Super Sexual Orgasm: Discover the Ultimate Pleasure Spot: The Cul-De-Sac (10 page)
Read Super Sexual Orgasm: Discover the Ultimate Pleasure Spot: The Cul-De-Sac Online
Authors: Barbara Keesling
Tags: #Health & Fitness, #Sexuality
Now here’s the wacky part. Switch roles. Yes, now you get to imitate the ultimate orgasm you think a man would express. And your partner will then get a chance at trying his voice at being a woman in the throes of an SSO. This is not about
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changing the pitch of your voice. Actually try to generate the sounds you have heard your mate express, but add into it your own creativity and vital force. Give your performance the intensity of a rocket launch and see if you can make the sparks fly!
This next exercise is one of the most popular vocalization techniques I’ve developed for my clients over the years. When I ask why it has such appeal, I most often get the an-swer that it is a lot of fun and connects with something very basic inside of everyone. Here’s how it goes.
One of you will be the active partner and the other the passive partner. At the end of the exercise you will switch roles. The active partner is going to sensually caress the passive partner, all the while making sounds like our ancestors the cavepeople might have made. So imagine yourself in a loincloth and go to it! Bellow, purr, yelp, grunt—whatever suits your fancy. Just make sure not to talk. Don’t utter even one word. Channel everything you are feeling into sounds.
A lot of people tell me they feel really motivated to continue into lovemaking and orgasm after this exercise. I feel this is naturally the case because the playacting of being cavepeople really helps us get away from all the mental barriers we often bring into our sexual encounters: Am I doing this right? How do I look? How do I sound? If our ancestors had these kind of hang-ups they
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sure didn’t leave any mention of it on their wall paintings. So the next time you start feeling superior to CroMagnon woman, be a little kinder in your outlook. With respect to how she experienced her sex life at least, she most likely had quite a lot on the ball.
From here on out, the exercises we will be exploring will not only include sounds, but will also include words. It’s not that these verbal techniques are more advanced or any more special than the nonverbal exercises we did before. They all have a value and, as I said in the beginning of this chapter, different people will find different exercises to be more or less of a turn-on. So what I advise you to do is try your hand, and mouth, and whatever other part of your body you find appealing, at the exercises and see what creates the best an-imal magnetism between you and your partner.
Have your partner lie facedown, fully clothed, on a comfortable surface. You will sit down next to him and quietly study what you can see exposed of his body—starting for instance with his hair, head, and neck. First, express through sounds how looking at these parts of his body makes you feel. Then, after you have taken your time doing this, put this feeling into words. Remember, you’re not going for a description of your lover—you’re trying to vocalize the effect his presence is having on you. Don’t be modest, polite, or discreet. Go for the sensual, sexual, animalistic jugular. Use your voice in a sexual way,
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exciting your lover, but most of all truly expressing your in-nermost desires.
Move on to removing your lover’s shirt. Take in these new, alluring vistas of skin, curves, and muscle, and sound out just how excited this vision is making you. Then let your words out of you like a heated, heady lava of passion and lust. In this manner, strip your lover bit by bit, all the while appreciating him first in sound, then in word. When you have experienced him from head to toe, have him turn over onto his back and start the whole process over again, moving from his top to his toes. And when you are all done, exchange places and feel how erotic it can be to have someone sinuously appreciate you in a caress of sound.
What you have been caressing only with your eyes and voice, you will now, in this next exercise, actually get to feel with your partner at the same time.
This exercise is similar to the previous one, except that you are going to touch your lover with whatever part of your body you are moved to use: tongue, ear lobe, big toe, buttocks—the choice is up to you. And as you are doing so, you are going to express through sound and word what this touch is making you feel like.
Again, don’t censor what rises into your mind. Just feel it and translate it as fast as possible. If you find it easier to make sounds than words, that is fine, as long as you are expressing what is welling up inside of you. Some people are just
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naturally more communicative in sound rather than in words. When you move from a naturally relaxed place, you will find the vocal expression in this exercise that is right for who you are.
Remember to switch places after finishing the sensual and vocal exploration of your partner. Relax, breathe deeply, and get ready for a heady experience. There’s nothing like being appreciated in such an intimate way by your lover.
This next exercise has got to be one of my favorites. Not because it is necessarily so sensual, although it can be, but really because I always have such a good time teaching it to clients or doing it myself. It brings out the humorous potential in all of us. And having a sense of playful fun when you are having sex is one of the best aphrodisiacs of all time.
Lie down next to your lover on a comfortable surface. You can both be clothed or nude, it is up to you. The idea here is to take various parts of your body and give them a voice. Let’s say you take your elbow. If your elbow could speak, what would it say about your lover? Maybe it would say that it loves to maneuver around every curve in your partner’s body, especially the curve between his genitals and upper thigh. Become that elbow and tell him. Now it’s your partner’s turn. He will pick a part of his body and have it say something about you. In this way you create a dialogue that can be as silly as all get out but can also be very revealing and tender.
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Remember too that your body parts are free to express themselves in sounds as well as words. Have you ever heard a belly button moan? I have. And it’s pretty darn sexy.
Remember your old friend, the genital caress? In this next exercise, you are going to bring it back for an encore performance, but with some interesting new modifications.
Begin your sensate focus genital caress. This time, after you have finished engaging in such an experience as the passive partner, you are going to tell your lover what you particularly liked. Be very specific. Don’t just say, “That was really good” or “Wow, when you touched me that was terrific.” Get into the detail: How his index finger sliding up and over your clitoris was incredible; how his tongue against your inner thigh was like a touch of sensuous fire. You get the idea. Present the information in a straightforward way, beginning your sentences with “I liked …,” “I enjoyed …,” or “I loved…” By making these kinds of statements, you learn to be clear, assertive, and confident when talking about sex in general and about what you want out of sex in particular.
When you make your “I” statements, be sincere. Don’t think you have to massage your mate’s ego. Just give him a direct communication about what he did that really turned you on. If there was one thing, that’s okay. Just tell him that. If your partner does not understand exactly what you mean, restate your comment. Remember, as the passive partner, you need to
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stay out of your head and remain specifically in your body, as we have explored before in the sensate focus exercises. However, in contrast to the way you kept silent during the sensate focus caresses in previous chapters, if you are moved to make any kind of sound this time, go right ahead.
The active partner in this exercise needs to remember this: Do not interpret a comment about one kind of touch as meaning that your other touches were not good or not interesting. Your partner is simply telling you what seemed to be particularly sensual at that given moment—something that might not be at all sensual if you did the same thing tomor-row. The point is, certain touches in certain moments are especially thrilling. And if you have good communication during sex, you can always keep tabs on what those points of excitement are.
One more critical element for the active partner to note. Always keep in mind that you are touching your partner for your own pleasure. She will tell you what turns out to be gratifying for her, but do not be motivated by trying to please her. Sometimes this is difficult to remember to do if your partner starts to moan or grunt in an appreciative way during some of the touching. Naturally, you may want to dwell on that area and that kind of touching since it seems to be getting such a great response. But you have to maintain your own satisfaction focus.
And by the way, feel free to make any kind of noises you like as well during the exercise. Maintain the mind-set in which you are able to touch for your own pleasure,
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even though you know that your partner is enjoying the sensations too. When you are able to achieve a balance between your pleasure and that of your partner, you have arrived at a place of mutuality—a state of beautifully balanced sexual satisfaction for both man and woman.
After you have finished conveying your feelings to your partner this first time, have your partner pleasure you again with a second genital caress. Your partner should try to do things differently this time. Once again, when he is done, let him know how it felt for you this time. When you have been caressed twice in this manner, switch roles so that you are the active one caressing your mate.
It’s time to ask for exactly what you need. And get it too. You’ve waited a long time, but now all the barriers have been removed and nothing remains but your desire.
Start by being the active partner. In this role, you will get to ask your mate to do anything you want him to do, short of something that he finds uncomfortable or unpleasant. If he does not do exactly what you want, using the direct method of communication you learned in the previous exercise, clarify what you are after. Feel free to enjoy, for as long as you want, whatever you have asked your partner to do. If you want to talk or make noises while you are being pleasured, let yourself go to it.
The passive partner’s job is to do what is asked of him in a sensual, sensate focus manner while you are concentrating on
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your own pleasure. See if you can reach that state of mutuality in which you are doing a caress so it feels good to you, but you are aware that your partner is enjoying it too. Make sounds if you like, when your body stirs them up inside of you.
Both of you need to come from a place of centeredness, relaxation, and being in the present moment. Active partner: Don’t be thinking of what you want your partner to be doing one minute from now or ten minutes from now. Passive partner: Don’t anticipate what you might be expected to do next. And certainly don’t worry about whether you are being sensual or sexual enough. Just do what you have been asked to do and make yourself feel good doing it.
Go ahead and lose track of time as you make the intimate connection with your lover’s body. And when you have finished, and are feeling fully satisfied, be sure to switch roles.
This next exercise is a terrific exercise to strengthen trust between lovers.
Begin by lying on your back and having your partner perform a genital caress on you. Instead of just making sounds or talking as you did in the previous exercise, I want you to let what comes out of your mouth be a stream of consciousness. Let it rip. Don’t censor. Don’t edit. Don’t second-guess. Just loosen up and release whatever the touches of your partner bring out of you. This material may include emotions, fragmented statements, noises, and parts of words. It’s all fine to share. You may even find that you start to cry.
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The active partner should caress in a way that feels good to him. Strangely enough, this exercise works just fine if you don’t get focused on what your partner is saying. Make your attention connection with the point of contact you have to your partner’s body.
Switch roles after a while and do the exercise again.
This is a powerfully charged experience you are sharing with each other, so end the event with some bonding moments like spoon breathing, or whatever other technique gives you a strong level of comfort and support. You may feel like you want to make love afterward and if you have the desire, definitely act on it. Many couples, however, find they prefer to drift off to sleep in each other’s arms after such a revealing encounter.
If you thought the previous exercise was a trust builder, hold on to your hat. What you are going to learn now will really cement the core of caring you are creating between you and your lover. This exercise combines masturbation and fantasy, and there are actually two ways to do it. In both scenarios, the active partner will masturbate while recounting a fantasy. The choice is for the passive partner, who can either just listen or listen and masturbate as well.
You will both lie together on a comfortable surface. If you are the active partner, begin to masturbate, taking care to focus on
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your own arousal. Make whatever sounds you need in order to turn yourself on. Stimulate yourself in the way that you would if your lover were not there. Decide whether you will allow him to look at you—it is much more releasing, by the way, if you agree to let him observe. As you become more and more aroused, start to spin a fantasy. It can involve you and your lover, you and someone else, even your lover and someone else. Make it hot, sensuous, and erotic. Be lavish with detail that draws on all five of the senses.
The passive partner needs to remember that the only thing being recounted here is fantasy. It is not something that the active partner necessarily wants to do in real life. Accept your partner’s sexual thoughts as they are. Relax as you listen and appreciate the openness that your partner feels toward you to be able to share something so profoundly personal.
