Textastrophe: A Collection of Hilariously Catastrophic Text Pranks (8 page)

Your friend Omar was ok with this?

Yeah, why wouldn’t he be?

That totally looks like someone putting a penis in their mouth.

What?

No that’s a man enjoying a tasty hot dog.

I’m not sure we can work together.

I didn’t know you were gunna be some kind of pervert client …

Both logos you have shown me look like penises!

It doesn’t take a pervert to see that!

I text her 30 minutes later …

I took a stab at a possible design for your restaurant

I’d love to hear your thoughts

What the hell is wrong with you!

Is this the young lady looking for a costume designer?

ya

my name is cheryl

Name’s Lonnie. Lonnie Smothers.

Please to meet you.

hi i am looking 4 a costume designer to work with to help me make a unique costume that nobody else has.

It looks like you’ve struck oil. I happen to make custom Halloween costumes!

ok but b4 i hire you i have some questions

how long have u been a costme designer?

Well, technically I am a sanitation supervisor at the Junior High School, but making costumes is my passion. I’ve been creating custom costumes for the last year or so.

how much do they normaly cost?

The price will vary depending on how involved the idea is, but my aim is to be affordable.

I can take a few photos of costumes I’ve made, if you’re interested.

ya please

Sound the alarm but don’t call the cops! This is a one of a kind burglar costume. You will steal the party with this authentic robber getup!

Handcuffs and bandit mask included!

$150

no offense but that look like a cheap costume for 150

That was one of my earlier pieces. Let me show you what else I have.

Ok

now what the hell that supposed to be??

This mummy costume is as real as it gets!

$86

wtf i aint paying 86 bucks for some napkins stapled to a shirt and a iron man mask!

That’s a mummy mask.

no its not

Yes it is.

ok whatever man. u need to stop waisting my time if u aint got any legit costumes

Ok, last one …

ZOMBIE ALERT!!! You will for real scare the shit out of people if you’re wearing this. $50

u just took that first shitty costume and poured pasta all over it! looks like ur just pulling stuff out of the trash and putting it on clothes

I’m not gunna lie, Cheryl, that’s exactly what I’m doing.

That and stealing stuff from the lost and found.

thats what i thought. stop texting me u bunk ass janitor

The zombie costume comes with a free bottle of fake blood!

ok stop texting u dumb shit!

Is this the guy that rents out moon bounces?

Yes, how can I help you?

I’m interested in renting one over night for my kid’s Valentine’s Day party on Thursday, how much does it cost for a night?

We usually charge $75 per day, but if you need it over night it’s going to be $100

Ok, does one of your employees have to stay with the moon bounce, or can we get some privacy with it?

We simply drop the moon bounce off at the destination and set it up. After filling out the required paperwork, it will be in your hands.

We have a number you can call, if there are any problems.

So we get some privacy with it??

Yes. What is the address? If it is under 10 miles from our office, the delivery is free.

Oh hell yea Debbie! We’re getting the moon bounce for Valentine’s Day! Get ready, I’mma bang you in it, just like you’ve always dreamed!

Whoops, wrong text.

So, the bounce castle will be available for Thursday?

Not if your planning on using it for sex.

Huh? What are you talking about? I just wanna bounce around and have a good time.

Yea right buddy. I’m not a dumbass. You can bang Debbie all you want. But you aren’t banging her in one of my moon bounces.