The Decimation of Mae (The Blue Butterfly) (20 page)

“Thank you,” I whispered to him. He nodded. “You’ll find
all you need to find her in my apartment. There’s a box in the bottom of my
wardrobe, all the paperwork is in there.”

“Anything else you need me to do?”

“No, not really. Just take care of Annabelle.”

We ate in silence, both of us struggling to swallow with what
was before us. It was becoming harder to stop thinking about what was to come.
He flicked his gaze to me frequently, as I did him.

“Oh,” I suddenly said. “What is it with Frank? How come
he lost his stutter?”

He smiled guiltily. “It’s all part of the game. He gains
your trust and relates back to me the things you confide in him.”  I tutted and
rolled my eyes.  “But he genuinely likes you, Mae. He was rather angry with me
over you. He told me how you stuck up for him when Demi was her usual self
towards him.”

“And the whore?”

“The whore?” he questioned with high eyebrows.

“Demi.”

“Ahh. Yes, Demi is somewhat… Demi.”

“Mmm,” I mumbled.

He smirked, his eyes glistening in the candlelight. “Are
you jealous, lamb?”

I laughed. “Yes, I’m not too proud to tell you that. But,
Daniel.” He nodded, urging me to continue. “I don’t want her near Annabelle.”

He smiled arrogantly. “You needn’t worry about that.”

“Oh?”

He peered at his watch. “Well round about now, my father
and his minions are in the company of Tony.”

My eyes widened. “What?”

He regarded me as he bit a green bean off his fork. “For
the sake of Annabelle, I did a deal with Tony. Because of your connection with
him, I gave him details of everything if he allowed me to bring up my daughter.
Of course with an opportunity like that, he granted me grace.”

My heart swelled with pride. “You have no idea how happy
that makes me. I need to know that Annabelle will be okay before I go and you
just granted me that.”

He shrugged. “You taught me many things, Mae. One of
which is that it’s okay to take the hard way. That the struggle makes it all
the more worth it. Raising Annabelle will be the toughest thing I ever have to
do but you have shown me that love is far superior to hatred, and I want that.
I want to wake in the morning and not feel this damn bitterness that consumes
me. I want to look at the morning sun and feel its warmth instead of noticing
the bite of ice on the grass, or the single cloud that darkens the sky. I need
to look for the good things, and I need to show them to Annabelle instead of
allowing her to focus on that grey cloud. I want to share happy times with her
and I want us to be there for one another after you’re gone.”

“You have given me so much, Daniel.”

He frowned at me, confused by my sudden words.

“You gave me the ability to feel. After… well after the
first time I met you, life was such a struggle. Especially when I found out I
was pregnant. And then when I had her, handing her over was ultimately the
hardest thing I’ve ever faced.” I gestured to the slice on my face. “I swore
that no man would ever come near me again. That way I couldn’t be broken
anymore. So I cut my face and made myself repulsive.”

Daniel sighed but shook his head. “But you see, Mae, I
never see it. I see you, what’s buried deep inside you. The goodness and the
strength that leaves me in awe with every damn breath I take.”

“And you gave me something else.” I carried on. “You gave
me the ability to love and…” I watched as his eyes watered. “…And feel loved.”

He swallowed but didn’t give me what I wanted to hear.
Instead he stood and walked around the table to me. He slid his arms around me
and lifted me from the chair and carried me over to the rug in front of the
fire. He stood me up, dropping my feet carefully to the ground.

He circled me, his hand sliding over the soft fabric of
my dress on his route. “I’ve been desperate to peel you out of this as soon as
I saw you in it.”

I blew out a breath and closed my eyes when he slid the
zip down that had taken me ages to do up. He pushed the fabric over my
shoulders and I watched it sink to the floor around my ankles.

“Much better,” he mumbled behind me as he ran a finger
down the length of my spine. Birdy’s
Skinny Love
started to play as
Daniel unhooked my bra. His hands moved around me until he was cupping my
breasts gently. “You have beautiful breasts, lamb. The most exquisite soft
flesh and perfect pink nipples.”

I moaned faintly when he ran the tip of his finger around
a nipple, making it swell instantly and pucker for him. He splayed a hand on my
stomach as he moved his mouth down every ridge of my backbone, his tongue
wetting my skin on his journey until he came to a kneeling position behind me.

He dragged my knickers down my legs and urged me to step
out of them when they reached my ankles. He chuckled when he flung them onto
the fire and they spat angrily. “I always knew your underwear was hot, lamb.”

“Well they are now.” I laughed. I didn’t laugh for long
when he slid his finger between my thighs and ran it over my sex, tormenting my
clit teasingly as he lightly brushed over it. I circled my hips, trying to get
the stimulation I needed. I groaned in frustration when he slid his tongue
between my buttocks, probing at my anus as he slipped a finger deep into my
pussy. “Always so wet for me, lamb.”

My body was strung so tightly it was almost painful.
Arousal caused my head to throb and I urged it away, denying it, refusing to
let it take this moment away from me.

“Okay?” Daniel asked when he felt me tense.

“Uh-huh,” I lied when another fire of pain struck my
forehead. I blew out a breath and concentrated on the pleasure riding me higher
instead of the agony.

Daniel turned me around so I was facing him. He looked up
at me from where he knelt. “When did you undress?” I asked when I stared at his
long cock stood proudly against his stomach. The head glistened with pre-cum,
tempting me.

His eyes widened when I fell to my knees before him and
immediately wrapped my hand around his shaft. “Shit,” he hissed when I bent
forward and took him into my mouth. His hand fisted my hair as my tongue
devoured the moisture that was just for me. His taste made my taste buds
tingle, making me greedy for more. He groaned loudly as I started stroking the
underside of his cock with each bob of my head. “Jesus Christ, darling.”

I smiled around his length and licked the tiny slit with
the tip of my tongue. He growled and lifted me, positioning me until I was
knelt over his lap, my thighs on either side of his. He lowered me down onto
him slowly. My back arched as pleasure forced my body to shiver in bliss. “Oh
God,” he breathed as his chest stuttered. He closed his eyes as he allowed the
ecstasy to take him.

Queen’s,
Who Wants To Live Forever
played in the
background as we made love. The words took me along as I moved slowly on my
lover. His eyes held mine as his hands held my shoulders and he kissed every
single inch of skin on my chest, his lips pulling at my nipples occasionally as
he let me take control. Sweat trickled from both of us as the flames from the
fire heated our skin. I refused to move faster, taking him slowly but deeply.
He allowed it, his face showing rapture the whole way through, a mirror image
of my own.

My orgasm started in my toes and pulled every single
muscle in my body on its way up to my brain. “I love you,” I cried out as
paradise took me to heaven before my body did.

He roared and buried his face in my chest as he came
violently inside me, his body jerking as he clung to me. I held him to me,
inhaling his scent, consuming his touch, feeding from his emotion. I squeezed
my eyes closed as another wave of pain caused my body to tense.

“Are you ready?”

His words were full of pain and despair. He swallowed and
I watched the bob of his throat. “Yes.”

He knew it was coming, the pain. He sensed my need to
leave pain free. He nodded slowly and bit his lip. He pulled me off his lap and
lay me down in front of the fire. Time seemed to stop as he reached for a small
box by the side of the fire. His eyes locked with mine, silently questioning
but I nodded. “I’m ready.”

He closed his eyes and blew out an uneven breath then
took the syringe from the box. He stared at it for a long time. “Daniel.”

He nodded and gulped before he ran his finger over a spot
of skin on my arm. “How long will it take?” I asked when he inserted it into my
arm and pressed the plunger.

“I… I don’t know.”

He was struggling to talk and I watched as his chest
stuttered wildly. He placed the empty syringe on the table and manoeuvred his
body until he was laid beside me.

The Moody Blues
Nights In White Satin
began to
softly fill the air as we gazed at each other. Warmth trickled over me, a
calmness that seemed to liquefy inside me. The music flowed peacefully as the
depth to Daniel’s eyes held me and comforted me in my last moments.

“Promise me you’ll fall in love, Daniel.”

He nodded. He couldn’t speak as he watched life drain
from me. Pain morphed into tranquillity, anguish calmed, bringing with it a
sense of acceptance. The edges blurred as my heart slowed. My eyes closed as
Daniel grabbed at my hand. “Mae…” he whispered. The Moody Blues sang out that
they loved me as my Mother appeared, a tiny blue butterfly flickering in the
light beside her. My breath caught as she stood smiling at me. She reached out
for me and I slipped my hand into hers, the sweet gentleness of her wrapping me
up and holding me tight to make the next journey.

“Mae…” I heard his urgent voice echo somewhere in my head
as I stepped towards my mother.

“Mmm,” I murmured. It was all I could manage in my last
moments.

“Mae… God damn it,” he cried as I felt his hands caress
my face. “I love you. I love you, Mae Swift.”

I died with a smile. I died with the taste of Daniel’s
tears on my lips. I died with a full heart. And I died with no regrets.

Life had given me what it needed to. It had eventually
given me what I had craved. The love of a man I knew deep down inside was good
and worthy of loving my daughter.

Life was cruel. But yet I had accepted its punishing
taunts and that in itself had allowed me to gain the most treasured possession
it could grant.

Peace.

Love.

I smiled when her soft voice tickled my ears. She
scurried around and I squeezed my fingers around hers when she slipped her tiny
hand into mine. “I think Mummy needs more of those yellow flowers, Daddy.”

I nodded and smiled at her. “The daffodils?”

She nodded firmly. “Yes, those ones.”

Her little voice cheerily sang the words to
Somewhere
over the Rainbow
as her head bobbed happily and she weeded her Mother’s
graveside.

“You sing like an angel, Annie.”

“Mummy would like my singing.”

“Mummy would love your singing. She would be very proud
of you.”

She smiled up at me, her rosy cheeks bright with pride.
“I think Mummy would be proud of you too, Daddy, cos’ you’re the best daddy in
the world.”

Her little arms enveloped me and I lifted her up, her
short chubby legs wrapping around my waist as she slid her arms around my neck
and planted a wet kiss on my cheek.

She gasped loudly and giggled. “Look, Daddy, Holly’s
back.”

I moved my gaze to Mae’s gravestone and smiled softly at
the tiny blue butterfly that visited us regularly. “Good morning, lamb.”

It fluttered its wings and scurried across the top of the
stone. “Why do you always call it, lamb, Daddy? Its name is Holly.”

I smiled softly, remembering. “It’s just Daddy being
silly, honey.”

“Is it because our name is Shepherd and that butterfly is
your lamb?”

Her tiny blue eyes regarded me. My heart swelled with so
much love that it caused me to gasp. “A shepherd always cares for its lambs,
Annie. It looks after them, nurtures them and hopes that they will flourish
under the care and devotion he gives them. And he knows one day, when they have
learnt to accept that love, that they will gain what they most crave.”

“And what do lambs crave?”

I smiled as I stroked a finger over the headstone and
walked towards the car. “Just love, Annie. That’s all she ever wanted. Just
love.”

The
Salvation of Daniel

Book 2 in the
Blue Butterfly Series

The Salvation of
Daniel

By D H Sidebottom

     Mae
had taught me many things; the ability to smile, that hope was a real ideal and
most of all that I was worthy of love. Annie also showed me that. She showed me
how to see the good things in life. How to sing with the birds every morning,
how to laugh when flour and egg decorated the kitchen walls and how to feel the
warmth of the sun every day.

She also proved that I could love with an
engulfing force. And I did. I loved my daughter with every fibre of me and
every raw nerve that had once only felt pain. My heart swelled with each of her
cheeky smiles and every single sweet echo of her voice.

My daughter was very much her mother’s child.
From the lustre of her ebony hair to her twinkling sky blue eyes and from the
way her smile lifted my heart, to the way her stubborn side exasperated me.

I was strong in my beliefs. Determined to raise
her the way her mother had wanted me to. But Annie, like Mae, found the funny
side to life so effortlessly. She laughed easily and frequently, she delighted
in simple things and braved each daily troubles optimistically.

And I followed her. She taught me how to live as
I taught her how to grow.

And just as I relaxed into life as a father, my
father found his way back into mine.

As
did Connie, Mae’s dead sister.

Coming winter 2014