Surviving Passion (16 page)

            He didn’t answer, only studied her, his mind working. Suddenly she was furious. How could he understand so much and still be so insensitive and always so harsh? She began to turn to the door again.

            “Selena,” he said clearly.

            “What do you want, Dan?” Her question came out hoarse and loud. “What do you want?”

            He frowned, looking taken aback, and she stepped out backwards, shutting the door so she wouldn’t have to look at him anymore. She was through.

            Selena promptly returned to her own cabin and did just what he had told her, weeks before. She took only what she brought with her. It wasn’t a lot so she was finished quickly. There would be no goodbyes. She didn’t want to give anyone the trouble of trying to talk her out of it, and she did not want to be tempted to listen. Hurrying out of her cabin, she almost set out on foot before deciding to impose on them for one thing. She wanted to be gone fast.

            When she found Star’s bridle, Selena set out into the little meadow where the horses liked to graze. Having ridden with Selena before, the mare came right up to her and allowed her to slip the bridle on.
Clint is a disgusting person
, she thought furiously,
and Dan is a callous jerk. If everything I do is a mistake, then they really are better off without me.

           
Again, she held back the tears of a disappointment that she did not want to acknowledge. Selena had hoped she could make it work, but this had all been a mistake. Living with others could never work out. Not for her. This much had been proven.

            Leading Star back to the tack room, she quickly got the animal saddled up. She would send her back when she had put some distance between herself and this place. Scooping up her things, she mounted Star easily, and reined her towards the path out of the valley.
Well, I did my best
, she allowed herself with finality. She knew it was the truth.

            As she rode onto the path, she heard Dan call her name from somewhere behind. Looking over her shoulder, she saw him coming briskly towards her. When he saw she was mounted, he stopped. With a last, difficult look, she gave Star a kick and they flew up the path.

            “God
dammit
!” Dan cursed behind her.

            Selena heard a sharp, piercing whistle. If he was going to follow, Buck would have to be tacked up, and that would take time. Her head start would be enough.

            Selena soon reached the crest of the hill. Her wide-open world of loneliness sprawled out ahead of her for countless miles in every direction. She knew what to expect of it, and found that reassuring. Once again the land would be her only companion, and the land was something she knew how to live with, so with Star there to help her, she was running again.

Ten

            The warm evening sun was still over an hour from setting as she rode. She couldn’t head towards the town. The remnants of Jake’s posse could be hiding anywhere, so she doubled back into the hills, circling the valley on its eastern side. The dusty land was dotted with shrubs and sandstone rocks. The horse could easily stumble on something unseen, but she could not afford to tarry.

            Selena hadn’t liked the sound of Dan’s voice when she’d gone. She understood the tone. He was going to try to bring her back, or he was going to force her, but she was sick of being forced, and he didn’t understand that she couldn’t be safe with them. She couldn’t be herself. She would always be in danger, and she was not going to tell Dan she needed his protection. She hated it, but the truth was that as long as she lived among others, Selena
would
need protection, and she didn’t know if she could ever admit it aloud, much less offer herself up to someone to get it. She had learned her lesson from Clint. It seemed it was the law in this new world of anarchy that, until she was
claimed
by a man, she couldn’t live among any others. Selena resented them all for it, especially Dan. She would keep her independence and dignity, even if it meant never seeing another human being again. She would not become someone’s possession and whether they believed her or not, she could damn well take care of herself. She just had to do it her way.

            These thoughts ripped through her mind the same way Star’s hooves tore into the dusty ground, but while she was furious and frustrated, her mount seemed only to be exhilarated. Selena quickly looked over her shoulder to find that she was leaving a high trail of dust behind. He would know exactly where she was if he managed to reach the top of the hill soon. Sure as the sunset, her skin was beginning to prickle.

            “Shit,” she cursed weaving higher into the hills. Casting frantic glances behind her, she spotted his own plume rising behind him. Another good look revealed Dan tearing around a mass of shrubs and barreling after her at a dangerous speed. It wasn’t like him to be reckless, and the sight was jolting. She didn’t want it to be like this. She didn’t want to be his quarry. It wasn’t fair. Selena hadn’t asked for any of this. She didn’t know what lay beneath his icy, controlled exterior, but he could never hide the burning intensity that was always in his eyes. She had known it was there from the beginning, but realized now that she had never grasped the measure of it.

            Images of the raid flashed through her mind in a flurry; images of his enemies falling around him in the dark forest. Then she remembered Susan, and what had passed between them before Dan had led her husband off to fight. Time had seemed to slow during both moments, and the world had felt unreal. Selena knew she was out of her depth, and maybe she was going to drown after all.

            Another quick look over her shoulder revealed that he was closing the distance alarmingly fast. Urging her mare forward again, she cast a hopeful eye on the approaching redwood trees. She had never once escaped him, but maybe this time.

            Selena could hear Buck’s thundering hooves behind her, and they were steadily growing louder. She wouldn’t look back.
It’s just like that night in the woods and I’m letting it happen again
, she thought, seething at her helplessness.
Why did I come to him? Why didn’t I just leave?
But she knew the answer. Some part of her mind had wanted him to make it all go away, to hold her and tell her everything was okay. Now she knew that she had unleashed a far more potent force than the one she had only barely escaped hours ago. Strangely, she found herself more frightened now. There were too many strange feelings.

           
Inevitably, when she was only seconds away from the trees, he pulled up alongside her. She slowed to whirl in the opposite direction, but he was ready for it. In a dizzying moment of confusion, she felt herself hauled from her saddle before his horse suddenly stopped. Hanging from his one arm around her waist, she struggled to wriggle free, but he slid off of Buck and brought her down with him.

            “Stop!” He commanded forcefully as she fought.

            “No,” she said through gritted teeth. “Let go of me. Let me go. Just let me go!”

            “No,” Dan growled back, pinning her against him. “You asked me what I wanted,” he told her between breaths. He slid his arm up her neck, grabbing a handful of her hair and tipped her head back slowly. He gave her lips a starved look before bringing his mouth down hard against hers. Selena’s protest drowned. She couldn’t even turn her head while he held her this way, and the shocking sensation of his lips pressed into hers rolled through her like a wave. Her stomach did somersaults at the sudden intimate contact and for a moment, she forgot to resist. When he released her mouth it was only to take a breath, and he came back again and again. He would not let her speak and she was beginning to feel the strength drain from her muscles.
Why?
She wondered feebly.
Everything makes him stronger and me weaker. It isn’t fair.
She tried to push him again then but she couldn’t win, and he knew it, so he took his time.

            It seemed like the more he had of her, the more he wanted, and before she knew what was happening, Selena was on the ground. The leaves beneath her cushioned the abrupt change.
How had he done that?
she wondered, through the mounting fog of disorientation.

            She tried again to untangle herself from his grasp, but soon he was on top of her, and now both his hands were in her hair. He continued his relentless plunder of her lips, and all she could do was weakly push against his shoulders.

            “Dan—“ was all she managed between ragged breaths.

            “Shh,” he said, kissing her again. One of his hands was now on her flat belly, and he slid it up under her shirt without pause until it rested fully on her breast.

            Selena took a sharp breath, which only lifted her chest, forcing the firm mound up against his searching hand. He squeezed and explored her soft flesh, lingering at its firm tip. Grunting, he swiftly pulled her shirt up, exposing her completely. She tried to pull it back down but he would have none of it, and he took a good look before sliding down to close his mouth over one of her breasts, massaging the other with his free hand. Selena’s head was spinning and she felt as though she were dreaming, or in some delirious fever. Now he brought both his arms around and under her back. She had never felt so exposed as the movement lifted her chest above the rest of her body, raising her breasts to where his demanding mouth was waiting. For a long time he devoured them, taking his pleasure without reservation. When she felt as though his mouth had covered every inch of the skin there, she couldn’t push him away anymore. Her body seemed to be on his side, and the realization prompted a moan of helplessness.

            “Dan, please,” she pleaded feebly, “wait.”

            He drew himself up along her body, so he could look her in the eye. With difficulty, she forced her eyes to focus on his gaze as he answered gruffly, “You can’t run from me forever.” He brought a hand up to hold her hair again, and slid the other down, watching her as he felt his way under her pants. She instinctively shrank back from his relentless touch as, slowly but surely, it found the place between her thighs. Selena clamped them shut but it was no use, and she cried out wide-eyed, grasping his arm when his fingers slid into the soft folds of her skin.

            “Say it again,” he challenged her, discovering the betrayal of her wetness, “tell me to wait. Tell me.”

            “Not fair,” the words came out like a hiccup as his exploring fingers forced her pleasure upon her. Did she have a choice, she wondered. Had she ever had a choice?
Not since I chose to hide there
, her thoughts swirled vaguely back to the place where their paths first crossed. She felt her fate had been sealed the moment she chose the fifth floor. These memories were swept away as he began to stroke her.

            “It’s fair,” he told her as she gasped and writhed where she lay. “It’s the only thing that has been.”

            When her eyes fluttered open, they were met by his implacable stare. He was toying with her, she realized, watching the sensations play out across her face as he touched her in different ways. She hated him. She wanted him. He made her pleasure grow and build until it seemed a thing all its own. She had no sense of the outside world anymore. Just before she felt as though she would explode, he stopped and pulled his hand away.

            Selena was lost in an aching confusion as he moved back, but then he unlaced her pants and drew them off her hips, sliding his hands down her thighs, her calves, and her feet before tossing the garment aside. Selena didn’t have the strength even to try to get up as he drew his own down. What she saw was as impressive as the rest of him. A pang of panic swept through her again, almost overriding her pleasure-drunken state.

            “Dan,” she said again, her voiced tinged with fear.

            “Just relax,” his deep voice soothed, but his request had the opposite effect. As with everything else, he knew exactly what he was doing, and exactly how to do it. What had she expected?

            He descended on her smoothly, bringing his hand back to where it felt so good before. He stroked her again coaxingly, eliciting from her another involuntary moan. He started and stopped and started again. He awakened a wild need in her that was completely new and foreign. She hadn’t known of the existence of desire like this. Feeling flustered that he could make her feel this way, Selena only found herself more ravenous. The inevitability of what he was going to do still lurked frighteningly beneath it all. She had never done this before, and the unknown was a scary thing.

            He ceased touching her only when he spoke. “Tell me no,” and he massaged her, stopping again to say, “Tell me no and I’ll stop.” Between strokes he seemed to taunt her. “Say it. This is your last chance. Go ahead, Selena. Just tell me no. Tell me, and I will do whatever you say.” He leaned down and pressed his warm lips deeply to hers, fervently coaxing her mouth open and lingering there.

            When he finally pulled back, Selena ground her teeth furiously. “I hate you,” she whispered, in forfeit. In that instant he descended on her like a wave, unable to hold himself back a moment longer. All the tension from every moment they had ever spent in one another’s presence was erupting.

            She gasped and felt as though a wall were pressing into her, and was suddenly stricken with a painful strain, but it soon gave way, and he thrust himself deeper. They moaned and struggled against one another as her pain slowly faded, and her flesh obediently made way for him. He pushed himself into her relentlessly, and when he saw that he was sliding her away with every thrust, his hands clamped onto her shoulders, pinning her in place. The intensity mounted and she braced herself against his chest now that she had no freedom of movement. Inescapable as always, he held her there, making her feel every sensation of each thrust. Again and again she cried out, as the untamable pleasure consumed her.