The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys (13 page)

Toys made of glass and Pyrex look and feel incredible—and as for an extravagant plaything, they've got the form and function part down pat, too. Looking more like modern sculptures or works of art you can hold in your hand, glass toys are perfectly fashioned into ultrasmooth and deliciously heavy sex toys. Glass sex toys might make you feel as if you're “living on the edge” as far as breakage goes, but in fact these toys are crafted with an advanced process that makes them incredibly difficult to break—and no orifice of yours has the power to break them. Of course, if you drop them on a hard surface or they knock against each other, you might need a new glass toy. But they're amazingly resilient, and should be, after going through heat-curing processes averaging 5,000 degrees Fahrenheit.

Glass toys are readily available through a variety of retailers, and for value, you get what you pay for; expect prices of up to $400. Glass toys come in all shapes, from small butt plugs to
far-out curved alien penetration toys, solid glass police nightsticks (the “Night Shift” at
blowfish.com
), and outrageous things like “The Juicer,” a glass insertion toy with a hand-crank handle that lets you rotate the toy inside someone, literally like turning a winch. Another exciting creation is the Black Light Responsive glass dildo, an amazing-looking creation that safely holds a suspended liquid inside that refracts and glows under a black light. All glass toys are clear and made from hearty stuff, and many have ribbons of color that catch and refract light at different angles. This makes each and every glass toy a unique creation, no two alike.

 

By far the most discriminating glass creations are from Clear Ecstasy (
clearecstasy.com
). This company takes its self-pleasure (and its glass) seriously, coming up with some of the more outrageous glass toys in existence. There you can find a variety of glass toys (like the aforementioned “Juicer”) and, time and money allowing, you can even have the company create a custom glass dildo for you. The “Don Wand” is its version of a make-a-dildo, though in stunning glass and with a variety of customizable options. For instance, you can simply have a glass dildo made to your size and shape specs, or go the distance and opt to add colors, internal monograms (cost is per letter), embedded quartz crystals, opals, Herkimer (quartz that simulates a diamond), or dichromate chips (iridescent diachronic glass chips). Clear Ecstasy also proffers the “thousand dollar dildo,” called The Venis: a gorgeous, handcrafted glass dildo whose handle resembles a female torso.

Like glass, metal dildos and butt plugs are perfectly smooth and wonderfully heavy, making them ideal for G-spot and prostate play. Stainless steel sex toys are widely available at retailers that specialize in kinky toys (such as
stockroom.com
and
blowfish.com
); they come with a fat price tag and range from basic shapes and designs to outrageous creations with huge jewels and gems embedded in them, handles to simulate Baroque door-knockers, and Chinese dragon heads; some even have fanciful (or frightening)
faces cast into the handles. Metal toys are made of stainless steel on metal lathes, which spin the metal at mind-boggling speeds to remove material in precise measurements, and then are finished to create a perfectly smooth, seamless, nonporous surface. Aluminum sex toys are out there but difficult to find and expensive, as their material is very valuable in large chunks.

Few metal dildos come in traditional penis shapes; mostly you'll find sleek silver wands with a bulbous, perfectly round ball at the end, “barbell” shaped wands, and heavy, simple rods with ridges. Metal butt plugs come in standard (and even extra-large) shapes and some dastardly looking anal-bead-style graduated plugs, but the main differences are in how the base is finished—with a gem, a cast metal face or even a skull, a movable ring that acts as an extra handle, and more. Because metal is so strong, manufacturers can craft a variety of shapes and items, knowing that the items can withstand all sorts of play. More unusual metal sex toys include an aluminum “tuning fork” suitable for double penetration, a steel “vagina hook” for use in BDSM and intense bondage play, and bondage devices like a “nose hook,” used to hold the head at a certain angle during bondage play.

For top-of-the line metal insertables that excel in form and function, point your browser to
njoytoys.com
. Njoy Toys's finely crafted beauties were conceived by a fellow with a background in the engineering and design of consumer products. Suitably for toys that will help you blast off, they're fabricated in a facility that also manufactures aerospace components. These toys impart equal amounts of beauty, thoughtful design for use, and an understanding of the pleasure potential in stainless steel. Expect to pay at least a hundred dollars for one of Njoy's stunning Philippe Starck–looking sex toys, and know that you're getting something worth way, way more.

Like glass and metal sex toys, stone dildos and butt plugs provide weight, smoothness, and temperature transmission (and retention) like no ordinary sex toy—but with the added delight of being shaped purely for pleasure from elements formerly deep within the earth. Stone dildos, available in kink-friendly and upscale sex toy boutiques, are typically made from a smooth, highly polished black (or dark green) granite; the result looks like a museum-quality work of art, or maybe what we might imagine dildos were like thousands of years ago—at least, the ones treasured by kings and queens. Granite dildos are either representational (they look like a penis) or shaped like wands with gently undulating waves for extra sensation, while granite butt plugs come in plain plug shapes. Because granite is stone and prone to lose its strength when drilled or decorated, it's uncommon to find anything other than smooth polished granite toys in classic designs.

One company has taken the notion of dildos and butt plugs in precious materials to the limit: Mi-Su (
mi-su.com
) is a U.K.-based company that retails very few items, but the ones it does
sell are right at the edge of sexual decadence. At Mi-Su, you can get stunning butt plugs in obsidian or rose quartz that resemble chess pieces, or a nonrepresentational, sumptuously curved obsidian dildo. The same dildo is available in solid titanium and finished in a variety of colors, with a handle that can be custom inlaid with a selection of twenty precious stones, including diamonds and sapphires (or Swarovski crystals). Not wanting anyone to feel left out, Mi-Su also has a line of titanium cock rings in solid and adjustable styles; these are customizable with engravings, plus inlaid diamonds, rubies, or any precious gem that tickles a gentleman's fancy.

Not to be outdone, Coco de Mer (
coco-de-mer.co.uk
), an online sex boutique in London, offers a full line of wonderfully debauched sex toys crafted from truly exclusive materials. Even if decadent window shopping is all you can afford, visit its online store and check out the black glass-and-silver dildo; cock rings, butt plug, and dildo hand-carved from jade; and ingenious anal beads and cock rings in freshwater pearl. Keep looking, and you'll find a diamante-encrusted handle and leather whip named the Diva, and another whip called the Bombshell, whose tails are 100 percent human hair (available in blonde, redhead, or brunette). Kinky big spenders should match the Diva whip with a diamante and leather T-Shaped Strap with Detachable Cuffs (a stunning body harness), or the pony fetishist's dream: the leather corset Horse Tail Belt, made with real horse hair.

To appreciate just how technologically advanced that a money-is-no-object vibrator can be, look no further than the Je Joue
Programmable Vibrator (
jejoue.com
). This sexy little gadget uses a USB connection to download “grooves” that the Je Joue can later play back while the device snuggles up to your clit. It comes with 10 grooves preprogrammed, and, with its PleasureWare software, allows users to create, edit, and even share custom programs, which can last up to 30 minutes each. Once programmed or downloaded, grooves are transferred to Je Joue via USB. The website has an online groove-share directory, where users can upload and share their favorite grooves; so if you're not feeling inspired, you can try someone else's groove. Grooves can also be emailed.

London-based designer Shiri Zinn's Minx Vibrator (shiri-zinn. com) is an outrageous work of art that comes in its own satin-lined snakeskin box, just begging for display. If you don't wear fur, you'll want to skip this one, but if you have no problem with animal products then this fox-tailed (or feathered) vibe will be right at home between your thighs. Made of high-quality pink acrylic, it features 12 pink Swarovski crystals and a stainless steel end cap with detachable fox-fur tail (or feathers). It even comes with its own silver engraved stand.

Looking for ergonomics mixed with feminine beauty in a truly high-end vibe? Lelo (
lelousa.com
) has an entire line of gently curved, nonrepresentational, rechargeable vibrators—sold as “pleasure objects”—that have silky-smooth surfaces and near-silent vibrations. These toys don't look anything like vibrators but, with their sleek shapes and delicately engraved white flowers, they more resemble glossy, Japanese-inspired porcelain collectibles. The top of the line is Lelo's 18-karat gold-plated Yva Vibrator. Each comes in its own satin pouch with a wooden gift box, one-year warranty, and universal charger. How exquisite is that?!

Elemental Pleasures (
elementalpleasures.com
) is where the design and craftsmanship of Njoy's stainless steel aerospace metal toys meets the desire to make them into vibrators. Elemental's line of “luxury vibrators” encompasses one central style of metal vibrator available in stainless steel, anodized aluminum in three colors, and titanium—yes, titanium. That's Le Lynx, a hypoallergenic, medical-grade, silver titanium vibrator that comes in its own lockable attaché case. Each vibe ships with three tips that change the vibrational speed; it's incredibly quiet, is presented in its own locking metal case, and, unlike all other high-end vibes, can be used in water and therefore can be boiled, for complete sterilization.

Whenever we think of dildos (for some of us that's often), we tend to visualize classic, rubbery, penis-shaped shafts that vaguely resemble something that might attach to a human body, or at least to a Ken-doll's body if it were somehow transmuted into a life-sized specimen. But not all of us are content to play with the parts that come stock, or even as add-on accessories, and quite a few of us want to play with sex toys that are out there even beyond the strange imaginings of designers at novelty sex toy companies. It's interesting to note, too, that the companies that have created a full line of dildos in the shapes of alien penises, animal penises, and even religious icons have chosen to do so with 100 percent silicone, the completely hygienic, sterilizable sex toy material. So weird, maybe; unsettling, sometimes; but sophisticated?—definitely.

London-based Alien Dildos (
aliendildos.com
) is especially proud that its toys are made from high-quality silicone, even if they look like something that truly belongs on ET. Each bizarrely bumpy, yet erotically compelling otherworldly penis is handcrafted (there's a two-week wait while they make your far-out dick—now
there's
a job you can wrap your mind around), comes in over a dozen colors, and is thoughtfully made to suction onto any flat surface, such as the dashboard of your spacecraft. So not only can you choose among dildos with names like Predator 1 and Damian, but you also can enjoy the company's line of anal probes (er, butt plugs), which look more like outer-space creatures and the probes you might find on an alien spacecraft, though in cheerful colors.

If your fantasies are more Earth-bound, but you're still curious about having fun with something other than the hominid-variety phallus, then the thoughtful kinksters at Zetacreations (
zoofur.com
) might have something to satisfy any zoological research you have in mind. This online store specializes in various silicone dildos shaped like animal penises (in addition to a selection of extra-large human models and gigantic nonrepresentational insertables). Size is indeed the name of the game at Zetacreations, where you won't find anything small, but rather items more along the lines of bears, marine mammals, and tigers.