Tell Me Why (20 page)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Caleb-

Restlessness filled me as I checked my phone for what must’ve been the billionth since I’d left Seattle. The flight seemed to go on forever, despite the comforts of
the first class seats the label had provided us. The rock star treatment hadn’t ended there either A smartly dressed limousine driver met us at baggage claim, leading us out to a stretch limo that had the guys grinning from ear to ear. We were taken to the Four Seasons Los Angeles and checked in, each one of us getting our own room. As soon as I was able to put my stuff away, I called for a taxi to take me to Anna’s. Our meeting with the label executives wasn’t scheduled until tomorrow afternoon and I wasn’t waiting another minute to see Anna.

The lights of Los Angeles flashed by me in a blur
as I sat back in my seat, pondering everything I wanted to say to Anna. I hoped she’d be happy to see me, but I was positive I would catch her unprepared.

“Hey, is there a place on the way were we can stop for flowers?” I asked the cab driver.

“Most florists are probably closed by now,” he replied in his Middle Eastern accent. “A grocery store is probably your best bet. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that will be fine.” It seemed like it had been ages since I’d seen Anna. I didn’t want to arrive empty handed. Flowers would signal my intent as soon as she saw them.

Ten minutes later, I was back in the car, armed with a surprisingly nice bouquet of two dozen red roses, heading toward Anna again.

Tipping the driver generously for his help when we arrived, I got out of the car and stared at the campus housing. Anna was here
, somewhere, and it almost seemed as if I could feel her presence. Digging the paper her mom had given me from my pocket, I glanced at the unit number before heading into the maze of buildings. As it turned out, it wasn’t too difficult to find. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door. After several seconds, I knocked again, feeling frustrated. Just my luck. No one was home.

Turning, I stared across the grounds. What should I do now?

The sound of the door opening caused me to look back. Anna was standing there in a robe, her long dark hair wet.

“Caleb?” she asked, her eyes wide
, as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Eyes drifting briefly down to the flowers I held she glanced back into my eyes. “Are you really here or am I imagining things?”

I couldn’t help my smile. “I’m here. I didn’t think you were home.”

She blushed. “Sorry. I was just getting out of the shower when you knocked. I tried to hurry.” She ran a hand self-consciously over her robe. “I look terrible.”

“Really?” I asked glancing over her. “I was just thinking I’d never seen anything more beautiful.”

She blushed harder and I was happy to know she wasn’t immune to me.

“Can we talk, Anna? I’ve been trying to give you your space
to could work things out for yourself, but I can’t leave things like this between us anymore. It’s killing me.”

“I know,” she replied quietly, stepping aside so I could enter. “I was planning on coming home
, as soon as my classes were done, to see you. I can’t believe you came to LA.”

“Well, in the interest of full disclosure, I’m here on business
, as well; but there was no way I could come here and not see you.” Holding the flowers out to her, I added. “These are for you.”

“Thank you,” she said almost shyly, taking them from me. “Let me put them in some water.” She glanced toward the table where a vase with some very droopy roses sat. “I guess I can throw these away now.”

Jealousy flared strong inside me. Someone else had given her flowers, unless they were for a roommate. “Do you have a roommate?” I asked, glancing around the nicely decorated apartment.

“Yes. Her name is Holly. She’s at her parent
’s house in Anaheim this weekend with her boyfriend, Shawn. You’d like her. She reminds me of Jessi.”

“Are those her flowers?” I couldn’t seem to stop the words.

“No. They’re mine,” she replied softly. “Holly’s boyfriend has a best friend, Tyler. The two of us get thrown together a lot when we all hang out and do stuff. He asked me on a date a couple nights ago.”

“Did you go?” Shit, this was not coming out the way I’d intended at all. It was starting to sound like I was grilling her.

She nodded. “Yeah, he’s a really nice guy. He took me night surfing.” Her eyes lit up. “We saw the phosphorescence in the water. It was magical, Caleb! I wish you could’ve seen it. There’s nothing like it.”

Hearing her describe her date as magical was doing nothing for my nerves. My fist clenched involuntarily and I found myself wishing I could meet this Tyler guy
, just so I could punch him in the face for hitting on my girl.

Was she still my girl? Maybe I was too late.

“So are you and this guy . . . ,” I couldn’t even bring myself to finish the sentence.

“What?” She glanced at me, her brow furrowing in confusion. “Oh! No! In fact, we didn’t even finish the date. I mean, it was this magical moment and he kissed me, but I pushed him away and asked him to bring me home.”

“Why?” I asked, continuing to press the matter.

She shrugged. “Because he wasn’t you.” Setting the vase with the fresh flowers back in the middle of the table, she stared at me innocently and my anger and jealousy melted away.

“Can you ever forgive me, Anna?” I stood my ground, resisting the urge to pull her into my arms. I wanted to kiss her so badly, but we needed to clear the air between us first.

“Let’s sit down,” she suggested, gesturing toward the living room. Sitting on the couch, she came to sit beside me, the split in her robe flashing a good deal of one of her shapely legs as she did so. Instantly, my puls
e rate shot up. I was pretty sure she wasn’t wearing anything beneath it. The thought didn’t help me out any. I still wanted her more than ever.

Clearing my throat, I attempted to refocus. “First of all, I want you to know I don’t have any recollection of that unfortunate night I spent with Jessi. I’ve been going through hell ever since I found her note, which wasn’t until after the funeral. I wasn’t lying to you then
, when I said I didn’t know why she killed herself. Once I did find out, I didn’t know how to tell you. I tried to stay away from you, but that was killing me too. Stix finally convinced me to go for it, but he didn’t know the whole truth. No one did. I didn’t want to betray you, but telling you was betraying her as well. Trust me when I say I’ve been in agony over this.”

Staring at her robe, she absently picked at nothing.

“Say something, please,” I begged when she didn’t reply.

Sighing heavily, she ran her finger through the ends of her wet hair. “Caleb, I know you’ve been with lots of other girls. For some reason
, I don’t seem to care about any of them . . . but Jessi? That one stings me a lot. I know you don’t remember—Jessi’s note proved that—but it still hurts to know she had you in the way I want you.” Tears filled her eyes when she looked at me. “And it hurts me even worse to know she was pregnant with your child.”

“The baby was dead,” I replied somberly.

“W . . . what?” she stuttered.

“The autopsy report said she was pregnant, but the remains of the fetus showed it died before she did.”

Her eyes widened in horror. “You’re telling me she killed herself over a baby that was already dead?”

I nodded. “That appears to be the case.”

A sob escaped her and she covered her face with her hands. Sliding closer to her, I pulled her into my arms, letting her head rest on my chest as she shuddered, racked with tears. Unspeaking, I stroked her damp hair, letting her shed her emotion. When the worst of her crying subsided, she didn’t move away, keeping her head against me instead.

“Such a waste,” she muttered. “If only she’d waited a little while, none of this would
have even be an issue.”

“She was scared. People do crazy things when they’re scared.”

Lifting her head, she looked me in the eye. “Like running away to another state?”

Smiling slightly, I brushed the back of my hand across her cheek. “It’s okay, Anna. You needed to figure things out.”

“I’m sorry about your baby, Caleb. I was so caught up in my own grief, I never really paused to realize you’d lost two people.” Fresh tears welled in her eyes.

“Three people,” I corrected, and her brow furrowed in confusion once more. “You,” I explained. “I lost you. And trust me when I say that
you were the most excruciating loss of all. I went from planning my life with you to having nothing, in a matter of moments. There have been times that I envied Jessi. Death has to be easier than this. Maybe that’s why she chose it. Maybe it was the easy way out.”

“Don’t talk that way,” Anna said, her eyes full of sorrow. “Death is never easy. Especially for those of us left behind. I think what she did was incredibly selfish. She claims she did it out of love for us, but she was willing to destroy all our lives anyway. She acted with fear, not love.”

“We need to forgive her too. Like I said before, she was scared. She felt like she had no one to turn to.”

“What about you?” Anna asked.

“What about me?”

“Can you forgive yourself for your role in everything?”

I sighed. That was the million-dollar question. Guilt had been eating a hole clear through me. “I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “There’s no way for me to make restitution for any of it. What’s done is done. I can’t take any of it back. How do I forgive myself for that?”

“Well, I can think of one thing.” Her eyes never left mine.

“What’s that?”

“Quit drinking so damn much that you have no idea what you’re doing.” She was completely serious.

“I’ve already started working on that. You’re right. I spend way too much time at the bottom of a bottle.”

“It scares me. I’m afraid you’re going to drink yourself to death.”

“I think you’d be proud of me. Other than the occasional beer, I’ve stayed pretty dry since you left. Getting shot by Hank helped me to reconsider a lot of things.”

Eyes drifting upward, she lifted a hand and lightly ran her fingers over my head, obviously tracing the healing wound there. “Your hair is so short now, and so . . . brown.” She giggled. “I did a double take at the door. I didn’t quite recognize you at first.”

“There wasn’t much I could do about it. I figure it will grow back. Besides, I’m kinda digging the natural thing now that I’ve had a chance to get used to it.”

“It looks good,” she said, continuing to stroke it. “You always look good.”

“Not as good as you,” I whispered, my voice growing a bit hoarse. She shifted and her robe split slightly, affording me a view past her neckline. Disappointment flooded me, though, when she scooted away and stood up.

She held her hand out to me. “Will you stay the night with me, Caleb?”

Slipping my hand into hers, I stood and pulled her against me. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Anna-

Squealing as Caleb scooped me off my feet, I clung to his neck, my heart racing at the smoldering look in his eyes.

“Which room is yours?” he asked, his voice husky as he strode across the living room.

“
On the right,” I breathed out. “The door is open.”

Stepping inside, he kicked the door shut behind him.

“Lock it,” he ordered, turning me around and leaning me down so I could grab the handle.

“My roommate is gone for the weekend,” I reminded him, even though I did as he asked.

“I don’t care,” he replied, moving toward my bed. “I’m not taking any chances on getting interrupted this time. You are going to have my full and undivided attention.”

Gently, he deposited me on my bed, surprising me when he pulled his cell phone from his pocket.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Turning this off. Where’s yours?”

“It’s dead on the charger.” I couldn’t help my giggle. He looked so serious.

“Perfect.” Tossing his phone onto the nightstand
, he turned back to me, his gaze skimming hungrily over me. “Last chance to back out.”

“I don’t want to,” I replied, licking my lips.

“Thank goodness.” Grabbing the bottom of his shirt, he yanked it off over his head, revealing his sculpted chest and torso. Sure, I’d seen him plenty of times, but it still always managed to take my breath away. Glancing over him, my eyes traced the tattoo down his side—a guitar with a ribbon wrapped around it that said “Rock the World.” Drifting to his arm, I glanced at the tribal tattoo around his bicep and down to Jessi’s bleeding heart on his forearm. Suddenly the meaning of that clicked into place.

“You need to forgive yourself,” I said, reaching to touch the spot. “I know you did this to punish yourself—so you would never forget. Stop taking the blame for everything. Her death wasn’t your fault.”

His gaze moved to where my fingers skimmed the surface of his skin. “Yes, it was. If—,”

I cut him off, kneeling on the edge of the bed in front of him and raising my fingers to his lips. “What happened between you and Jessi was unfortunate. You’re guilty of getting drunk and having sex with the wrong person. That’s it. Jessi was totally capable of stopping things. She chose not to. You didn’t know you were with her. You didn’t make her kill herself. All of that is on her. She wasn’t intoxicated. She
knew you were both having unprotected sex. I know you miss her. I know you regret what happened; but Caleb, it wasn’t your fault.”

His jaw clenched and his fists curled as he stared at the tattoo.

“Why are you still so upset with yourself?”

“Why?” he replied angrily, his eyes dropping back to mine. “Why?” he repeated, softer
, as he sat beside me on the mattress. “Because I hurt
you
. Yeah, I’m upset with Jessi and I feel sad about the baby, but it’s because
you
got hurt that I’m angry.
You
were the innocent bystander in all this and it’s like the two of us ran you over with a truck.
You
did nothing to deserve any of this and the two of us . . .we destroyed you. That’s why I’m so angry! That’s what I can’t forgive!”

Shaking because he was so upset, I wanted to chase his demons away. “Do you love me, Caleb?” I asked, sliding my arms around his neck.

“More than my own life,” he said with a sorrowful, defeated look.

“Then that’s all I need. Having your love is the only thing that matters to me.” Pressing my body against his, I leaned forward until my lips were barely brushing his. “Kiss me, Caleb, and don’t stop until I’m yours completely.”

Crushing his mouth to mine, I didn’t miss the growl that escaped him, a primal sound that was both possessive and full of need. His hand traveled upward, tangling in my hair, as the other snaked around my waist.

Kissing me deeply, his tongue tangled with mine, sending the sparks of desire
, which were already shooting through my body, bursting into full-out flames. I’d never wanted something as badly as I wanted him. All the agony of the past several weeks melted away as he sunk into me, laying me back onto the comforter.

The weight of his body against mine felt divine
; and I wondered why I’d ever thought to leave him in the first place. There was nowhere on earth that made me feel as happy as being in Caleb’s arms.

A small tugging sensation appeared at my waist and suddenly my robe fell open, exposing me to his
full view; but I didn’t feel embarrassed as he slipped from my mouth to make his way down my neck. Trailing his tongue even lower still, I gasped when he reached my chest, sucking and teasing with gentle bites.

“I missed this,” I said softly, running my hands over his back and down his muscled arms, loving the coiled, tense, feel of him. He was wound just as tight as I was.

“Me, too.” Briefly, he paused to stare at me. “You’re so beautiful, Annalisa,” he whispered, before returning to my mouth again, leaving his hand to work some magic where his mouth had just been. Pinching and squeezing me softly, his lips trailed back to my neck and he sucked there as I arched into him.

“You like that?”
He spoke against my skin.

“Yes,” I replied breathlessly, wondering if he could feel how fast my heart was racing.

“Me, too,” he chuckled, his hand sliding down my body and I couldn’t help stiffening in surprise when he touched me intimately. “Relax, baby. I’ll be gentle,” he said, kissing my mouth, again. That, combined with the action of his fingers, threatened to consume me. I moaned with pleasure. “That’s the way, sweetheart,” he encouraged, his hand picking up speed. “Just like that.”

Relaxing was all but impossible
, as he continued his sweet torture of my body; all the while, his lips continuing their path lower and lower until they met the location of his fingers. Bucking as his tongue flicked out and licked me, I almost slid off the bed.

“Easy girl,” Caleb said, his hands anchoring under my legs to hold my hips as he continued his blissful torture of me. I fisted my hands into the blanket, feeling like I needed to hold onto something as the sensations swirled inside me, building stronger and stronger until I felt like I needed to scream.

“Caleb!” I called loudly, my breaths coming short and fast. He didn’t stop and I thrashed my head from side to side, releasing a long guttural growl as wave after wave of pleasure suddenly broke through me. My whole body was trembling when he finally pulled away from me.

I heard his shoes hit the floor and the rest of his clothing followed. Eyes traveling over his gorgeous body, I couldn’t help pausing on a certain spot that jutted out proudly from the rest of him. While I was certainly no expert of male anatomy, I was pretty certain Caleb would be one described as
“well endowed”.

He dug into his wallet, producing a foil packet and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing.

“Did you think you were going to get lucky tonight?” I asked.

Grinning widely, he glanced over my naked form
, splayed before him. “I hoped I might. Figured better safe than sorry.”

“Well, I’m glad you planned ahead,” I replied, watching avidly as he rolled the thin sheath on
. I was surprised at how turned on the act made me feel. He was so sexy. I couldn’t believe we were actually doing this.

Crawling back onto the bed, Caleb knelt between my legs, surprising me when he leaned forward to kiss my neck again before trailing to my chest. Before long, I was writhing beneath him, begging for something more.

“I’ll go slow; but this is probably going to hurt a little,” he whispered in my ear as he centered himself.

Nodding, I bit my bottom lip, stiffening in anticipation.

“Relax, Anna. Try to enjoy it.” He continued to place kisses against my neck.

Letting my breath out, I tried to concentrate on where he was kissing me and not the building pressure that was beginning to fill me as my body tried to expand to fit him.

“Do it fast, Caleb,” I whispered, unable to stand the slow agony. I just wanted it over with.

“Are you sure?” he asked, pulling back to stare at me, and I nodded.

Not waiting, he surged forward with a groan and I cried out, digging my fingers into his back. Oh my gosh, it hurt so bad! My body trembled as I held onto him desperately.

Caleb didn’t move, but he was shaking with restraint as he kissed my forehead. “I’m so sorry, baby. Are you okay?” he asked.

Unable to speak until the pain faded away, I finally answered. “I think I am now.”

Needing no more encouragement, he began moving inside me and I was surprised how quickly my pain turned to pleasure. Suddenly, I understood why sex was such a big deal to everyone. It felt so
good
. Again, I dug my nails into him, but, this time, for an entirely different reason.

“Faster,” I said, urging him on
, a moan escaping him as he complied. Loving the thick feel of him stretching me to capacity, I naturally wrapped my legs around his waist and began rocking my hips up to meet his thrusts.

“Anna,” he said, groaning. “Y
ou’re driving me crazy.”

“Likewise,” I whispered, turning my head to the side to kiss his arm. Running my hands to his biceps, I could feel the tightness in his bunched, tense muscles as they held his weight, and glee shot through me. Caleb McCord was making love to
me
. He was mine. How did I ever get so lucky to win him?

With this realization, the intensity inside me changed, building like it did before, only this time stronger. Hanging onto him, I felt like I was going to explode.

“Caleb!” I called again and he increased his tempo. “Caleb, I . . . ,”

“Ride it out, baby,” he responded, his face a mask of concentration. “Let it go.”

“Ahhhhhh!” I screamed as fireworks exploded throughout my body, over and over with each thrust, I felt like I was coming apart at the seams.

“That’s it,” he encouraged
, with a partial smile as he stared into my eyes. “I’m right behind you.” His thrusts came faster and it seemed he grew even harder as his loud moans joined mine, filling the air.  Suddenly, I felt him pulsating inside me. “Annalisa!” he shouted, continuing on, riding me until he eventually slowed, collapsing on top of me.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed the side of his face. “That was amazing!” I said breathlessly, enjoying his weight on me.

He chuckled and placed a kiss against my hair. “It was better than amazing. I love you, Anna. Thank you for this.”

“I love you too. Will it always be like this?” I asked.

He chuckled again. “Believe it or not, it improves over time as you get to know your partner better. The first time is usually the clumsiest.”

“Um, I don’t know if I’m going to survive sex after this then. I can’t imagine anything better.”

“I hope you’ll try to survive, because there are a lot of things I’m looking forward to showing you.” He leaned back and stroked my hair as he stared at me with a loving expression in his eyes.

“So you’re saying we will be spending a lot of time in bed together?” I asked with a giggle.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. If I had my way, we’d never get out of bed.”

“You’d get sick of me after
awhile.”

He shook his head. “That will never happen. I could be eighty years old and I’d still want to be where I am right now.”

I laughed out right. “I hope you’re still hot when you’re eighty and not all wrinkly.”

“You won’t love me if I’m wrinkled?” He faked an appalled look, mouth gaping open.

“Of course I will. You could be short, bald and fat, and I would still love you.”

He grimaced. “Well, unless I’m in some sort of awful dismembering accident, I doubt I’ll lose height, so you’ll still have that
, at least. I promise to keep in shape for you too, but I can’t guarantee anything on the bald front.”

Laughing harder, I ran my hand over his
short-cropped hair. “You’re closer to bald now than you’ve ever been,, and I still think you’re smokin’ hot.”

“Really?” he asked genuinely. “It was hard for me to get my hair shaved off.”

“I know how particular you are about your hair, but I do like it. It makes your gorgeous features stand out even more and your blue eyes, with those dark lashes, just pop. It’s sexy.” Lifting my hand, I traced over his lips and he kissed my fingers.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, staring down at me.

“Pretty good. You?”

“I’m feeling like maybe you should come take a shower with me.” He winked a
t me and a wicked gleam entered his eyes.

“Why do I get the feeling you have ulterior motives in mind?”

“Because I do. Sex in the shower is always lots of fun.”

I felt something literally stirring to life inside me. “You’re ready to go again?” I asked incredulously.