The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love (34 page)

The reason for the difference in the satisfaction level indicated above is unknown, for we did not ask that specific question. We did, however, inquire, “If you had your life to live over again, what one thing would you do differently?” The most popular answer by far was, “I would not have engaged in premarital sex.” No wonder the Bible calls it a “sin against your own soul.” Whether or not the trend to premarital promiscuity is increasing can be deduced from Chart VIII.

During the past thirty-five years, modern sex educators have inundated junior high, high school, and college young people with massive doses of sex education without the benefit of moral principles or guidelines. We are not surprised that the most alarming increase in those who admitted to giving up their virtue before marriage occurs within that group. We must keep in mind, however, that the group in our survey is predominantly church oriented and was exposed to moral principles. Doubtless the statistics would be much higher if we surveyed the population as a whole. This indicates a tragic trend that we predict will continue to grow and result in increasing divorce and heartache in the years to come.

Oral Sex on the Increase

It is readily apparent from Chart IX that oral sex is on the increase today, thanks to amoral sex education, pornography, modern sex literature, and the moral breakdown of our times. These figures are considerably lower than those revealed in the
Redbook
report, which claims that “among those 20–39 years of age it is 91%.”
⁴
Of these 91 women out of 100, “40 engage in it often” (compared to our 23), “45 engage in it occasionally” (25 in ours) and “5 tried it just once….” “Only 7 women out of 100 have never experienced it….”
⁵
In our survey, 27 twenty-year-olds and 25 thirty-year-olds never tried it; the statistic jumped to 39 and 43 for forty- and fifty-year-olds. Obviously the Christian community has not unanimously accepted oral sex. Most Christian counselors are reluctant to condemn or endorse the practice, leaving that decision to the individual. However, there still seems to be a large number of Christians who enjoy a fulfilling and exciting love life without engaging in this practice.

We are not convinced that oral sex is as popular on a regular basis as most modern sexologists would have us think. Even the
Redbook
report acknowledged that only 40 percent practiced it regularly, and the other 60 percent ranged from occasionally to never. What makes that particularly interesting is that their statistics were drawn from those between twenty and thirty-nine years of age and that, admittedly, the older women did it less frequently. The article did not offer statistics for these women, but our survey showed that 70 percent of the women between forty and forty-nine years of age seldom or never engaged in oral sex, and those fifty and over abstained at a rate of 81 percent. We conclude from all this that cunnilingus and fellatio have in recent years been given unwarranted publicity, causing far more couples to experiment than had previously been in the habit of doing so. But the majority of couples do not regularly use it as a substitute for the beautiful and conventional interaction designed by our Creator to be an intimate expression of love.

We are confident that nothing will ever replace the traditional act of marriage as the favorite method of expressing sexual love between married partners.

For centuries most married women did not experience orgasms frequently, and many never knew what orgasm felt like. In spite of that, no feminine revolt arose against man or marriage; women just didn’t know what they were missing. Even today, many nonorgasmic women testify that they enjoy the closeness, excitement, and affection that lovemaking provides and that sex is pleasurable without orgasm. But in recent years women in increasing numbers have come to expect their marriage bed to ring all the bells frequently and culminate in a woman’s ultimate sexual experience—orgasm.

Chart X indicates that the vast majority of Christian women experience orgasm most of the time; only a small percentage do not. The above figures indicate that 81 percent do most of the time, and another 11 percent frequently. That means 92 out of every 100 Christian women in their twenties who took our survey indicate that they have experienced orgasm at least “frequently.” That is the highest figure reported in any surveys known to us, further suggesting that Christians enjoy the sublimities of sexual union more than anyone else in our society.

The Sexual Numbers Game

No study of sexual responses would be complete without considering the frequency of intercourse. As
Redbook
says, “When it comes to making love, Americans seem particularly preoccupied with numbers.”
⁶
We have already observed that frequency depends on many things—age, health, immediate pressures (business, social, family, financial), resentment, guilt, inability to communicate about sex, and a host of other things. Both surveys, however, indicate that frequency is not nearly so important as satisfaction. We are convinced that it is much more important to bring sexual satisfaction to your partner with almost every lovemaking experience than it is to run a bedroom marathon.

There is no set “normal frequency” pattern. Each couple should find the frequency level at which they feel comfortable and enjoy each other. Even that level will vary at times. However, both our survey and
Redbook
’s indicate that most wives in their late thirties and forties desire more lovemaking than they receive. Most husbands would be advised to leave their vocational problems at the plant or office so that they may spend more time loving and enjoying their wives.

Summary

We are quite satisfied that our survey has established that over the long years of matrimony Christians do indeed experience a mutually enjoyable love relationship and that they engage in the act of marriage more frequently and with greater satisfaction than do non-Christians in our society. This will not really come as a surprise to those who know and obey biblical principles, because the scriptural keys to happiness require that we learn and obey the principles of God.

It is a sad paradox that so many of those who have rejected or neglected God in their pursuit of sexual freedom and happiness often live miserable lives, whereas the Christian, who is despised or ridiculed as being too “straight,” enjoys the very things the non-Christian is seeking. It is our prayer that many who have not previously considered Jesus Christ will begin to realize the fact that He does make a
difference
in one’s life.

When Jesus Christ walked the earth, He said, “Apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). Obviously people can eat, drink, work, make love, and raise children without Him, but Jesus meant that without Him they cannot enjoy the maximum benefits of life. His presence in individuals during their human existence guarantees enrichment, fulfillment, and happiness. He said, “I have come that [you] may have life, and have it
to the full
” (John 10:10). He beautifies every human experience, particularly interpersonal relationships, and guides us into mental, physical, and emotional satisfaction. No other source can enable us to achieve all the potential for which God created us. Hopefully this book—its instruction and the facts revealed in the survey—will inspire you to read the next chapter and enhance your personal relationship with Him. If He is not presently in your life, we suggest that you permit nothing to hinder you from receiving Him. The Bible states repeatedly that when people came to Jesus, they “went on their way rejoicing.” Do you enjoy the “abundant life” He came to give? Can you think of a better way to live?

Notes

1
. Robert J. Levin and Amy Levin, “Sexual Pleasure: The Surprising Preferences in 100,000 Women,”
Redbook
145 (September 1975), 53.

2
. Ibid.

3
. Ibid., 55.

4
. Ibid.

5
. Ibid.

6
. Ibid., 57.

Fourteen

The Missing Dimension

The human person is a four-part being: body, emotion, mind, and spirit. The present-day humanistic philosophy that has reduced man to body, emotion, and mind is, in our opinion, one of the greatest causes of marital disharmony in the world today.

It is our belief that the spiritual part of every person, often the missing dimension, is the most significant of the four. To illustrate its influence on the others, we should examine all four individually.

1.
Physical.
We are all aware of the physical part of our nature. It involves our bodily functions and is of vital importance when considering the art of marital lovemaking.

2.
Emotional.
The motor of a human being is the heart, out of which proceed “the issues of life” (Prov. 4:23
KJV
). The heart is the seat of all emotions, both good and bad—love and hate, joy and bitterness. If our emotions function properly, we will have no problem functioning physically.