The Child Whisperer (7 page)

Behavioral Tendencies

Family Relationships:
Need play to feel loved.

Type 1 children are fun to be with. They are generally affectionate and cheery. Even older Type 1 children will not have difficulty engaging in playful behavior with younger siblings. They often notice if someone in the family is sad, taking it as their personal goal to cheer that person up. They create fun with whichever member of the family they are with.

In order to feel loved in the family, these children need to be played with, rather than merely told they are loved. When you play with your Type 1 child and take time to have fun with them,
you
will put a smile on
their
face.

. . . .

BRIDGER’S STORY

Playing with Siblings

As the oldest of five siblings, Bridger’s fun-loving nature makes it easy for him to play with and relate to his younger brothers and sisters—even though he’s a teenager. He’ll play Legos with his younger brothers, and can make them laugh easily by being goofy. On top of that, he’s a fun babysitter to all of his younger siblings. The only challenge? Instead of putting them to bed on time, he gets them all riled up at bedtime. So much fun!

Because Type 1 children want everyone in the family to be happy, they may tend to become a people pleaser or a helper. This can turn into a pattern of compromising their true nature or needs in order to please others.

I had to be careful with this possibility with my son Mario. He was always so willing to lend a helping hand that I learned I could take advantage of it if I was not aware. Since a Type 1s energy easily connects and disconnects from one activity to another, I knew Mario would drop pretty much whatever he was doing (even if it was something important to him) in order to help me out. So I tended to call on Mario more often than maybe I should have, until I realized it was not honoring to take advantage of his random, spontaneous nature.

If a Type 1s random nature ever gets on the nerves of a more structured child, make sure to support both children in living true to themselves. Don’t let a Type 1 compromise their light nature just to please others.

We experienced this with our two sons, Mark and Mario. Mario often sat at the kitchen table, eating a snack, tapping his fingers on the tabletop, and humming a tune all at the same time. Mark, with his more structured Type 4 nature, became irritated if he was doing something in the same area. I noticed this becoming a problem when Mark often told Mario to stop making so much noise and to stop moving so much. These incidents usually occurred in the general family areas of our home, which meant that Mario was being shut down in the space where family members should feel free to be themselves.

I spoke with Mark about the situation. I shared with him that he needed a different solution than to tell Mario not to be himself! I asked Mark to come up with another solution—which he did. He decided that if Mario was getting on his nerves, it was better for him to leave the space rather than shame his younger brother by telling him he was annoying and getting mad about it. Mark honored his brother and himself this way from that point forward.

Friends and Social Settings:
Naturally friendly

Type 1 children make friends readily and they naturally thrive in social settings. As a Type 1 child grows, he or she will always want to engage with new people in new situations. It can be a challenge for these children to stay entertained and amused all by themselves. They need regular interaction with people around them, hugging, laughing, and smiling. They will often bring out the playful side of their friends.

For example, I often asked Mario what Type his friends were in high school and he would tell me they were Type 1s, just like him. Then I would meet them and see that they were not Type 1s, but another Type! I finally figured out that his friends became more playful and fun-loving with him around, so they came off like Type 1s because of his energetic influence! Mario brought out his friends’ Type 1 nature, which is part of all of us, though it may be hidden from view until someone who leads with Type 1 gives us permission to bring it forward.

Because others sometimes judge Type 1s as shallow, a Type 1 child may become concerned about superficial friends. You can reassure a Type 1 child that having many friends comes naturally to them, and it’s never a problem unless they keep creating friendships that compromise their animated, optimistic nature.

. . . .

CLAIRE’S STORY

Type 1s Need Friends

Claire was two years old when she moved out of state with her family. Her parents understood her random, playful, Type 1 nature, so they planned fun activities for her and thought she would love experiencing all the new sights of an unfamiliar place. But by the end of the first week in their new home, Claire was cranky, irritable, and unusually whiny. Her parents wondered what they were doing wrong. In a flash of child-whisperer inspiration, they got the answer. Fun activities alone were not enough—Claire needed friends.

Her parents immediately went looking for play groups and social settings where many young children would be present. After three days of activities that involved groups of other young children, Claire’s naturally cheery demeanor returned. She started singing to herself again and rarely whined, even when doing activities with just Mom or Dad.

. . . .

Type 1s are so socially oriented that they have a hard time when isolated—even if there are plenty of new things to see and do. They thrive on the social aspect of those experiences.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Facilitate opportunities for your Type 1 child to interact with various people. As long as the opportunity is there, they’ll make friends with whomever they meet!

Timeliness:
Unstructured

As you might imagine, a Type 1s unstructured nature shows up in the way they manage time. The Type 1 children I know often run late for school or getting out the door. They sometimes forget plans they’ve made with friends. And they often rush at the last minute.

Remember, these children are not
trying
to be late. Most of them want to be on time, but they get distracted while getting ready. Their minds move so quickly that they actually get distracted by several things at a time.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Treating Type 1s like they need to fix a flaw in themselves will not help them become punctual. Every time you fight against a child’s true nature, you actually increase the tendency for the very problem you want to avoid.

Helping your Type 1 child have fun along the way as they prepare to go somewhere will help them get out the door easier.

Child Whisperer Tip:
You could invite your child to make up a silly get-ready-for-school song (just start singing and they’ll probably make up more words), you could play follow-the-leader out to the car, or if you’re going somewhere fun, just surprise them with the news of where you’re going close to the time you’re leaving. If it sounds like a good idea, they’ll want to go right when you mention it.

What are you doing to make your Type 1 child’s get-ready-for-school routine just a little bit more fun? How could you turn it into a game?

Jobs and Household Chores:
Make chores a game

Giving a Type 1 child a long chore list just will not work. They appreciate ideas and newness, but follow-through is not their natural strength. One look at a long, boring list and they will lose focus and motivation. You will end up feeling frustrated, like you have to hold their hand every step of the way. Even then, they may only do chores quickly and not thoroughly.

Type 1 children do love to be helpful. They want to put a smile on your face, but they would obviously rather play than clean up. So why not transform work into play? Turn a chore into a game or an opportunity to pretend and you will find the best Type 1 helper on the planet. “Cinderella, mop the floor!” or “Quick! Let’s see if we can make all the toys in the front room fly into their box!”

Even very young Type 1 children like to join the fun. I know of one sweet mom who gives her two-year-old the weekly job of pushing her basket of clothes to the laundry room and back to her room when they are clean. It’s amusing, simple, and her daughter is already learning to help.

Money Management:
Motivated by fun

Type 1 children usually spend their money on what seems most amusing to them. Some children spend the money they have freely on whatever seems most fun at the moment, while other (usually older) children might save a little longer to get an item they’ve had their eye on.

Whatever a Type 1 buys is motivated by fun. Most Type 1 children are naturally generous with money, either loaning it to siblings or buying little gifts to make others happy. Their generosity is a wonderful gift that can be encouraged. Make sure to help your Type 1 child to recognize that money isn’t the best or only means to put a smile on someone’s face.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Consider taking your Type 1 child to a store that carries inexpensive items. Give them some money (or they can bring money that they’ve earned) to purchase a simple gift for a sibling or friend. The activity will be
fun
and the fun continues as they anticipate sharing their gift!

Recreational Activities:
Imagination is key

Type 1 children will engage happily in most any activity, as long as it feels amusing and free to them. They are often active and prefer social settings. Dance classes, pretending, running, jumping, riding bikes, playing sports or games outside are common activities enjoyable for a Type 1 child.

Even in quieter situations, they usually prefer activities that allow for creativity, originality, and imagination. For example, they might prefer reading fantasy fiction to other genres. If your Type 1 child likes video games, you may find they prefer the kind where they can create their own characters and levels. I know of a nine-year-old whose preferred quieter activity is planning parties for her friends—including menus, décor, and food. So social!

Activities to Help a Type 1 Child Develop Natural Gifts

As a parent, you can create opportunities for your children to develop their natural gifts. Remember that Type 1 children are socially oriented and express the highest level of movement. Consider involving them in high-energy activities that offer a significant amount of interaction with peers and friends.