Super Sexual Orgasm: Discover the Ultimate Pleasure Spot: The Cul-De-Sac (3 page)

This is not mission impossible, nor is it mission forever. You are guaranteed to make progress if you work consistently, thoroughly, and honestly. In terms of time, we’re talking about a range of three weeks on average, depending on your own body response and rhythms.

For some women, this may still sound like a lot, maybe

14 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

even a bit too much. That’s okay. If you need to streamline things, use your judgment to decide which aspects are most crucial for your development right now. Modify exercises, if you wish, to suit your needs. And, if necessary, eliminate those you feel you have already attended to satisfactorily at another time. If you are a regular and devout practitioner of Kegel exercises, for example, don’t feel the need to augment your program here.

Use your good sense and it is not likely you will make a mistake. But always know that following the program page by page, in its absolute entirety, is your guaranteed road to SSO success.

A Word to the Wise

It is very important that you understand right here and now that this is not a book about just a few square inches of space deep within the vagina. Nor is it a typical “plumbing manual” or a blueprint for a clinical exploration. Indeed, I would be doing you a great disservice to focus exclusively on the cul-de-sac passage. It would be no different than embracing the insensitive attitudes of years ago that viewed female sexuality as beginning and ending in the vagina.

Yes, super sexual orgasm does indeed come to fruition in the cul-de-sac passage, where it is triggered. But there is more to SSO than the mere stimulation of the cul-de-sac passage. The cul-de-sac passage does not stand alone and apart. And super sexual orgasm begins not just in the body, but in the mind and in the spirit as well. The

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experience is comprehensive, and the preparation is comprehensive, but it is not difficult. None of this is difficult. But it does require a commitment to trusting my expertise and following my entire plan.

Share it with your Partner, Share it with your Friends

The information I am writing about in this book on super sexual orgasm is intended for use by all women, whether in a monogamous sexual relationship or not. I even hope that some men will read it to expand their empathic sexual hori-zons. Let me make it clear at the outset, however, that a discussion of the “rightness” or “wrongness” of sex without commitment will not enter into these pages.

For some, sex whenever and with whomever is the essence of being alive. For others, it is essential to have such intimate contacts within the boundaries of a committed relationship. Personally, I believe in commitment and I believe in mono-gamy. But I do not believe in judging anyone else’s needs or practices.

To put it very simply, sex is my life. As a sex therapist I have dedicated my career to helping others maximize their sensual enjoyment in positive, humanistic ways. But this necessitates leaving all judgments behind. Believe me when I tell you that I know all about sexual judgments. While I was fortunate to grow up in relaxed, sunny Southern California, I also grew up in a restrictive religious family. Once I tapped into the wealth of joy and excitement that good, healthy sex can bring I never

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looked back and never had any misgivings about the path I chose to tread. But above all, I left all judgments behind. As long as I can bring to my clients, readers like you, and lecture audiences around the world new insights into lovemaking I will feel that each day of my life was a day well spent.

So please embrace the openness within you and use it to facilitate your path to pleasure. I promise you that irrespect-ive of the nature of your relationship or relationships, having super sexual orgasms will be a life-changing experience.

Before you Get Started

You’re probably anxious to get started, and it won’t be long now—the program begins shortly with the first group of exercises you will find in Chapter 2. But one last word of caution: Once you begin the exercise program,
please do not look for any ways to cut corners
.

I have been teaching SSO techniques to women for many years, and I know that it takes a thorough, multifaceted approach—a mind, body, spirit approach—to reach the worthwhile goal of super sexual orgasm. All of your channels need to be open. The physical channel (i.e., the cul-de-sac passage) most importantly, but also the emotional and spiritual channels that make up who you are as a woman. I have attended to all of this in this book. Please value my experience.

SSO transcends. And it is worth every drop of work to get there. This is not to say that the program is hard. I

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can say with complete confidence that it is never hard. But, as I have already said, it
is
comprehensive. So take your time. Proceed at your own pace. Treat every new discovery with the reverence it deserves. And enjoy every gorgeous moment along the way, because there is so much to enjoy. Yet always know that when you finally do arrive at your destination, indescribable magic will be there to greet you.

As you begin your journey toward extreme sexual pleasure and a profound understanding of yourself, please:

• be kind to you
  

• treat the exercise process we will be exploring with respect and not as a 100-meter dash—you are learning for a lifetime, not just for your next sexual encounter
  

• take the time to let the feeling of the exercises sink into your body and become comfortable to you
  

• remember to breathe fully and deeply—some clients have gotten so intense about the process that they forget to take the slow, deep, richly aircirculating breaths that are so nourishing to the body and enhancing to our sexuality
  

• remember that the ultimate payoff comes in Part II, as you begin to share your new confidence and sensuality with your partner in a variety of ways.
  

• most of all, enjoy and have fun!
  

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  My Sincerest Wishes for you on your Journey
  

  The turning point in the history of women’s sexuality is here, and it has a name: super sexual orgasm. This new reality begins right now. Women who have disappointing orgasms are women who are choosing to accept these orgasms. If you have the will, I have the way. The ultimate sexual power is within you, and it is time to unearth the buried treasure locked inside your body and embrace a new life!
  

  Soon you will discover these pleasures; you will see—see and
  feel
  —how SSO connects you to your deepest female self. You are entitled to live sexually to your fullest and love sexually to the highest of orgasmic heights. May you emerge from the learning path of this book as the sexual, loving woman you know you have always been. Because
  you are
  . My encouragement and entire support are there for you as you make this journey your own.
  

  2
  ‌
  

  MUSCLE
  

• i
  t’s time to get to work. Right now, the greatest obstacle standing between you and your fullest sensual potential (and extraordinary super sexual orgasm pleasure) is a series of surprisingly simple muscle exercises. Muscles make sex happen. And certain muscles make sex a total happening. I’m not trying to be flip here and I’m not exaggerating at all. Muscles open doors of sensuality and feeling, and when it comes to SSO, muscles are crucial. So right now it is time to get those doors open so that the ultimate pleasure can be welcomed into your life.
  

  19
  

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  Your SSO training will begin with a pleasurable breathing exercise to relax you and a sensual caressing technique to get you ready for all that is to come. Next comes a simple but crucial muscle lesson. From muscle theory, we’ll move quickly to muscle fact with some hands-on practice. First, I’ll teach you a gentle Kegel (PC muscle) exercise that many women are already familiar with, and we’ll slowly build from there. As you get stronger, we’ll be adding interesting ingredients into the mix. You’ll have a chance to do sensuous strengthening exercises with a dildo, and I’m even going to ask you to give your G-spot a workout. Do you know what a “gusher” is? You will soon, and you will be so glad you do. Every exercise is here for a reason. None of this training is superfluous (it is, of course, all
  fabulous
  ). All of it is in the service of your ultimate goal: super sexual orgasm. Breathing exercises, Kegel exercises, G-spot exercises, uterine exercises, vaginal muscle exercises, stomach exercises (even the caressing techniques)…they are all an important part of your SSO preparation.
  

  Don’t Get Overwhelmed, and Don’t Rush…
  

  This is a very important chapter. And there is a lot in here. Please take it very, very slowly, letting yourself enjoy everything the way it was meant to be enjoyed. And please don’t panic at the thought of a chapter of exercises involving parts of your body you were oblivious to before this moment. There is nothing to be scared of. This is not going to be sex therapy a la Camp Pendleton,
  

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  with instructions like “Get on your back and give me one hundred Kegels!” I’m not a drill sergeant and I’m not a fitness fanatic. I’m a sex therapist who wants to share something wonderful with women who deserve something wonderful. I also promise you this will not be icky, strange, or weird, like a bad biology experiment where you aim a flashlight, put your hand “down there,” and push and pull at yourself. All these exercises are medically sound, clinically proven, safe, and designed to be done with the utmost discretion and
  

  privacy.
  

  If doing exercises makes you groan you’ll be delighted to discover that my exercises make you moan…and smile…and feel sexy and in control of the most intimate parts of your body. Remember also to bring to the process the essential ingredients only you can give to yourself: gentleness, patience, and self-trust.
  Allow what happens to happen
  . Do not force anything on yourself. You are doing the best work you can do by exploring your natural self in a straightforward way.
  

  I cannot predict exactly the nature of the sensations and journey you will have as you undertake the exercises in this chapter because your experience will be unique to you. I can tell you though that you will feel emotionally and physically many new and surprising even startling, things as you explore the intimate workings of your body. Relax and enjoy these feel-good exercises, designed to empower your sexuality and your personal feminine strengths and to give you control over your own body.
  

  Often times women at my lectures and workshops
  

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  have told me how these muscle exercises lifted an uneasiness that had been lingering in the back of their mind for many years—an uneasiness prompted by feelings they were strangers to their physical selves, especially their sexual-genital aspects. That’s why I like to call these exercises “wholesome,” because they are pure, natural, and feminine and because they give each woman who does them a sense of becoming profoundly whole.
  

  It’s your turn to experience this wonderful wholeness. Good for you for taking the steps to make this happen. Now, let’s get started.
  

  Every Breath you Take
  

  First, you need to learn how to “belly breathe.” You will use this special breathing technique many times in your SSO training. You can also use belly breathing to relax before a sexual encounter (in fact, I recommend it), to relax you after a hard day’s work, or to ground yourself whenever you need to feel more centered and calm.
  

  Lie comfortably on your back. Place one hand on your abdomen. Slowly breathe in through your mouth. Breathe as if you are drawing breath down through your body, into your legs and toes. Then slowly exhale. Your stomach should rise and fall with this breath. Feel the air flowing all the way into your lungs and all the way out again. Visualize the air as a white light that relaxes and energizes at the same time. Do two or three belly breaths and then breathe normally for a couple of minutes. Do the belly breathing again. While doing this second round, pause for three seconds between
  

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  breathing out and breathing in. Don’t pause between breathing in and breathing out. The inhale and exhale should be one seamless process. Do several more rounds of belly breathing in this manner. Breathe normally for a couple of minutes and then repeat the belly breathing cycle.
  

  The Sensate Focus Caress
  

  Sensate focus techniques are sensuous touching exercises designed to help men and women focus on, appreciate, and control the moment-to-moment experiences of contact, arousal, and release. Sensate focus techniques are not sex acts, and they are not masturbation techniques. They are very pleasurable ways of making contact with yourself or with a partner.
  

  While there are many different sensate focus techniques, the only ones you need to learn for the purposes of this book are the fullbody caress and the genital caress. Right now you are going to learn these by yourself. Later, in Part II, you will also practice with a partner—a particularly loving and sensuous experience. As you are practicing, remember that orgasm is not a goal of this exercise. Your only goal is to fully enjoy the pleasure of the sensations.
  

  You will need a quiet room, preferably one that is free of distractions like ringing telephones. You will also need a lubricant such as baby oil, massage oil, cream, or KY jelly. KY jelly is usually the safest choice because it doesn’t irritate the genitals. Be especially careful to have clean hands, and keep a clean towel handy.
  

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  Sit or lie naked on a comfortable surface or chair. Close your eyes and let yourself relax, using a belly breath to assist you. The fullbody caress begins by placing your fingertips on your body gently and focusing in on that point of contact. Slowly explore the surface of your body with your fingertips, always maintaining contact with some part of your body. Follow the point of contact wherever it moves—to your face, neck, shoulders, arms, etc.—and focus on what you are physically feeling at this contact point. If your mind wanders off into a sexual fantasy or into daily realities like errands or checkbook balancing, gently bring your mind back to the
  

  sensation being created by your touch.
  

  Being touched in this manner is comforting and relaxing, which is necessary if you are to reach profound levels of arousal and SSO. Don’t massage, but rather keep to a light, constant motion. You can use long sweeping strokes or short ones—try both styles to see what they do for you. You can use some type of lubrication if you like (I love scented oils!), but remember to warm them up in your hand before you apply them and maintain contact while you reapply them. Touch whatever you want in whatever order you want, but make sure to touch yourself all over. Breathe evenly and keep your eyes closed.
  

  As you touch, let your sensory awareness include temperature, texture, shape, movement. If you find you are getting mechanical with your touch or getting bored, slow down. Chances are you aren’t letting yourself really be in the mo-ment. Try cutting your pace—even if you think it is super-slow already—in half. Remember always that your only goal here is to make yourself feel good. Continue this for at least ten or fifteen minutes.
  

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  The genital caress begins when you are ready to shift the focus of your attention and touch to your genital area. This is not an occasion for masturbation. Right now you just need to caress slowly so that you can learn what kind of touch feels best, and where it feels best. Be especially careful to have clean hands and add a touch of baby oil or other lubricant before you proceed.
  

  You may want to start by touching your breasts, stomach, or thighs, since they are all probably quite sensitive. Then slowly move to your inner thighs and outer vaginal lips. Keep your focus on what you are touching. Relax. Breathe. Next, slowly stroke your clitoris and the inner lips of your vagina. Feel their warmth and texture. Insert a finger into your va-gina. Feel the warmth and texture of your vaginal walls. Let yourself explore and stay focused on the sensations. If you do become aroused, that’s fine, but this is not the goal right now. Don’t try not to make it happen, just allow what happens to happen.
  

  If your mind drifts, remember to gently bring your focus back to the caress. Caress slowly. After twenty or thirty minutes, you can end the exercise, but feel free to continue longer.
  

  My Favorite Muscle
  

  It’s time to talk about muscles, and when I talk about muscles, I always like to start with a very small one that nevertheless deserves a very big introduction. Ladies, may I introduce the PC muscle! Believe me, I’m not overstating my case when I say the new era of sexual fulfillment for women has arrived, heralded by the orgasmic potential of this one very special muscle. It is the muscle
  

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  that defines orgasm, and it is the pivotal muscle in the cul-de-sac response.
  

  While I know that some of you are already aware of the existence of the PC muscle, I also know that for the majority of you this is new territory. If you are reading about the PC here for the first time, know that this is perfectly okay. There is certainly no reason for you to feel out of the loop or out of touch with your body. It won’t take long to get acquainted. And I give you my word, the initials PC are going to be em-blazoned into your consciousness along with your shoe size after you have finished reading and performing the exercises in this chapter. You will never mistake PC for “politically correct.” When you hear this term you will practically shiver as you associate it with the sublime ecstasy the PC muscle creates.
  

  PC Muscle Basics
  

  The pubococcygeal muscle group (PC for short) is the first gatekeeper to your ultimate SSO pleasure, being directly tied in to cul-de-sac orgasm. The PC muscle group runs from the pelvic bone in the front of your body to your tailbone in the rear. This muscle group supports the floor of your pelvic cavity and your pelvic organs.
  

  We will be working out with the PC muscle with an eye to increasing the heights of pleasure. Before we continue down this avenue, let me take a moment to mention that a toned PC muscle has other benefits for women as well: a better childbirth experience, quicker
  

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  return of muscle tone after childbirth, and prevention and cure of incontinence.
  

  The PC muscle actually first came to medical attention when physicians were working to correct bladder problems encountered by pregnant women. You may have heard of the word “Kegel.” Some of the PC exercises that follow are referred to as Kegels because of their development by obstet-rician Dr. A. H. Kegel.
  

  In women, the PC muscle spasms during orgasm and gives the vagina a feeling of tightness. Men have a PC muscle too, by the way, which spasms when ejaculation occurs. Toning the PC muscle on a daily basis makes arousal, penetration, and orgasm more sexually intense because such strengthening tightens your vagina and builds muscle mass. The greater the mass, the more blood can collect in that area. This larger flow adds to the sensations during arousal and creates a greater sense of release when the PC muscle spasms during orgasm as the blood rushes back out. And just stimulating the PC muscle can produce orgasm—something you’ll experience for yourself later.
  

  Toning the PC muscle also overcomes a difficulty many women have: that of having an orgasm when there is a penis or some other object in their vagina. The PC muscle has to be quite strong to spasm fully during penetration. This is what the exercises are designed to address.
  

  Locate your PC muscle by placing one of your fingers about one inch—up to the first knuckle—into the vagina. Internally, you
  

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  should feel a drawing together or a drawing upward in your vaginal and pelvic area.
  

  Squeeze as if you were stopping the flow of urination. The muscle that tightens around your finger as you do this is the PC muscle. That’s it! Don’t move another muscle. Don’t confuse things by squeezing your tummy or your buttocks or your thighs. Just feel this one muscle. It may not feel very strong at this point; it may barely feel like a muscle. But this is the one and it’s the one that counts.
  

  If you are having trouble isolating this muscle, try consciously relaxing any surrounding muscles that may be confusing the picture for you. In other words, purposefully relax your stomach muscles. Purposefully relax your thighs and your buttocks. Now, once again, squeeze the muscle that you would squeeze to stop the flow of urination. Do you feel it more clearly now? Good.
  

  I want you to squeeze again but before you do, check to see your breathing is not short and choppy from any anxiety you may have from doing this exercise. Because this exercise is connected with the sensual process of feminine excitement and orgasm you may need to take a few extra moments to re-lax right now. Belly breathe if you like. When you have settled and are breathing easily again, continue with the PC exercise. Flex the PC muscle again and make sure to keep your stomach, buttocks, thighs, and abdominal muscles relaxed as you do so. There, you did it!