The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (51 page)

Is there adequate parking? If there is valet parking, what is the fee?

What about climate control? Is there air-conditioning in the summer? Heating in the winter? Can the windows be opened?

Is there someone on the premises who provides catering? Is it okay to bring in outside liquor and food services? Is there a penalty for doing that?

Is there staff to assist you on the day of the wedding? (This can range from servers to the catering director.)

Is there security in the building? Will there be support staff there the day of the wedding in case of electrical or plumbing problems?

Who is responsible for cleanup?

Will music be effective in this space? Will dance music be loud enough, and is there an area for people to talk if they don't want to dance? Is the sound system provided, and is it appropriate for both live music and a DJ? Is there a piano available?

Are there any restrictions as to kinds of music, loudness, hours when it can be played, and so forth?

What are the exact hours that you can use the facility? What are the added charges for overtime? Are setup times and cleanup times included?

How are the charges broken down? Is there a flat fee or an hourly rate? Is it less expensive if you are a member? What about a deposit?

If you have to cancel, can you get your deposit back?

Close your eyes and tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, “There's no place like home.”

—G
LINDA
, in
The Wizard of Oz

U
NDOUBTEDLY THE MOST
personal and intimate place to have your wedding is right in your own backyard, or, if you don't have a backyard, right in your very own living room. (Or, if you don't have a living room, right in your very own—uh—whatever. You pick. You might want to draw the line at the laundry room, but hey, we're loose.) When you invite guests into your home, you are bringing them into your private world, lending a special poignancy to the celebration; after all, this is the physical space where you as a couple have set up the foundation for your lives together. Entertaining at home is an invitation for guests to participate in your individual tastes, styles, and—yes, your eccentricities. (We
know
you have them.)

At-home weddings are also, hands down, the most private of all weddings. Depending on where you live, there is a safety associated with being in a house or apartment that works out well for same-sex couples. Some of your friends—or indeed, you yourself—may feel that it's easier to loosen up and let your hair down in a home than it is in a hotel or restaurant.

And depending on whom you invite, a home wedding can even be seen as a political act, an act of literally opening doors. We've heard stories of coworkers being invited to the festivities who for the first time in their lives are walking into the house of a gay or lesbian person. Any doubts they may have had to begin with disappear when they see that your shared home is just like any other couple's—maybe even warmer or happier or more comfortable.

Remember when we talked about the wedding style? Well, in a home wedding, your home becomes part of the style. Your uniqueness, your
you-ness,
is presented in the details that are automatically there. The backdrop for the gathering is the piano top full of photos that tell the history of the two of you together; it's the collection of your favorite takeout menus and art postcards that you have attached by magnets to your refrigerator; it's your framed doctorate that hangs in the guest bathroom. Your individual and combined personalities are immediately reflected as guests find themselves surrounded by the things you treasure.