The Anal Sex Position Guide (16 page)

Remember, there are lots of nerve endings in the anus and rectum that respond to all kinds of stimulation. Because our anatomy is so similar, everything discussed in the previous chapters—hygiene, preparation, safer sex, lube, and toys—applies to men as well as women. In addition, through anal penetration, men can have their prostates directly stimulated. Prostate stimulation gives men plenty of pleasure on its own and it can also lead to (or intensify) orgasm and ejaculation.

In fact, men can experience many different kinds of pleasure when they are penetrated. Some men enjoy prostate stimulation alone, so they like their partners to focus on their asses. Other men like to combine prostate stimulation with genital stimulation and want their partners to use their hands and/or mouths to play with their genitals as well. (Remember, if your partner has her hands full with your butt, you can also stimulate your penis yourself.) Some men say that anal play intensifies their orgasms, making them feel
longer and more powerful. Others say their orgasms become less genital-focused and they experience a broader, full-body orgasm. Through prostate stimulation, some men are able to orgasm without ejaculating at all. In fact, exploring anal pleasure is one way for men to learn to become multi-orgasmic, since they can experience all the elements of orgasm—building to a climactic point and having pelvic contractions—without ejaculation. Yet another kind of orgasm men can achieve is one where they ejaculate only prostatic fluid. (Prostatic fluid is produced by the prostate and is what makes up most of semen.) This is sometimes referred to as “milking the prostate.”

Just as some men don’t need genital stimulation to enjoy anal penetration, some men may lose their erection when they are penetrated. For some, this is because the focus of the stimulation shifts away from the penis to the anal area, where the prostate becomes the center of attention. For others, the intense relaxation of all the pelvic muscles in order to make penetration possible leads to their erection “relaxing” as well. The important thing is for you and your partner not to be alarmed about it and not to take it as a sign of anything. A man can be enjoying anal play and not have an erection, and it’s alright.

The prostate is only a few inches inside the anus and toward the front of a man’s body, so a woman’s fingers or a small sex toy can easily hit the spot. All of the tips and techniques for warmup and penetration discussed in the earlier chapter apply to men as receivers, too.

Several sex toys have been designed especially for prostate stimulation. The Aneros is made of nonporous plastic and was originally created as a medical device to help men with prostate health problems. It looks like a butt plug with two curlicue ends on it. Men discovered that not only did it help them, but it brought them tremendous pleasure and enhanced their orgasms. It has been embraced as a tool of pleasure and the brand has expanded as a result: The Aneros now comes in seven different styles. The basic premise of Aneros toys is that they are hands-free prostate stimulators. Slide the well-lubed toy inside your ass and its shape conforms to the inside of your body and targets the sensitive prostate internally and the perineum externally. As you tighten your sphincter muscles, the toy presses against the prostate; as you relax the muscles, the outer piece (which they call the abutment) stimulates your perineum.

Prostate toys
Designed for prostate stimulation during anal sex, prostate toys, such as the stainless steel PFun, made by NJoy, also help men tone and control their anal sphincter and PC muscles.

Nexus, a company based in the United Kingdom, makes several prostate toys including Glide, Excel, Titus, and a vibrating version called the Vibro. Nexus toys are made of hard nonporous plastic and have a similar shape to the Aneros, but with a more exaggerated angle. One of the significant differences is that instead of a thin piece of plastic to stimulate the perineum, Nexus toys have a stainless steel roller ball that glides against the sensitive spot (and the ball pops out for easy cleaning). It, too, is hands-free, and as you move your sphincter muscles it causes the toy to pivot forward to massage the prostate as the roller ball rubs against the perineum. It’s compatible with water-based and silicone-based lubricants. Not only do the Aneros and Nexus toys massage the prostate, but they help men tone and control their anal sphincter and PC muscles—which has been proven to improve sexual function, orgasm control, and intensity. If you like prostate massagers, you can also try Pandora by Vibratex, the stainless steel PFun made by NJoy, and the silicone Rude Boy, which is waterproof and vibrates.

For some couples in which the man likes to receive anal pleasure, strap-on sex is the perfect way to provide it. When a woman wears a strap-on dildo and harness, she has her hands free to do other things, whether it’s play with his balls, tweak his nipples, or just grab his butt cheeks. Having strap-on sex can be part of fantasy roleplaying or gender play for some partners. It gives women the opportunity to learn a new way to give pleasure by transforming their bodies to provide penetration. It’s also a chance for couples to incorporate sex toys into their bedroom routines in a new way. With a strap-on, couples can explore many of the intercourse positions discussed next in this book and achieve another level of closeness during penetration.

You can find some strap-on dildos and harnesses sold together in kits, but the best strap-on is the one you “build” yourself by choosing each element. As we discussed in the previous chapter, you’ve got a lot to choose from in the dildo department. If you’re buying a dildo to use in a harness, you should get one made of a flexible material. Hard plastic, glass, and other firm materials work well when they are handheld but aren’t ideal for harness use, so stick to silicone or rubber. Keep in mind that you can shop around for exactly the degree of firmness you like, because the firmness of a toy depends on its material and manufacturer. The dildo must also be harness-compatible—meaning it has a round or oval base that helps anchor the dildo in the harness. If you’re not sure, ask the store where you’re shopping. Make sure you talk to your partner about what style of dildo you want. Some men are eager to explore a specific fantasy and want a very realistic-looking dildo (complete with balls and heads), whereas others are turned off by anything that resembles a penis. Let him be the one to choose the size of the toy, because it’s his butt, and keep in mind that you will lose about an inch of length by putting it in a harness.

Although you don’t have hundreds of options as you do with dildos, there is a pretty wide variety of harnesses. Decide what your budget is because a harness (without the dildo) can be anywhere from $35 to $200, depending on the material and brand. Harnesses also have very different aesthetics: There are hip pink sparkly ones, shiny black fetish ones, and classic plain leather ones. What you want in a harness is a personal choice and here are some more factors to consider:

The least expensive harnesses are made of plastic, nylon, spandex, polyester, elastic, or some combination. They are often easier to get in and out, with fewer straps and buckles than leather harnesses. Those made with more breathable materials tend to fit better and pinch and chafe against the skin less. Some people don’t like the feel of these materials or the look of them, while others think they do the job just fine. Leather harnesses are top of
the line and come in a wide variety of styles and aesthetics, from simple and classic to tricked out with studs and embellishments. Leather molds to the body, feels nice against the skin, and lasts for a long time. For people who want a higher-end model but don’t want leather, there are rubber and vinyl harnesses that are well-made and quite stylish; some even come in bright, glittery colors.

All strap-on harnesses have a hole where you slip the dildo through, resting it against your pubic mound, and some combination of straps that attach the harness to your body. The two most common styles are the one-strap and the two-strap. A one-strap harness has a strap that goes around your waist/hips and one that fits between your legs; this harness tends to fit especially petite women the best. Because it fits like a G-string, the center strap rubs against your genitals, which may feel stimulating to some and annoying to others.

A two-strap harness is one you wear like a jockstrap; this style has a waistband strap and two straps that fit around your ass cheeks, leaving your vagina and ass easily accessible and free to be stimulated. Some people find that the two-strap harness tends to give them more control than the one-strap model; the dildo moves around less and is easier to guide. Some styles come with a hole cut out of the material, whereas others have a detachable O-ring that can be changed to accommodate different-sized dildos. (These are especially good if the dildo you are using is significantly smaller or larger than average.) You also have a choice of fasteners on your harness, either buckles or D-rings.

In an ideal world, you can try a harness on before you buy it. Many sex shops will let you put one on over your clothes to see if you like it. How a harness fits is a very important aspect: You want it to fit snuggly against your body, not pinch or poke anywhere, and be comfortable to wear.

To put on a harness, first buckle all the straps together keeping it loose, slip the dildo through the O-ring, and step into the harness as if it were a pair of underwear or shorts. Then position the dildo, adjust the straps, and tighten them. Or you can put the strap around your hips, put the dildo through the O-ring, then buckle or fasten the other strap (or straps). Make sure to buckle or fasten it so that it’s tight against your body; a common mistake beginners make is that they leave it too loose. You want to position the dildo where it’s most comfortable for you. Most people like it to sit against the pubic mound so that the bottom of the dildo base rests against the clitoral hood and top of the vulva. If the dildo has a very exaggerated curve, make sure the curve is always aimed toward the front of his body for prostate stimulation.