The Child Whisperer (52 page)

What I Would Have Done Differently If I Knew This Earlier

N
ow it’s time to talk about the mistakes we sometimes make when we don’t understand our child’s true nature. I have 5 children: a Type 1 daughter and son, a Type 2 daughter and son, and Type 4 son. Had I known this about them when they were young, I would have done some things differently.

What I would have done differently:

1.
I would have spoken in affirmations and validations for my children.

From the very beginning, I would have honored my children with messages that honored their true natures. From their earliest years, I would have affirmed and supported my children with specific messages they needed to hear at different stages of their development.

Type 1
:
“It’s so fun to have you in our life. Thank you for bringing an uplifting, effervescent energy to our life. There is nothing you have to do to get your needs met. Thank you for being the bright, shiny, being that you are.”

Type 2
:
“Thank you for your gentle, sensitive, kind nature. Take all the time you need to grow up and feel all your emotions. You’re so heart-felt and understanding, I’m here to make you comfortable and safe in this world. I love you and I’m here for you.”

Type 3
:
“I’m so grateful for your adventurous spirit, for your determined nature, and for your desire to make a difference in this world. Let yourself be who you are. Push forward, but there’s no rush. I love you and I’m here to take care of you.”

Type 4
: “I love you. You are such a strong, stable being. Thank you for bringing structure and your strength to my experience. I know you need time to be still. I know that silence supports you at times. You do not need to take on any of my energy. Be your own person. Thank you for your strength, for your solid quality of being. I love you and I’m here to take care of you.”

2.
I would have honored each child’s Type even more.

Type 1
:
I would have focused on keeping things light and playful in their lives. I would have made sure my Type 1 daughter and son didn’t get too heavy with things, and that I checked in with them to see their world through that lens. If they were stressed or grumpy, I would have known to ask, “What is bearing down on you? What’s weighing you down? How can I help lighten your experience and continue to validate you?”
Most importantly, I would have had more fun with my Type 1 children.

Type 2
:
I would have asked myself frequently, “Are they comfortable and are they comforted? Have I comforted them in the way that they need?” I would have supported them being more in their flow. If they ever got high-strung, I would have looked for where they felt too pushed or where situations were too aggressive in their life.
Most importantly, I would have sat with them more, held them more, listening to and comforting them.

Type 3
:
I do not have any Type 3 children, but I know what would be supportive to them. I would encourage this child in exploring life. I would make sure I created an environment that was safe to explore and that sustained their hands-on nature so they didn’t need to hear “Stop that,” very often. I would let them take more risks on a more physical level. I would help them become entrepreneurial early on and take pleasure in their results.
Most importantly, I would take the time to appreciate their results with them.

Type 4
:
I would have made sure I noticed if situations or spaces were getting too energetically overwhelming. If they were too much to handle, I would have taken my child out of those spaces and given the space needed to regroup and realign. I would have parented him in a way that was more of a partnership in teaching him about his own sense of authority. I would have said, “Good for you. Of course you want to do it yourself because you want to see what you can do. You don’t have to do it yourself, but you can if you want to. I’m here to support you.” I would have helped him understand the steps he needed to execute whatever he wanted to do. I would have asked, “Do you understand what you need to do?” I would have let him talk things out.
Most importantly,
I would have sat without any distraction and let him tell me what he was feeling or thinking.

Why It’s Never Too Late to be a Better Parent

Every parent has great gifts to give their children. And every parent has plenty of room to improve. No matter how you feel you have done or will do as a parent, no matter your fears, anxieties, or regrets, and no matter the current age of your child, you can do something to become a better parent today. And this opportunity is bigger than you think.

There’s a false perception that you can only influence your children when they are small. Stop believing that. You can do a great deal of good if your children are at home in your primary care. But you can have just as great an influence on your children even if they no longer live with you or are raising children of their own. Your kids are longing for you to show up and be the kind of parent you were meant to be.

Everyone’s psyche contains an inner child and as we grow into adults, we try to meet whatever needs weren’t met as a child. We do not necessarily look to our parents to get our needs met, but we’re still looking for it somewhere. As adults, we either make a decision that we’ll never get that need met, or we look for someone outside our parents to get it. For example, nearly every conflict that develops in a marriage situation, or relationship with a significant other, is rooted in unmet needs in our inner child. It’s our attempt to get our needs met later in life.

The life we live each day is a result of all the stories we tell ourselves about our lives. When we believe we are victims, we attract situations that confirm that perspective. When we believe we are powerful and inspired, that is how we experience the world. You’re always right about your kids because what you really believe about them shows up as a representation in your life. Life is a mirror and gives you information on a daily basis. Your experience will show you what you really believe. You can help your own child create a story about their life that empowers and heals them. And it starts with you taking accountability for yourself.

If you have unintentionally wounded your child at any age, take responsibility for it, go to them and acknowledge what has happened, what you want to change, and what you plan to do. Give them the messages they did not receive at a certain age and change what you are doing. And when you recognize the things you’ve done right, keep doing them! Recognize the victories in your parent-child relationship and continue them!

It’s time. Time to stop wounding your child inadvertently, no matter their age. Time to continue the positive things you’re already doing. Time to honor your child’s inner nature in the way you treat and talk to them. Time to be the kind of parent that you are meant to be!

Using Your New Found
Child Whisperer Skills

A
re you feeling like a Child Whisperer yet? I hope so. I hope you have already applied some of the skills you’ve learned and seen an improvement in your life. I encourage you to be patient with your child, kind to yourself, and remember a few things as you put your new found Child Whisperer skills into practice:

Don’t expect to get it all right at once.
Parenting is a process, not a destination. Be willing to stay open and keep learning. It’s like anything new; you have to practice. And believe me, your children will give you plenty of opportunities every day!

Communicate clearly
.
Any of the Types will respond to clear communication. Tell your child that you’ve learned some things and that you want to change things for the better with them. Let them share their own ideas about what you can do together to help them. Share how committed you are to understanding and loving them.

If your relationship has been strained or challenging, consider using a phrase like this: “I haven’t understood you completely, not because I didn’t want to but because I just didn’t know how.” Trust yourself that you are taking care of any issues before it is too late (no matter how late it is). Your child will give you feedback along the way, but don’t put it on your child to tell you how to be their parent. Just communicate your love and take responsibility for what you have learned.

Make it enjoyable
.
This is most important of all. Energy Profiling is meant to be a system that supports you, not the other way around. If you ever start feeling limited or confined by the Types, it’s time to review the material again and consider which limiting beliefs you need to clear from your life. As your new found Child Whisperer skills become more and more natural, you will start to look forward to the opportunities your children give you to use them.

Just Go For It Now!

Wow, you got through the whole book! Believe me, I never imagined it would be this big of a book, but it’s a big topic. Now that you have taken all this in, and have started to put it into practice, take a deep breath and relax! You may feel a bit overwhelmed and uncertain if you can adapt your parenting to the Child Whisperer techniques I teach in this book.

Let me reassure you, the main reason you may feel overwhelmed is what you are learning is not familiar—YET! Yes, it will take more conscious effort on your part to parent your children true to their natures. Yes, it will require more of you if you have several children of different Types. And yes, it will get easier and more instinctive. That is the beauty of becoming a Child Whisperer through Energy Profiling; it is very intuitive and once you understand your child’s nature, they will make it easier for you with their constant reminders of what they need from you as their parent.

Something to remember
:
Your children are their own owner’s manual. Every day of their lives, they are telling you what they need! Now that you are becoming a Child Whisperer, you have the skills to know how to read them and intuitively respond in a manner that creates what you really want as a parent: Cooperative children who are developing into confident, successful human beings.

I encourage you to really put to the test what I have just taught you. See if it works. I feel confident in offering you that challenge because I have witnessed hundreds of times over and over these past several years how well this information works when put into practice. I have seen and heard from thousands of parents how much better their family lives are, how much happier their children are, and how much their lives have changed since they put this into practice.

My hope for you is that you will be able to say after using these Child Whisperer tools that your family life is better, that you are closer to your children, that you get along better, and are creating the family life you always wanted. My hope is that you use the tools in this book to create deep and lasting bonds with your children and that they love and honor you as their parent. I want you to have fun, feel connected, get a lot done, and experience the deep love and respect you are meant to have with your children.

This book truly is a manual that you are meant to refer to often. There is much to learn in becoming a Child Whisperer, so return to this book often for reminders, new aha’s and inspiration, especially as your children grow through their different stages of development.

Thank you for letting me be an influence for good in your life. My role as a mother has been and continues to be one of my most important commitments and loves. To be able to help parents better understand and love and honor their child is one of the greatest things I could do. Thank you for giving me that chance. May God bless you and your family to be one of the sweetest blessings of your life. I believe God wants that for all of us and is striving everyday to help us achieve that. When we become better parents, we just naturally create a better world. Believe in yourself, forgive yourself, and move forward to make the next moment better. You can do it! (Spoken like a true Type 3!)

Appendix A: Dressing
Your Children True to their Type

I
am well known for a fashion system called
Dressing Your Truth.
Although this system has been designed for women, the same principles of apparel apply to children and teenagers. You may not have considered that what your child wears makes much of a difference in their behavior. But it does. I have personally seen—both in my own children’s lives and the lives of children whose mothers have gone through our online learning program—how much of a difference dressing a child true to their Type can be.

The Surprising Benefit of Dressing Your Truth

for Children

Looking good is not actually Dressing Your Truth’s primary benefit for your child—although it
is
one of them. The greatest value is something you might not think of at first.

As you have learned in this book, your child expresses a certain quality of movement in their inner nature. When the movement and quality of your child’s apparel supports their natural movement, other people naturally align more fully to your child’s true nature. Others perceive your children’s behavior in harmony with who they really are and your children are naturally disciplined or judged less for just being themselves. Others interpret your child’s actions more accurately and treat your child according to their nature. I recommend that you dress your child true to their nature from a young age.

. . . .

SETH’S STORY

A Type 4 Baby

My Type 4 grandson Seth looked silly in bright colors and animated patterns, even as a baby. As soon as my daughter Jenny dressed her son in bold colors with simple lines, he looked much more like himself. While many babies are called cute, people often commented on what a handsome baby Seth was. People acknowledged his more serious, mature nature with a more serious, mature word, even when he was a baby. Not only did Seth’s parents honor him, but dressing him true to his nature helped others to honor him as well.

. . . .

So what exactly is Dressing Your Truth? It is a supportive system for choosing apparel that can help your child to feel confident in their appearance as they grow.

Dressing Your Truth contains five elements:

1. Design line
   
2. Texture
   
3. Fabrication
   
4. Pattern
   
5. Color 
   

These five elements show up in all children’s apparel and shoes and hairstyles. As young women grow, they may also add to that makeup, jewelry, and other accessories—all components of adorning the feminine.

We all have a sixth sense of what feels right on our body. Children and teens are naturally drawn to clothes that are supportive of their dominant Type. This is true even of babies. We often don’t really realize that the clothing on a baby could make them fussy—not what they’re eating or how they’re sleeping. What apparel is going next to their skin? What about the texture of the blankets you use? What about diapers?

When you honor your child’s nature with what you put on them and next to their skin, your child will be at ease with the world and will grow up being better seen for who they are. I have seen this with all of my grandchildren, who have experienced great levels of ease in their baby stages and as they grow. Dressing Your Truth helps you as a parent to build on and tune into what a child naturally knows would be supportive to them until they are able to make those choices themselves.

Tips for Dressing Each Type of Child

Type 1
:
Clothes should feel light and free on the body, and the fabric should have a crisp quality to it. Type 1 children should be able to bounce and play without restriction from their clothing. They’ll be fussy in clothes that weigh them down. You’ll readily find clothing for these children because clothing for children is predominantly Type 1—playful, youthful, animated and fun.

Type 2
:
Comfort is key, so fabrication is the number one quality to consider. Soft, plush, cozy fabrics will help your child feel held in comfort. Consider everything from clothing to blankets to diapers to towels. Whatever touches their body should have a soft, comfortable feel. Their faces show up more when they wear more muted colors, and softer, subdued patterns.

Type 3
:
Due to their substantial energy, these children look best in heavier textures, more substantial weaves, and patterns with an earthy quality. They need substance to their clothes, even as babies, and can wear a little heavier weighted items. In fact, if an item is too light, a Type 3 child won’t like it—it will feel wispy and look silly. Since many parents don’t see textured, heavier clothes as typical baby clothes, you’ll find many of them at thrift stores.

Type 4
:
These children need structured clothes that are fitted to the body. Don’t put them in anything with too many extra laces, frills, or embellishments. This issue comes up less often for Type 4 boys. But the girls do encounter many more frills. Their quality of inner stillness needs to be honored. Less is more. Simpler is better. Think solid colors, stripes, and even bold black.

Body Image of Every Type

As children grow into teenagers, they become very aware of their appearance and start to develop an opinion about their body image. Although it is just as important for boys to feel confident and have skills to support a healthy body and image, teenage girls get hit much harder by the media in developing a negative body image.

While Dressing Your Truth principles apply to dressing both males and females, I recommend sharing my Dressing Your Truth program with your teenage daughter in particular. She can learn how to work with fashion and her Type of beauty at a very early age—and bypass the too-common trend of hating her body and how she looks!

If Your Child Doesn’t Want to Dress Their Truth

It’s not appropriate for a parent to insist that a child dress their truth. When a child becomes active in the role of choosing what to wear, let them! Let them make the choices. Parents who have explored this system have actually found that their children naturally go back to the things that we teach in the Dressing Your Truth program true to their Type. Their children are just naturally drawn to them. 

The desire in a child to request something else is just to make sure they have a say in their lives and not be controlled by their parents. That is usually the motive behind not wanting to dress their truth. 

Of all the Types, Type 3s and 4s (particularly boys in their teens) have the strongest tendency to blow off this information. Type 3s are just too busy to be bothered. And Type 4s resist if they have not been treated in a way that honors their authority—they don’t want to be told how to dress if they don’t feel respected. These children tend to get more interested in Dressing Your Truth when they have a say in their choices and they realize that using the program increases their quality of being attractive, which is something every growing child—teenage boy or not—wants to experience.

Dressing Your Truth for Moms

If you are a mother, I encourage you to look into Dressing Your Truth for yourself. You probably spend way too many hours and days frustrated with your body, hair, and appearance. This affects your parenting! When you don’t feel good about yourself, inside and out, your confidence is challenged and you are not as capable of meeting your children’s needs fully and modeling a healthy self and body esteem to them. I also encourage you to consider Dressing Your Truth as an additional support for you and your child.

For more information about Dressing Your Truth,

Visit the website:
dressingyourtruth.com

Read or listen to my book:

Discover Your Personal Beauty Profile