Susanna's Christmas Wish (12 page)

Susanna’s head was spinning. Lavina was here to offer her help, not to talk about whatever church business was on the deacon’s mind.

“Herman’s doing okay,” Susanna said, much calmer now. “I don’t think it’s anything serious, but perhaps you could check on him now that you’re here.” Susanna lowered her voice. “Herman won’t go to the doctor, and I’ve never taken care of a sick husband.”

“You’ll learn.” Lavina smiled. “So where is the sick fellow?”

“In the bedroom,” Susanna said, leading the way.

Herman was propped up on the bed when they walked in, apparently ready for conversation with Deacon Atlee and his wife.

“Herman, Lavina came by herself to see if she could help out,” Susanna said. “I asked her to check on how you’re doing. I don’t want you getting pneumonia or dying on me.”

“I’m doing okay,” Herman stated firmly.

“That’s what they
all
say.” Lavina ran her hand over Herman’s forehead. “Let me see your throat.”

Herman hesitated before opening his mouth. Lavina pressed his cheeks together as she peered inside, turning his head toward the light.

Susanna choked back a laugh. Herman being treated like a little boy tickled her immensely.

“Say ‘ah,’ Herman,” Lavina ordered.

“Ah…” Herman responded, as if he was choking for real.

“There now.” Lavina slapped him on the back. “You’ve got some infection down there, but I don’t see anything serious. What happened? Did you get wet?”

“I stayed outside a little too long in the snowstorm,” Herman admitted.

“Some men don’t have a lot of sense,” Lavina told him. “But the first snowfall can catch you by surprise sometimes. I always had to keep after our boys during the beginning of winter. But one thing is for sure, a few days in bed with the flu makes most men dress more warmly.”

“I think I’ve learned my lesson for this winter.” Herman pasted a smile on his face.

Susanna almost burst out laughing. The effort was so cute, even with Herman still feeling so poorly. He looked like a little boy eating sour candy who was trying not to spit the “treat” out of his mouth.

Lavina wasn’t noticing though. “I guess Susanna told you Atlee was here this morning?”

“
Yah
,” Herman said.

“He wants to come back this evening,” Lavina continued, “but I’m not allowing it with you laid up sick like this.”

“I don’t mind,” Herman said. “I’ll be well enough to hear what he has to say by then. I can’t imagine he’d have anything bad to say about us. We’ve been behaving ourselves.” Herman tried another of his sweet smiles.

He’s getting better at it, Susanna thought, glancing away. If he caught her laughing, Herman might not be as successful with his charm offensive.

“Well, if you’re sure. I’ll tell him he can come after supper. And I’m glad to hear you’re getting better. When I first heard, I imagined the worst. I could just see a pneumonia case on our hands.”

“Thanks for your concern,” Herman said with a nod.

“And take care of yourself for the next few days,” Lavina lectured. “When one’s in a weakened state, that’s when pneumonia strikes. Even walking pneumonia isn’t something you want to deal with.”

“Susanna will take
gut
care of me.” Herman flashed his smile again.

Lavina ran her hand over Herman’s forehead once more before leading the way out of the bedroom. At the front door she paused. “I have no idea what Atlee wants this evening, Susanna, as that’s not my business. But whatever it is, I can’t imagine it’s that serious. You two are the sweetest couple around, if I say so myself. I know Bishop Jacob was so happy when he heard you made such a
gut
choice in a husband. After what you went through with Matthew, our hearts all went out to you.”

“Thank you,” Susanna said quietly.

“You just hang in there, and
Da Hah
will be with you,” Lavina said.

Susan opened the door, and Lavina walked out and went toward the buggy.

Watching her climb in and drive off, Susanna took a deep, steadying breath. She closed the door and headed back to the bedroom. Herman was still sitting up, looking serious now.

“Sit down, Susanna,” he said. “We need to talk.”

“About what?” she asked, her heart pounding. Easing herself down, she sat on the bed.

“Atlee’s visit tonight. You’d better tell me about your relationship with Matthew. Everything, Susanna.”

She tried to keep breathing evenly. “There’s nothing to say, Herman. Nothing you don’t already know.”

“Maybe, but why don’t you tell me anyway.”

She stole a quick glance at his face. He looked kind. A little pale perhaps, but that was from his illness. Clasping her hands, Susanna began. “Matthew and I dated for many years, but you know that. I was deeply in love with him, which I hate to admit. I think you already know that too. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. I never thought we would break up. I kissed him a lot more when we dated than I did when you and I did. That wasn’t because I didn’t like you. I was just more cautious and the feelings came more slowly. And you didn’t seem into that kind of thing very much.” She looked at him with a pained expression.

“Go on,” he whispered.

“What else is there to say?” she asked. “I loved him, Herman. And Matthew broke my heart. Is that what you want to hear? Do you blame me for that? Do you believe I should have known what kind of man he was? And if you do, then maybe you’d be right on all those points. But I
didn’t
know, Herman. I loved Matthew. Is that a sin?”

“Now, now,” he mumbled, pulling her into his arms.

She sobbed against his shoulder. “I love
you
, Herman. I want to be the best wife you could ever dream of.”

“I know,” he whispered into her hair. “But I still have to ask this, Susanna. Were you inappropriate with Matthew at any time?”

She sat up trembling. “Is that what Deacon Atlee wants to talk about? Do you think Matthew said something like that? It’s not true, Herman! Believe me.”

“I do believe you.” He pulled her close again.

H
erman was sitting on the couch wrapped up in a quilt. Beside him was a fresh cup of hot chocolate. Susanna pulled on her coat and reached down for her boots. “Will you be okay for a while?”

He gave her a weak smile. “The way I’ve been mothered all day, I ought to be better by now.”

“You deserve it!” she said, sneaking over in her stocking feet to kiss his cheek.

His smiled broadened, and he wrapped himself tighter in the quilt.

“Don’t forget the calves need straw for their bedding tonight.”

“Straw and no feed.” She repeated his earlier instructions as she pulled her boots on. She walked to the door, opened it, and stepped outside. Closing the door behind her, she ran across the lawn. The snow was gone, melted by the noontime temperature, but a chill had returned. The skies looked clear, so it would get cold tonight. Winter was indeed coming early to the Iowa plains. Deacon Atlee would also be coming soon. That was why she was doing the chores a little early. The horses wouldn’t mind, Herman had said, and the calves only needed bedding. Herman was being so understanding about everything, and her heart no longer pounded at the thought of the deacon’s visit. Whatever concern he had, Herman would stand right beside her. He believed in her. Rushing through the chores, she fed the horses hay. Then she found a bale of straw lying inside the back barn door. Lugging it outside, she shooed the calves away from their bedding area and spread the fresh straw.

“There you are,” she told them. “All ready for the cold night. No snow this time, I hope.”

Looking toward the tree line across the fields, Susanna shuddered. Herman must have been totally heartbroken to have wandered around in there for hours. And in the snow and cold. It was a wonder he hadn’t contracted pneumonia. How the man must love her. It made a person feel warm down to the toes, even with the cool evening wind blowing against her.

A chill ran through her moments later when she heard horse hooves pounding the pavement. Moving through the barn, she closed the door tightly behind her. She ran across the yard. This might not be Deacon Atlee coming, but if it was, she would rather be inside the house with Herman when he arrived.

“I think he’s coming,” she said in response to Herman’s startled look as she rushed in.

He half rose from the couch and then settled down again. “At least take this quilt off me.”

“No, you have to stay warm.”

“I look like a frog on his lily pad.”

Susanna laughed. “Maybe, but I don’t care.”

“I’m at least putting it across my lap.” He pulled the quilt off his shoulders.

“It’s him,” Susanna said, peeking around the drapes.

“Come and sit down then,” Herman ordered, his voice still weak.

She sat beside him.

“You’ll have to answer the door,” Herman said with a chuckle.

Susanna bounced up again. They were both nervous, Susanna figured, and that would excuse their silly actions. If she passed out in a dead faint once Deacon Atlee came inside, she wasn’t to blame for that either. Not in all her growing-up years had the deacon come calling for her. For her brothers,
yah
, but she had always behaved herself.

She waited until there was a knock on the door before opening it with a smile. “
Gut
evening.”

“
Gut
evening,” he said. “Is it okay to come in?”

“
Yah
. Herman is on the couch in the living room.” She motioned with her hand.

“
Gut
evening,” Deacon Atlee repeated to Herman when he stepped inside. “I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

Nothing but our lives
, Susanna almost said, but she sealed her lips. That would be no way to begin the evening.

Herman was motioning toward her while Deacon Atlee was taking off his coat. She was to take the coat, of course. Susanna gathered herself together. She must play the hostess now that she had her own home. That was something new, but it was high time she learned.

“May I take your coat?” Susanna offered.

“Thanks.” Deacon Atlee handed it to her.

“Please take the rocker beside Herman,” she told him before leaving for the bedroom with his coat. Herman looked pleased as she went by. He must think she was doing okay with her new hosting duties.

“Awfully cold winter we’re having,” Deacon Atlee said when she came back.

“
Yah
,” Herman agreed.

“Heard you got caught out in it.” Deacon Atlee chuckled.

Herman joined in the laughter. “We young people do foolish things sometimes.”

“I guess so,” Deacon Atlee allowed. “Which brings me to what I came for. I hope this conversation will not overtax you, but it seemed
gut
to Bishop Jacob and me that this matter be addressed at once. I was troubled in my mind when I first heard, but Bishop Jacob was truly concerned. As you know, he has a high estimation of the two of you. His heart couldn’t rest until this matter was dealt with.”

“And what might this matter be?” Herman asked.

Deacon Atlee cleared his throat. “I didn’t wish to bring up this delicate matter with Susanna this morning. Not without either you or my
frau
present.” He paused, as if clearing his mind. “I suppose you know that Matthew Yoder was in the community over Thanksgiving.”

“
Yah
,” Herman said. “He was at Susanna’s sister’s place—at Ernest and Mary’s house. We celebrated Thanksgiving there.”

Deacon Atlee’s eyebrows went up a little. “I hope all the proper rules of the
ordnung
were followed. Matthew is in the
bann
.”

Like any of them could forget that, Susanna thought, but she pressed her lips together and stayed silent.

“We did,” Herman answered. “Matthew ate in the kitchen with the children, but we were respectful to him as Christian people should be.”

“Then you are to be commended,” Deacon Atlee said. “These family situations can get sticky, and rules are easy to overlook around the holidays. Especially when dealing with someone who is in the
bann
.”

“I’m glad none of my family is in the
bann
,” Herman offered. “And Susanna’s family is involved only through marriage.”

“I’m glad too,” Deacon Atlee agreed, giving Herman a sideways glance.

Herman was
gut
at this, Susanna thought. It was good of him to remind Deacon Atlee they were both from families who had a long tradition of upholding the church
ordnung
. This wasn’t an idle point when considering whatever the deacon and bishop had against her.

“Did Susanna have any contact with Matthew?” Deacon Atlee asked.

Susanna nodded.

Herman spoke up. “I was there all day at Thanksgiving, and they didn’t say more than
gut morning
to each other,” Herman said. “Which I think is perfectly in order. They did know each other quite well for a long time.”