence, but caused me to choke on my food.

“So
the hood of the car, huh? So hot for each other that you couldn’t make it to the room?”

I
was still choking on food when Vicky answered. “Jake was leaving last night,” she said sadly looking at me.