The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love (38 page)

Although abortion has been legalized by an overwhelmingly secularized court majority, such approval does not make it moral.

Most Christians oppose abortion with the sole exception of those extremely rare cases of saving the life of the mother. The abortion industry uses that exception as a smoke screen to try to justify their repugnant practice. Even President Clinton, in an attempt to justify the gruesome partial-birth abortion technique, which was opposed by both houses of Congress, tried to justify his veto because in some instances it would save the mother’s life. In truth, most doctors acknowledge that if such were the case, the child could be removed through a cesarean section during the seventh or eighth month when both child and mother have an excellent chance to survive. Even pro-choice Senator Kay Bailey Hutcheson freely states, “The partial-birth abortion is not abortion, it is murder.”

In recent years we have come to realize that even in rape cases there is no justification for abortion. All counselors, of course, should advise a “D and C” or other cleansing treatment by approved medical doctors immediately after such a traumatic experience
before
conception occurs. Such a procedure is therapeutically safe, and since life has not been “propagated” yet (or conceived, if you prefer), it is not murder.

To see the high regard for human life reflected in the Bible, read Exodus 21:22–23, which taught the children of Israel that the unborn child deserves the same protection as any other living human. For it instructs that if a pregnant women loses her child prematurely because a man happens to injure her, the man should be put to death. Obviously the Bible regards the unborn fetus as a truly living human being. We must do no less.

Abortion on demand has reached frightening proportions today. One report indicates that since the 1973 Supreme Court legalized such murder, over 40 million abortions have been performed in the U.S. Christians need to understand that the Bible, not the Supreme Court, is our basis for morality. We should all work for the defeat of any political leader who votes for abortion. He or she obviously does not have a sufficiently high regard for human life to represent the Christian community.

Many churches today that have traditionally been silent on political issues have become active in urging their members to be diligent in registering to vote, encouraging others to vote, and even considering running for public office. They have not ceased preaching the gospel, for that is their major thrust and commission, but they realize that the abortion carnage has become far worse than the holocaust of the ’40s and must be opposed by all who have a high view of human life.

The Hidden Danger of the Abortion Issue

One of the best kept secrets of the abortion issue is that young women who have had an abortion are at higher risk of having breast cancer later in life than those who have not. In some cases the risk is almost two and a half times greater. This has been verified by several competent scientists qualified to make such an assessment. On her daily radio program Beverly interviewed Dr. Joel Brind, an endocrinologist at two prestigious medical institutions. He said, “There is a clear relationship documented in medical journals showing that women aborting their first pregnancy are at much higher risk of developing breast cancer than women who carry their pregnancy to term.” For more information on this important subject call Concerned Women for America at 1 (800) 458–8797 and request their free brochure “Breast Cancer’s Link to Abortion.” You may also wish to order the excellent video
After the Choice
, which gives stirring testimonies of sixteen women who aborted their babies. Every young teenage woman or anyone considering an abortion should see this presentation.

When I was a teenager I had an abortion. Years later I became a Christian. Now I have a family, but I am still troubled by what I have done. Will I ever get over this feeling of guilt?

Pro-abortionists rarely discuss the enormous guilt that often follows an abortion. I well recall conducting a funeral for a twenty-one-year-old woman who had committed suicide after hers!

Thankfully, the Bible guarantees that the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from
all sin
, including abortion (1 John 1:7–9). I suggest two procedures that will help you to deal with your guilt: (1) do a Bible study on God’s forgiveness; (2) after having asked God’s forgiveness for that specific sin, thank Him by faith for His forgiveness each time you recall the experience. Gradually your feelings of guilt will fade away.

Adultery

Can a person truly be forgiven of adultery?

The sins of adultery, homosexuality, and murder were held as capital crimes in the Bible, as evidenced by the prescribed death penalty (Lev. 20:10). Clearly, human life is of prime importance in the Word of God, and these sins affect the perpetuity of life. In spite of that, Jesus Christ’s sacrifice on the cross is sufficient to cleanse a person of these or any other sins (1 John 1:7, 9). Further evidence of God’s pardon of this sin appears in Jesus’ forgiveness of the woman taken in adultery (John 8:1–11) and the woman with five husbands who was living with still another man (John 4:1–41).

Can a Christian commit adultery?

Christians are potentially capable of committing any sin known to man, but if they are “born again,” they cannot avoid the ensuing guilt that comes through the Holy Spirit (John 16:7–11). For that reason Paul challenges Christians to walk in the motivation of the Spirit, not in the motivation of the flesh (Gal. 5:16–21). If Christians harbor evil thoughts over a period of time, they will ultimately act out these thoughts. That is why Christ equated lustful thoughts with adultery (Matt. 5:28). In this day of abundant sexual temptation it is imperative to guard one’s thought life.

How can I forgive my partner for his unfaithfulness?

There is probably no greater betrayal of trust than marital infidelity; consequently it is not uncommon for the offended partner to find great difficulty in forgiving his or her mate. But anguish and resentment must not be perpetuated, for though it is understandable, resentment is no basis on which to build a relationship. That is why many couples break up after an adulterous escapade, even when it is concluded with repentance and the offender discontinues such conduct.

Our Lord taught the necessity of forgiveness in Matthew 6:14–15; Ephesians 4:32; and many other passages. God never commands us to do what He will not enable us to do; therefore, if you
want
to forgive, you can. But if you wish to harbor bitterness and bear a grudge, you will probably never get over these destructive feelings. I challenged one offended wife with that problem, “Do you want to be happy the rest of your life or miserable? It’s up to you!”

How can I forgive myself for being unfaithful to my partner?

Infidelity is among the most devastating blows to a marriage, creating a series of harmful results, not the least of which is the guilt that engulfs the transgressor. We have seen such guilt drive the offender to a nervous breakdown. The Scripture says, “The way of the unfaithful is hard” (Prov. 13:15); that is particularly true of sexual sins.

All self-forgiveness begins with God’s forgiveness. Once the realization grips you that your confession of that sin in the name of Jesus Christ has cleansed you from
all
unrighteousness, you will begin to forgive yourself. Two things can hasten this: (1) get a Bible concordance and write down every verse in Scripture on the subject of forgiveness of sin, then read them over several times; (2) on the basis of 1 John 1:9, every time you remember your sin, pause long enough to thank God by faith that He has forgiven you. Gradually you will learn to accept forgiveness as a fact rather than condemn yourself for confessed sin.

I have confessed my sin of adultery to God and have no intention of repeating it. Should I tell my partner?

Although other factors must be considered that are not included in this brief question, we ordinarily do not recommend telling the offended partner in such cases when the following conditions are met:

1. Genuine repentance and confession of the sin to God;

2. Severing the illicit relationship and avoiding any contact with the other person;

3. The establishment of spiritual safeguards, e.g., a daily prayer and quiet time, regular church participation, and an honest talk with one’s minister.

Once adultery has been committed, can you ever trust your partner again? Doesn’t one offense make others easier?

This all depends on whether your spouse has repented of that sin, confessed it to God and to you, and has broken off all contact with the other person. If these have occurred, you would be wise to give your mate every chance to prove his or her sincerity by forgiving and forgetting the past. If these have not occurred and you tell your mate that you freely forgive the offense, you will only teach the offending person that he or she can “eat his cake and have it too.”

This should be a time for you to evaluate your life honestly to search for ways to change your own attitudes and behavior so that, with God’s help in applying biblical principles, you may become the best possible partner spiritually, emotionally, and physically. When a husband or wife is unfaithful, there is usually, but not always, some definite lack in the faithful mate in meeting the other’s desires and needs.

In any marriage in which one or both partners is a Christian, the couple should exhaust all resources before deciding to obtain a divorce, even when one is an adulterer. Divorce should always be the last resort after many sincere attempts at reconciliation.

Birth Control

Is it right for Christians to practice birth control?

Chapter 12 explains that virtually every couple practices some form of birth control, for otherwise families would be much larger than they are. If the partners do not use one or more of the scientific methods described in that chapter, they at least practice abstinence during the wife’s most fertile time. However, this seems unfair to the wife, because that is the time when she would find lovemaking most enjoyable. Rather than cheat her out of the pleasure God designed for her to enjoy in marriage, it would be better to use a proven contraceptive. But as we warned in chapter 12, though we believe God does not oppose limiting the size of one’s family to the number of children one can effectively raise to serve Him, we do think He never intended couples to use birth-control devices to exclude children. They are “a heritage from the L
ORD
” (Ps. 127:3) and a great source of blessing that every couple should desire.

Doesn’t God’s displeasure with Onan in his spilling his seed on the ground indicate that He opposes birth control?

If that kind of reasoning were used in the slaying of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5, one could conclude that God opposes a person’s selling his possessions and giving the return as an offering to Him. In both instances, however, God slew the people because they pretended to do one thing, but did another. In Genesis 38:8–10, we read that Onan cheated his brother out of his rightful heritage by refusing to father a child in his brother’s name, as was the custom in his day. Thus it is wrong to use this isolated text to condemn the use of birth control.

Since the withdrawal method of birth control is the most natural, is it displeasing to God?

It is not wrong to use the withdrawal method (coitus interruptus), but doctors tell us it is not effective. Most men think that if their ejaculation occurs outside the vagina, their wife will not get pregnant. But that is not necessarily true. Preceding ejaculation, a man excretes a small amount of fluid that contains enough sperm to impregnate the average woman. For that reason the withdrawal method is not a recommended procedure. In addition, it is almost impossible for the wife to reach orgasm when coitus interruptus is used.

Please suggest Scriptures on birth control. I have a friend who is going to have her seventh child—her fifth baby in five years. Her husband does not believe in birth control (except the rhythm method).

There is no clear-cut scriptural reference advocating birth control, nor is there one condemning it. The attitude of Christians is changing on this subject, and thus birth control is gaining much more acceptance. The Bible was written long before such methods were developed; consequently its silence cannot be used to prove either point—as long as the couple does not refuse to have any children. We are inclined to believe that if the husband in question were to bear the eighth child, there probably would not be a ninth.

As a counselor I cannot help but comment on the abject selfishness of the above-mentioned husband. He obviously does not have loving regard for his wife’s health, energy, interests, or person. There is certainly nothing wrong with a couple having seven or more children, even in our day, but it should be a
mutually
agreed upon decision.

The problem of sterilization for either man or woman—is this really trusting the Lord?

If you “trust the Lord,” you will have children. That is His will, as attested by the way He has designed our bodies—for the propagation of the race. The question really is, When does one quit—after two, four, six, or more? Such a question all individuals must answer for themselves. We don’t hesitate to have an infected appendix or gall bladder removed—is that “trusting the Lord”? We use modern science and medicine frequently; why shouldn’t couples do the same with their reproductive organs once their families reach the size they feel they can raise effectively to serve Him?