Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation (23 page)

We closed our eyes and took a deep breath in the direction of our genitals, while each of us tuned in to the inner polarity—calmly, without expecting or intending anything. After a while my woman felt very fine, short pulses of lust. My soft penis started pulsing very softly in her vagina. We both did not move. As we looked into each other’s eyes, I felt as if the energy circuit between us had completed. We felt a ball of energy in our genitals. I could not tell anymore where my being, my penis, stopped, and where she started. Penis and vagina felt like one shared whole, like pure energy. Warm waves were running through my body and I thought, “This is it what it means to melt into each other.”

We sensed subtle energies pulling my penis deeper inside her. She felt soft and velvety, both of us pulsing softly with each other. My penis curled deeper and deeper into her vagina, without my moving at all. We both experienced a new feeling of closeness, silence, peace, bliss, and lust at the same time. Her vagina had received my penis fully. I felt like a welcome guest in her, and realized how my penis had stiffened.

In this moment a wave of sadness rose in me. I had felt some sadness while we were making love in the days before, but this time the sadness was unbelievably strong and intense. Tears streamed steadily as I thought about what I had done with my penis up until then. It was so sad, so terrifying. All of a sudden I became painfully aware of all the unconscious sex with my woman and the women before her, how this had been caused by my goal-oriented behavior, and how the women might have felt with it. It is so painful to realize what mischief is caused by conventional sex. I had always considered myself to be a tender lover, but it is not the intention but the actual result that counts. My God, what have I done through unawareness?

It was as if I felt the pain of all women in my body. I am so sorry! I never intended that. I always intended to express my love. I simply cannot hurt the person that I love the most. While I was in tears and sharing all my insights with her, we were still united. Sobbing, I begged her to forgive each single moment in which I had been unconscious in sex with her. It was a relief when she said it had not been my fault, for it had happened without my knowing better.

Slowly I calmed down and began to feel a deep peace. I felt my heart from inside, and a connection between my base chakra and my heart chakra, which got more and more intense. My penis snaked again deep into her vagina. The intensity of the sex/heart chakra connection grew steadily, my breath got deeper, quicker, and stronger, and a powerful sensation of love rose up inside me. I stayed totally conscious with all that happened, more a watcher than an actor. I shared everything that happened with my woman. I felt how the energy in my penis started to rise inside of me. It was overwhelming. My penis and my pelvis filled with a warming energy, which finally streamed into the belly over the left side of my body up into my heart. My whole body was filled with the sensation that I usually have in my penis in moments of orgasmic ejaculation. The sensation went on and got more and more intense. It streamed into the left arm, down into the fingertips. It was overwhelming. On the left side of my body it continued streaming up to the place between my eyes. There seemed to be no end to it; it was a permanent feeling of ecstasy. All the energy had been streaming from my penis up into my whole body. Then my penis became soft without my ejaculating.

As previously experienced, I clearly sensed all my chakras as warming wheels turning slowly and continuously clockwise. It was a wonderful sensation. I laughed and had tears of joy, and had no idea how much time had passed. Finally, all over my body the sensation slowly faded, but in my heart I could still feel it for a long time. I was deeply satisfied. I had never experienced anything so beautiful in my whole life.

Later I asked my girlfriend what that might have been, and she said, “Darling, maybe you had a full-body orgasm.”

Tantric Inspiration

The word
tantra
means the capacity of expansion, that which goes on expanding. Sex shrinks you, Tantra expands you. It is the same energy, but it takes a turn. It is no longer selfish, no longer self-centered. It starts spreading—it starts spreading to the whole existence. In sex, for a moment you can attain to the orgasm, and at a great cost. In Tantra you can live in the orgasm twenty-four hours a day, because your very energy becomes orgasmic. And your meeting is no longer with any individual person: your meeting is with the universe itself. You see a tree, you see a flower, you see a star, and there is something like orgasm happening.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
PHILOSOPHIA PERENNIS

APPENDIX

EXERCISES FOR IMPROVING YOUR AWARENESS AND SENSITIVITY

Practice is the best way to improve in any area, and sex is no exception. There are a number of ways to “practice” awareness by yourself and develop sensitivity skills that will enrich your lovemaking. Familiarizing yourself with some of the sequences below will help you learn how to relax and engage your attention during lovemaking, so that you can be more fully present with your partner.

 Connecting with Your Own Body

Pulling Attention away from the Mind and into the Body

Becoming fully aware of your own body will make it easier to truly connect with another person’s body, and this is easily done. As you sit or lie on your back you can start by closing your eyes and taking your attention to inside your body. As your awareness (attention) travels around the different parts of your body, discover a place within that feels good, restful, easy, a space that feels like home to you. This place can be anywhere below the head that helps you feel more rooted and anchored in your body, connected to it from the inside. If your whole body feels like home, this is fine, and if nowhere feels like home, this is also fine. The feeling of having a home within the body may become clearer in time, and if not, that’s all right, too. This suggestion is only a tool, not a special technique.

Continue to rest and be with that part in your body, bringing awareness into the tissues. The inner realms of the body are also your flesh, guts, and marrow, and the source of your cellular aliveness. It takes practice to learn to identify and give value to finer bodily sensations, the delicious, subtle vibrations of life streaming and flowing through you. If you sincerely begin to love, honor, and pay attention to your body’s inner world, it will soon become second nature. You can connect with your “inner home” at any moment of the day, while sitting, driving, eating, walking, or resting.

 Becoming Aware of Habitual Tensions

Relaxing the Body from Head to Toe

It is enormously helpful to scan the body and check for tension while you are making love. Or at any other time of the day. If you’ve never done this in an organized way before, it might be useful to practice on your own, perhaps as you’re lying in bed preparing for sleep. You can also do this sitting or standing. Begin by becoming aware of each part of your body from head to toe, and relaxing each individual part. You will notice how the body takes a deep breath as you relax, letting go of subtle tensions. Allow each part to melt down into the part below it, until it all melts out the bottom of your feet. Your crown melts down into your forehead, which softens down into your eyes, and then into your cheekbones. This continues into the mouth and jaw, and on down into the shoulders, allowing them to drop down a few inches. Continue on down through your body, taking particular care with classic tension spots such as the solar plexus (take a deep and conscious breath here), let go of the belly, relax the buttocks, and release the anus.

Breathe gently and deeply through the diaphragm and into the belly, infusing the floor of the pelvis with vitality. Maintain awareness of your breathing whenever possible and for as long as possible. Whenever you find your attention drifting, shift back to your own body and breath. Keep scanning upward and downward and notice where (and how easily) habitual tensions reassert themselves, and relax! Make scanning and consciously relaxing tense parts an ongoing process. Notice how every “let go” is usually followed by a sense of inner cellular expansion. Men report that consciously relaxing the anus and buttocks repeatedly while making love reduces the pressure to ejaculate. More “space” is created internally, and the life force is able to circulate and expand through the rest of the body.

 Position for Rest and Relaxation

Aligning Your Spine for Presence, Awareness, and Sensitivity

The ideal horizontal position for relaxation is with the head, neck, and spine aligned in one straight line, not even a few millimeters out of alignment, and with the head centered and not rolled to one side. Your legs should be straight and slightly apart, and the ankles should
not
be crossed. Place a narrow, soft pillow (or rolled blanket)
directly under
the crease behind the knees to create a slight curving and softening of the knee joint. Place a flat, firm, small pillow (or folded towel) under your head. Tuck your chin to your chest and straighten your neck before placing the pillow in position. The pillow should support the lengthening stretch of your spine so there is not too much of a curve in the neck. If the chin is pointing almost directly upward and not tilted toward the chest, use a slightly deeper pillow (or give the towel another fold) to lift the head an additional few inches and create length, which reduces the curve in the neck and brings the level of the chin down. Place your open hands palm down on the groin area, on either side of your pubic bone. Allow your breathing to become deep and slow. Scan the body and relax tensions. Rest quietly with your eyes softly closed for at least twenty minutes, holding awareness in your body generally, or in the home in your body as discovered in the first exercise.