The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys (9 page)

When choosing a strap-on, take into account what kind of strap-on fantasy scenario you have in mind—pretty much any fantasy can be realized if you know the limitations of the market and how to get around them.

Newcomers to strap-on play will want to make their first purchase an inexpensive harness made of fabric or nylon with an inexpensive rubber dildo in a pleasing and reasonable shape. Options for harnesses range from neoprene and nylon to glittery vinyl, rubber, see-through plastic, leather, and velvet. Many online retailers have beginners' strap-on kits, though I suggest that you purchase these from reputable (nonnovelty) retailers so that you get quality products that will actually do what they're supposed to do, even if the kit is inexpensive.

All too often, novelty toy retailers mass-produce badly made harnesses out of fabric and elastic straps, which tend to fit terribly, have the dildo rest in the wrong place, and are often so
loose that the dildo winds up doing embarrassing things when you're trying to repeatedly thrust and pull out. A good harness will have a secure method of attachment, as in wide straps made of elastic, leather, or nylon, plus buckles or D-rings that let you tighten the harness to your body.

Harnesses come in two general styles: a single-strap model that's worn like a G-string panty with the strap down the ass crack, and a two-strap model, with straps that run from the pubic bone, along the crease between the inner thigh and genitals, underneath the buttocks, and attach to the waistband in back, like a jock-strap. Some prefer the G-string style, saying that it provides a stable base for the dildo and rubs the clit nicely when thrusting; others complain of “buttcrack rash” from the center string rubbing on their anus and tailbone. Another complaint about the G-string style is that it limits access to the wearer's genitals, so if a girl wanted to be penetrated or rub her clit while wearing the harness, it would be difficult. Also, this type isn't adaptable for male wearers.

 

Two-strap harnesses allow for plenty of genital access so that the wearer (of any gender) can masturbate or penetrate themselves, or be penetrated by a partner, while wearing the harness. For instance, a girl wearing a two-strap can jack off her cock with one hand or get a blow job, while she rubs her clit and fucks herself with a dildo at the same time—increasing her chances of fulfilling the fantasy of coming “with her big cock.”

You'll also face choices when selecting a harness when you decide how you want the dildo attached to or worn in the harness. Some strap-ons will have a simple hole in the middle, where the dildo is pulled through from the inside; while these are the
easiest to get dildos into and out of, it's a “one size fits most” hole that will have smaller dildos sliding around and bigger dildos difficult (or impossible) to squeeze in. A harness with a hole is especially suited for the unique line of double dildos made by Vixen, which penetrate both partners at once with the thrusting of the harness. Versatile harnesses have four straps that come through a triangle-shaped base and attach to a removable rubber O-ring in the center. This style provides far and above the most stable base for a dildo. O-rings can be purchased in several sizes (many of these harnesses ship with three ring sizes), and clean-up is a breeze.

The material you choose for your strap-on is up to you. I prefer leather for warmth and appearance, and buckles for no-slip fastening, but for airports or travel you might want to acquire a second model of fabric or neoprene; both types are machine washable, making them nice for clean-up. Leather should always be cleaned according to leather care instructions (search online or follow the manufacturer's care instructions), while rubber, plastic, and PVC strap-ons can be cleaned with an antibacterial wipe-down.

Selecting the best dildo for male anal penetration will, of course, be up to him, but I recommend getting a dildo that's
not
contoured, bumpy, or wider at the base than the top. Pick a smooth, slender dildo for his first strap-on adventures. The sphincter muscles are a ring about 1 to 2 inches deep, and wide-based dildos put uncomfortable stress on the guy's (possibly already tense and worried) muscles by stretching them on the “in” thrust. A bulb at the end is fine, and can be helpful for prostate stimulation, but remember you'll then be putting the biggest part in first, which might be too intense for your virgin. Read more about selecting a dildo in chapter 1, Basic Models, and Care and Feeding of Your Toys.

Here's a concept: How about strap-on sex, no harness required? The enterprising and pleasure-seeking woman-owned company Tantus (
tantussilicone.com
) thought long and hard (and long, and really hard…) to come up with a design for a dildo that can be worn by a female partner for hands-free penetration without a harness. They finally came up with what they call the Feeldoe. It really works, and there are legions of happy product testers behind (you might say) the final design they came up with, which is a bulb that fits snugly inside the vagina, with a right-angle penis-shaped shaft extending out the front. It comes in various sizes, it's made of silicone, and some models come with a vibrator at the base situated for clitoral stimulation during penetration.
The shaft is a nice smooth shape for anal penetration, as it's not contoured. The small one is my recommendation for novice ass-tronauts.

A double dildo crafted in a similar style, but created for use with or without a harness, is Vixen's Nexus, or its Nexus Jr. model. Vixen Creations (
vixencreations.com
) got tired of standard double dildos that are essentially a stick with two insertable ends, which are difficult to manipulate in tandem for orgasm. So they made a double that
really
works. The result, Nexus, is a boomerang-shaped double made of silicone, with one shorter, slightly curved end, plus a longer, straighter end that allows both users to deliver true in-and-out motions. It also works well when worn in a harness (with a hole for insertion), letting both lovers enjoy more controlled penetration and thrusting. Some clever users have even used button-fly jeans instead of a harness with this versatile toy. Ride 'em, cowboy.

 

But how about those classic double dildos? They work great for penetration, and are an awful lot of fun to play with, even if they may not work as you'd expect for penetrative orgasms. But they don't work the way they do in porn movies, where they bring braying porn stars to screeching orgasms at the slightest pelvic thrust—they take a lot more coordination and communication than that to achieve success. But they're terrific for mutual masturbation with shared penetration, or for putting on jerk-off shows for each other while trying to keep the dildo in place. Their extra length makes double dildos excellent for people with limited mobility range. And all doubles, from the classics to the Feeldoe and the Nexus, can be enjoyed and used successfully (read:
get you off
) by couples.

You needn't limit your strap-on adventures to the standard variety of pubic protuberance. For instance, a thigh harness can make a lap dance or leg ride highly rewarding. Thigh harnesses either buckle onto your leg with a nylon strap or slide on by an elastic band. Some come with a dildo already seated in the strap-on, but the best version of this clever device has a hole or O-ring that enables you to swap dildos on a whim. Most of the nylon
strap and buckle varieties have very long straps, which are great for big thighs but are often long enough to also fit around a waist (pony rides, anyone?), a pillow, a barstool, or any piece of furniture that happens to look at you with a “come hither” wink.

Face strap-ons are just that: a strap-on apparatus that buckles around the head to seat a dildo either right over the mouth of the wearer, or on the forehead. This type of strap-on effectively makes the wearer's head into a sex toy and provides a hell of a view for the harness wearer. Most have the dildo already attached, but try to find a head harness that allows you to use different dildos interchangeably so that you can use a dildo with the size and shape that you like, then after you've blasted off you can remove the dildo for thorough cleaning. People with neck or jaw injuries or whose neck muscles might strain easily will want to be a little more physically cautious and establish good communication with the person they're penetrating, as it's easy for someone near orgasm to buck a little too hard, or grab the head and thrust roughly. If you're worried about neck strain, lie flat with a pillow or two under your neck and head for cushioning, or experiment with the sex position pillows described in chapter 9, Sex Furniture.

W
e're on the verge of a sex and technology revolution. It's now possible to have sex with a lover thousands of miles away, by means of a computer interface. That's a sensational development, one that makes us appreciate new technologies with the zeal of a horny nerd. Right now two people (or more) can each turn on their computer, operate sex toys that are in another state or even country, and watch each other play—live and with few delays. Putting on a cam show in real time for your lover by computer has come a very long way in just the past few years. Sure, fantasies of
virtual reality
sex and ideas of cybersuits (where the wearer wouldn't even know the difference between a real sex partner and the virtual world in which they had the experiences and adventure) still remain in the realm of hoped-for fantasy for many, myself included. Yet right now, today, a wide variety of computer-controlled sex toys, remote-controlled interfaces, and even networks for meeting new cybersex partners let you have real and satisfying computer sex with your lover.