Terms of Service (21 page)

“What are you thinking about?”  Hannah asked as she sat next to him once more.  Only this time, she seemed relaxed.  

“Just thinking about next weekend.  I think we should leave Thursday night and come back Monday afternoon.”  He leaned back and realized this might be the first time he had ever been excited to spend time with his mother.

Sipping her tea, Hannah seemed to be considering his suggestion.  “Sure.  Let’s do it.”  She grinned.  “Of course, I will have to ask my boss if I can take the extra time off.”  Her eyes sparkled over the rim of her mug.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine with it.”  He laid a hand affectionately on her thigh.

“I don’t know,” Hannah said.  “He’s pretty helpless.  I can’t imagine he can get much accomplished without me.  Would you believe I was off the grid one time and he just kept blowing up my phone?  Couldn’t function without me.”

“Hey,” Gavin argued, “I was worried about you.”

Their playfulness might have continued if it weren’t for the girls coming topside in bathing suits.  “We’re ready!”  They shouted in unison.

Hannah looked at Gavin.  “Okay, I’m pretty sure that time was rehearsed.”  Then she turned to the girls.  “Breakfast first.”

Ever so smoothly she had transitioned.  She was now wearing her mother hat.  Gavin leaned back and watched.  It was so strange to him.  He had always known he would be a father.  It wasn’t as though he necessarily wanted to be one or had this deep burning need to be one, but more he knew it was the natural course of things, a rite of passage, something he would do if for no other reason than it was expected of him.  He’d never contemplated when he and India would have children.  It wasn’t pressing, since he knew it would simply happen eventually.  Only, it hadn’t happened.  He wasn’t sorry.  How could he be tied to a woman like her for the rest of his life?  Then he looked at Hannah.  How could he
not
be tied to this woman for the rest of his life?  The thought jarred him momentarily.

Maybe this was what love did.  Maybe it made him dream of things he never knew he wanted.  Maybe it made a life, which once seemed impossible, suddenly seem natural.  Maybe by finding the right person to share his life with everything just seemed to fall into place.  

When they went to the Caribbean, when they made love those times, it changed their relationship.  He had actually cringed when he thought the words ‘made love.’  Those words had always seemed so romanticized, but they made sense in this case.  When he was with Hannah, passionate or gentle, playful or rough, they were making love.

***

“Hey, handsome!”  Hannah called to him from the hatch.

“Yes, dearest.”  He smirked as he responded.

“Breakfast is ready.  Want to join us, or shall I bring a plate up to you?”  She was ready to give herself a massive head slap.  What had happened to her?  The man gave her one massage and suddenly she was giving him pet names and serving him.  Hannah seriously wished Amy were there to shake the sense back into her.

Gavin joined them down below.  As Hannah passed him his plate, she held onto it an extra second and leaned in to plant a kiss on his neck.  “What was that for?”  He seemed pleased with this newfound intimacy.

She shrugged.  “I just wanted to thank you.”  She looked up at him and smiled shyly.  Her eyes misted.

“For what, exactly?”

She exhaled, ready to finally share something she had been thinking for so long.  “Thank you for our life.  Thank you for saving the girls and me.  Thank you for letting us move in, for taking them under your wing, for being so much more than I ever expected or imagined or dreamed you’d be.  Thank you for showing me some people are worthy of trust, not everyone is sneaky and underhanded, and not all men cheat and lie.  Thank you for being you.”  She leaned in and hugged him for a brief second before she let go of his plate and dashed to the head.

***

It was a beautiful heartfelt expression of her appreciation.  If only Gavin were as amazing as she seemed to think he was, then he would’ve been honored to accept such high praise.  Instead, he could barely swallow past the lump in his throat.  The healthy appetite he’d always experienced in the fresh open air suddenly and quite completely disappeared.

Chapter Seventeen

They had been having such an easy time of it the last few days, getting along so well, enjoying their togetherness, Hannah didn’t seem to notice Gavin had grown quieter.  To the untrained eye, everything would appear to be normal.  They returned to their dock Sunday evening in plenty of time to bathe the girls at home and have story time in Hannah’s room before getting tucked in for the night.  Gavin retreated to his study and Hannah joined him there later.

They still shared the room with ease and the nervous excitement new relationships always seem to have in common.  Only, Gavin couldn’t concentrate on the files.  This time it was entirely because of this feeling of impending doom he had constantly hovering over him ever since Hannah had thanked him.  He was just waiting for the universe to bitch slap him.  Or maybe he deserved more of a cold cock.  When he would shake his fist at the sky and ponder the why of it, he would know in his heart the reason.  All this happened because he’d lied.

Determined to shake off the darkness, Gavin came up with an idea.  “Hey, what if we go for a sail tomorrow night with the girls?  We won’t be able to go over the weekend.  Then we’ll be leaving right after lunch the next day.  I won’t even be going into the office.  Everything I need to do before we go can be done from home.”

Cocking her head to the side, Hannah nodded.  “You know, it sounds like a lovely idea.  I think it would be great.  I can pack a picnic dinner.”  Her voice trailed off as she noticed Gavin biting his cheek.  “What?”

“You and your picnics.”  He chuckled.

“You like my picnics and you know it.”  She laughed.  Then without another word, she turned her attention once more to her book.

How did she do it?  She always managed to lift his spirits.  Gavin leaned back in his chair and smiled at the sight of her.  This woman, this life was finally good and perfect.  He could never lose this
ever
.

The next day couldn’t pass quickly enough for Gavin.  He was eager to rush home from the office, change into some shorts and take off in the sailboat for a few hours.  How different his life had become in just these few months.  In the morning he would only have a few hours to kill before they’d leave town.  No wonder he was so restless.

***

The day was passing too quickly for Hannah.  She had a list as long as her arm to accomplish before picking the girls up at preschool.  There was dry cleaning to be dropped off and more to be picked up.  At least Gavin was wearing polo shirts most of the time now. For a while, it had felt like she was there every day.  Then there was packing, making sure the rest of the laundry was caught up, shopping for road trip food, getting together the girls’ travel bags to keep them occupied on the drive, and, if time allowed, some studio work.  It was good for her soul, just like sailing was good for Gavin’s.  She smiled thinking about it.

By six in the evening, they were walking out to the dock.  Gavin was carrying the picnic basket Hannah had packed.  The girls were skipping along holding hands. Hannah had the beach bag with towels.  There was something so special about being able to be out on the water whenever they wanted.  She let out a blissful sigh.  Life was good.

***

They had the routine down, knew right where they were going to drop anchor and swim, knew right when they were going to eat.  They even knew when the girls would go play down below in their berth while the adults snuggled.  Often they would stand at the helm together.  Gavin was proud of the sailor Hannah was becoming.  He loved watching her feel the wind, know precisely when to capture it in the sheets, and propel the boat along.  

“You are a natural,” he said admiringly.

“Nah, I just had a really great teacher.”  She smiled at him standing beside her.

“Seriously, how do you do it?  Think of my future students down in the Caribbean.  What will I tell them the secret is?”  He watched as she struggled to explain her success.

“I don’t know exactly.  I just do it the way I do everything in my life.  I
feel
it.  I feel the wind on my face.  I feel the wind catching in the sheets.  When it feels right, I know.”  She blushed some at her explanation.

“You feel.”  He rolled the idea around.  “Okay.  You feel it.”  He smiled.

They stayed on the lake longer than they intended.  When they returned, Hannah decided to forgo baths and simply read to the girls.  Standing outside the master bedroom, they’d barely formulated their plan when the doorbell rang.  Gavin released Hannah from his warm embrace and found he suddenly felt bereft.  He gazed at her in awe.  “I’ll get that,” he said quietly, wondering who it could possibly be this late at night.  “You know, there’s a conversation you’ve been putting off we need to have.”

“Which conversation is that?”  Hannah smiled coyly.

“Well, we need to talk about our plans for the future, about living my dream, that kind of thing.”  He watched her for a reaction.  “Are you ready for it yet?”

Eyes sparkling, Hannah nodded happily.  “I’ll meet you on the patio after I put the kids to bed.”  She squeezed his hand as she passed.

His smile grew wider at the contact.  She had this amazing ability to heighten his moods.  “I’ll be looking forward to it,” he murmured, though he doubted she heard since she was already halfway down the hall.

The doorbell rang again and Gavin sighed as he trudged down the winding staircase.  
This had better be good
, he thought angrily.  He hated for anything to interrupt his time with Hannah.  He stomped across the foyer and opened the door wide.

Aaron Maddox stood in the doorway looking slightly ruffled by the way the door had opened so abruptly.  “I have some contracts.”  He held his hand out, as if in explanation.

“I can see that, Mr. Maddox,” Gavin said impatiently.  “What I can’t see is why it couldn’t wait until Tuesday.”  He snatched the contracts from his lawyer’s hand and beckoned him into the foyer.

“Well, I know you’re taking a long weekend and I wanted to get these taken care of before then,” he said quietly.  

***

Hannah had finished putting the girls to bed and was about to walk down the stairs to meet Gavin on the patio when she heard him talking in the foyer.  Not wanting to interrupt, and quite certain it was his lawyer, she simply sat a few steps down from the second floor.  There, she wouldn’t be intruding, and once she heard the door close again, she could make her way to her destination.  Smiling to herself, she thought about what an amazing evening they’d had together.  It felt like family and Gavin’s house felt like home.  She wrapped her arms around herself.  Life was good.

***

“So, how’s your revenge going?”  The lawyer leaned in conspiratorially obviously trying to get some dirt.

Gavin bristled at the mention of the plan he had given up so long ago.  He no longer wanted revenge, couldn’t imagine doing anything to hurt Hannah.  At the same time, he did have an image to cultivate.  He was a man known to succeed no matter the task, no matter the challenge.  He couldn’t appear soft.  The minute a man of his ilk showed his underbelly, he was attacked.  He couldn’t allow that to happen.  So, though Gavin wished he could tell the man he had long abandoned his plan, and was instead in fact formulating a plan to keep Hannah a fixture in his life for as long as they both shall live, he lied. “Right on schedule.”  He felt his heart sink the moment the words escaped his lips. 

“So, has she cracked yet?  Have you completely ruined her?”  The excitement was evident in his tone.  He was practically giddy.  “I mean, you’ve completely enslaved her in the house and she has nowhere to go, nobody to taker her in, right?”

Gavin scowled and stared his lawyer down.  He wanted this subject dropped.  It never should’ve been brought up in the first place.  It showed incredibly poor taste and even worse judgment.  “Something like that,” he said in a tone which indicated the discussion was closed.  He finished signing next to the last red flag and passed the contracts back.  “I’ll see you Tuesday.”  Then he shooed Aaron Maddox out the door.

***

The word ‘revenge’ had drawn her attention.  It didn’t seem like something Gavin could be capable of.  She had seen him with the girls.  True, he had changed in the past few months, but still.  Then, as she listened more closely, her heart had sunk.  They were talking about
her
.  Gavin apparently planned to ruin her, as if she hadn’t already hit rock bottom, as if Brett hadn’t completely broken and beaten her down.  She swallowed hard, trying to move the hard painful lump in her throat.  It wouldn’t budge.  Her mouth went completely dry.  Her chest ached.  This time would be so much worse.  Everything was different now with her heart involved.

Suddenly, Hannah felt very hollow.  If the past few months had healed her pride, restored her good nature, and made her the woman she used to be, in an instant she had lost all of it and apparently more.  There were spots before her eyes.  She had trouble filling her lungs.  Glad she was sitting, she dropped her head between her knees and took a few deep breaths.  Completely overwhelmed, she tried unsuccessfully to fight the urge to cry, but the tears already prickled her eyes.  All she could hope was to keep the noise to a minimum since this promised to be a long, hard, gut wrenching, full body sob.  It would do her no good to be discovered sitting there.  Her thoughts turned to the future.  Now, what would she do?                           

There was more than a grain of truth to what the lawyer had said.  She really didn’t have a place to go, but clearly she could no longer stay here.  She wrapped her arms around her knees and rocked back and forth while she thought and fought the emotions coursing through her while tears streamed down her face.

***

The moment the door closed, Gavin leaned his forehead against it.  That was extremely close.  
What if she had heard?  
He turned and walked back towards the stairs.  He knew she would be coming down any time to meet him on the patio.  The mere idea soothed him.  He was certain he would soon be lying on the lounger, gazing at the stars as he held her close.

Reaching the bottom step, Gavin looked up and froze.  There sat Hannah, a shaking huddled mass on the stairs.  His throat seemed to close and his chest tightened.  She must have heard.  There was no other explanation for her behavior.  Somehow, he had to make this right.  Somehow, he had to explain.

“Hannah,” he murmured, not wanting to startle her.  He reached towards her, eager to hold her close and take away all the pain she felt.

Raising her head slowly, a vacant expression on her face, Hannah swiped at her eyes and nose, then slowly backed away, scooting up to the second floor landing before finally standing.  Still, he moved toward her.  All he could think about was enfolding her in his embrace.  If he could just get her in his arms, somehow everything would work out.

“No,” she said quietly, obviously determined not to be touched.  “Stay back.”

“Just let me hold you while I explain,” Gavin said, eyes wide with fear.

***

Hannah shook her head, wrapped her arms around herself, clearly the only hug she would allow, and began speaking under her breath.  “It’s not like I thought you’d fall in love with me or anything,” she murmured.  As she uttered those words, she knew her heart had shattered leaving a void in her chest.  She could almost feel the hollow spot where it had once been.  It had been the only part of her Brett hadn’t been able to touch, the one valuable he hadn’t been able to take from her because it was never his.  Only without meaning to, without even making the conscious decision, she had given Gavin her whole heart, without him ever asking or offering his in return.  Now she was truly going to pay.

“But I did,” he mumbled, still trying to close the distance between them.

She ignored him and paced some as though she couldn’t decide where to go or what to do.  Though she hadn’t made eye contact with him the entire conversation, she had been paying attention.  “How could you possibly love someone as pathetic as me?”  The words sounded strangled as she struggled to speak without sobbing.  She refused to let him see how much he’d hurt her.  “I can’t take care of my kids.  I can’t provide for them without help.”  She took a few deep breaths.

“We all need help sometimes, Hannah,” Gavin said quietly.  “I need you.”  He shifted uncomfortably.

Hannah turned and leaned against the wall for support.  The cool paint helped soothe her flushed cheeks.  For the first time, her eyes truly met his.  “Right.  I forgot.  You needed me for revenge.”  She choked back fresh tears.  “Was I cheaper than therapy?  Was that it?  Are you the self-help type?”  Her shoulders shook as she tried to hold in the sobs.

Without warning, she stood ramrod straight and swiped at the warm salty liquid trailing down her face.  She turned to face him for the first time since the conversation began.  “I’m giving my thirty-day notice,” she announced with determination.

Gavin’s shoulders sagged.