The Child Whisperer (5 page)

The 4 Types of Children

B
efore you take an in-depth look at each of the four Types, let me introduce you briefly to all of them.

What follows here is just an overview. It is not meant to serve as your only assessment tool. If one of these brief explanations looks like it may describe your child, you may want to skip to that section to read it at length.

While children express all four Energy Types to varying degrees, each child will always lead with a dominant natural expression, followed by a secondary Energy Type.

Type 1: The Fun-loving Child

• Primary Connection to the World
  : Social
  
• Primary Movement:
  Bouncy and random
  
• Primary Need:
  To have fun and happy parents
  

May be described as:
animated, fun, bright, light-hearted, friendly

May be negatively judged as:
flighty, hyperactive, unreliable

Type 2: The Sensitive Child

• Primary Connection to the World:
  Emotional
  
• Primary Movement:
  Subtle and flowing
  
• Primary Need:
  To have feelings honored and everyone in the family feel loved and connected
  

May be described as:
tender, gentle, kind, thoughtful

May be negatively judged as:
wimpy, shy, hyper-sensitive

Type 3: The Determined Child

• Primary Connection to the World:
  Physical
  
• Primary Movement:
  Push forward and determined
  
• Primary Need:
  To be challenged and have new experiences with support of their parents
  

May be described as:
Strong, active, persistent, energetic

May be negatively judged as:
Pushy, loud, demanding, rambunctious

Type 4: The More Serious Child

• Primary Connection to the World:
  Intellectual
  
• Primary Movement:
  Straightforward and exact
  
• Primary Need:
  To be respected by their parents and family members and respect them in return
  

May be described as:
Thorough, efficient, responsible, analytical

May be negatively judged as:
Critical, judgmental, know-it-all

Your child is a gift, no matter which dominant Energy Type they express. As you now look at each of the Types in depth, I encourage you to read with the intent to identify your child’s Type and to honor their true nature more every day.

Type 1: The Fun-Loving Child

Primary Connection to the World:
Social

Primary Movement:
Bouncy and random

Primary Need:
To have fun and happy parents

T
he Type 1 expression comes from the element of nitrogen/air, and its natural primary movement is upward and light. A child with a dominant Type 1 movement will be naturally fun-loving, spontaneous, and cheerful. These children move upward and out to create in this world. They have the highest level of natural movement of all the Types.

Other words that describe the movement of the energy in a dominant Type 1 child: animated, bubbly, brilliant, light-hearted, and unstructured. Adults often describe a child with a dominant Type 1 energy as a “ray of sunshine.” When I meet a Type 1 child, I always notice the twinkle in their eye and the sparkle in their energy.

Keeping life light and fun is one of the primary motives for a Type 1 child. Many cultures worldwide value this kind of energy in children, but expect these kids to “grow up” and stop playing games at some point. Treating a Type 1s buoyant, playful movement as a strength will give them powerful permission to live true to themselves. Dominant Type 1 children who are supported to live true to their natures maintain their youthful energy and love for fun, even as they grow into adulthood.

Natural Gifts and Talents: Ideas and Hope

Type 1s naturally offer some unique gifts to the world without even trying:
lots of new ideas matched with the hope that they are possible.

They initiate the cycle of wholeness by coming up with new ideas and truly believing those ideas can come true. Their animated quality brings new life to everything. The Type 1 catchphrase is:
“I have a new idea, and we can do it!”

Ideas come easily and readily for Type 1 children. They are naturally brimming with new ideas and they truly believe in all of them. Their natural movement of being light and carefree can also mean they do not naturally follow through. Since they thrive with new experiences and ideas, these children face the challenge of choosing an idea and carrying it to the end.

. . . .

JENS’ STORY

Lots of Ideas!

Jens’ mother appreciates his endless ideas, but observes that some of them can result in a costly mess. The object of one of his ideas? A game to see how many juice box drinks he could pop with his bike tires before his friends hit him with a roll of wet toilet paper! Eight boys, a case of juice boxes from Costco, an economy pack of toilet paper, and a hose make for a lot of fun—and a lot of mess!

Type 1 children are full of creative ideas. While they grow, they need both direction and space to make mistakes, so they can learn which of their ideas might be best to act on, and which are best to just appreciate as fun ideas and then let go.

. . . .

Child Whisperer Tip:
As a parent, you do not have to take responsibility for following through on every idea your Type 1 child has. It’s just not possible! Nor is it helpful for your child. In an attempt to teach them responsibility, you might insist that they carry out an idea that was just that—an idea. You might try to shut down the endless ideas because they overwhelm you. Let go of your anxiety about all their ideas and just appreciate how many of them your child has!

My oldest daughter, Jenny, is a bright and cheery Type 1. She is full of ideas. As her mother, I used to think that she needed to learn to follow through on every idea she came up with. The day I realized that all her ideas did not have to turn into results—and that the idea alone was valuable for her—we had a lot more fun celebrating her ideas. Try acknowledging your child’s ideas as good and fun. Sometimes, that’s all a Type 1 child needs to feel validated and move to the next new thing.

Fun-loving Type 1 children are socially oriented. Their gift for living in the present and being naturally optimistic means they make friends easily, with everyone! As they grow, Type 1 children become very devoted to their friends. Other people and children are drawn to them because their energy makes things more carefree and light wherever they go. They are natural experts at cheering people up. For a Type 1 child, life’s meant to be fun and happy!

Child Whisperer Tip:
A mom shared with me that she used to say to her six-year-old, “Everything doesn’t need to be a game!” Then she realized that for a Type 1 child, it does! Type 1 children have a natural orientation to the light, the playful, and the animated in life. They love surprises, games, and pretending. That’s a
good
thing. Honor your Type 1 child’s orientation to keep things light and playful by making little games out of ordinary tasks (getting dressed, grocery shopping, getting the mail) and you will find that your child brightens up.

How can you make your own family’s daily activities a little more fun for your Type 1 child? List some ideas here:

Personality Traits: Social and Fun

When Type 1 children are honored in living true to themselves, their personalities shine. Other people often describe them as cheerful, friendly, charismatic, outgoing, funny, or cute. Their animated nature bubbles over into everything they do and say. A Type 1 child’s personality engages other people in a fun, social and entertaining way, which often makes them the center of attention. They are little social butterflies, even as babies and toddlers—a quality of being that helps them make friends easily throughout their entire lives.

. . . .

HENRY’S STORY

Making Friends With Everyone!

Henry started speaking at 10 months and hasn’t stopped since. When he learned his address he started telling it to everyone—including complete strangers at the store. His parents had to tell him to stop inviting everyone over to their house!

. . . .

Your Type 1 child’s naturally bright, bubbly personality might be judged as a weakness in certain situations—sometimes even by you. These children might be labeled hyperactive, flighty, or irresponsible. Your Type 1 child will not be naturally structured or serious, and demanding that they become so will only make them doubt their natural spontaneity and cheeriness.

It is your job as a parent to help your child to recognize that their natural movement is valuable. Acknowledge the strength in your Type 1 child’s natural tendencies before trying to teach them how to manage those tendencies better.

Thought and Feeling Process: Quick and Random

Thoughts for a Type 1 child are quick and spontaneous. They jump from one idea to another quickly and randomly. If you parent a Type 1 child, you may wonder if there are connections between the ideas they share in rapid succession. The connections are there, but they are random and they come in spurts.

Parents of these children often observe that they act “without thinking things through.” But Type 1 children often just think things through too quickly for their parents or others to notice. They may seem scattered or thoughtless, but they are jumping from idea to idea, mentally organizing quickly, and juggling many things at once. They seem to instantly know what they want and then jump to the next idea just as easily.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Their quick movement from idea to idea often earns these children the label of “childish” or “silly.” So Type 1 children
long
to be respected as they grow up. In order to be taken seriously, they commonly attempt to slow down their energy and change who they are. Take your Type 1 child’s thought process seriously and listen to what they have to say, no matter how scattered it may appear at times. Their brains work quickly and their language has a hard time keeping up with how quickly thoughts move through their mind. Be willing to just try to make the jump from thought to thought with them sometimes.

When it comes to a Type 1s feelings, everything is larger than life. Little joys are huge delights. Hurt feelings can lead to bursts of emotion. Both expressions may sound quite loud, as they express their emotions vocally, especially as young children. Type 1 toddlers are either screaming in delight or screaming in frustration. The highest squeal you hear from teenage girls is most likely to come from a Type 1.

. . . .

ADRIA’S STORY

Celebrating Every Day

Little Adria was playing by herself outside one day, not realizing that her mom was watching. She went down the slide and at the bottom, she shouted, “Ta da!” Even when she was playing by herself, and she thought nobody else was around, she still enjoyed herself enough to celebrate and shout out loud to congratulate herself for a fun accomplishment. This is just how cute a little Type 1 child thinks and feels. What a delight!

. . . .

Type 1s process emotion very quickly when given permission to feel their feelings. They feel it and move on. They do not feel emotion deeply. Feelings are light and are meant to stay that way. Just like Type 1 children go from sunny to tears in a second, they often go back to their naturally cheerful disposition just as quickly after being validated and heard. Just because a Type 1 child moves through their emotions in what might look like a disorganized or disconnected way, that does not make their feelings any less valid or real.

A Type 1 child can get emotionally explosive at times, but when acknowledged and honored for their feelings they let go of them easily and then often feel guilty for getting so upset. As their natural expression is designed to help lift the mood and energy of others, these children can be very hard on themselves if they feel their emotions have done just the opposite.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Help your Type 1 child by inviting them to express their feelings before they build up and turn into explosive expressions. Your child may shy away from expressing uncomfortable emotions, as they do not want to add anything they perceive as negative or unhappy to stressful family situations. But you do not want your Type 1 child to learn to repress emotions. I have met many Type 1 adults who started doing this in their childhood in an effort to make mom or dad happy. This pattern only turns the child into a depressed, overweight, Type 1 adult.