Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation (17 page)

Fig. 8.7. Woman kneeling on top

PARTNERING WITH WOMEN

If woman has the garden of love, then we men are the “gardeners of love.” We have to take care, remove the weeds, and plant roses. When man becomes rooted in his penis as a positive force, he experiences true male authority with the capacity to heal woman of her past. Sex can be lived as a spiritual, loving meditative force, becoming the roots of powerful self-healing and transformation.

On the surface it may appear as if man has to tune into woman and do it her way, or that tantra is for women and not for men, but the issue extends to deeper levels. In making love from the inner dimension, man will discover his true male authority. He will certainly feel a new authority or competence when he is able to open the heart of woman with his penis. Allowing woman to be the guide may be unexpectedly fulfilling. Yes, after thousands of years it does seem intelligent to make a change, and to realize that it is for male empowerment in the long term. If we want to have more love in our lives, make love to women, and have women want to make love to us, we have to allow women to help us to find our true inner man.

Easy, Natural Orgasms

Often woman say, “I don’t really feel that I lose energy with the conventional orgasm. How does this fit into the picture?” The approach to take regarding orgasm is not to take an approach. You don’t want to go looking for orgasm, hunting or pushing for it. But when an orgasm happens easily and naturally, with no effort, then it is beautiful. So first a woman really has to observe and ask herself, “Am I relaxing into the moment or am I pursuing—even a little bit—orgasm?” In general, if woman allows the clitoris to be more passive and fade into the background, she will find it easier to take her awareness higher up into the vagina where her divine energies are accessed.

Woman’s Healing Contribution

Basically women, as the receptive element, are very vulnerable; their one and only defense is to deny man entry. Women’s no to sex can be a reflection of a painful personal or collective history, but in either case it’s a by-product of our cultural lack of sexual information. So what a woman can do for this healing process is to start to say yes to man when he is committed to being conscious inside her. Woman can begin to allow him in so that healing can begin. She can step beyond sexual politics and invite the male force inside of her. Through this a tremendous amount of healing is possible for both woman and man.

Over the centuries sex and love have become two separate things entirely. Much too often sex has nothing to do with love, but when a woman allows man to enter and be present in her in consciousness, aspects that have been separated for centuries can reunite. Sex (the lower vibration) and love (the higher vibration) of the same life force become one expression. When we understand how bodies cooperate, we can completely change our inherited sexual patterns.

PERSONAL SHARING

The Joy of Feeling Welcome

Tantra helps me to tap in to the unexplored aspects of my being. Even without pursuing the goal of becoming more conscious of deep-rooted patterns, primal fears come up from time to time while practicing tantra. And at the same time, it leads me into dimensions, takes me toward energies I would not have reached and felt without tantra and without my wife. The following situation brings up the most significant sensations: Whenever my penis is softly lying in the vagina of my wife, its mere presence creates a deep connection between the male and the female pole. I have the sense that I am pulled in by her vagina, yet I also feel that by my penis stiffening, my male energy is growing into my woman. The sensation of being pulled in to her vagina is one of the most beautiful feelings that I know. It tells me on a very deep level: “You are welcome.” One of my deepest fears is that I might not be welcome, so to experience this welcome again and again relaxes me in the depths of my soul. This fear is a basic fear of all manhood. Many men have confirmed this by sharing with me that they personally have this primal fear. When I first had this experience of being pulled in to a woman (during the tantra course) I was simply overwhelmed. I had never expected to experience being so deeply welcomed, ever in my life. I just cried with joy, but also because such a deep pain started to be released. Today I can honestly say that the fear of not being welcome, not getting enough and being rejected, has largely been healed.

PERSONAL SHARING

Penis Tension Resolved

Besides the changes on the spiritual-energetic level, I also feel changes on the physical plane. Previously, when I touched the top of my penis, the sensation was always partly unpleasant. It made me back off inside and become tense. I experienced that as a defensive tension in the tissue. As far as I can remember, it had always been like that. Four months after the tantra course, this unpleasant part dissolved and has not returned. I am surprised by this experience, but it teaches me that my body becomes soft, vulnerable, and receptive through tantra.

The most important experience with tantra is that each time it is different; nothing happens twice in the exact same way. It’s like life itself—every day brings something new. Therefore, I experience tantra as a precious teacher for my whole life.

Tantric Inspiration

What is love? Love is the fragrance, the radiance of knowing oneself, of being oneself. . . . Love is overflowing joy. Love is when you have seen who you are; and then there is nothing left except to share your being with others. Love is when you have seen that you are not separate from existence. Love is when you have felt an organic orgasmic unity with all that is. Love is not a relationship. Love is a state of being. It has nothing to do with anybody else. One is not in love; one is love. And of course, when one is love, one is in love—but that is an outcome, a by-product, that is not the source. The source is that one is love.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
THE GUEST

9

MASTERING LOVE AND OVERCOMING EMOTIONS

Tantra sees human energy in terms of polarity: feminine energy as “being” and masculine energy as “doing.” Within woman, the inner masculine is active, logical, and result oriented; and in man, the inner feminine is receptive, intuitive, and process oriented. Tantra takes a step further to say that the highest spiritual polarity in existence is love and meditation, that woman embodies love and man embodies meditation. This implies that woman’s inner man is meditative and man’s inner woman is loving.

To be whole human beings, operating with wisdom, passion, authenticity, and spontaneity, we need to master both energies: masculine and feminine, meditation and love. Woman becomes more meditative the more she loves, and man becomes more loving the more he meditates. In more precise sexual language, to love in woman means to welcome the penis in and surrender to its power, and to meditate in man means to merge with, and become fully present in, his penis, inside woman, in stillness.

DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS

Deep personal and societal wounding prevents many of us from balancing our energies in a way that serves us. We repress the memories of our hurts, suppress our real feelings and energies, and then unconsciously begin to control or manipulate others, or fail to channel our energies in a wise or creative direction. As we change the way we make love, we initiate an alchemical process of awakening the inner, opposite polarity, which will, in time, enable us to use both energies powerfully and productively. This, in turn, helps us to dissolve emotional patterns that have caused us pain in the past and enables us to create the life and love we long for in the present.

To create the life of sustained, loving harmony that so many of us wish for, an important step is to keep emotion out of love. As Osho says, “Love is a state of being,” and “One is not in love, one is love . . . it has nothing to do with anybody else.” With the new input about harnessing polarity and our orgasmic potential, we might be able to conceive of days of “being love” as a sustained state that is not associated with the highs and lows of relationships. But what about these highs and the painfully difficult, emotion-laden lows, when love becomes scrambled up with irreconcilable feelings and fears? Despair or resignation can set in when a couple can see no way out of the cycle of conflicts.

Regaining our power in love is dependent on knowing the difference between feelings and emotions, knowing that “love has to be separated from this category of emotions.” (See the tantric inspiration at the end of this chapter.) It is crucial to understand that emotion comes from the past, while love and true feelings arise in the present. When too much “emotional baggage” from the past gets dragged into everyday life, love is quick to wane; love flourishes in the delicacy of the now. That doesn’t mean emotion is some kind of demon. Emotion is understandable, but it’s important to be aware that you are emotional and to know what is happening, when it is happening. The recognition of emotionality causes a big shift in the maturity of an individual and a couple.

Symptoms of Emotion

Until now we have had no frame of reference to understand what is truly going on in the split second in which emotions surface—the instant when, seemingly out of the blue, the love boat begins to rock dangerously. What we need is self-awareness. The immediate physical symptoms of emotion can be described variously as “suddenly feeling paralyzed” or as if “a wall suddenly comes down.” You may experience a jumble of feelings you can’t put into words, find it impossible to look the other in the eyes, or have the awkward sensation of feeling disconnected from everything, utterly separate, lonely, totally misunderstood, and physically collapsed. Often we find ourselves feeling vengeful and wanting to hurt back. We start blaming our partner for the situation, using the accusing words, “You never . . .” or “You always . . .” When a breakdown like this takes place, we must recognize that emotion is in play. It takes some practice to recognize emotion, but after a while, it does become obvious.

This inner acknowledgement immediately puts things into better perspective. Emotion is the resurfacing of old or repressed feelings that we were unable to show or express at the time the feeling was actually taking place. This is why emotional reactions are often quite disproportionate to the slight comment or mild action that triggers them. The trigger itself does not usually warrant the huge upset that follows in its wake. It’s those old, unexpressed feelings that begin to resonate and bubble to the surface and create confusion. When you acknowledge these old feelings for what they are and work their negative effects out of your system, emotional reactions will begin to diminish. In a few years your partner will be able to say precisely the same words to you, and the comment will slip by you like water off a duck’s back.