The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys (11 page)

 

You have two basic choices when deciding how to get your images to your sweetie. Most people use IM (instant messaging) chat services because they're the easiest, and the most private. Practically all IM services, such as Yahoo, AIM, Skype, and iChat, have webcam capabilities; all you'll need is a camera and an account, and for your lover to have an account with the same service.

The other option is to host the image on your website, using webcam software that uploads the camera's images in intervals called “refresh rates.” This is more complicated than using an IM interface, and privacy is an obvious issue, unless you already run a pay site or are familiar enough with hiding URLs or creating password-protected areas on your website. With this method, once your webcam is installed and configured, you'll need to set up the FTP (file transfer protocol) within the webcam software. Depending on the software, you may need to build and put in place a webpage to contain your webcam image. Some webcam programs come with built-in webpage builders but others don't, so keep this in mind before you purchase a webcam package if that's what you're shopping for.

It's not as simple as slapping up a new page on your website; you actually need to encode parameters to make the image on the page the same size as what the camera is sending. See what size image your camera snaps, and use that in the HTML; don't resize your camera images with the HTML, as this will distort the image and make it grainy (or grainier). You'll also need to “tell” the page that it must refresh the image automatically. so that your viewers get a new image every few seconds.
In the of your HTML document, place the following two lines:

In the “refresh” meta tag, if you want your page to refresh less (or more) often than every 30 seconds, change the content=“30” to something other than 30, such as 60 (1 minute), 300 (5 minutes), or whatever you prefer. The “expires” tag is essential, as it affects the cache of Web browsers, so that the page isn't cached but rather pulled new from the server on every load.

Generally, flattering views can be achieved by placing your webcam above your eye level—anything lower will make you look like you have a double chin. Also, angling the camera off to the side will have you angling your head a bit when you face the camera—a pinup modeling trick for flattering facial angles. A full-on face shot makes for a round face. It's usually more flattering to turn to a slight angle. Learn how your face looks from a profile to a full-face shot and all the angles in between. A good standard angle is a 3/4 shot, with both eyes visible to the camera. Of course, you may not care to have your face star in your cam show at all; you can keep the camera aimed at breasts (for this, a lower angle is more flattering, to provide a view upward at the breasts), or just at the main area of action, the genitals. Move the hips one way, the shoulders the other, and tilt the head. Think of swaying lines running down through
your body. This gives pleasing lines for the eye to follow in the image you're sending.

In your webcam shows, lighting is extremely important, though you don't have to go crazy emptying your wallet on fancy lights to get great results. Misplaced lights will get you hard shadows that can accentuate tired eyes, or any other bits that you'd rather looked perkier. Avoid the unflattering, scary shadows of direct overhead light, or light coming from beneath you, and never use fluorescent lighting, which causes ghastly, “undead” coloring in even the healthiest cybersexual. Unless it's a Halloween show, of course—then do everything I'm telling you
not
to do, and you'll achieve the dramatic zombie look of lust you've always dreamed of. The flicker and glow of your computer monitor might be the mood you want to set, though keep in mind that whatever color is on your screen (backgrounds, an IM page) is what will be lighting your show.

Webcams, by their technical limitations, look grainy, and poor lighting can make your images look even more distorted. Experiment with lighting styles and angles as you view yourself onscreen; move your light around, or buy a clip-on lamp that can be positioned as you please. Warmer lighting will come
from halogen bulbs, which closely mimic natural light. I highly recommend using natural light whenever possible. If you want to add the illusion of depth, use a three-point lighting system (this can easily be done with household lamps), where there's one primary bright light, a softer light coming from the opposite side, then a back light to enhance your shape as the subject and bring you out from the background. Remember that your monitor will always add light right in front of your face, and experiment with colored bulbs in lamps for mood and effect.

Even if your directorial ambition is just to have a camera pointed at your crotch, you'll want to avoid the frustrations of having to get up and hunt for that special dildo at a crucial moment. Get your great toys ready before you start your cam date. Assemble a near-off-camera location for all the toys you think you'll want to play with, and don't forget the lube, check all battery toys to make sure they function, and have a towel or Handi Wipes ready in case you need to adjust the camera or settings midshow.

Get yourself ready, too. Take a relaxing bath or shower beforehand, listen to music that puts you in the mood, watch a little porn, or even feel free to masturbate awhile before you go live—the better to get yourself really turned on. Have your camera all set up and lighting in place, be sure that the room is heated and that you'll have no distractions or interruptions from cell phones, other chat software or email alerts, or roommates. Adjust the screensaver and sleep functions on your computer so they don't activate at the wrong moment—think how sad it would
be to miss part of your lover's orgasm because your dancing polar bears screensaver went on right as your lover came.

You can get as creative as you like with your background, props, and outfits. Drape a red satin sheet over your office chair, take your laptop and webcam to bed, buy a faux-fur throw at a thrift store and recline on it like a centerfold. Hang a nice (unwrinkled) sheet behind you for a plain or colored background, or give yourself nerdy flair by propping yourself on pillows in front of a bookcase. Incorporate slinky nightgowns or marabou-trimmed robes or feather boas. Wear sexy lingerie, nothing at all, or your everyday clothes to strip out of as things heat up while you chat. You can get really imaginative or kinky and wear a nurse or schoolgirl outfit, formal wear, a corporate suit, a strap-on dildo, bondage or BDSM items (which you can safely get out of); you can even dress in layers for a cam show striptease. You can let your lover direct the scene, or you can take firm control of what they get, teasing and turning them on as you slowly peel your clothes off and touch yourself as they only
wish
they could, and slowly massaging oil or lotion into your skin (or lube on your genitals) while they watch. After that, the fantasy is up to both of you!

D
epending on your point of view, a sex machine is any mechanical apparatus used to stimulate the genitalia, a nickname for a tireless body part, a song by James Brown, or even the character played by Tom Savini in the cult vampire movie
From Dusk Till Dawn.
And while you and your lover can watch the movie with the sound turned down so you can hear the song while you go at it like a couple of machines, having an
actual
sex machine in the room for you to play with can turn an evening of sex into an endless session of orgasmic endeavors—because the sex machine itself is truly tireless.

And that's part of the appeal of a sex machine. By today's definition, a sex machine is a large device that vibrates or penetrates the user, or both, powered by electricity. These simple machines all perform pretty simple tasks: They buzz, they go in-and-out, or they spin a dildo—tirelessly. They're often so big that the user sits astride the machine like riding a mechanical bull, or position their body on the large and imposing, and often loud, mechanical device—which is all part of the appeal. Sex
machines are the ultimate crossroad where vulnerable human interaction and intimacy says hello to a cold, powerful, mechanical device. By sexualizing the machine in these fucking-machine interactions, we even give the machine an anthropomorphic quality, teasing ourselves for our own perceptions about machines and robots having lives and personalities. By having sex with a machine, a woman can be seen as either conquering or being conquered by a powerful and imposing sex toy. Either way she slices it, sex machines represent to her the ultimate tireless lover, able to deliver satisfaction long after other human beings wear out.

The iconic sex machines website is
FuckingMachines.com
, a professionally produced porn site that features amateur men and women having sex with a wide variety of machines. Some are very crude and homemade looking—like a kitchen appliance modified with a dildo attachment—while others are huge and complex, calling up images from science fiction movies. Sex machine fantasies run this range, from the homemade “drilldo” (a drill-dildo hybrid) to fantastic and imposing machines. They have hot contemporary competition in the form of sites such as Machine Maidens (
machinemaidens.com
), where you can see a variety of machines at work and can evaluate your shopping checklist. Fucking Machines put machine sex on the map and into the popular consciousness, paving the way for a few individual companies to mass produce somewhat affordable sex machines that couples and individuals can purchase and use at home.

You can find a huge sex machine subculture of individual and independent inventors online in social networking sites, chat groups, and listservs dedicated to makers of amateur sex
machines. But if you want a sex machine to use at home, and don't care to strip down your nice KitchenAid mixer to epoxy a dildo onto it, you have a few options. Just make sure you buy your sex machine direct from the manufacturer, rather than from a sex toy retail giant, to ensure that you're not getting a knockoff—unless you're certain the retailer is reputable and you've ordered from it before.

No one has a bigger or better selection of a jaw-dropping variety of sex machines than Ken's Twisted Mind (
kenstwistedmind.com
). This is the Home Depot of sex toys sites: It has all the basics, an enormous range of models and styles, and tips on building your own. Most of the machines are of the in-and-out repetitive variety, but they come in so many shapes, heights, and configurations that it's mind-boggling. For instance, the Furniture Mate is a thrusting machine situated on a stable stand that can be adjusted for slant and height to penetrate at the desired angle while situated on any piece of furniture, while the Bed Buddy comes
on an L-shaped stand to penetrate on the same level plane as the user (as on a bed, for example).

The machines here range from the simplistic power-tool variety all the way to extravagant, handheld-cabled machines in aluminum cases that cost well over a thousand dollars. The site is available in Spanish, French, German, Italian, and Portuguese, and Ken ships worldwide. A lengthy buyer's guide page explains the warranties (2 to 10 years) and defines terminology such as
stroke length
(pretty much what it sounds like). KTM also features a variety of toys for men that utilize men's masturbation sleeves and toys such as the Fleshlight, making them into robotic masturbation devices.

All of Ken's Twisted Mind penetration sex machines use sex toy novelty manufacturer Doc Johnson's Vac-U-Lock dildos and system for attachment. A wide variety of dildos and vibrators is available to use with this system (which is basically a dildo with a hole in it that suctions onto a ribbed peg with silicone powder “lubricant”); it's a very secure way to attach the dildos to the machines. But the problem is that the company's dildos are only available in unhygienic, porous materials—unfortunately, that means latex, jelly rubber, and mystery composite materials (see chapter 1, Basic Models, and Care and Feeding of Your Toys, for more information on the care and cleaning of these materials). Still, Doc Johnson's toys are inexpensive and easy to come by at almost any sex toy retailer. While Ken's Twisted Mind makes high-quality sex machines and has an excellent privacy policy, all the dildos and toys that attach to the machines come with a caveat: “The items offered for sale on and through this website are sold as novelties and collector's items.”