The Child Whisperer (50 page)

No matter your child’s age, they will appreciate your genuine, heartfelt intention to help them live true to their nature.

How the Public Education System
May be Wounding Your Child

Y
ou are not (nor should you be) the only adult in your child’s life. Your child will interact with many adults who are placed in authority positions over them. Teachers and coaches especially have a powerful influence over how children create their perception of themselves in the larger world. You should pay attention to anyone who plays a big role in your child’s life, who gives them structures or tries to affect them, especially if they are a different Energy Type from your child. As your child is honored in their classroom or on their team, they will be supported in creating greater success in their lives as they grow.

As a Type 3, I am practical and direct. I recommend that you give this book (or a copy of it) to your child’s teacher or coach. It’s easy to do, especially when you explain this book in terms of how much this knowledge has already changed your own relationship with your child.

Another way to train your child’s teacher or coach in honoring your child’s nature is through a parent-teacher conference or other meeting in person. You can meet with teachers when scheduled or request a conference at any given time. The most important thing: Don’t wait until a problem gets out of hand. Be proactive in opportunities—particularly at the beginning of the school year—to express support for your child’s teacher and get them on the same page with you.

5 Keys to the Perfect Parent-Teacher Conference

How you enter a situation with a teacher or coach makes a difference in how well they will hear you. Remember these five keys when you meet with your child’s teacher:

1.
Clear anything that’s coming up for you.

If your child’s teacher pushes your buttons in any way, they’re stirring up emotional issues in you that will get in the way of you engaging with them. Did you have a teacher or adult in authority who shut you down? Are you angry because your child is being wounded in some of the ways you were? Acknowledge and clear your own childhood baggage before you try to engage with your child’s teacher. For help in clearing emotional baggage, you can refer to Appendix B in the back of this book.

2. Set an intention that it will be a positive experience.

You can energetically influence the space where you will meet with your child’s teacher before you ever arrive. Setting an intention helps to create a harmonious interaction. Imagine the nature of the space you want to experience. And remember that you are inviting your child’s teacher to be on your side.

3. Write out your intentions.

When you write out your intentions, you more consciously create what you desire and set the right energy into motion. Here are some ideas: “My child’s teacher is understanding my child’s nature more fully.” “They are supporting my child in learning true to their nature.” “They are hearing the truth about my child and honoring it.” See the teacher as someone who has your child’s best interest at heart. Establish in your mind that you’re on the same team.

4. Decide who will attend.

Whether you bring your child with you to this meeting depends on age and the topic of conversation. A young child may not need to be there, or could be involved in a two-step meeting in which you talk with the teacher and then invite your child in. The older your child is, the more they need to be there so they feel honored and can express themselves. They may just need you to show up to support them in expressing their own voice. Allow your Child Whisperer intuition to lead you in making this decision.

5. Say the most effective words.

Your goal as a parent is to help your child’s teacher understand your child’s nature—their natural tendencies, needs, and motivations. Talk in terms of nature, character, and tendencies. Teach the teacher about who your child is, not about the 4 Types (at least, not at first). Here are some ideas of how you might begin a conversation:

“I would like to help you understand my child’s nature. It’s really helped me in being able to support them in their manner of being successful.”

“I want you to see the best results from my child, and so I’d like to talk about how to approach them in a way that they understand and appreciate best.”

(If your child has already experienced a problem with the teacher) “I want to resolve the behavioral issue in your classroom. I think we can do that best if we get to the actual root cause of the issue. I’d like to discuss how my child interacts with the world.”

Then you can discuss your child personally, according to their age. Refer to yourself and your own personal story with your child, including your own successes and failures. Explain what you’ve learned about them, what you’ve tried, and where you’ve experienced the most success. Open the door to talk about your child’s true nature.

Type 1 students

• Emphasize
  :
  Their brilliance and facility to learn quickly.
  
• Explain
  :
  If they are required to sit for long periods of time, they will create their own distractions, which will look like they’re not doing their work.
  
• What gets in their way
  :
  Being required to focus on a single subject for an extended period of time.
  
• Recommend
  :
  Unstructured, social, hands-on learning. Consider explaining that you help your child to do their homework in short bursts with the opportunity to change activities or to move several times an hour.
  
• Request
  :
  If your child needs to be disciplined, ask that you consider together a different method than being kept inside from recess. Type 1 children need that social outlet, and without it, they’ll just become problematic in the classroom.
  

I hope that this information will help both parents and teachers understand the quick and brilliant learning style of Type 1s, who are the most commonly mistreated children in our current education system. If we accommodate their learning style, we will benefit from their brilliant minds that naturally bring us new ideas, as well as their steady optimism to make this world a more light and cheery place.
 

Type 2 students

• Emphasize
  :
  Their methodical process and sensitive nature.
  
• Explain
  :
  They learn better at the front of the room where there are fewer distractions and they feel they can speak up.
  
• What gets in their way
  :
  Getting put on the spot.
  
• Recommend
  :
  Advance notice if your child will be asked to participate in front of the class—either the day before or the morning of. They don’t think well on their feet, which is stressful for them when they are so sensitive and want to do everything appropriately and in a way that wouldn’t upset anyone. If they can feel prepared in thinking things through, they will excel.
  
• Request
  :
  Your child will be very concerned with how everyone in the classroom feels. Let the teacher know that your child would love to have an assignment to lend a hand to another child who may need some added help.
  

In many ways, Type 2 children fit into the traditional classroom structure quite well. As they are naturally more quiet and want to do things appropriately, they often comply with teachers and directions. Help your child’s teacher see that they can do much to help your child feel empowered to speak up and participate in their own way.

Type 3 students

• Emphasize
  :
  Their hands-on ability to learn and desire for challenge
  
• Explain
  :
  Because they move swiftly toward a goal, they ignore details that sometimes they shouldn’t. They want results and they want the job done, almost to the fault of not getting it done well enough, so they need some support in that.
  
• What gets in their way:
  Long periods of detailed instructions
  
• Recommend
  :
  A challenge! Your Type 3 child will enjoy being called up in front of the classroom to see if they can figure out something quickly.
  
• Request
  :
  If a big project takes weeks at a time to complete, your child will wait to do it so they can move through it quickly, which will look like procrastination. Perhaps deadlines of projects that take a long time could be modified. Also, missing recess as a punishment for these children can lead to defiance because it takes away their physical outlet.
  

Type 3 children may receive many negative labels in the classroom if the teacher is a Type with a lower level of movement. Help your child’s teacher recognize their great facility in on-the-spot, hands-on learning, which is truly a gift to get everyone else in the classroom moving in a forward direction. Your child will be well served if you can find a teacher who recognizes your child’s natural tendency toward leadership.

Type 4 students

• Emphasize
  :
  Their ability to see and understand the big picture.
  
• Explain
  :
  They have a need to be their own authority and respect their teacher as an authority. Once they feel respected, they automatically reciprocate that respect.
  
• What gets in their way
  :
  Being teased or told to lighten up.
  
• Recommend
  :
  Recognition as their own authority. Consider sharing that once you were able to parent from a place where you respected them, you didn’t need to remind them to do things. They could see the bigger picture and if they felt respected to follow through on their responsibilities, they did.
  
• Request
  :
  Your child may come across as a know-it-all. The key to correcting that is simply thanking them and reminding them that the teacher is the authority in charge of helping everyone else to learn. Request that any discipline or conversations to correct your child should not take place in front of the entire class.
  

In many ways, Type 4 children look like the ideal student. They are consistent, punctual, and responsible, as long as they respect the authority of the teacher and their rules. If your child experiences difficulty in a classroom, always make sure that issues of respect—either from the teacher or other students—are addressed.

Notes for Your Child’s Coach

  All of the previous suggestions may also apply to conversations with your child’s coach. Here are a few additional notes to help your child excel in sports and other activities:

Type 1
: Express your child’s need to have fun. If an activity no longer feels like a game, your Type 1 child’s heart just won’t be in it.

Type 2
: Express that your child will perform at a high level if they don’t feel pressure. It’s not effective to yell at any Type of child, but Type 2 children especially will retreat.

Type 3
: Explain that your child will go all out if they feel inspired and challenged. They need to feel pushed, which is the opposite of a Type 2 child.

Type 4
: Express that your child performs best when they feel respected. Share how your child wants to do perfectly whatever they’ve committed to and that they need support to not be too hard on themselves.

These notes can be applied to your child’s experience with a piano teacher, drama coach, choir director, or any other adult in a position of instruction and authority.

Your Role in the Parent-Teacher Relationship

Your job is to support your child in living true to their nature in successful ways, and to help them navigate their experience with the other adults in their life safely and with as much support as possible. If your child encounters a problem in school or on their team, listen to what your child is complaining about and then look beyond it to discover the actual issue. Your child is not yet equipped with the vocabulary, tools, and authority to speak to and resolve the issues that may arise with their teacher. They don’t always have the capacity to know what is shutting them down and why. Ask them, “What didn’t you like? What did you like?” Tell them why you’re asking because it’s really important to you to help them have an experience that they like and that helps them learn.

You can create a supportive environment before your child ever walks in the classroom door by getting to know your options of teachers well in advance. Ask parents in the neighborhood with children older than your child what they thought of their child’s teachers. Just let them know that you’d like to get to know the nature of the available teachers and their teaching style.

Ultimately, it is your right as a parent to request a different teacher for your child. If you find that a teacher demeans, belittles, or disrespects your child, you are responsible to try and resolve the situation and then remove your child from it as quickly as possible if the teacher is resistant. Your supportive response will have a much greater impact on your child than the negative impact of the teacher, and will help your child in feeling empowered to speak up and live true to their nature in the future.