The 13th: Destiny Awaits (19 page)

The soft rustle of clothes, deep breathing, and thuds as bodies landed on the padded surface could be heard in the dojo hall. Kate, with Ethan and his two students, practised in the left corner of the training area, while a group of ten occupied the rest of the training hall.

With a long staff, Kate repeated the forms Ethan had showed her a minute ago until the movement of her body and the swings of the stick developed into a smooth gliding, her mind blank. Her mouth hurt from the false smile that flashed on her face every time she caught Ethan's, Sandra's, or Julie's gaze. She had been doing everything Ethan required from her without questions and without arguing.

“What's wrong?” he asked after the end of their lesson. He put the wooden staves they used into their rack on the wall.

“Why would there be anything wrong?” Kate busied herself with adjusting the white belt she had tied around the white wraparound jacket, part of the
keikogi.

“You’re suddenly too agreeable.”

Her eyes slid over the mess of damp hair matted against the temples of his handsome face, then down his white jacket, between the edges of which she could see a part of his chest, over the black belt and white wide pants to his bare feet. It suited him, this look. But he looked good in anything. “Isn't that what you wanted?” A quick glance at his face. “Because we have a deal.”

He rubbed his neck, his brows furrowed; he opened his mouth, but Sandra forced her way in between them.

Kate used that opportunity to quietly remove herself to the dressing room. Julie already stood by the bench, clothes hanging on the hooks above it. Julie was a recent member of Sandra's group, which she had probably joined thanks to her parents’ friendship with the owner of the dojo. To Kate she didn't appear like one of Sandra's devoted followers, but she couldn't blame the girl for trying to cash in on her connections to climb higher up the school food chain.

Kate took a quick shower and had just pulled on her jeans when the door of the small room opened with a bang and Sandra stomped through it. She cornered Kate, her eyes dark and clouded. “What did you say to him?”

Kate groaned; she couldn't help herself.

Sandra stepped closer, her puffed chest forcing its way into Kate's personal space. “What did you say to him?”

“I don't know what this is about,” Kate said. She thought of raising her hands as a shield, but she might accidentally touch
them
. She irritably glanced at Sandra's breasts before she faced Sandra. “But I have nothing to do with it.”

“It's your fault.” Sandra poked her in her chest, her face distorting into a grotesque mask. “It's always you, you, you. You are ruining my life. I won't allow it.”

Kate shoved Sandra's finger away, but it appeared against her chest again together with Sandra's insults. For a moment she silently stared at the blonde, hearing and seeing her as if she stood behind a glass wall. She had been suffering Sandra's bullying since her fall from grace, trying to survive the school year, believing that tolerating Sandra's outbursts was easier that fighting them. “What are you talking about? I’ve never done anything to you.”

Sandra froze in the middle of the poke, repeating the words in a slow surprise, “You haven't done anything to me?” She fisted the fabric of Kate's undershirt and got into Kate's face. “It's you, your fault. They talk about it, how they would like to wipe that annoying cheerful smile off your face, but they didn't because of Tyler. So they chose me as your replacement.”

Kate pried Sandra's fingers off. “What replacement?” Sandra's words made no sense.

Sandra snarled. “They hurt me. They pushed me around. They even hit me. Me!”

Hit. Pushed around. Could it be? So it
was
Sandra, that girl the Clover had used as their stress relief. From the corner of her eye, Kate saw Julie calmly taking her bag, sliding it over her shoulder and moving toward the door.

“When it should have been you. But because you had Tyler...” Red spots coloured Sandra's cheeks as she shifted away from her and fisted her hands. “But I took him away. And now I will take Ethan away too. You can't have him.”

Julie left, shutting the door behind her with a small thud. Kate tore her gaze from the door and crossed her arms. So that's why Sandra always targeted her. But wasn't she missing the mark? The ones who she should be angry at were the Clover girls, not her.

“You are not coming back, I won't allow it.” Sandra gave her a last burning look before she brushed past Kate, her shoulder slammed against Kate's, and she disappeared into white-tiled showers.

Coming back, where? From her bag on the bench, Kate took her cotton shirt and put it on just in time for Ethan to yell from the other side of the door, asking if she was ready.

“Yes.” She gathered her belongings into the bags, put on her sweater and joined him. Ethan offered to practise meditation with her after training in the dojo, and she accepted his proposal with open arms, believing that she would fight better in her spirit form.

It had soon become a habit, having meditation lessons on the thick carpet in her living room after leaving the dojo. She was getting better at leaving her body, and as a spirit, she didn't drift around aimlessly like a leaf caught in the wind. Yesterday, he had even taken her hunting in her spirit form. By finding a solid core in her spirit as Ethan instructed her to do, she found equilibrium in her movement. She was improving immensely, even Ethan said so, but what didn't improve, no matter how much time they spent together, was their relationship. A cold distance ruled between them with their conversation never strayed away from their lessons into more private areas of their lives. There were no more jokes, no more playful banter and no more food, only absent, cold and accusing gazes tossed in her direction, as if he had lost something and he blamed her for it. Could it be because the other day, when Sandra harassed her again, Kate had told her that they had broken up, and Sandra's attacks on Ethan had intensified?

“Soon, you won't need these lessons anymore,” Ethan told her as they rose up from the brown rug and an almost tangible awkwardness appeared between them, as it had so many times before.

“I guess.” And that meant that they would drift even farther apart. Oh, yes, they would see each other in school and whenever Mandy and Tyler demanded their company, where they would pretend to be on good terms. That had happened twice so far, but that was all.

It was better that way, Kate knew, or she at least tried to believe it, but… No, no ‘buts.’ Not where Ethan was concerned.

He scowled, his eyes trailing over the living room furniture, his hands deep in the pockets of his black pants. He looked  like he wanted to tell her something, but he didn’t know how. He shuffled his feet, his gaze finding hers.

“Yes?” Kate inquired, just to break the stiff silence.

“I...”

“Yes?”

“I still need your help.” He averted his gaze. “With Sandra.”

She had assumed that it would come to this, hoping that it wouldn't. “I'm sure you can clear things up with her yourself. Just be firm, you know, like you mean business,” she tossed the words he had said to her back at him.

The frown on his face deepened. “I deserve that. I shouldn't have said it to you, especially not when you’ve been helping me with Sandra and had to take the brunt of it for my sake. How you were dealing with her was your business and I should have kept my mouth shut.”

She moved to the coffee table and sank onto the couch, crossing her legs and arms. He had to have a reason for saying that, since she doubted that this was coming from the goodness of his heart.

His blue eyes lifted, trying to make contact with hers.

She refused to.

“I miss you,” he said, his voice barely heard. “And I'm sorry for being a jerk.”

Kate risked a quick glance at Ethan, who looked surprisingly contrite, like a puppy who had just been scolded for leaving a puddle on the polished floor. He must want something from her, badly. To be his shield again -- he had said that himself.

“But I was mad and...” A short pause. “You never said that you liked me, did you? I just assumed you did and --”

“Stop it, please.” Kate lifted her hand, the first hints of a headache starting to undulate at her temples. She had to clear her throat before she could continue. “Why is it so hard for you to tell Sandra off yourself?”

“What does Sandra have to do with --”

“You want me to get her off your back, right?”

“Well, I doubt that you could do that, but I would like your help, yes.” He hesitantly closed the distance between them. “You see... You heard about my breakdown... the cause of it...” He rubbed his neck, a troubled look appearing in his eyes. He sat down on the low table in front of her. “I should probably start at the beginning.”

“You don't have to tell me.” Kate unlocked her legs and pulled them against her chest, the fabric of her green slippers curled against the couch's edge, their colour vibrant against the brown fabric of the couch.

“I want to,” Ethan said. “I want you to know about it.” His forehead wrinkled. “How should I start? Um. There was this girl, you see. I worked with her on a few commercials, and occasionally we had lunch together and a few drinks, but never alone, always in company. But... somehow she started to imagine that I liked her, even loved her. Don't know why, since I never did more than exchange a word or two with her. We weren’t friends. I hardly even noticed her; she was just a girl I worked with.”

He pressed his lips together before he continued, “I don't know how long she stalked me and lurked around my agency and my apartment before I noticed her. At first I thought that it was just a coincidence, but then I started to see her everywhere.”

Kate wanted to reach out and to wrap her hand around his, to offer him comfort, but she stayed motionless and silent.

“She started to bother me, too, like she wasn't satisfied with just observing me anymore; she started to call me and asked me to go out for drinks with her or to lunch or dinner. I changed my phone number every ten days and reported her to my agency, and they sent out a guard, but it didn't help. She found a way into my apartment, she was there going through my stuff, and I didn't even know it, not until I locked myself in and she was there.” He folded his slightly trembling hands and nursed them in his lap. “First I screamed at her, then I begged her to leave me alone.” When his eyes met Kate's, they looked haunted, hollow. “She did. A day later she killed herself. That's why... That's why as much as I wish I could give Sandra what’s coming to her, I can't do it. I just can't do it.”

“I understand.” Kate rested her chin on her knees. She could remember when they were on their first fake date together with Mandy and Tyler and how she had wondered if Ethan had scars, too. Apparently he did. Quite deep ones. “But I don't know how I can help you.”

“Be my girlfriend.”

“I figured out why Sandra is on my case,” she told him. “She's afraid that by dating you I might climb up the social ladder and take her place. Well, I think that she is afraid of that and I also think that she genuinely likes you.”

“My looks, you mean. If it was up to her, she would probably use me as her accessory.”

“Perhaps,” Kate said.

“I know that I'm asking for a lot.”

Yes, he was. And there was still the whole Yuki, the ghost, thing. She mentioned it to one of the spirits willing to talk to her while she reaped, but despite their usual consoling words, none of them could give her any sort of explanation beyond ‘they must have a connection that is preventing Yuki from leaving.’

“You’re probably asking yourself why you should help me, right?”

“Because I'm such a nice girl?”

He flashed his teeth in a smile. “Because of the goodness of your heart.”

She closed her eyes for a fraction of a second. She wished she could help him, but she had to think about herself. Clashing with Sandra was a certainty as soon as the blonde learned they were back together, and it was the last thing Kate needed right now, when she had to concentrate on what awaited her: the fight with that Eater. “I'm sorry, I can't.”

She expected him to spring up and storm out, but he didn't. He searched her face, then nodded before he lifted himself up. It looked so final when he picked up his leather jacket from the back of the couch and, with a last look in her direction and a short nod, left the room.

The bell announcing lunch break rang; students poured out of the classrooms and filled the empty and silent hallways with the clatter and thunder of feet.

Kate followed the river of people, her eyes searching for blond hair. Not Mandy, but Sandra. She couldn't -- she refused to act as a barrier between Sandra and Ethan. After he told her about his stalker, she could understand his reluctance to put the blonde in her place, but he would have to get over it, otherwise his looks would give him problems with women all of his life.

Oh, there she was. Kate spotted Sandra and carefully trailed behind her, looking for an opening to ambush her. She had rejected Ethan's plea for help, but there was a little something that she could do for him. And for herself. Until now her only goal had been to survive these last two years of high school, staying as unnoticeable as possible, wishing she could fade away, but now... She was so close to getting her mother back, something that before Ethan had showed up in her life she had only dreamt of; in that context surviving high school seemed like such an easy thing now, such a small thing. Of course, she didn't want to provoke Sandra -- despite her perspective having changed, she didn't wish to stir up more trouble -- but it couldn't be helped.

The group of girls with Sandra in the middle reached the ash-coloured double panel doors that led into the cafeteria. One of the girls pushed the doors open and the others followed her inside, with Sandra lingering behind them, glancing around, probably looking for Ethan, who rarely stepped into the cafeteria.

This was her chance. Kate took a few deep breaths as if preparing herself to dive into water, then she sneaked closer to Sandra. She gripped the blonde’s arm and pushed her along into the nearest women’s toilet, just across the hallway. Surprisingly, Sandra didn't resist her too much, but when Kate released her by the sinks, she glowered and hissed insults at Kate, rubbing her arm.

“How dare you?”

There were two things that Sandra cared about over all others: her station and her reputation, and Kate, who had never imagined herself going against Sandra, intended to use that. She was getting braver. Or more stupid. “I want you to leave Ethan alone.”

“That should be my line.” Sandra snorted, her arms akimbo. “Actually it is. And you two broke up.”

Kate’s mouth felt dry as if she had eaten sand and her heart made little frightened flutters in her chest. She had to get this over with before she lost her nerve. “Do you remember what happened when you started those false rumours about me and Tyler dating behind your back?”

“Oh, yeah, that was a good one.” Sandra's mouth stretched in a nasty smile, reflected in the mirrors lined above the sinks. “I was quite proud of it.”

“It caused quite some damage, despite most people knowing it was a lie.” Kate leaned back on the sink, annoyance bubbling inside her. She welcomed it, since it overrode the nervousness, but she had to keep it in check because she needed to stay collected and calm. “And I wondered what would happen if Tyler told everybody that you used Ethan when he was drunk and that is the reason we broke up. And that despite Ethan’s refusal, you continue to stalk and harass him.”

“Nobody is going to believe that.”

“Perhaps,” Kate said. “But the way you are following him around, well, there’s a strong possibility that they might. And you know how much everybody respects Tyler; they probably think that he can't tell lies.”

“Tyler wouldn't do that.” Sandra's gaze burned into Kate.

“After what you put him through, I wouldn't be so sure of it.” Kate straightened. Sandra was right, Tyler would have never harmed anyone, unlike Sandra, who did this sort of thing on a regular basis. But since Sandra had never put any effort into really getting to know Tyler before or while they were dating, it shouldn't be hard to talk Sandra into believing otherwise. Kate could already see hints of fear in Sandra's eyes and in the way the blonde hugged herself. It gave her courage. “Actually I haven't even mentioned this to Tyler, I'm afraid that he might like the idea of getting even with you.”

“He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn't,” Sandra repeated stubbornly. “You can never take my place.”

“I'm not interested in that. I never was,” Kate said. “But if you continue bothering me and my friends, I just might change my mind.”

“Like you could do it.” Sandra chuckled, but it sounded forced.

“With our basketball star as a best friend and with the hottest guy in the school as a boyfriend, I could do it quite easily, don't you think? And did you know that Ethan can get free designer clothes? He is the one who is filling Mandy's wardrobe, and if I ask him, I'm sure his friends would be willing to send him something for me, too.”

“I know that!” Sandra snapped.

“You knew that?” She stayed close to Ethan and Mandy, she must have overheard it. But wait -- “Don't tell me --” could it be possible “-- that's the reason why you’re stalking him so persistently even after he told you he’s not interested in you? For free clothes?”

Sandra hissed something incomprehensible, an insult probably, then wheeled around and stormed out of the restroom.

So it was true? Sandra wanted to be Ethan's girlfriend because of free clothes.

A girl came out of one of the green toilet stalls. “That was great.” She gave a wide smile to Kate and a thumbs-up before she washed her hands and left.

“Was it?” Kate whispered and glanced at her hands; now that the adrenaline had stopped pumping through her body, they trembled against her sides. If this small confrontation affected her like this, how would she be able to face that Soul Eater?

She needed more time.

#

The light breeze ruffled the tree tops scattered alongside the road as if they were waving welcome to Kate as she drove past them.

“You are amazing,” Mandy said through the speaker of the phone, resting in its dashboard holder.

“I just hope it works.” At the intersection Kate turned left into the street that led to her house. She had told Mandy about the bathroom encounter with Sandra, asking her to tell Tyler what had happened, to make sure Kate had Tyler's support. “Well, you’ll tell me.”

“I wish you would let me tell Ethan about it.”

“But I am, but only about the free clothes thing. Nothing about me, we agreed.” Kate turned into the driveway and parked. “Look, I have to go now; we'll see each other later.”

“Are you going to drop by Nan’s?”

“That's the plan.”

“Okay, see you then,” Mandy said before she cut their connection.

Kate pocketed her phone, grabbed her bag from the passenger seat and went into the house. Even before she closed the heavy front door behind her, she could hear her father's deep voice coming from the living room. She peeked inside and saw her father's wide back and his slumped shoulders as he strode to and fro.

“Yes, I will tell her, thank you,” her father said then put the receiver of the phone back in its place on the cabinet beside the TV. He faced her.

“What? What is it?”

“Your mother... she... it's getting worse.”

“What happened?” Kate dropped the bag so that it thudded against the parquet, the sound loud in her ears. She walked to him, fast at first, then her steps slowed down the closer she got.

“I don't know.” Father fingers rubbed over his chin. “They want to see me. They’re thinking about transferring her.”

“Where?”

“To a ward with twenty-four hour supervision, the one she was in at the beginning.”

The one that had rooms with glass walls and nurses who patrolled the hallway, looking into the rooms every hour. Kate could remember that place: white, sterile, it reminded her of a test lab, the people behind the glass the subjects. “It's more expensive.” Not to mention, if Kate intended to fight with the Eater there, she would have to leave her body in the car.

“I know,” Father said. “She also wants to see you, she has been asking constantly about you, especially since you missed your Saturday visit. Where were you?”

“Oh, that, I wasn't feeling well.” Kate would liked to have seen her mother, but going into Mother's room meant confronting the Eater and she wasn't ready for it yet. She needed time.

“Dr. Swick wants to talk with you about Mother's last attack, the attack you didn’t mention to me.” Father gave her a disapproving gaze.

“It wasn’t that serious.”

“They had to sedate her,” Father said. “And she's still agitated, which is bad for her heart -- you know how bad her heart is -- but Dr. Swick's hoping that your presence will help calm her down. I promised that I would bring you with me tomorrow afternoon.”

“Tomorrow? But I have school.” Kate shook her head. Tomorrow was too soon.

“I’ve already called the school and I expect you to be home at noon.”

She subtly tried to get out of it, but her father refused to budge. She could have been more forceful, but the wrinkles that ploughed his face were already too deep, his shoulders too slumped, and his step too lifeless, too tired. So the next day she found herself in the passenger seat of her father’s car and later, sitting in front of the desk of Dr. Swick, the head of the sanatorium. She answered a few questions about her mother's attack, explaining that she had no idea what the reason for it could be, especially since her mother had seemed so unresponsive. The doctor dismissed her then, saying that he needed to discuss matters with her father, and she left the office, passing the line of framed diplomas and certificates that occupied the south wall. She strolled through the hallways, dilly-dallying and admiring the walls decorated with pictures by local artists and with art by the patients. She had intended to make a detour, to visit corridors she had never been down before, but somehow her feet carried her into a familiar hallway, before a familiar door.

She could hear her heartbeat drumming in her ears, loud in the silence ruling the corridor. She was too afraid to enter, but... It would be better to cross the threshold of the room alone than in the company of her father. She reached out and touched the smooth wood. She sighed, before she turned the door knob and nudged the door open.

It was the same, the room, with her mother sitting in the yellow armchair before the window like always. But it felt so different, as if going into it --

She swallowed, hard. She wouldn’t allow that creature to get the better of her. With her chin lifted, she took a step inside. The door behind her swung closed.

She took another step, and another, until she stood in the middle of the room, reluctant to close the distance between her and the armchair.

The body that until now rested in the armchair lifted and its head slowly turned while its back stayed facing Kate. The long black hair coiled around the neck like a snake. Mother's blank, dead eyes stared at Kate as her mouth stretched in what should have been a smile, but it looked crooked and unnatural.

A short sob escaped Kate’s throat before she pinched her mouth together. Even without the abnormal position of her mother's neck she would have known the Eater was inside her by the smile. “Get out!”

The head tilted, stretching the skin of its neck even farther. “Have you come to do my bidding?”

“There should be a special hell for things like you.” If it were up to her, she would create Dante's Seventh Circle of Hell just for him.

Her mother's face grimaced into a grotesque mask. “You stupid, ignorant child,” he spat out. “Being an Eater is hell.” He rose up and over the armchair, floating closer.

Kate could see puffs of cold fog coming from her mother's mouth as he spoke. She moved backwards.

“This existence of remorse and regret. This misery. Can you even imagine what I have to relive every time I'm feeding? All those spirits’ painful memories... First I have to relive them, and then they become part of me, haunting me, torturing me. It's much, much worse than any hell.” He chuckled, a dry, sharp sound. “Hell would be preferable.”

“Nobody asked you to feed on others’ spirits.”

“Haven't you learned anything from the handbook? I can't help it, can I? I crave their auras, I hunger for them. I need them to survive.”

Just die then,
Kate thought, but she stayed silent, raking her mind for something she could do, something that would help her rescue her mother from that monster.

“The Entity...” A snarl exposed her mother's teeth as her body towered over Kate. “It was so clever. After the appearance of the first Soul Eater and the loss of the first spirits, instead of preventing new occurrences of Eaters, it gave us pain and mirrored the world and its souls so that a soul can’t be lost even if a part of it is gone. It copied the world instead! How ridiculous is that?”

Kate in her mind skimmed through the history of the worlds from
The 13th Guidebook
. She had learned that the Entity, just as the Eater said, in fear of losing the spirits to Eaters, created other worlds and multiplied souls. So, when one part became an Eater or got
lost
, its other parts could still be united in the Pool of Memories, and a soul could continue its journey down to the Pools of Cleansing until it was ready to be reborn again. If this were true, somewhere out there could be eleven other versions of Kate. She had never bothered with the stories about the 13th, since she had never thought that it concerned her. Well, she had wondered about them here and there, but it was too far-fetched anyway. And her main worry was her mother and her well-being. “Release my mother.”