The Child Whisperer (6 page)

Encourage emotional expression and be patient with any outbursts. Type 1 energy is like a geyser—it erupts randomly, goes off big and then suddenly, it’s over! After the outburst, reassure your Type 1 child that it is okay to express feelings and everyone is fine and happy. They need to know their feelings do not disrupt the family’s general state of happiness.

If you parent a Type 1 child, notice the little things they do every day with the intent to put a smile on your face. Remember, they are more random and don’t always think things through. I am certain your Type 1 child has gotten into trouble sometimes for doing something that was designed in their mind to cheer you up. When this happens, they are really not sure why they are in trouble, when their intent was to bring you joy.

Type 1 children dislike situations in which others get upset about relatively small issues. These children will experience serious punishment or a mistake blown out of proportion as a bigger emotional downer than their parents may realize. In the words of my Type 1 son, Mario, “It makes me feel like life is wrong when people bring their worries to where we are having fun.” If your Type 1 child is not expressing their naturally light energy effortlessly, consider which situations around them might weigh their feelings down.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Having happy parents is a big priority for Type 1 children. If they perceive that their parents are unhappy with them, these children will often adapt to try and cheer their parents up. This is not a child’s responsibility, but a Type 1 will try to take it on, especially if they feel unhappiness is directed at them personally. If you are upset or sad, reassure your Type 1 child that everyone is sad sometimes, that you will be happy again, and that they are okay. Never use disappointment or an expression of unhappiness to coerce or manipulate your Type 1 child into behavior that you want.

When my Type 1 daughter, Jenny, was only 8 years old, I noticed she would pull out the vacuum and start vacuuming the house when I was upset. I figured out that her reason for doing this was to try and make me happy. I made sure I let her know that my happiness was not her job and that I appreciated her doing something to make me happy. My job as her parent was to turn my mood around so she would not feel stressed about her unhappy mother.

How can you help your Type 1 receive the gift of having a happy parent? List some things you want to focus on here:

If you don’t feel emotionally connected to your Type 1 child, there’s a reason. Consider the possibility that your child has one of these experiences with you:

• They are not having fun with you.
  

• They feel everything is heavy and serious when they are with you.
  
• They feel controlled, like they have no room to breathe and express their random nature.
  
• They feel judged or unimportant because of their light, airy nature.
  
• They are confused about who they are because their true expression is in conflict with what has been judged by their parent as a weakness.
  

Having things light and playful is not a preference or a wish for a Type 1 child. They
need
fun. They
need
spontaneity. Imagine telling the wind to just calm down and be more responsible. When you honor your Type 1 child’s true nature, you will see them become happier and more emotionally responsive to you.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Keeping things light and fun doesn’t mean you have to come up with activities and games constantly. Light and fun is a mood, an energy. Notice the tone of your voice and the mood of your home. Do you speak in a friendly, loving voice? Do you let you Type 1 child run and bounce at home? Allow them to create their own fun and express their naturally light energy.

. . . .

MARIO’S STORY

Type 1s Respond to Support!

I met our Type 1 son, Mario, when he was an 11-year-old boy. He came into our family when he was 15 and we officially adopted him when he was 17. Mario came from an abusive background, and his Type 1 nature had been judged most of his life as irresponsible. This led him to believe he was incompetent—which was another, more subtle layer of abuse that needed to be healed in his life. He had many limiting beliefs that he could not succeed in school and that his animated nature was immature.

He had already started to overdevelop his secondary Type 4 nature by the time he was 15, as he no longer felt he could trust his true nature to help him succeed in life. Knowing his true nature made all the difference in understanding how to parent him and help heal his past wounds. I was very mindful to make things light for Mario and to support him in developing his gift for ideas and his love for people and having fun.

We had many difficult challenges that we needed to overcome, and it was not easy. I have to say that knowing about his Type 1 nature made all the difference in knowing how to better parent him. Today he is a successful young man who embraces his playful, animated nature and has learned to use his brilliant mind to succeed in life. He puts a smile on my face every time I am with him.

. . . .

Communication: Enthusiastic

These kids are chatty! Even from a young age, Type 1 children are verbal and motivated by social interaction. They love talking to anyone and their communication patterns are often friendly and inviting.

Type 1 children enjoy chit-chat, jumping from one idea to the next in a random way, and they prefer conversations that are light and uplifting. They often say what they think as soon as it comes to mind, even if that means that they interrupt someone else with the thought that just popped in their head.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Your Type 1 child will probably interrupt you at times. Rather than shush your child when this happens, acknowledge them and let them know you will listen in a moment. If they persist, remind them that they do not need to interrupt you to be heard, and that you think that what they say is important. Make sure you really do ask them to wait only a moment before giving your attention—otherwise their quickly moving thought will be lost. Type 1 children only need a moment, as their ability to connect and disconnect quickly is an attribute that allows them to get their needs met very quickly.

Type 1 children get excited about what seems like the littlest thing—and parents may think they need to quiet down this excitement, thinking that some things are not worth getting that excited about. For a Type 1 child, they are.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Admire and acknowledge your Type 1 child’s excitement and enthusiasm with simple compliments like these: “I am so glad you are having so much fun with that.” “That is so wonderful how much fun you are having.” “I love how much enthusiasm you have.” Your approval of their natural enthusiasm will mean so much to them, and it will also help them to naturally find a healthy balance of how much enthusiasm they express.

. . . .

JENS’ STORY

Saying Whatever Comes to Mind

Nine-year-old Jens will say whatever he’s thinking, right when he thinks it. He and his mother were talking in the car one day about what they wanted to do during summer vacation. In that moment, Jens saw a Burger King he’d never seen before. He disconnected immediately from talking about summer vacation and just lit up at the surprise of that Burger King he’d never noticed. He sounded as excited about that Burger King as he did about Christmas morning! That’s a Type 1 child.

. . . .

Communication for a Type 1 child is often loud and animated. They move their bodies and hands to communicate. Imagination even applies to language. They often make up their own words and silly phrases, just to make communicating that much more fun.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Because a Type 1s natural movement is random, they may expect you to keep up and follow their train of thought, which might not look like it has any connections. If you get lost about what your Type 1 child is talking about, don’t make them retrace their steps. Just express your desire to understand what they’re talking about and celebrate with them.