Super Sexual Orgasm: Discover the Ultimate Pleasure Spot: The Cul-De-Sac (6 page)

SUPER SEXUAL ORGASM / 57

ment will tone levels back down. Having a flexible pelvis is advantageous well beyond the purposes of this exercise, though. Such flexibility is good for your back, as it takes the stress out of pelvic muscles, hips, thighs, and buttocks. You will be able to comfortably do more sexual positions, and, as you will find out here, greater flexibility will enable you to become more aroused.
Too much tension in the pelvic area compromises sensations of sexual pleasure
.

Before you proceed through this exercise, however, you need to learn the basics of pelvic motion: thrusts and rolls.

Pelvic thrusts can be done standing up or lying down. If you choose to stand, plant your feet shoulder-width apart. Gently but firmly rock your pelvis from back to front without moving any other parts of your body. Don’t wiggle your butt or shimmy your hips. Just tilt your pelvis twenty times.

If you do the thrusts lying down, put your knees up and rock your buttocks slowly up and down so they are the only part of you that moves off the floor. Keep your other muscles relaxed and keep your pace even and slow.

Pelvic rolls can also be done lying down. The roll is a continuous, sensuous motion of the hips. It may help you to imagine that you are using a hula hoop. If you want to actually get a hoop to practice with, that’s fine. Do a series of rolls at different speeds and especially spend time doing long, liquid rolls.

Once you have gotten the feel of the thrusts and rolls, combine the motions for at least ten minutes a day. Put on some

58 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

music, close your eyes, and let every molecule in your body get into the groove.

Now let’s get to the arousal modulation exercise through pelvic motion.

Caress yourself to level 3 or 4. At this point, start in with the pelvic rolls and thrusting, alternating gently between the two movements. Even though you are by yourself, make each of your movements as sensual and alluring as possible. Allow your arousal to increase to level 6 and then slow or stop the pelvic action till your arousal drops below 6. Start the rolls and thrusts again till you push up above level 6. Plateau there for at least thirty seconds. Repeat this exercise every day till you feel comfortable regulating your arousal levels in this manner.

Bait and Switch

During sexual activity it is possible to focus on many things that are going on. In the previous exercise, for instance, I had you focus on the pelvic area and the sensations of arousal the thrusts and rolls evoked. Now in this next exercise, you are going to touch one area while focusing on another, the aim being to use this change in focus to maintain an arousal plateau.

Sensuously caress your genitals until you reach level 6. Slowly continue to caress yourself until you feel you have edged just past this point. While you continue to stroke a particular genital area, switch your mental focus to a different genital area

SUPER SEXUAL ORGASM / 59

that you are not currently touching. For instance, if you are rubbing your clitoris, continue to touch it, but focus on the sensations you are experiencing in your inner vaginal lips. Your arousal level will decrease. When it reaches 5, switch your focus back to the area you are caressing and bring your arousal back up to level 6. See if you can plateau here for thirty seconds by switching your focus as you previously did from the place where you were touching yourself to another part of your genital area.

Once you are comfortable with this technique, you will be able to use it to plateau at any level you choose.

The Main Squeeze

The final plateauing method you are going to learn involves the PC muscle. Since you have been working out daily it should be in excellent shape.

Begin with your sensuous genital caress. Caress yourself slowly until you reach a point just beyond level 7. Take your time getting there. Enjoy your experiences, breathe, and relax. When you arrive, squeeze your PC muscle a couple of times. Do you notice your arousal level drops each time you squeeze? Keep squeezing till you drop below 6 and then plateau there for thirty seconds. Start caressing your way back up to 7. Repeat the squeezing process to bring yourself down to 6, plateau there, and then bring your arousal up to 7 again.

Imagine that…now you know
four
different methods for plateauing. Try combining them, using different con—

60 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

figurations to modulate your plateauing. With practice you will be able to use all of them to stay at high levels of arousal for several minutes. Again, remember to allow yourself enough time to understand in a deep, body sense how all these methods work. You don’t want to gloss over these techniques—they will provide an essential foundation for the SSO experience coming up in the next chapter.

Two for the Arousal Road

You are now ready to move on to arousal control exercises that you and your partner can do together. But before we begin, we need to take a moment to introduce your partner to the sensate focus caress.

To ensure you are clearly communicating the important elements to your partner, let me summarize by saying that sensate focus is:

Slow: Whatever speed you think is slow, cut it in half and you will much better approximate the true level of slow-ness appropriate to sensate focus touching.

Pressure-free: There is no demand here to perform or achieve a result for you or your partner. There is no aim other than the caress itself and the person caressing is only required to pleasure him-or herself.

SUPER SEXUAL ORGASM / 61

Focused: Pay attention to the temperature, texture, contrast, and shape of what you touch. If you become distracted, bring your mind back to focusing on the point of touch and sensations associated with this.

Present: Touching takes place in the here and now. Past and future are not relevant. Be fully in every moment of touch.

Sensuous: Experience the pure, uninhibited pleasure of skin stroking against skin.

Whenever you do a sensate focus caress with a partner, one of you will be taking an
active
role and one of you will be taking a
passive
role. The active partner is the one doing the caressing; the passive partner is the recipient of the caress, whose only “job” is to relax and enjoy the experience. You will switch roles for some of these exercises, so don’t be concerned about who goes first. Again, please understand there is no issue of performance or skill involved in the exercises. The only purpose is pleasure, and whether you are the active partner or the passive one, you are focusing on your own good feelings (of course, never in a way that makes your partner uncomfortable).

In this next exercise, your partner is going to learn about sensate focus from your loving example, and then get a chance to practice what he has learned. Before you begin, be certain that both of you have at least forty-five minutes of time to set aside for each other.

62 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

To begin this exercise your partner will lie comfortably on his back with his legs spread slightly apart. His arms can be at his sides or under his head.

Lie at your partner’s side, making as much body contact as possible. Slowly begin to give your lover a fullbody caress, starting with the face, neck, shoulders, and arms. Move down to the chest, stomach, and genitals, and then farther down to the thighs, calves, feet, and toes. Make this a fluid progression from head to toe, avoiding choppy transitions that may startle him.

After fifteen minutes of fullbody caressing, it is time to give your lover the experience of a genital caress. Using lots of baby oil or other sensuous lubricant, shift the focus of your caress now exclusively to your partner’s genitals. Slowly caress the penis and scrotum. Move your fingers around the shaft and head of the penis. Run your fingers around each testicle. But don’t focus on turning your partner on. Feel good yourself. Look at his genitals closely and see what they do—how they change texture, shape, and color when they are relaxed and when they are aroused. Take this opportunity to learn every centimeter of your partner’s gorgeous gifts.

Now it is time to switch roles. Your partner will begin by giving you a slow, sensuous fullbody caress, mimicking the techniques he just learned from you. Allow him to explore with his hands from top to bottom, always keeping a point of contact with your body, and keeping focused on that point of contact.

After fifteen minutes of this fullbody caress, your partner is ready to begin a genital caress. As your partner explores your genitals, encourage him to feel the warmth and texture of your outer vaginal lips, inner lips, perineum, clitoris, and vaginal walls. Luxuriate in the sensations of his caress.

SUPER SEXUAL ORGASM / 63

At the conclusion of this exercise, give your partner feed-back on the experience. If his movements were too quick, rough, or anxious, let him know now. Then set aside a time to go through this exercise again. You both need to feel very good about what you are experiencing together before you move on to more complex exercises.

And please note:
If disquieting emotional material comes up for you (or for your partner) during these exercises or you feel in any way physically compromised, whether you understand why or not, immediately cease the activity. Explain to your partner that this area is problematic for you. A partner who is really there for you will not be offended or take it personally, but rather will be totally respectful of your experience and support your choice to explore what you are feeling with a doctor or therapist.

Partners in Pleasure

Now that your partner has learned about sensate focus, you are truly ready for the next level of arousal exercises. Let’s begin with an awareness exercise to get you used to interact-ing with your partner and communicating your levels of arousal. You will need to set a time in advance for this exercise—a time when you will both be committed to spending a full hour together, free of distractions and interruptions.

Lie on your back comfortably with your arms and legs slightly spread. Have your partner lie down beside you and begin a

64 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

sensuous body caress, gradually moving down to your genitals. Your partner should then start a slow genital caress, perhaps intermixing it with sensuous oral sex. His tongue should gently but urgently stroke your vulva and clitoris. Every few minutes or so your partner should ask you your arousal level. Let him know what your level is each time he asks, yet try to keep your focus on your mounting pleasure as he continues the caressing and oral sex.

It does not matter how high your arousal goes or whether it fluctuates. The important thing for you is to recognize what levels you are at when you are being stimulated by another person, and to be able to communicate this information clearly to that person. Don’t be shy about saying what you are feeling, whether it’s the tiniest twinge or the most compelling cataclysm. And remember, if you are brought to orgasm, enjoy it. But keep in mind that it is a benefit, not a goal.

When you have completed the exercise, you may want to switch roles and give your partner a chance to practice his communication skills as the passive partner.

High and Mighty

In this next partner exercise, you are going to explore peaking, with your partner playing the active role.

Again, you will lie on your back with your arms and legs spread slightly. Have your partner start a front caress and gradually move to your genitals. He will caress these ever so slowly, and then gently spread your legs so he can see your

SUPER SEXUAL ORGASM / 65

inner vaginal lips. Your lover will then lick from the bottom of your vaginal opening up the center of your vaginal lips with the tip of the tongue, gliding over your clitoris on the way upward to the top.

Use all of your attention and focus to sense the path his tongue takes. Your partner should do this licking several times, each more slowly than the last. In addition, your lover can also insert the tip of a finger into your vagina and delic-ately stroke the muscles around your vaginal opening. This may make the PC muscle spasm as it tightens around his finger.

When you reach level 3, tell your partner you are at 3 and ask him to stop caressing till your arousal drops a few levels. Really notice what happens throughout your body as your arousal drops. Then ask your partner to commence caressing again.

Repeat this arousal process so that you peak at levels 5 through 9, backing off two levels each time before continuing. Remember to focus on the point of contact. Breathe and relax your muscles. You may climax during this exercise. If you do, try to stay as passive as possible. Some amount of involuntary muscle tension will occur. However, the more passive you remain, the more familiar you will become with how your body feels during high arousal levels and orgasm.

If you do not go very high up the first few times you do this peaking exercise, don’t worry, this will change with practice. You have done what you needed to do just by recognizing the arousal levels you have reached and communicating this to your partner. And remember, the sensations associated with the downcurve of a sexual peak

66 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

are as important to familiarize yourself with as the feelings you have on the upswing. Also, please feel comfortable repeating this exercise as many times as you and your partner like. Switch roles if you wish. And don’t forget to keep up with your
solo
peaking and plateauing exercises on a weekly basis.

Level Best

In this next exercise, plateauing with a partner, you are going to use all those techniques you used in the solo plateauing process, so you might want to review them now. Recall that plateauing involved the PC muscle, breathing, pelvic thrusts and rolls, and focus switching. Once again, your partner will be taking the active role.

Start as before by lying on your back with your arms and legs slightly spread. Your partner will do a slow front caress before moving to your genitals. Have your partner get your arousal level up to 5 by oral sex. Your lover can maintain the stimulation throughout this exercise by use of hands, fingers, lips, and tongue.

Plateau at level 5 by regulating your breathing, push a little past 5, and then drop back below 5. Take yourself above 5 again by panting, move on to level 6, and plateau there by using your PC muscle. Squeeze your PC to drop yourself below 6 and then take yourself higher. Maintain the higher plateau through pelvic thrusts and rolls.

Start mixing it all up to see, for instance, if PC muscle relaxation in concert with thrusts gives you more or less plateau

SUPER SEXUAL ORGASM / 67

control. In other words, start experimenting with the array of techniques before you. If you are up to it, see if you can use all of the plateauing methods at the same time.

Plunging Ahead

If you can successfully plateau at levels 7 and 8, you are ready for this next exercise, which involves penetration partner peaking—try saying that three times fast! Before you begin, make sure to have a vaginal lubricant handy. And note too that though your partner has the active role in this exercise, you may have to provide him with some manual and/or oral stimulation during the exercise so that he can be aroused enough to kneel over you and penetrate you at the appropriate time.

Have your partner begin a front caress with you, and slowly, slowly move down to caressing your genitals. Let him manually and orally stimulate you till you peak to level 5.

Now bend your legs and raise them in the air. You can leave them suspended or rest your calves against your thighs. Have your partner kneel between your legs with his genitals up against yours—this is the optimal position for having an SSO, remember? Your partner will gently rub his penis up against your vaginal lips in the same upward motion be used with his tongue during the peaking exercise. You will feel your clitoris twinge as be slowly glides over it with his penis.

Remember, both of you: focus, breathe, and relax.

At this point, your partner will apply lubricant to your

68 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

vagina and to his penis. He will then insert just the head of the penis into your vagina. Peak to 6 while the head of your lover’s penis stimulates your PC muscle.

Your partner will then insert his penis all the way into your vagina as slowly as possible. Both of you, stay focused and relaxed and open to the gentle, circling, and in and out motion of the penis in the vagina. The goal is concentration, not excitement, though you may feel that the latter is the way to go.

Your partner will continue to caress the inside of your va-gina with his penis as sensuously as possible. You may want to think of his penis as a giant tongue that is licking the inside of your vagina. If your partner’s penis has a curve to it, see if you can sense it brushing against your G—spot and making it swell. You may feel breathless, but make sure to breathe.

You will find that you can peak at levels up to 9 with this type of stimulation. If you want to peak all the way to orgasm, go ahead. You may even have multiple orgasms. But be sure you are not rushing toward this release. The goal of this exercise is a steady, slow build of peaks.

Rise and Shine

In this final exercise your partner will again be the active one while you concentrate on achieving an increasing series of plateaus. As before, make sure you have lubricant handy and prepare to stimulate your lover before you lie down for your sensuous caress.

Have your partner excite you through manual and oral stimulation to a peak at level 5. Then, as in the previous

SUPER SEXUAL ORGASM / 69

exercise, put your legs up in the air and bend your knees. Your partner will kneel between your legs and put lubricant on his penis and on your vagina. Slowly, he will start to caress the outside of your genitals before moving on to insert the head and then the shaft of his penis inside of you.

As your partner moves in gentle, swirling strokes, see if you can plateau at levels 6 through 9 using the plateauing techniques you are familiar with: PC squeezing, breathing, pelvic movements, and switching focus. Combine the methods once you have tried them out individually at least three times. Try to plateau at level 9 for as long as you can and then let yourself fall over the edge into orgasm.

Take your time with each plateau and make sure when you are there to inform your partner about where you are and what you are feeling. The more you communicate your sensations, the better the sex with your lover will be.

If the ecstasy of these exercises was pretty terrific, wait till you get to the next chapter. You’ll be drawing on everything you’ve learned so far so that you can escalate your pleasure into your first super sexual orgasm. Explosive sex here you come!

4
‌

CONTROL