The Exception to the Rule (31 page)

“Are you hungry?” I asked Julian, realizing I didn’t even offer him anything to eat with all the excitement.

“No, not at all,” he said, running his hand through his hair. He looked like he was exhausted—all of the traveling and long work days were finally catching up to him.

Matty set a huge plate of cookies on the coffee table and it didn’t take him long to fall asleep after he came down from his cookie high. He was on a barrage of medications, most of which made him sleepy. Julian carried him into his bed while I placed all of his presents from Santa under the tree.

I was sitting on the couch trying to figure out how to put batteries in one of Matty’s presents. Julian sat down next to me, taking it from my hand. He was able to figure it out right away.

“Thanks for making this Christmas special for him,” I said.

He looked at me as if there were no need to be thanking him. I felt myself getting disheartened thinking of Matty and how sick and frail he had looked tonight. Julian must have sensed my feelings. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I’m just so scared, that he’s not going to make it through this,” I said, tearing up.

“Why would you think that? All of his tests are coming back perfect, his levels are right where they should be.”

“I’m just scared of this transplant, I’m scared of him being in pain, being all alone,” I said. “If anything were to happen to him, I wouldn’t be able to go on. I would die right along with him.” I was unable to hold the tears back.

“The transplant isn’t going to be easy for him, but you have to stay positive,” he said gently.”

He moved closer and wiped a tear away that was streaming down my face. I was bogged down by emotion and could no longer contain myself. I leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. He responded positively by kissing me back with more intensity. Before I knew it, my simple little brush on the lips had turned into a full blown passionate kiss. I felt the same butterflies in my stomach that I had grown so accustomed to whenever he was around. Our lips remained engaged as he pushed me down on the couch. He was on top of me as his hands began to move about my body. I pulled him closer; it felt so good to have him in my arms again. He began to kiss my neck with intensity as my insides awakened from their long slumber. I had never wanted someone as badly as I wanted him right now. I patiently waited for his next move but instead – he stopped. He sat up, leaving me wanting more. 

“I’m sorry Kat, I just -,” he said looking like he was still trying to gain control of himself.

 “It’s okay,” I said as I sat up and kissed him again letting him know that I was perfectly fine with it. Only this time instead of responding positively he pushed me away. 

“We can’t do this,” he said.

“Why?” I asked. 

“I don’t want to make things complicated between us.” 

“I think we’re way past complicated Julian.” 

“Look, what just happened was a mistake,” he said.

I bit my lower lip and took a deep breath. “I won’t expect any promises,” I didn’t want to sound desperate but I wanted him badly.

He ran his hand through his hair looking like he was deep in thought. “This isn’t about us anymore - it’s about Matty,” he said.

 There I had it - his words hit me like a ton of bricks, but he was right. He was here for Matty, not to reclaim any unfinished business between us and I needed to come to terms with that. We seemed to be at a pretty good place now and I didn’t want to ruin that. But I still couldn’t deny that I was still so attracted to him.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“No, I’m sorry,” he said, as he walked over to the window to look at the falling snow.

I stared blankly at the dancing flames in the fireplace trying to remove what had just transpired from my mind and ignore the longing for him inside of me. Tomorrow was Christmas. I would soon be feeling the same joy that I had felt every year, seeing the look on Matty’s face as he woke up to see all of the presents that Santa had left under the tree. I was going to cook a nice dinner for the three of us and just focus on enjoying the day. Even though I had caught another glimpse of the old Julian tonight, I knew that he was long gone. I tried my hardest to convince myself that Julian was now just Matty’s dad and not the man I had once loved so deeply.

Chapter 32

The day I had tried to put out of my mind was finally here. Julian was already in for the extraction. His part was fairly simple. He would be in some pain for a day or so. It was recommended by the doctor performing the extraction that he stay in the hospital overnight. Julian was adamant that he would not. I tried convincing him several times, to no avail. 

Matty was all checked in as well. He was receiving one more round of chemo and the transplant would take place tomorrow. He was in a regular room for now. Once the transplant took place he would be moved to a specially filtered room with isolation requirements and a strict hygiene regimen. I sat next to him as he was poked and prodded. His little arm was black and blue from all of the needles. They didn’t even seem to bother him anymore; it was as if he were numb to it all.

“Where’s Daddy?” His blue eyes looked so inquisitive. 

I explained as best I could about what was happening to Julian. Matty had a look of alarm on his face. I reassured him that Julian would be fine.

I sat with him all morning, waiting for all of the testing to be complete. He was on several different medications that made him sleepy. He couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer as he dozed off.

I decided to use the time that he was asleep to check on Julian. I walked into his hospital room surprised to see that he was already dressed. He was sitting on his bed checking emails on his phone. He seemed paler then usual and his eyes weren’t the normal spellbinding shade of blue. The color looked familiar to me. I quickly realized they were the same color as Matty’s when he was under the weather.

“Look at you, up and working already,” I said with a smile.

He immediately put his phone down. “I told you I would be fine. I’m just waiting for my discharge papers so I can get the heck out of here.” He bent down to tie his shoe and flinched in pain. He tried to play it off when he knew that I had seen.

“Did they give you pain medication?” I asked as I sat down on the chair next to his bed.

“I don’t need it,” he said in a dismissing tone.

“Well, by the looks of it you are in some pain,” I insisted.

“What’s going on with Matty?” he deflected.

“He’s sleeping right now, just waiting to get all his tests back.”

I looked at him appreciatively. I knew if it weren’t for him, Matty would still be on the list waiting for a match. 

“Thank you,” I said.

“For what?”

 “For possibly saving Matty’s life.”

He looked at me not saying a word. The silence was finally broken when the doctor who performed his extraction entered the room. His name was Dr. Young. I had met him previously, at one of the many meetings with Matty’s medical team. 

“Well you know this is against my better judgment,” Dr. Young said to Julian. Julian looked as if he were paying him no mind. He was just waiting for him to hand over the discharge papers. “But I do feel a little better knowing that you have Dr. Vallia here to take care of you,” he continued.

Julian looked at him and raised his eyebrows. “I’ll be fine; I don’t need anyone to take care of me,” he said contemptuously.

“I can assure you that you’re going to be in a lot more pain tonight,” Dr. Young warned.

Julian quickly signed the discharge papers. He shook Dr. Young’s hand and walked out of the room to go see Matty while I stayed behind. 

“I’m sorry, he’s just stubborn,” I apologized.

“That’s quite okay,” Dr. Young said as if he understood. “Just make sure you’re around to keep an eye on him tonight.” 

“I will,” I reassured him.

“Good luck to Matty tomorrow,” he said with a warm smile.

“Thank you,” I said, walking out the door.

I made my way to Matty’s room. I sensed that Julian’s nerves were finally getting the best of him. He was sleep deprived, in pain, and worrying about Matty just as much as I was. Matty was awake. I heard his voice even before entering the room. He and Julian seemed to be having a serious conversation. I peeked in to see Julian sitting on the bed next to him. I stood just outside the doorway listening. 

“Am I going to die?” Matty asked sadly. His words made my heart sink.

“No Matty you’re not,” Julian reassured him.

“Well my mommy cries a lot. She thinks I don’t hear her but I do. So she must think I’m going to die. I don’t like it when she’s sad,” Matty said.

“She’s not crying because she thinks you’re going to die. She just gets sad because she loves you so much and doesn’t like how sick this medicine is making you,” Julian explained.

“Well if the medicine makes me sick then why do I have to take it?” Matty asked sweetly.

“Because even though it’s making you sick right now eventually it’s going to make you all better. Did you ever take medicine for a really bad sore throat or an ear ache?”

“Yeah, Mommy always gets mad at me because I try to spit it out. It’s really yucky!”

“But even though it tastes yucky it makes you feel better right?”

“Yes,” Matty answered.

“Well this medicine is kind of like that but only instead of tasting yucky it makes you feel yucky before you get better.” Julian explained. I remained outside the door unnoticed. I was amazed with the way Julian was handling the situation.

“So am I going to get better?” Matty asked.

“Of course you’re going to get better,” Julian answered.

 “Oh,” Matty said sadly.

“Why do you sound so sad about that?” Julian asked, surprised.

“Because once I get better, you’re going to go away again,” Matty said as he began to cry.

 “Matty, I will never leave you, I promise.” 

“But don’t you have to go help other sick kids far away, once I get all better?” Matty asked sweetly.

 “I will only be in Chicago and you’re going to come and see me all the time. You’ll have two houses, one in Chicago and one with your mom.”

Matty began to cry. “But I want you and Mommy to live in the same house.” 

“Mommy has her job here and I have mine in Chicago,” Julian tried to explain.

“Don’t you love my mommy?” he pleaded.

I didn’t know what to do, unsure if I should interrupt and help Julian out. I waited a couple seconds longer to see if he had it under control.

“Matty, it’s not that simple,” he started to explain.

“Well I love you and I love Mommy and I want us all together,” Matty interrupted.

I walked into the room acting as if I hadn’t heard the entire conversation that had just taken place. “Look who’s awake!” I said cheerfully, hoping to change the topic of conversation. Matty clung tightly to Julian as tears streamed down his face. I sat at the edge of the bed trying to comfort him.

Dr. Fowler entered the room, causing a welcome distraction. He had a look of surprise seeing Julian up and about. “Weren’t you having the procedure today?” he asked.

“Yes, it’s done,” Julian said, using the same tone that he had with Dr. Young.

“You should be sleeping that anesthesia off,” he lectured.

Julian ignored him and took Matty’s test results from his hand to read them over; again, making me feel like I needed to apologize for his dismissing demeanor.

“Everything looks good to go,” Julian said, giving them back to Dr. Fowler.

Dr. Fowler explained that the transplant was scheduled to begin at 6 a.m. He advised that we would be allowed to stay overnight with Matty, once he was moved to the other room. He warned that if Matty started showing any signs of infection, he would be put into total isolation.

We spent the rest of the day and night with Matty. He was handling the meds well thanks to the anti-nausea medication. It was getting late, Matty had just fallen asleep. Julian looked as if he was ready to fall asleep as well. He checked Matty’s medication one last time before we left. 

It felt a little strange having him spend the night without Matty there to act as a buffer, especially after our kiss the other night. I sensed that he felt the same way as well.

 “You can just drop me off at your house and I will head over to James’,” he said as we reached my car.

“It’s late; you haven’t gotten any sleep after being under anesthesia and you’re in pain,” I said finally able to think logically and put the other night out of my mind. “Plus you’re not supposed to be driving for twenty-four hours,” I added.

“I will be-,” he tried getting the words out, but I wouldn’t allow it.

 “Really Julian, we have to be at the hospital early tomorrow,” I said firmly. He didn’t respond, which indicated to me that he knew I was right.

We arrived back at my house and the cold December night air hit me in the face as I stepped out of the car. I immediately turned up the heat when I got inside. Julian had been very quiet, responding to emails on his phone. I was amazed that he was still coherent after the day that he had. I went into my room to change into my pajamas, while he was still typing away on his phone. I came back into the kitchen and noticed his painful reaction as he got up from the kitchen chair. 

“Will you please just go sit down on the couch and relax,” I requested.

He obliged, silently walking over to the couch. I brought him over two Tylenols and a glass of water. To my surprise he didn’t put up a fight about taking them.

“You really overdid it today,” I said, sitting down next to him.

“It was minor surgery,” he answered.

“Have you even checked the extraction site?” I asked.

“It’s fine,” he said in the same short tone that he had been using with everyone all day.

 “Let me see,” I persisted.

“Kat, I’m fine.” He sounded annoyed.

“Julian – now!” I shouted, feeling more like I was talking to Matty.

He raised his eyebrows and shook his head. I stared back at him not giving in. He finally lowered the waistline on his pants to reveal the site on his hip. He covered it back up so quickly, I couldn’t see a thing.