The Fall (2 page)

"I hate being a grown up". – Laura (Room 212)

Dallas

• Now
  

Not again! I ran to the bathroom, relieving myself for the fifth time today. I knew what this was. I
knew
it. I would deal with it later. I was late for rounds and was already so far behind. Damn it, this would not look good. I waved to Beatrice, my favorite nurse on staff, and she ushered me in the direction of the rest of my group.

“Dr. Whitaker, good to see you again. Will you be joining us for the rest of rounds?”

“Sorry, Dr. Pierce,” I said, avoiding eye contact.

This was bad, not that I could not deal with getting called out in front of the other doctors. I just knew what frequent pee breaks meant. I had dirty dick disease! Damn it, of all the times to get a bladder infection! Josh would never hear the end of this for sure. If only he would stop sexing me every day and give me a damn break. I could not hide my smile, and I knew he was not really to blame. Still, I was irritated, and I already felt the tugging of my bladder. Only fifteen more patients and I could go attempt to pee. I felt a small pang of guilt when I thought of last night in bed when Josh had practically begged me to move in with him. He had been trying so hard with me.

“Dally, please,” he rasped out while lying on his side, sliding his manipulative fingers down my shoulder.

“My name is D-a-l-l-a-s. You know, like the city we live in? Find a new pet name. I hate that one,” I barked, my hands clasped under my pillow.

“How about Lucifer?” he said without any humor in his voice, but I could hear the smile on his lips.

“Sounds much better than Dally,” I said, adjusting my pillow and folding it in half just right so I felt supported. When I could not get comfortable, I gave it an all-out fit, pulling it out from under me and punching it a few good times. It was a peeve of mine.

“I love you, Dallas. Please talk to me. Why won’t you move in?” He wrapped his arm around me, stroking my skin underneath my t-shirt.

“We’ve only been dating a year,” I noted, my back still to him in a vain attempt to keep the conversation at bay.

“A year is long enough. I already know what a pain in the ass you are. Why won’t you go all in with me?”

The hurt in his voice tugged on my heartstrings. As long as I stood my ground, I knew I would have a good chance at keeping the inevitable conversation away for just a bit longer.

“I’m not ready for it, Josh. Now hush. I need my sleep.”

He pulled my arm around and flipped me so I was straddling him. His fearless blue eyes let me know he was intent on having this conversation.

“I am going to die of sleep depravity,” I bitched as he leaned up, grabbed my bottom lip with his teeth and sucked it gently.

“And I know what a demon you can be. Look, Dally...Lucifer ...” He grinned and I returned it. “I love you. Please just move in. You already stay here practically every day, anyway.” He gave me a hopeful look.

“Josh, I have this illusion of a grand gesture and you are totally fucking it up for me.” I sighed as he kept me planted where I was with his hands on my hips.

“Grand gesture?” he said, squeezing my hips as he ground his against me.

“Something over the top, you know?” I said, feeling the pull of what he was doing. “Never mind, I heard that in some movie, I think.” He paused, looking totally lost. I could not blame him. I had no idea what I was looking for, either. But what I did know is my last few months with Josh have been a struggle. The connection was lacking and I was fighting the loss of it. “Forget it. Look, it’s a good idea in theory and it would save us both some money. We get along well and I am over here all the time. I gave you monogamy. Let it be enough for now, okay?”

His sexy smile told me I was off the hook, for now, but only with the conversation. “Okay, well, can I at least have a kiss goodnight?”

“Yep.” I pecked his lips and he quickly moved in, capturing my mouth, his intention clear.

“You have really got to stop this, Josh. You are a sick, sick man.” I moaned and tilted my head back, enjoying the feel of him.

“I want you every minute of the day.” His blue eyes bore into mine and I was defenseless against them. I let him do whatever he wanted when he looked at me that way. It was the eyes that got me every time. He had the most beautiful dark blue eyes and long thick black lashes. It was incredible what they could do. His skin was porcelain perfection and I could not help but to touch every inch of his broad chest in appreciation. Josh was beautiful. I was a tall, leggy, longhaired brunette with green eyes and a nice smile. While I had my fair share of compliments, I was never really sure why I had his attention.

“I love you,” he confessed, staring up at me as he slid my t-shirt over my head. “I love you,” he repeated heavily beneath me as he stroked my face. I smiled at him as he came to meet my lips and whispered back, “I love you too, Josh.”

Still, as I said the words, I felt the same thing I had always felt when I said the words back...guilt.

I walked into Mr. Carson’s room and waited for his wife to end her phone conversation. I was making rounds with Dr. Pierce again this morning. Pierce was a grimy old bastard of a veteran who had horrible news for the Carsons. I stood and quietly watched Mrs. Carson fall apart at the diagnosis that her husband’s cancer was back and inoperable. The light in her face went completely dark, and for the first time in years, I felt moisture on my cheeks.

What in the hell? I do not cry! I never cry!

I braved a glance at Dr. Pierce, who was not looking in my direction, as he explained the ins and outs of Mr. Carson’s worsening condition. I quickly wiped the wetness from my face before excusing myself. I could not lose composure in front of patients! And I damn sure could not cry! What the hell was going on? I quickly walked to the nearest bathroom and washed my face. Having overslept again, something I rarely did, I had not had time to make myself up that morning, my exhaustion evident in the tiny bags under my eyes.

My my my, Dallas Whitaker, you look like shit
.
Okay, doc, what is going on?
The flu? I have the flu!

I quickly walked to Dr. Pierce’s side when he left the Carsons’ room. I knew it was the worst possible time to approach him.

“Sir, I believe I am sick.”

“Oh, Dallas, what are your symptoms?”

“Fatigue, nausea, frequent urination, and I’m sleeping longer than normal.”

“Better go get a urine test.”

“Sir?”

“I can’t believe I have to point this out to you, Dallas,” he huffed in indignation as he walked away, his head down, his attention on his charts.

I stood in the middle of the hall and watched him, incredulous. He turned the corner and eyed me carefully in the hall, musing as the realization washed over me. My knees damn near buckled, and I felt sweat pool at the top of my head then creep down my neck as fear swept through me.

Please, God, no!

“Just take the test, Dallas, but before you do, let’s go see the rest of our patients.” At the sound of his voice, I pulled myself together and quickly caught up to him to finish our rounds. He never once engaged me with prognosis questions. It was completely atypical of him, too. Usually, he would use this as an opportunity to really put his punishment skills to work. I still needed a constant chaperone starting as a second year resident, but I had a hand in all departments until I had decided my specialty. I would be starting a general practice in a few years and needed to get my feet wet anywhere and everywhere. I gave him a nod of thanks as we finished our day and quickly ran to my car. I had dinner with Mom and Dad tonight and while normally I would be excited to see them, I was no longer looking forward to it. I buried my head in my hands, terrified at the possibility. No, no, no. This is not how this is supposed to go. Josh was officially dead to me. I hated him and his dirty dick ...

Bastard
.

I would kill him if he ruined my career before it even started.

I could kiss my practice goodbye if I had to put my life on hold for a baby.

Baby.

Fear choked me, making it impossible not to think of how far I had come. Against all odds, I had survived eight years of school, only to stifle my own career before it had even really begun.

I hadn’t thought about the possibility of a family or anything related to some semblance of a personal life in years. I no longer had any desire to go that route, at all. I closed my eyes, willing my waking nightmare away.

Baby.

More tears slipped from my face as I pushed them away with my fingers, willing my body to stop betraying me. I had worked too hard to get to where I was. I tried in vain to shake off the blanket of dread that began to cover me and buckled my seat belt both literally and figuratively.

Pulling up to my childhood home, I was thankful to see Rose’s SUV. I hurried inside and saw Rose and my parents chatting at the kitchen table. I said a quick hello and ran upstairs to my old room, letting them know I would be right down. I grabbed the test and quickly emptied the two water bottles I had just downed on the ride over onto the stick. I heard the bathroom door handle jiggle then saw Rose before I had a chance to react.

“Rosie, get out!” Shrieking the words repeatedly didn’t do a damn bit of good. True to her nature, my sister walked in and made herself at home against my protest.

“Oh, please. I have seen it all and you—” She stopped, eyes wide as she picked up the test box and studied me.

“Dallas, why in the hell are you taking a pregnancy test?”

“Because I am one hundred and fifty percent confident in my birth control, Rose. Why in the hell do you think I’m taking one?” I deadpanned.

“Oh, my God, Dallas, you’re kidding me!”

I watched my sister hyperventilate as I grabbed the test and let out a long, loud breath. “Negative, thank God. No more sex, ever.”

Rose, who was my favorite person on the earth, hugged me with her whole being while I was still on the toilet.
Only Rose
, I mused and hugged her back. She pulled away and crossed her arms. “Why would you do this at Mom and Dad’s?”

“I was feeling sick earlier and I thought maybe...I don’t know. I had to know.” Keeping my head down, I washed my hands as she eyed me. I didn’t want to tell her how insanely terrified I was at the possibility of a baby.

“Would you have been happy if it had been positive?”

“No.” I was quick with my answer. It came easily. “I don’t even know if I want kids at all. That is so far away from now as far as I’m concerned. We are so close to starting our practice. It would have been a disaster.”

She glanced at me briefly as she tossed the test in the trash. “If it’d been positive, I would’ve started it. The practice will be ours, anyway,” she said confidently.

I felt a pang of anger at the thought. “Rose, I want to be the one to start it, you know that. Besides, you have years before you’ll be able to fully join me. It would delay everything.”

“Did Josh know you were taking the test?”

“No, and I won’t tell him. He has been pressuring me to move in, and now I’m even more convinced that I don’t want to set up house.” I sighed, holding my hands palms up in the air.

“Do you love him?” She looked up at me expectantly, and I couldn’t help but notice the subtle changes in her features. Rose had gone from a tall, gangly ginger into a gorgeous, auburn, classic beauty. With a heart-shaped face and beautiful green eyes, she was by far the prettier of the two of us, at least in my opinion. I weighed her words about my affection for Josh.