Tell Me Why (16 page)

Chapter Twenty-Two

Caleb-

Yes, I had resolved to give her the space she needed, but this was getting to be ridiculous. We needed to work some things out between us and make some decisions for the future one way or another. I’d managed to struggle my way through our performances over the weekend, using the excuse that Anna was sick to the owner and singing the songs myself. The crowd didn’t seem to mind the change in the show, but it was hard for me to belt them out when all I could hear was Anna’s voice singing them in my head.

Raising my hand, I knocked on the door, hoping she would answer. It was early in the morning, but I figured that would be my best chance to catch her at home. Waiting for several seconds, I was about to give up when the door swung open, revealing Melanie.

“Caleb!” she said in surprise. “How nice to see you. Will you come in?” She stepped aside, allowing me to enter and ushered me into the living room. “How are you today?”

“Not so great,” I answered honestly, shoving my hands into my pockets as I shifted from one foot to the other. “I was hoping I could speak with Anna.”

“With Anna?” she looked confused and her face fell. “She didn’t tell you, did she? She told me she would.”

“Tell me what?” I asked, feeling my heart start to race. What was going on?

“Have a seat. Let’s talk.”

I wasn’t sure how much she knew about what had happened between Anna and me, but I was willing to do anything at this point to clear the air. I knew I’d screwed up royally, I just didn’t know how to fix any of it.

Sitting down, I leaned forward, resting my hands on my knees. “Is Anna okay?” I asked, worriedly.

“For the most part,” Melanie replied with a sigh. “She’s not here though.”

“Do you know when she’ll be back? I really need to talk to her.”

She shook her head. “She moved to California yesterday morning.”

My blood ran cold at her words. “She
what
?”

“I’m so sorry. She promised me she would tell you before she left. She must’ve changed her mind. Anna had her dad call the school on Monday to help her get into the dorm there and she’s enrolled in the summer semester at CSU. She flew there yesterday. It was all very sudden, but she was determined.”

My heart was hammering in my chest as I tried to absorb the shock. Anna had completely cut me off from her life. I grunted as I buried my face in my hands. I guess I had my answer. Rubbing my hands into my hair, I restrained the urge to punch something as anger fused through me.

“Caleb
.” Melanie’s soft voice spoke sympathetically. “She didn’t tell me what happened between the two of you. Will you? I’m worried about her.”

I gave a wry laugh. “I
messed everything up badly, and I have no clue how to fix it.”

“I’m here to listen, if you’ll accept my help.” Melanie was patient and kind, tempting me to pour out my soul to her.

Shaking my head, I stared at my hands, as if they could somehow provide the answers. “I don’t want you to hate me too. Besides, Jessi asked me not to. I can’t go against her dying wish. Anna found out by accident.”

“You know why Jessi killed herself, don’t you?” she asked, surprising me at how quickly she understood.

I nodded. “I do, and I didn’t tell Anna I knew. I couldn’t. Now she’ll never forgive me because of it.” I glanced at Melanie. “But you’ve got to understand, I didn’t want to keep anything from her. I just didn’t know how to tell her. There’s been no one for me to talk to about this. No one. I’ve screwed up so bad; and it’s destroying everything in my life. I don’t know where to go from here.”

“What happened, Caleb? Talk to me. You can’t keep going on this way. It’ll eat you from the inside out. I promise to keep whatever you tell me in confidence. I won’t even tell James, if that’s the way you want it. We love you like our own son
; and we want what’s best for you.”

Her words pulled at me and I longed to give in and share this burden with someone else
; but I struggled with what they would think of me if I did. The Vasquez’s had been a lifeline for me as long as I’d known them. I wanted it to stay that way.

“First, you should know I’ve had feelings for your daughter for quite a while
—even while I was steady dating other girls. I tried my best to stay away from her because she was so much younger. I didn’t want to get into trouble with her. Then, when everything happened with Jessi, it seemed as if we naturally turned to each other for comfort. I tried to fight it, initially, but then I gave in. I love her, and I don’t want to be without her.”

“I understand. Go on,” Melanie encouraged.

Pausing, I searched for the right words to make my sin seem less heinous, but there were none to be found. “Apparently I got really drunk at a party at the loft one night and passed out. Jessi had snuck over because our parents were fighting and somehow I woke up and confused her with Anna and I . . . I slept with her. I wasn’t aware Jessi had a crush on me. I had no idea she had anything other than brother/sisterly feelings for me. She thought I knew I was with her, until I called her Anna.”

“Oh dear,” Melanie said, her face looking stricken.

“That’s not the worst of it,” I said, plunging on. “Apparently I got Jessi pregnant.”

Melanie covered her mouth as if to stop the horrified gaping there. I wondered if she hated me now, but I suddenly felt too tired to care. This was too hard to
continue carrying by myself.

“Jessi was afraid if my dad found out what had happened between us, he would send me to jail for statutory rape. She also knew I wanted Anna
. But, if I discovered the baby was mine, I’d offer to marry her and make it right, even though I was in love with someone else.”

“So
, she killed herself to remove the problem, Didn’t she?”

I nodded. “I found the note in my belongings after the funeral. It’s been a nightmare for me. I don’t remember any of this happening. She asked me not to tell anyone
, so it would protect our secret. When Anna came over to spend the night after graduation, she happened to find the note in one of my drawers where I had hidden it. She started screaming at me and telling me she would never forgive me.”

Melanie slid beside me, placing an arm around my shoulders. “Oh, Caleb! I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t know how to fix this. I can’t take any of it back.” I gave an irritated snort. “My life is being completely turned upside down by something I don’t even remember doing. I’ve lost my stepsister and baby because of it, my mom is totally unstable after the loss, and I discovered that Hank may not actually even be my dad.”

“What? You’re kidding
?” Melanie replied in shock.

Shaking my head, I traced lightly over the tattoo on my arm. “He came to give me blood once
, after I was injured. We aren’t a match. The hospital says there’s no way he’s my biological father. Now I know why he’s always resented me so badly.” I glanced at her. “But I could get through all of that, if only I had Anna. I’ve never loved someone so much in my life. Sometimes it scares me how badly I want her. But it’s too late. I’ve screwed everything up. There’s no way for me to fix this or make it up to her. Not that it matters now. She’s gone.”

Melanie squeezed my shoulder again, appearing to be completely speechless for the moment. The two of us sat in silence for a while, my words hanging in the air between us. “Are you ready to hear my advice? You probably won’t like it
.” she finally spoke.

“Lay it on me,” I replied, bracing myself for whatever she was about to tell me.

“Let her go,” she said, making it sound so simple. “Give her the time she needs to work this out in her head. It’s going to be hard for her to come to terms with something this heavy. Even though you weren’t with her at the time, it still probably feels like a physical betrayal to her, like you were unfaithful to her. Hearing that it happened with her best friend and your stepsister, is another big shock. Add a baby and a suicide on top of that and it’s almost more than she can bear, as I’m sure you well know. She trusted you, and you kept something important from her—something she felt she needed to know for her own closure. You knew she was hurting over it and denied her anyway.”

“I thought I was doing what was best,” I mumbled
forlornly, her words cutting me to the quick. “I was trying to protect her from something awful.”

“I realize that. And hopefully
, at some point, she will too. But if you two really love each other the way I think you do, then you need to give her the space she needs to come to terms with it.”

Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair
, frustrated. “I only wanted the chance to explain things to her. Even if she doesn’t want me, I need her to understand why I did what I did. Do you think she’d let me call her?”

Melanie shook her head. “She left her old phone here. Her dad and I were ordered not to give you her new number.”

My heart fell through the floor. “Well, I guess that answers that, doesn’t it? She hates me.” I stood and started walking toward the door. “Thanks for listening to my problems, Melanie. I’m sorry I let everyone down.”

“Caleb, wait,” she replied, grabbing me by the arm and halting my progress to escape. “I don’t think she hates you. She just needs time to process the hurt, as do you. You’ve had so much laid at your feet
over the past few weeks that I’m surprised you can even still function. Everyone has skeletons of some kind in their closet. Everyone. Don’t let yours rattle you so much that they destroy you. What’s done is done. Try your best to accept it and continue to move forward. Don’t let the past be what destroys your future. Okay?”

I nodded numbly, letting her know I heard what she was saying. That didn’t mean I knew how to make it work though. “I’ll try.”

“One more thing before you go,” she added and I gazed at her expectantly. “How’s your mom doing?”

I sighed heavily. “She’s better, but I’m not sure what to do with her now. The doctors don’t really want her returning to live with Hank. They think he’s partly to blame for her collapse. I can’t bring her in with me and I’m nervous for her to be living somewhere on her own, at least
while she’s just coming to grips with reality. I don’t want to put a bunch of new stress on her.”

“I can see where that would be difficult. May I make a suggestion?”

“Sure.”

“How would you feel about her coming to stay with James and
me for a while, just until she can get back on her feet again? She’s familiar with us, it’s a safe environment, and we have plenty of space. I’d need to discuss it with James first, but I’m sure he’d be okay with it.”

I shook my head. “We couldn’t impose that way.”

“It’s no imposition, really. I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t think it would work. Your mom used to always joke that she wanted to take cooking lessons from me. I’d love to do that with her; and now that Anna is gone, I’d enjoy the company when I’m not working. It could be fun for both of us. Who knows, I could maybe even get her a job with me at the restaurant. What do you think?”

“I think you are an amazing lady.” Pulling her into my arms, I hugged her tightly. “Thanks for all you’re trying to do to help us. I don’t know what I could possibly do to ever repay you.”

“Just find a way to be happy, Caleb. That’s what we want for all of you.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

Caleb-

Sitting quietly in my truck, parked just down the street from the home I’d grown up in, I felt my anger churning inside as I watched my dad sitting out on the porch cleaning, polishing, and inspecting his rifles, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. He loved those dang things more than his own family. Always taking care of them and making sure they were properly reloaded. If he’d spent half of the time cultivating a relationship with his family as he spent messing with those guns, then maybe we’d actually have a family to fight for. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but I didn’t even know where to start.

I didn’t feel any love or sympathy for this man. He’d been tearing us apart for years. True, he’d stuck things out with me, keeping me when he knew I wasn’t his, but somehow it seemed as if that was merely a way for him to save face. He definitely wasn’t doing it out of any love or obligation to me.

Thinking back to the night when I’d called the cops on him for hitting Danica, I remembered how scared I’d been; but I couldn’t risk her being hurt anymore. The year he was in jail, only proved he was the reason behind our family discord. That was the happiest year we had ever had. We didn’t even talk about him. I knew Danica went to visit him while he was away, but I’d always secretly hoped she would leave him. Now I realize she’d been trying to protect me too. She had no legal claim on me. If she’d have tried to take me away with Jessi and her, she could’ve been charged with kidnapping.

I couldn’t help but wonder how things might have worked out if we had all gotten away somehow. Everyone was hurting so badly. There had to be some way to fix it.

I only knew one thing. If anything was going to happen to make things better, I was the one who was going to have to instigate it. Clearly neither Hank nor Danica seemed to be capable of doing so on their own.

Climbing from my Jeep, I slammed the door behind me, making my way toward the house. It was time to get this over with. I’d put things off
for too long and right now, especially after learning about Anna leaving, I was in the perfect mood for a fight.

Raising his head, Dad narrowed his eyes at me before looking back to his task. “You bringing that stepmom of yours home yet?” he asked gruffly. “I’m not thrilled with you swooping in and carrying her off somewhere. I asked you to get her up and moving, not to make her leave. The place is a damn mess inside and it stinks so bad in there I can hardly stand to be in it.”

“Then why don’t you get off your lazy ass and clean it yourself, instead of playing with your damn guns?” I replied, striding up the steps. “There’s no law that says Danica has to be the one who cleans this place.” Noting the bottle of alcohol on the ground beside him, I forced a laugh as I shook my head. “Guns and alcohol. Nice combination—and smart too. You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”

Glaring at me, his face flooded with color. “Don’t you get all high and mighty with me, kid. You have no idea what goes on around here, so just stay out of it.”

“I know exactly what goes on around here.” I shoved my finger angrily at him. “You run this place like you’re a dictator and it’s killing your family. Mom has been in a mental hospital all this time and I haven’t heard from you once. Don’t you even care what happens to her? She’s your wife for crying out loud!”

“You didn’t call me either, in case you didn’t notice. It’s as easy for you to dial a number as it is for me,” he grumbled, setting the gun to the side and standing to face me.

“I shouldn’t have to. This is your family. I’d like to think you’re man enough to give a damn about them once in a while; but I guess that’s too much work for you, isn’t it? Sorry that the rest of us cramp your style so much.”

“Why should I care about a bunch of nut jobs? No one gives a rat
’s ass about me. Besides, Danica's just as crazy as her idiot daughter was. You should be happy you aren’t associated with her anymore.”

I took a threatening step closer. “Don’t you dare talk about Jessi that way! I won’t let you disrespect her!”

“Did Danica tell you why she flipped out so badly?” he asked. “Did she? Did she tell your precious Jessi is the one responsible for her breakdown?”

Jaw clenching, I didn’t reply, waiting for him to go on.

“The coroner’s report said your sister had gone off and gotten herself pregnant. I’m pretty sure that’s why she killed herself too. Not only did she slit her wrists, she loaded herself up on pretty much everything in the medicine cabinet. She made sure she was going down one way or another. If she would’ve waited only a few more days, she would’ve realized she’d lost that baby she was carrying. It was already dead before she died; her body just hadn’t passed it yet. She killed herself for nothing! Stupid little bitch. I guess it saved us the embarrassment of everyone knowing she got knocked up by some jackass. That’s good, at least.”

Blind rage flooded through me at hearing him talk so callously of my child and Jessi, followed immediately by overwhelming heartsick grief. Letting my fists fly, I punched him squarely in the face, first one side and then the other, satisfaction flowing through me as I connected with his flesh. He staggered backward and I didn’t know if it was because I caught him off guard or because he was drunk.

I didn’t care. Barreling into him, head down, straight into his midsection sending both of us sprawling on the hard wood of the porch, we hit hard.

Grunting heavily, he rolled me over, delivering several good punches of his own to my rib section before I managed to shove him away and scramble
d to my feet. Lunging for me again, he tripped over one of his guns, grabbing for nothing but air as he fell into the yard. I dashed after him, jumping on him once more and we wrestled together across the lawn, tearing at each other’s clothes as we tried to maintain our grip on the other, throwing punches whenever we could get one in.

Landing another fist to his face, I felt his lip split beneath my knuckles, sending blood spraying from his mouth. A blinding
white-hot pain slammed between my legs and I groaned, falling to the side as I clenched my stomach, feeling like I was going to vomit. Hank scrambled away, grabbing one of his rifles and turned, firing. The bullet hit the ground directly beside my head, spraying dirt on me.

“Get the hell off my property, you bastard, or I swear I’m gonna kill you.”

I couldn’t stand yet, but I knew he’d missed the shot on purpose. Hank was a crack shot when it came to guns—even when he was drinking. “I know you aren’t my real dad,” I said through short tight breaths. “Danica told me what happened.”

His expression grew even darker. “You tell Danica that she doesn’t need to bother coming home. I’ll be filing divorce papers as soon as possible. I don’t want to see any of you people ever again. Do you hear me? The next time I see one of you they’ll have to cart you off to the morgue.”

“Fine by me.” I gasped between holding myself and attempting to stand, even though I felt extremely dizzy. “We’ll be happy to be rid of you too. I only wish this would’ve happened sooner.”

“Not any more than I do.” He cocked the gun again. “Get moving, jackass.”

The sound of sirens filled the air, but Hank didn’t move or lower his weapon as a police car came screeching up in front of the house. Apparently one of our neighbors had caught the show and called the cops on us. I have to say I was pretty grateful at the moment for whoever had interfered.

“Put your hands on your heads, both of you! Sir, please drop your weapon immediately!”
A forceful male voice came over the loudspeaker.

Raising my hands, I did as they asked, but Hank didn’t move, keeping his gun trained on me. Waiting with baited breath, I wondered if he was really going to shoot me right
there in front of the cops. For one moment, I let myself believe I wouldn’t care. At least it would put me out of the misery I’d been in lately. I’d had enough of this life. Still, a sigh escaped me when he tossed the weapon into a flowerbed and raised his hands. Another squad car arrived and several officers ran up to us as more cars began to appear out of nowhere.

I felt the tightening of the metal handcuffs snapping around my wrists. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you,” the officer stated. “Sir, we’ve called an ambulance to check you out. Let’s get you
sat down.”

“I’m okay,” I responded
, as he directed me back to the ground. “Just a little battered and bruised.”

“I think it’s quite a bit more
than that,” the officer said, as I watched a policewoman and another officer drag Hank off to a patrol car. “You’re bleeding pretty profusely. I’m thinking you just missed dying by a fraction of an inch.”

“What?” I said, the ground suddenly tilting in front of me. Leaning to the side, something warm and wet ran down my ear.

“We need some bandages over here!” the officer holding me called loudly as I sank further into the ground lying on my side in the grass. “This guy has been shot in the head. Tell EMS to roll code three!”

“What’s happening?” I asked, completely confused. The sky was spinning above me as the faces of many strangers crowded around me. “Make it stop,” I whispered, feeling nauseous.

“Hang in there. An ambulance is on its way,” I heard the officer speak again. “What’s your name?”

“Caleb,” I answered. “Caleb McCord.”

Everything went black.

***

“Caleb? Caleb?”

Opening my eyes to the familiar voice, confusion settled around me. “Jessi?” I replied to the hazy figure standing in front of me in the overly bright room. “Why? Why did you do this to all of us?”

“I’m so sorry, Caleb. I didn’t mean to make such a mess. It was so terribly selfish of me. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t.”

“Anna hates me, Jessi. Mom has gone crazy. How could you think our lives would be better without you? We would’ve helped you.” The light around her grew brighter.

“I was confused. Please forgive me, but what’s done is done. They need you now. I simply wanted to tell you to not give up. People need you in their lives too. You have to find a way to repair things. Promise me, Caleb. Caleb? Caleb?”

Blinking against the light as it intensified, Jessi’s face blurred away and the face of the man who had been with me on the lawn appeared
. I slowly realized I was on a gurney rolling down the hall in the hospital.

“Where’s Jessi?” I asked, attempting to raise my head to look around, but it felt too heavy.

“Stay still, Caleb. You’re strapped down to the gurney right now for precaution until we make sure your spine is okay after your altercation.”

“I’m fine,” I replied, growing more lucid by the second. It was a dream. Only a dream. But dream or not, one thing was true. I needed to try and fix things. It was the only way I was going to find any kind of peace.