The Decimation of Mae (The Blue Butterfly) (19 page)

“Good morning.” He grinned at me. I could see the pain
behind his smile but I smiled back, refusing to let the weight of the day spoil
my final moments. “Any pain?”

“No.” I smiled widely hoping the tumour would permit me
my final moments pain free. “All’s good at the mo.”

He nodded and perched beside me on the bed. He motioned
for me to sit up and I did, allowing him to rest the tray on my lap. Amazing
scents of croissant, jam and coffee fired up my senses and my mouth watered.
“Wow, this is perfect. Thank you.”

I picked up the cup of coffee and took a sip, watching
Daniel over the rim. “Everything okay?”

“Sure.” He nodded and took a deep breath. “Hunky-dory,
darling.”

The coffee burnt my throat on the way down when I heard
the emotion in his voice constricting the passage, making the hot liquid
struggle to find a route through. “Daniel.” He looked at me, the pain in his
expression even deeper. “If… if you can’t do this then that’s fine, you know.
I’ll just wait until…”

He shook his head. “No. It’s fine.”

He didn’t speak again as he stood from the bed and
disappeared into the little en-suite that joined the room. I studied his
muscular back, each perfect muscle rippling on his journey across the room. His
shoulders were bunched, stress and tension pulling at his beautiful body.

The coffee suddenly tasted a little bitter. I placed it
back on the tray and picked up the croissant, pulling off small pieces and popping
them in my mouth. My gaze wandered out of the small window and I smiled as the
sun welcomed me. Everything seemed to be brighter, crisper. Either that or I
was more aware. The sky rippled as though dancing in the rays of the hot sun.

“No,” I whispered when panic set in. “Not today, please.
Not today.” I squeezed my eyes closed and prayed. Prayed for my sanity to be
complete when all I had left was hours. I wouldn’t allow the tumour to twist
and morph my final moments. It wasn’t fair.

“Hey.” Daniel’s voice broke my concentration. I opened my
eyes to him. He was stood with a towel around his hips, water dripping from his
hair and down his delicious body. He couldn’t have showered that quickly. He’d
only been in the room a matter of seconds. “Are you okay?”

I nodded and forced a smile, knowing I’d lost precious
moments of time. “Yeah.”

He eyed me warily, suspicious of my false smile. He knew.
I could read it in his eyes. “Is it getting worse?” His voice was tight,
uncontrolled as pain closed his eyes.

“I’m fine,” I said as I took a deep breath and climbed
from the bed.

Tears unexpectedly formed and I covered my mouth with my
hand to try and contain the sob that wanted to be free. My chest stuttered and
I stared at him in a panic. “Hey,” he whispered as he hurried over to me. “It’s
okay. It’s okay.”

I nodded briskly and literally dived for him, needing him
to just hold me and make everything alright. “I’m so scared.”

“I know, lamb. But I’m here and I’ll be here right
through to the end. I promise I won’t let you feel pain. I promise.”

I nodded and let him hold me. Life suddenly seemed so
cruel. It had taken everything from me and when I had finally touched something
good, something right, it viciously took it away again.

I blew out a breath, telling myself to be strong as I
looked up at him. “I’m so sorry.”

He frowned and cocked his head. “What for?”

“For doing this to you. This is not something you’ll
ever… forget and yet you’re willing to do it for me.”

He scoffed bitterly and shook his head. “Oh, lamb.” He brushed
a thumb over my tears and rolled his lips. “Why the hell didn’t I just leave
you? Tell Franco I couldn’t find you?”

“We do what we have to, Daniel.” He stared at me and I
could practically taste his guilt. “I don’t hold grudges. I forgive you.”

“But how? How can you do that?”

I shrugged. “It’s just how I am. What’s the point in
regrets? It never changes things, it just makes them worse. Life is dealt like
a pack of cards. What your hand holds is what you have to play with. It’s how
it is and I refuse to cheat. I won’t steal someone else’s hand, nor will I take
what I am not given. So I accept it, accept my fate like the five cards dealt.
It’s just my time to fold now.”

He smiled sadly and brushed a kiss over my forehead. “And
I can promise this game will stay with me for the rest of my life, Mae. Those
five cards are the ones that will stay up my sleeve forever. I won’t ever
forget. And I won’t let our daughter forget.”

He tilted my face towards him and kissed me softly, every
emotion running through his veins was directed into me.

We both blew out a breath and nodded. “Come on.” He
tapped my backside and smiled. “We’re off out for a while.”

“Oh, okay.” I smiled, grateful for the change in
direction.

I swallowed back the ache in my chest and the need to
tell him I loved him once more. He knew and it wouldn’t help anything to repeat
things. I knew he cared for me, and after years of loneliness, the way he
looked at me and touched me told me everything I needed to know.

I laughed loudly as he ran after me, the kite thrashing
in the air behind me and the string wrapping itself around my wrist. “My God,
you can run fast!” he exclaimed when he finally caught up with me, whipping me
up into his arms and swinging me round. The kite twirled in the air as Daniel
tackled me onto the sand.

I laughed even louder when he buried his face in my
breasts and growled loudly. “It’s these long legs.”

Daniel scoffed and slid a hand up the length of my legs
until his fingers tickled the hem on my shorts. “Lamb, come on. Even millipedes
have longer legs than you.”

I slapped him playfully and pouted. “I’ll have you know
these legs won the eight hundred metre race at school… In record time I might
add.”

He grinned at me, mischief twinkling in his eyes. “I bet
you were a right little terror in school.”

I placed a hand on my chest and gaped at him. “Who? Me?
Never!”

“Mm-hmm.” He twirled his tongue up the side of my neck
and started to nibble on my ear lobe generating a shiver and an inner throb.

“What were you like? I bet you were a right randy
hormonal teenager.”

He laughed and nipped the skin on my neck with the edge
of his teeth. “You know me so well.”

I giggled and slapped him. “I’m hungry.”

“Mmm, me too.” He rested his hands beside my head and
looked at me with a warm smile. “And what does her ladyship fancy?”

“Apart from you?” I wiggled my eyebrows and smirked.
“We’re at the seaside, Daniel.”

He smiled and nodded as he pulled me up from the sand.
“Fish and chips it is.”

We passed a young boy digging in the sand beside his parents.
I gestured to them with the kite and they smiled and nodded allowing me to hand
it to the little boy. “Don’t get it caught in the clouds,” I whispered to him.

He grinned and giggled before he pulled his dad off his
deckchair and dragged him onto an open part of the beach.

Daniel looked at me with a curious expression. “Come to
think of it, you were quite the expert with the kite.”

“Yeah, my dad taught me.” Pain crippled my heart when I
thought of my father and how the discovery of his lies had ruined my happy
memories.

Daniel slipped his arm around me and pulled me close.
“Whatever your father did or didn’t do, he’s still your father and he loved you
very much.”

“Did you know him?” I asked.

“No, not really. I’d seen him around the house a couple
of times but I was only young so I didn’t take much notice.”

“I thought he was a good man.”

Daniel sighed. “We all think that of our parents, lamb.
And I suppose in their own way, they are. They still love us, no matter what
they do in life. We have a daughter, we haven’t participated in her life
whatsoever but yet we still love her.”

I gazed at him and smiled. “Yes.”

He returned my smile then turned to the kiosk we came
across and ordered our food. We found a bench on the pier and ate in silence as
we watched children run and play on the sand, their laughter loud in the air
around us. The little boy with the kite had the loudest, happiest chuckle I had
ever heard and the way his dad swung him and tickled him gave me such a happy
feeling.

“Promise you’ll bring Annabelle here.”

Daniel looked at me. His eyes filled with tears but as
soon as they appeared, they vanished. “I promise,” he said with a small smile.

I blinked when a blue butterfly fluttered its wings
around my head. The small flap of its wings in front of my face made me gasp.
It hovered around me, its beautiful elegance reminding me that it was nearly
time.

“Holly Blue,” Daniel whispered as we watched it quiver in
the breeze.

It shimmered, its tiny hairs rippling as it appeared to
stare at me. “It’s time to go.”

Daniel didn’t argue. He took my food from me, placed it in
a nearby bin, and held out his hand to me. He curled his fingers around mine
and I shivered when something tickled my arm. We both gazed in awe as the
butterfly brushed over our hands then flew away.

It was time.

I stared in silence at the mass of fairy lights
decorating the room when we stepped inside the cottage. Each tiny white light
lit a section of the room, making it appear serene and romantic. Numerous large
candles dotted the space, their flickering creating rhythmic movement over the
cream walls, making the paintwork appear to dance. Flowers of every single
description and scent covered the furniture. My eyes fell on the ginormous
fluffy rug in front of the open log fire. Flames high and low jumped almost
angrily in the fireplace, heating the chill in the room.

“Oh my…”

I struggled for breath, emotion clogging my pores and my
throat.

“You need to go change,” Daniel whispered in my ear.
“You’ll find everything you need in the bedroom.”

I nodded. I couldn’t speak. He brought my knuckles to his
lips and kissed me gently. His soft smile echoed his thoughts, his eyes sad but
full of some other emotion.

“It will be okay, Daniel. I’m ready now.”

He sank his teeth into his lip and winced but
determination took over and he nodded. “Go.”

I nodded and climbed the stairs.

My legs finally gave way when I saw the dress that hung
from a hanger in the bedroom. A sob curled its way up my throat and my body
shook with both heartache and happiness.

The soft cream lace of the dress shimmered in the
lamplight, the tiny diamante butterflies nestled into the fabric reaching for
me as if delighted they were with me.

I stood and walked over to it, my hand on my mouth as I
tried to quieten my weeping. How Daniel even knew about my love of this dress,
never mind purchasing it and bringing it here was too much to take. “Oh, dear God,”
I whispered as I blew out a breath and tried to control myself. My eyes then
landed on the bed where exquisite cream underwear sat waiting for me to slide
into. Cream heels perched on the floor beside the bed.

I ran a finger over the material and smiled. I wasn’t
sure my heart could accommodate anymore love for a man that had taken so much
from me, but right then, I thought death would come too quickly as it beat
frantically and violently.

I pulled off my shorts and t-shirt and walked into the
shower.

My breath stunted when I stepped off the last step and
saw Daniel waiting for me. He was wearing the suit that had been on display
with the dress in the shop window. The material covered his fine body as though
it had been specifically made for him and I’m not too proud to say I drooled.
Soft music played in the background, the sultry sounds of a slow track serenely
comforting.

He stared at me, his eyes running up and down my body.
“My God,” he muttered. “You are… wow.”

I smiled and looked down at myself. “Thank you… for this.
How did you know?”

He smiled. “Remember, I watched you. Every day you passed
that window you would stop and stare.” He smiled sheepishly and I stepped
towards him and took his hand in mine.

“Well, thank you. You have no idea how much this means.”

He slid his hand into his inside jacket pocket and pulled
out a long, thin velvet box. I stared at it. I knew what it was before I even
opened it. “Daniel…”

“Sshhh.” He shook his head and opened the box. The blue
diamond that sat on the end of the platinum chain took my breath. Daniel didn’t
wait; he slipped it from the box and gestured for me to turn around. I did as
he asked, my body tingling in awareness when he lifted my long hair and
encouraged me to hold it out of his way. He positioned the diamond around my
neck and fastened the clasp, then placed a soft kiss on the nape of my neck.
“You look beautiful.”

He shook himself off and tugged me over to a small round
table at the edge of the room. He lifted silver domes from the plates before he
pulled out a chair for me. I smiled happily and sat, allowing him to tuck me in
before he poured glasses of wine for both of us.

The dinner looked amazing, different colours of gorgeous
but light foods that held delicate and tempting aromas.

Daniel held up his glass and I lifted mine too. “To new
friendships and,” he paused, his eyes locked on mine, “and to doing what’s
right.”

I echoed him and took a sip. “What will you do now?” I
asked when we started to eat.

“What is right.”

“And that is?” I probed as I chewed on the most exquisite
honeyed prawn I had ever tasted.

“Find my daughter. Put the past where it belongs and
teach her what is right.”