Authors: Dontá Morrison
“Please, is that the best you got? You have to do better than that when it comes to moving me.” He responded with a smirk while staring straight ahead.
“Damn. I was giving you a compliment and you just brushed it off.”
Andre leaned back in his seat thrown off by the nonchalant attitude and callous tone of the vehicles driver. Kerrion was trying to decipher whether or not he had offended him with his piece of sarcasm. Coming to the conclusion that maybe his brazen sense of humor was a bit harsh for his new friend, he felt a little bad inside. Most people that are close to him can usually hang with his sharp tongue, but he now sees that Andre needs to be broken in. “I was only kidding. Please don’t tell me you’re sensitive?”
He kept looking out the window like he hadn’t heard a word that was said. It was obvious that he was ignoring him, and the wheels in his head were turning at full speed. He knew they were in the infantile stage of getting to know each other, but he had long resolved that he would never be with anyone who was cold and defensive. At the same time Andre was getting his thoughts together, Kerrion was doing his best to maintain his cool and ignore Andre’s moment of bitch-like behavior. After a few moments of silence, he politely repeated his last statement. “I said I was only kidding.”
“I heard you the first time,” he mumbled “and no I am not sensitive. I just don’t like it when I am made to feel unappreciated. I didn’t just come down here to go to all of this gay stuff. I came because I think you’re cool and I wanted to spend more time with you. I really had a nice evening with you last weekend, and the few conversations we had throughout the week really gave me a good vibe about you.”
“Well in that case I apologize. I wasn’t trying to belittle what you said to me, it’s just that most brothers always try to give compliments when they want a piece of ass or something. I will admit that I am a little on the defensive side when it comes to meeting new people, primarily due to past experiences. But I know that everyone should be allowed to hang themselves and I should not include you in my past before you have given me reason to. So once again I am sorry.”
“Apology accepted. Can I say something else?”
“Sure.” Kerrion said.
“I know that I look a certain way and you may perceive me to be this ruff neck type brother; but when it comes to dudes I really don’t have a lot of experience. To be totally honest, I don’t have any experience.”
“Are you telling me that you are a virgin?” Kerrion asked staring at him out of his peripheral vision.
“Not exactly. I have had many women. I was even about three months from walking down the aisle. But I have never totally been with a man.”
“What do you mean totally?”
“I mean, I’ve gotten my dick sucked and played around with a few dudes, but I’ve never been inside of a man and I don’t know if I could ever have a man inside of me.” He said.“Oh, well this is interesting.”
“I’ve never met a twenty six year old man that was into guys but never totally had one. All of the dudes I know your age have been worn out and run over like a pair of old house-shoes. I commend you for being so wholesome at your age. That is something you really don’t see a lot of in this lifestyle.”
“So have you been with a lot of guys?” Andre asked.
“We’re not talking about me. Anyway as I was saying, when it comes to sex and the gay man, it is so hard to find one that everyone has not either sucked or fucked. Those brothers are going to try and eat you alive at the beach, today.”
“Why.” He questioned.
“One, you are a new booty. Two, you are from out-of-town, and that means no contact after the encounter.”
“But why would anyone approach me like that if I’m there with you?” He asked in bewilderment.
“Because they don’t give a fuck about me. This is how it works; you go to the beach with me, and if they can trap you in their web, then that means you were never mine to begin with. Dick is dick and loyalty is not a word that is commonly used amongst many gay men. That’s why so many brothers end up in fist-fights over a dude that was somewhere he had no business being. I personally will never fight a brother over a man that put himself in an uncompromising situation. Do you watch Jerry Springer?”
“Why in the hell does the so-called main woman, always want to fight the other woman? Beat that brother’s ass; he is the one that made a commitment to you, not her.” Kerrion firmly expressed.
“Calm down baby.” Andre said while patting Kerrion’s thigh.
“Sorry, I got a little wound up. That cheating bullshit just burns me up”
“OK, how about this. When we get to the beach I don’t leave your side. I honestly came to spend time with you and you only, it just so happens that this is the big party weekend. I would have loved to come regardless of all this other stuff that is going on.”
“Are you serious?” he asked with skepticism.
“Yes, I am. Did I try to get you into bed last weekend? When I asked you out, where did I ask you to go, a club or to get coffee? It was to get coffee. And in case you forgot, I slept on your couch last night. I honestly want to get to know you better, is that so hard to believe?”
“Alright already, I believe you. You’re getting me nervous with that sincere shit.” Kerrion moved his body like he was trying to avoid the plague.
“So let’s get this straight right now. When we get to the beach, I am with you. If another brother tries to talk to me, I will give him so much shade he’ll think its nighttime. Now how you handle your end is totally up to you, but I am in L.A. to be with Kerrion.”
“Well since you put it like that, I guess I am going to the beach with Andre.” He smugly responded.
“Your license plate should say, BRRRRRR. ”
“What does that mean?” Kerrion asked.
“The driver is a cold piece of work.” He answered.
Kerrion managed to crack a smile at that last comment. Andre was making him feel something that he was scared of feeling, but he had no idea how to turn it off. The attitude and sarcasm wasn’t pushing him away like it usually did with other guys, so that mechanism of defense has obviously failed. And the more he thought about it, the two of them really haven’t had any type of physical intimacy. Under other circumstances Andre should be a distant memory if there was no sex, but there is something different about him.
“So how many guys have you been with?” Andre asked.
“Here we go.” He said rolling his eyes.
“Fair is fair.”
“True. Well to be honest, I have been with my share of men. I was in a relationship for two years and when it ended I was deva-dam-stated. So I decided to live for me and me alone. I partied, I met people, I fucked people, and I left people.”
“So are you still going through that phase of your life?”
“I really don’t know. I am nothing like I used to be believe it or not; but I am also not about to go through what I’ve been through in the past.”
“Did he cheat on you?”
Kerrions’ demeanor shifted. The question threw him back to a time in his life that he constantly prays to forget. He glanced into the rearview mirror and saw the scar that was embedded on the upper right side of his forehead. A constant reminder of what love did to him and how it felt to be the one that was not in control.
“That’s an understatement.” He softly said.
“I understand. No need to discuss it any further.”
“Thanks. But that was then and this is now.” He said trying to regain his composure.
“So have you ever been…” Andre paused, testing the waters not knowing if it was an appropriate question to ask.
“Been what?” Kerrion asked, while making eye contact with another car load of young gay boys driving next to them.
“OK. Pet-peeve number one. Don’t ever start to ask me something and then leave me hanging. I will cuss you out for that.”
“You cuss about everything else, so what would one more thing matter.” Andre responded.
“Oh, so you do have balls.” He sarcastically stated.
“Bigger than you think. Let me get one thing straight with you right off the bat. I may be dealing with my sexuality issues, but I will kill a motherfucker over what’s mine. I’m not one of those weak brothers that’s all talk, I can back my shit up. Know that for sure, aiiight.” He gave Kerrion a stern look. He wanted him to be confident in knowing that he wasn’t blowing smoke up his ass and was serious about his statement. “Now, back to the question. I was going to ask if you have ever been tested for HIV.”
Kerrion looked over at Andre with a newfound revelation. One thing he loved was to be with someone that had his back if some shit ever broke out. “Well, in that case. Yes, I have. And yes, I am clean. And for the record, I haven’t had sex, meaning penetration, in eight months and counting.”
“So the booty is tight?” Andre asked with an extremely sensual stare.
Kerrion chuckled and couldn’t believe that he was actually being interrogated about his anatomy. But at the same time he thought it quite interesting that Andre would be so concerned with the topic of diseases. The last guy he tried to date was so ignorant to HIV and AIDS that it turned him totally off. He couldn’t understand how someone in the gay lifestyle could have no insight on a virus that was known for killing gay men, especially black ones.
“Yes. The booty is tight,” he coyly answered.
Andre reached over and firmly grabbed Kerrion’s hand. He looked at him, smiled and hoped that he would see some sign of the walls coming down. He knew that he had been hurt just by his body language, sarcastic demeanor, and how he kept his distance. He also knew that this man was someone that he wanted to get to know better and hopefully help remove some of his past pain.
Kerrion felt his space being invaded, like someone was swinging a pick-axe trying to break through his brick wall, but in his heart he felt that it was time for him to move on in life and allow someone to treat him like he deserved to be treated. Fear of being hurt was one thing, but total avoidance of what could be a positive situation was another. He let out a deep breath and allowed his hand to be held. As he continued to drive the rest of the way, he made a conscious effort to not let his past ruin his future; a future that he wanted to be filled with peace, happiness, and a love that he could call his own.
Lauren laid a few different outfits on the bed to see what she was in the mood for. She was excited to be back in L.A and couldn’t wait to get out into the city. Her girls were already en route to pick her up, so she could waste too much time figuring out what look she was going to go with. As Jay-Z boomed from the stereo, she chose a denim Baby-Phat mini-dress and a pair Coach sandals; she saw no need in covering her fresh pedicure. She clipped her hair up into a makeshift ponytail, dabbed on some MAC lip glass, and applied a mist of Jessica McClintock perfume to finalize the vibe she was feeling.
Vanessa was downstairs listening to Yolanda Adams, pausing for moments at a time to give God thanks. She was also busy thinking about what food she could prepare on tomorrow that would feed the masses. Lauren had volunteered her home to be the after-church hangout spot for her friend and their friends. As she sat on the living room floor spraying cleaner on the coffee table, a shift in her spirit occurred. A feeling came over her that something was about to take place. She recognized when God was signaling her to pray, and with that urging she began to speak to her Heavenly Father.
“Momma, why don’t you hire a maid?” Lauren asked as she entered the room.
“Because I can’t afford one; I’m too busy flying people to and from school.”
“There you go. I came to see you for the holiday weekend and you don’t even care.”
“Girl please, you ain’t thinking about me. You’re just like your brother; ya’ll only remember I exist when you need something.” Vanessa said.
“Momma, you know that is not true.” She said as she walked over and sat on the couch behind her mother. “We call you all the time, but you only remember the phone calls that require your assistance.”
“Maybe because your assistance phone calls, seem to last a lot longer than your hello ones. Anyway, I am not about to go around in circles about this, where are you off to Lauren?”
Her eyes glowed with excitement as she prepared to run down her agenda for the day. “OK, first we’re going to P.F. Chang’s for lunch and to catch up on things; then we’re heading to the Century City Mall to pick up a few items. After that, we’re coming back here, changing clothes, and heading to The House of Blues on Sunset to see Jagged Edge in concert.”
“How did you get concert tickets when you just found out you were coming home two days ago?” Vanessa asked in confusion.
“OK, long story short. Tamara’s cousin is one of their bodyguards and he worked it out for us, backstage passes and all. So, if all goes according to plan, I may hook up with one of the twins; but that’s neither here nor there.” She said waving her hand in the air like the mini diva she was. “And then after that we will probably just go to Roscoe’s and get a bite to eat.”
“Do you plan on getting up tomorrow and going to church?”
“Of course. The Christening is tomorrow. Besides I need to go and see Malik play those drums. He is one of the finest brothers I know. ”
“Well, he is cute momma. Would you rather I look at the soprano section instead? I don’t think you need two in the family?” she let out a mild sigh before she continued, “Why don’t you say something to him?”
“It’s going to get worked out. I already gave it to God.”
“Did he tell you about his dream?”
“Well, I’m no prophetess or interpreter, but I can say that it sounds like something has starting to tap him on the shoulder.”
“Just keep him in your prayers.”
“I do every day. I love my brother, and I like Tyrin, but they are too gorgeous to be gay. There are two lonely women out there waiting to get married, and they’re denying them of that. Aren’t you tired of him being gay?”“So I take it you have money.” Vanessa asked, ignoring the last question. Lauren took the hint and left the topic alone. She leaned in and wrapped her arms around her body in an endearing manner; trying her best to see if Vanessa would fall into her princess trap. “Nope, so let go of me.”