The 13th: Destiny Awaits (20 page)

“Where is the Keeper?” Cold breath brushed against Kate’s forehead as the Eater in her mother's body repeated, “Where is the Keeper?”

“Who is the Keeper?”

“Don't play stupid with me,” the Eater hissed.

“I don't know.”

“She's hiding, but she can never be far away from a Reaper. She is near you, somewhere.” The Eater straightened. “If you want your mother to be free of me, you will reveal to me the location of the Keeper.”

“Kate,” Ethan called after Kate as she, along with a river of students, rolled toward the school's entrance.

She chose to ignore him.

Ethan called her again, this time his voice sounded closer, and she accelerated her step down the hallway, through the door and onto the pavement surrounded by freshly cut lawn. She had nothing to say to him.

“Hey.” He caught up with her at the curb. “I need to thank you, I heard.”

“Mandy?” She pulled her green army cap lower over her forehead.

“Tyler,” Ethan said.

“Ah.” Couldn’t those two keep anything to themselves? She passed a red pickup truck, her gaze on her Ford, parked in the third row, six cars away.

“Would you stop?”

“Why should I?”

“So we can talk.”

Did they really need to? “What about?” She slipped between two cars. She only needed to pass three more vehicles and then as soon as she got into her car she would be rid of him.

“I don't know. Anything. Everything.” He took hold of her arm and tugged her to a stop. “About you. How are you, Kate?”

“Fine.” Over his shoulder she gazed at the group of students gathering around the pickup. Somebody turned on the radio and the music spilled through its rolled down windows.

“You look pale.” Ethan's fingers touched Kate's neck.

An electric sensation crawled under her skin. She took a step backwards. “Why is the Keeper refusing to see me?”

“Why don't you ask her?”

“I did.”

“And?”

A crease marred her forehead and her eyes slid up, over the fabric of his black sweater to his face. He had stopped wearing hoods over his head, but the black horn-rimmed glasses still sat on his nose. Nan had told her that, unfortunately, because of some unresolved matters, that it was impossible for them to meet. She hoped that she would be able to sort her problems out soon, but until then, Kate would have to be satisfied with connecting through butterflies or, if she preferred, a phone. “She evaded the question.”

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

“And what would I have to do in exchange for your help?”

“Nothing,” he said, and he reached out for her again, but when she moved out of his reach, his hand fell against his side.

“Yeah, right.”

“No, really. No more deals.”

She doubted she could defeat the Eater even with additional training and even if she could, she had run out of time. Her mother wouldn’t be able to last much longer.

For the past three days she had been running in circles, driving herself insane, trying to find anything that would give her the upper hand, but the handbook proved useless. Everything was useless; she could see that now so clearly. She knew what she had to do, the only question was, how could she make sure that the Eater would hold up his end of the bargain? She wheeled around.

“Kate?”

“I only got Sandra off your back so that you would get off mine,” she said to Ethan without turning. She had to wait for on-coming traffic to clear before she continued walking toward her car. She thought that he would leave her alone, but after a short moment, she could hear his steps behind her.

“What about the reaping, and hunting Eaters?”

“Thanks to you, I can do that on my own.” Kate reached her car, unlocked it and opened it. “So don't bother me anymore.” She didn't look at his face, too afraid of what she would see there, but she needed to distance herself from him, for both their sakes. She slipped into the driver’s seat, and she could hear him say something, but she cut him off by shutting the door. She drove off, glad that the car cooperated with her and started at the first turn of the key.

It was not just Ethan she was turning away from. She had put a distance between herself and Mandy, Tyler and Nan, too. Of course, with them she did it more subtly and slowly, even though she would have preferred a clean break like with Ethan. But the question was whether she could do it, and if Mandy and Tyler would allow it.

After she got home, she tossed her bag into the corner of her room and threw herself on the beige bedspread. She occupied herself with staring at the white ceiling, tempted to put on
Somewhere in Between
like she had in the old days whenever despair threatened to get the better of her, but... How could she feel hollow and numb when there, just around the corner was the promise of better times?

It was going to be her mother and her again.

A phone started to ring, its sound coming from Kate's bag.

She had told him not to bother her. Kate climbed off the soft mattress, padded across the wood, squatted down and from her grey-green bag pulled out the phone. She squeezed it in her hand, not knowing what to do. She wanted to answer it, but that would nullify the request she had made of Ethan, wouldn't it?

She accepted the call. “I told you not to bother me again.”

“Is that the way to greet your mother's saviour?” Her mother's voice said through the phone.

Kate gasped for air and her legs gave way; with a small bump, she sat on the floor. Since she had been committed, her mother never called her; she didn't even have a phone. Where had that thing -- because it had to be him who was talking to her with her mother's voice -- gotten a phone? In a weak, thin voice she said, “What do you want?”

“You are very well aware of what I want.”

The Keeper. “Why do you want her?”

“It's a personal matter.”

That he refused to share with her. She would have asked if he intended to hurt her, but that question was redundant. Of course he would try to hurt Nan, the question was, could he succeed? The handbook said that Keepers were immortal and since they were the only spirits that weren't mirrored, their spiritual energy was eleven times stronger than that of ordinary spirits. The Eater probably wanted to feed on her like he was feeding on her mother. “How... how can I believe that you’ll hold up your end of the bargain?”

“I have enjoyed feeding on your mother's delicious spirit, but the taste of it has become stale and bland; I have no interest in it. But if you decide to refuse my offer, then I might do something drastic like fill myself to the brim with your mother's energy. And then what would happen to your dear mother who, I'm afraid, in her fragile state isn't able to sate my appetite and survive anymore?”

“I'll...” Kate had to clear her throat to continue speaking, “I will tell you my decision on Saturday.”

“It might be too late for your mother on Saturday.”

Leave her alone, leave her alone.
The urge to yell into the receiver was overwhelming, but she somehow managed to stomp it down to hiss, “If... if anything happens to her, anything at all, I'll... I'll kill you.”

“Tick-tock, tick-tock,” he said before he cut the connection.

“I will kill you,” Kate repeated into the receiver. “I will. I will tear you apart, slice you apart until nothing remains.” But if she had ability to do that, she would have already done it.

With a weird mixture of anticipation and dread, she waited for Saturday to come. She could have driven to the sanatorium immediately, but even though her mother hadn’t been relocated yet, they had increased the rounds, and she didn't want to raise suspicion by showing up outside of her usual visiting schedule, afraid that they might demand that a nurse be present. And she refused to say anything to that thing over the phone.

She hoped that time would pass quickly and smoothly until then, but it dragged on. So when Mandy and Tyler ambushed her during lunch break on Wednesday and insisted she join them in the cafeteria, she accepted their offer, not knowing that Ethan would be there too. They sat across the formica-topped table from each other and once or twice he leaned over the table and opened his mouth as if to speak, but she averted her gaze. He didn't express any desire to talk to her after that, but she did have to endure his long, searching gazes, which didn't stop even after she caught him staring.

#

Deep breaths, deep breaths, Kate instructed herself as she walked up the sanatorium's stairs. There was nothing to fear. She was going to step into her mother's room, tell the Eater Nan's address, and he would be gone. How many times had she walked up these stairs and down this hallway full of hope, which in the end had exploded in her face?

Maybe she shouldn't even think about exposing Nan, but what was there to do? The Eater was right: her mother, fragile as she was and with her weak heart, wouldn’t be able to tolerate the Eater's presence much longer. Besides, it wasn't as if Kate was exchanging her mother's life for Nan's.

She pushed the door open, and entered the room with a sure stride and a confidence she didn’t feel. As usual, her mother sat in the yellow armchair by the window, with the difference that the chair now faced the door, not the window.

Her mother crossed her legs and the edge of her flowered white robe slipped over her knee, exposing her blue sweatpants. “Ah, you finally came,” she said, her facial muscles twitching.

The door shut behind her and in silence Kate could hear the ticking of the clock set on the night stand. “Like I said I would. Now, get out of her.”

“The location.” Kate’s mother stood up.

She told him.

“Write it down.”

“Get out of her first.”

“Very well.” A white substance rose from her mother and formed into a shape. Her mother slumped down into the chair.

“Mum.” Kate would have rushed to her pale, trembling mother, but the Eater demanded the address, and she pulled out a pen and a slip of paper and hurriedly scribbled it down.

Mother started to emit short, wheezing sounds, half-hiccups, half-coughs, her wide eyes staring at the Eater.

“Here.” Kate pushed the paper into the Eater's whiteness, not caring if he could grab it or not, then rushed to the armchair. Her hands slid over her mother's shaking shoulders and down her arms. There was something wrong with her, terribly wrong. “What have you done?” She turned to glower at the Eater, but the thing was gone.

Her mother became pliant in her hands.

“Mum. Mum.” Kate shook her. “Mum.”

Mother started to curl into herself, her eyes glazing.

“Help! Help!” Kate rushed to press the emergency call button that hung by a cord over the bed, then she was by her mother's side again. She wrapped her arm around her middle and buried her head against her mother's chest. “Somebody help me, please! Please!”

The door slammed open and people rushed in. In a blur of white they ripped Kate from her mother and pushed her aside.

A trolley with machines on top of it click-clacked past Kate, who tried to push her way through the people that crowded around her mother, but a man softly nudged her backwards.

“I'm not leaving! I'm not leaving! You can't make me,” Kate screamed, trying to see what was going on over the man's shoulder.

The sound of electricity, somebody said, “Clear.” A small thump followed.

“Mum,” Kate whispered, her voice lost in the clatter of people and machines.

“Clear.”

“Mum.”

A golden dot appeared over the armchair and spread until its beams lit every corner of the room. The noises hushed, cleared out of the way by the silence of the light.

Without ever having seen it before Kate instinctively knew what it was. “No!” She tried to claw her way past the man. “No, please.”

She was gently steered out on the hallway and the door was shut in her face.

“No!” She took hold of the door knob and hung onto it.

The man softly murmured something to her as his fingers gently tried to loosen her hold.

“NO!” In an act of desperation she dove into herself and then pushed her way out of her body as if she were peeling off a wetsuit. Her spirit rose up while her body collapsed to the ground. She shot her way into the room and dove for the pink aura spirit that had already half-vanished into the golden light.

“Mum!” She wrapped her arms around it and held on it tightly. “No. No. You can't leave me. You can't.”

The world sank in the greyness, void of colours except a tiny pinkish dot, hovering at the edge of her vision. It was cold and lonely in this world and even
Somewhere in Between
put on replay didn't help in dispersing this colourless anguish.

She wouldn’t have this thing beat by tomorrow.

Not that she believed she would. But maybe she wouldn’t have to, maybe this was just a nightmare, and when she woke up in the morning, everything would be as it had been a week ago, when her mother was safely tucked away in the sanatorium, not lying in the local cemetery. Because of her. Because of a deal she made with that thing.

It was her fault.

Her fault.

Her fault!

Kate pushed her hand against her mouth as if that would stop the sobs that started to echo off the walls of the wardrobe.

Because of the tranquillizers, she couldn't remember much of the last week, just parts of it, like somebody had hit fast-forward. She could remember the funeral though; the sun that reflected against the whiteness of the urn and the people's sunglasses; the blackness of the suits and dresses; the gazes full of pity that suffocated her; her father's heavy hand on her arm; Mandy's, Tyler's and Ethan's eyes, full of compassion; and Nan's absence.

She buried her fingers into the tousled mass of her black hair and tugged on it to the point of pain. Nan was gone, she had heard the whispers as she numbly and silently sat between Tyler and Mandy on the couch in the living room full of strangers that came to express their condolences. Nan disappeared without a word, while all of her clothes and possessions stayed behind. Tyler's parents had already notified the police.

That was her fault, too. And she wanted to disappear, fade away, vanish as if she had never existed at all. Would anybody even miss her if she did?

She told that to Dr. Smart, as she called the red-haired shrink she had started to visit again, twice a week, but only because her father insisted.

If she could think about Dr. Smart, that meant that her mind was clearing and she needed more pills. Where were they anyway? She searched with her hand until her fingers found a vial stuffed into a folded pair of socks.

Her father, who was on leave, didn't know about her private stash, the majority of them leftovers from her mother. She popped a blue pill into her mouth, put it at the end of her tongue, collected saliva and swallowed it, then another one, white this time, before she hid the vial back in the sock.

She liked the feeling of distance the combination of sedatives gave her, as if she were looking at the world through frosted glass, as if the life she was living wasn't real, that everything that had happened were just part of a very realistic dream.

“Kate.” The door of the wardrobe opened and the shadow of a man towered over Kate while the light coming from behind him blinded her. He squatted down and his arms wrapped around Kate, lifting her up.

“Leave me alone!” Kate groaned as she always did when her father tried to get her out of the closet, which was every night. “Just leave me be.”

“Shh,” a male voice, not her father's, said.

She tried to focus and through the blur of her vision, she noticed blond hair framing a familiar beautiful face. She knew him.

A girl's voice coming from the side said something, but Kate couldn't comprehend her, too busy staring at the boy. Ethan, yes, it was Ethan.

Ethan smiled down on her. “Hey.”

But Ethan didn't like her. Nobody liked her. Not even her mother. She had called Kate a monster.

“Please don't cry.” The blond's arms gathered her and pressed her against his chest.

So unlovable. But how could somebody, anybody love her when she had... She had murdered her mother. Her fault. And even Nan...

“Don't cry, please,” he whispered into her hair, rocking her as if she was a child.

She held onto him, held onto his warmth, the murmuring sounds of comfort lulling her into sleep.

It was dark when she woke up, lying on her belly on a softness so different from the hardness of the wardrobe boards. Her mind was clear, too clear, and she could hear the sounds of breathing coming from the pillow beside her and felt a weight on her back.

She turned her head toward the sound and in the weak light of the moon sneaking through the windows she could see the outline of a face. It was Ethan's.

So it was a dream.

But even in a dream, the clarity of her thoughts was too much for her and she needed the soggy dizzies to hide herself. She wiggled her way from under the covers and Ethan's arm and crawled into her wardrobe. She gulped down pills and then sat on the floor before the wardrobe not knowing what do to while the silence of the house pressed down on her.

She had no idea how long she sat there, but it got cold and she tugged on the cover, trying to pull it down off the bed. Why wasn't it coming down?

“Kate.” The light on the night-stand lit the room and the sound of feet padding over the wood before Ethan leaned over her. “What are you doing here?”

She looked up.

His fingers touched her face and drew up her eyelid. “You took them again, didn't you? How many?”

He was pretty.

“How many, Kate? How many pills did you take?”

Oh, the pills. She showed him two fingers.

“Your father said that I should only give you one. Is he aware that you’re taking them on your own?”

Her father? Where was he? Kate glanced around the room. He usually came to check on her before bed, always trying to get her out of the closet and onto the bed.

“He had to take care of some business and asked if we could look after you for a day or two,” Ethan said. “He's really worried about you. He's afraid that you might do something to yourself. You won’t do anything, will you? Because you’re a tough girl, right?”

Do something. If she was going to do anything, she would make a sandwich. She was hungry.

“We’ll fix you something. I'll tell Mandy.” For a moment he disappeared from her line of vision, but soon he stood beside her again, dragging her up and onto the bed. “You are heavy. Shouldn't you at least cooperate a little?”

He wasn't just pretty; he had a nice voice, too.

He tucked her in and then sat beside her, his fingers buried in her hair and massaging her scalp.

Kate relaxed under his caress. Her eyelids became heavy and she had trouble keeping them open, until she couldn't and a soothing darkness enveloped her and pulled her into depths of sleep.

When she woke up this time, the weak light coming from the gap between the curtains drew lines on the beige bedspread. Pain pulsed in her head and her stomach rattled. There was a plate with a sandwich on the nightstand, and in the silence she could hear the faint noise of television.

Yesterday... Her forehead wrinkled. There had been somebody in her room. Ethan, yes, and Mandy and maybe Tyler, she wasn't sure about the latter, but she thought she had heard him. She pulled the cover over her head.

What were they doing there? Was it so much fun watching her as she squirmed in her weakness? If she asked them that, they would answer that they only wanted to help her get through this. But she didn't want help and she didn't want to get through this. She refused to get through this. This pain, this hollow emptiness, this bleakness of her life, it was her punishment, her hell.

She pressed her fists against her temples, squeezing, squeezing until it felt like her head would explode. But she couldn't take it, the guilt; that's why she took the pills. She needed one, or better yet, two. She climbed off the bed and walked to the white wardrobe. She opened it and dug her fingers into the folded socks in the corner.

She froze. Her finger should have grabbed the smooth plastic of the vial, but all that she could feel was the softness of cotton. Where were they? Her hands slid over the bottom of the cabinet, touching, feeling, but the pills weren't there. There was no need to panic, she said to herself. She had more of them.

She strode to her bathroom, pushed her hand into the basket that held her hair accessories, but no matter how much she felt among the hair clips, ties and headbands, the small bag hidden there was missing. The cabinet under the sink was next, there should be a vial behind the plank at the bottom of the cabinet. She moved it aside. And there behind it -- there was nothing there.

There was nothing there!

“Is this what you are looking for?”

She turned toward the voice and saw Ethan standing at the door, a small brownish vial in his raised hand.

“Give them to me.” She rose up and stretched out her hand.

“Your father is worried about you. And your mother, too. Not just about the drugs -- she told me where you have them, you know -- but about your refusal to see her.”

“That's none of your business.” Kate moved closer to him. “Give them to me.”

“You put on that black pendant, didn't you?”

“Give them to me.” Kate reached for them, but Ethan snatched them out of her grasp. “Give them to me. Now!”

“Ethan,” a woman's voice drifted to them. “Is everything all right?”

“Everything is fine.” Ethan yelled over his shoulder before he faced Kate. “It's my mother. She's keeping an eye on --”

Kate jumped up, trying to grab the pills and cursed when he snatched them away again.

There was another hiding place, not hers, but her mother's. Kate shoved her way past Ethan and stomped into the main bedroom, a room with light-grey coloured walls and massive furniture made out of cherry wood. She passed the king-sized bed to get to the night-stand, which she pushed away. A plastic folder was taped to the wall.

It was empty.

The pain that until then had only pulsed in her head became a raging hurricane that coloured her vision red. “Ethan!” She stormed out of the room and spotted him waiting for her in the hallway.

“We need to talk,” she heard him say, then saw his eyes widen as she crashed down on him, pushing him down, while her hands tried to wrestle the vial out of his fingers.

She needed those pills, needed the comfort they offered. And he was taking them away. What else would he take away from her? Wasn't she broken enough already?

She hated him.

Hated him.

Hated him!

Her nails raked over his arms, face, anything that she could reach while she sank her teeth into his shoulder.

Ethan yelped.

There was a thunder of feet and arms hooked around her waist and hauled her backwards.

A scream rose up, filled her ears and lasted and lasted while she fought against Tyler's hold, kicking out and flailing her hands.

Mandy stopped at the top of the stairs, her brows furrowed and her mouth moving as if she were saying something, but Kate couldn't hear her over the scream.

Ethan stepped toward Kate.

She kicked out, her feet colliding with his hip.

A blonde woman appeared behind Mandy, but Ethan, who turned to her, must have said something to her because she returned downstairs.

And the scream still lasted and lasted and lasted, and Kate realized with horror that it was her who was screaming, but she couldn't stop, just as she couldn't stop thrashing in Tyler's arms.

She was falling apart, shattering right before their eyes, and she couldn't do anything to prevent it.

The scream fragmented into broken sobs and incomprehensible words that tumbled out of her mouth.

Tyler's grip loosened and she would have slumped down, but his arms caught her.

Ethan moved closer, his hands lifted as if he wanted to take her away from Tyler.

“Get away!” Kate screamed at him, her voice broken, before she turned away from him, wrapped her arms around Tyler's shoulders and found safety against Tyler's chest. He was the only one she could trust. Only him.

Tyler lifted her up and carried her into her room where he laid her on the bed. “You should eat something and then try to sleep.”

She grabbed a handful of his blue sweater preventing him from rising up. “I need them, the pills.”

He opened his mouth, to refuse her, probably.

“Please. Please. Just for today, please.”

Tyler pinched his brows together like he was contemplating her request, giving Kate the hope he might give in when Ethan intruded, insisting that the pills were harming her.

“What does he know?” Kate whispered. “Don't listen to him. And don't let him get near me.”

“Kate, he's trying to help.” Tyler's hand found hers. “Ah, here's Mandy with the soup. You need to eat something warm, you know.”

“I'm not hungry.” Kate settled down, holding onto Tyler's hand.

“But you haven't had anything since yesterday and it's already past ten.” Ethan went around the bed and sat down on it.

Kate noticed a pink smear above him and her breathing become short and shallow. Dread wrapped its cold talons around her chest and squeezed. “Get off.” She kicked Ethan, trying to push him off the bed while clinging to the calm that threatened to slip out of her grasp.