The Fixed Trilogy: Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You (43 page)

The thought was fleeting, gone as soon as it had come. Of course, I could take his love. It was he who didn’t know how to show it.

He’d rolled off me by then and was sitting with his back braced against the sofa. Only traces of the wild passion he’d displayed a moment ago were present in his features, his shortness of breath one of the only indicators that he’d ever lost control.

Suddenly I was angry. Angry with him for resorting to fucking as a way to end our disagreement like he always did. Angry that he expected it would change anything. Angry at myself for being seduced.

I propped myself up on my elbows and glared.

“Now, come on, Alayna.” His eyes narrowed. “You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it.”

His condescending tone irked me even more. “Sex isn’t the only way to show a person how you feel.”

“I know. I tried to give you a nightclub.”

His words stung though I couldn’t quite grasp why.

I was still figuring it out when he stood and zipped himself up. “If you want to continue fighting about this, which I’m sure you do, it will have to be later. I have work to do.”

My scowl remained long after he’d left. It was almost funny that I felt so enraged. I’d thought he’d fall to pieces if he’d known I wasn’t telling him things about my past with David, that I’d withheld my interaction with Paul Kresh. And if he’d gone crazy because I’d hidden things, I would have taken it. I’d kept things from him, and I deserved whatever distrust and hurt feelings that came from that.

But it hadn’t been my keeping secrets that put us on opposite sides. It had been his jealousy and my refusal to take over the club. Either he’d always truly meant to give me The Sky Launch, or he was manipulating the situation with David to make me believe that. Both were possible. I’d probably never know for sure which one. Maybe he didn’t know himself.

One thing was certain, I wasn’t letting David get fired, whatever the reason. One day, perhaps, I’d be ready and want to take over the management of The Sky Launch, but not now. Not so soon. Not only a month after graduating with my MBA.

And I wouldn’t do that to a manager as good as David. It wasn’t right.

I brought myself to my feet and stretched. The discussion wasn’t over, but I could put it on pause for the night if Hudson could. And I didn’t intend to mope around about it. It was unhealthy and could quickly turn to obsession if I wasn’t careful. Which meant I had to find something to occupy myself.

I looked at my watch and was surprised to find it was after six. Guess I was skipping group therapy since I’d already missed it. I didn’t have the energy for exercise, so that was out. There was a TV in the living room, but I preferred movies to shows and I hadn’t yet come across any DVDs. Hudson probably had everything on a movie drive somewhere. I wasn’t about to ask where. I’d already finished
The Talented Mr. Ripley
.

Actually, what I should do was work on the library. Another slew of packages had arrived on Friday and the room was crammed with unopened boxes. I should have unpacked them over the weekend, but I’d been too content to lie around naked with Hudson, doing nothing but each other. I’d put it off too long. So what if Hudson was already working in there at his desk. We were grown-ups. We could share the space.

Though the library was big, the room felt confined with the tension still lingering between us. Hudson sat at his desk, focused intently on his computer screen. It was as if he didn’t even know I was in the room. But he did. Of course, he did. He could seem so single-minded, so compartmentalized, but he was always aware of me in every way, as I was always aware of him. I simply wasn’t as good at hiding it as he was.

I took a deep breath and knelt at the stack of boxes furthest from him. Soon, I was wrapped up in the task of unloading and alphabetizing, enjoying the thrill of each newly discovered book title. He’d purchased so many great ones. Classics and contemporaries. Many I’d read, many I wanted to read, many I wanted to reread.

It was after I opened the box with the DVDs that I realized it. Not right away. At first, I was surprised to find the contents were movies rather than books, but I simply started on another section of the shelves and began unloading, not paying too much attention to the titles until I pulled out
Midnight Cowboy
—the movie Hudson and I had watched while we were in the Hamptons. He’d pulled up the list of AFI’s Greatest Movies, a list I was slowly working my way through, and he’d told me to choose one I hadn’t seen. I chose
Midnight Cowboy.

Seeing it in the box, it hit me. I looked over the titles I’d shelved to be sure, and yep, it was true. Each and every movie was on the AFI list. And the books—I ran to look over the books, paying more attention this time.
The Brothers Karamazov, Anna Karenina, Catch-22, Beloved
—they were all titles from The Greatest Books list. I’d told Hudson I wanted to read them all before I died. And here he’d bought them for me. Each and every one.

I was suddenly overcome with emotion. It was a strange thing to move me, but it did. Before he’d decided to commit to me, before he’d asked me to come to his penthouse, let alone move in with him, he’d purchased a library full of books and movies tailored specifically to my interests.

He hadn’t said I loved you. Maybe he never would. But was there anything this man did that didn’t show me how much he did love me?

I was halfway to his desk before I’d even thought about what I was doing. He must have heard me coming, because even though he didn’t look at me, he swiveled in his chair, opening toward me a bit. Maybe it had been subconscious, that he aligned himself with me as I often did with him. It was nice to think so.

I fell at his feet, placing my head on his thigh.

He shifted and I could tell that I’d surprised him.

“Make love to me,” I said, my face nuzzling against his leg. “Please. Make love to me.”

I held my breath as I waited for him to respond. I heard him click his mouse a few times and then set his glasses on the desk—the glasses he only wore when he read or worked on his computer because he was slightly farsighted. There were some things I knew about him.

Then he bent down and lifted me with him to a standing position in one fluid movement.

Cradling me in his arms, he carried me to the bedroom—
our
bedroom—not a word spoken between us. He laid me on the bed. Silently, with such tenderness, he undressed me, then himself.

He stretched over me and kissed me—every inch of me from head to toe. He lingered in new areas, cherishing my belly button and the spot behind my knee and the sensitive area at my tailbone. Every part of my skin, he lavished with attention, adoring me as he’d never adored me before, yet each touch, each caress felt familiar. Like home.

When at last he settled himself between my thighs, he entered me with slow precision. And it was with sweet, languid strokes that he took me to orgasm, not once, not twice, but three times.

He met my eyes the last time, and we maintained the contact as I rode the wave of euphoria. Then he joined me, moaning low as his climax spiraled into mine, our gazes still fixed on each other. And even when my vision glazed over with fireworks, all I could see was him and love. So much love.

Chapter Seventeen

Hudson was already dressed and bustling around when I awoke the next morning. I peered at him with one eye closed then ventured a look at my watch. It wasn’t even quite six yet.

He either saw me stirring or was so in tune with me that he recognized my breathing had left sleep mode. “Do you mind sharing, or do you want your own suitcase?”

I yawned, my brain still fuzzy. “Um, suitcase for what?”

“For Japan.”

I wiped the sleep out of my eyes. “Japan? Why would I go to Japan?”

“Because I’m going to make that play for Plexis. And I want you to come with me.”

I sat up, realizing I should be concentrating harder on the conversation. Hudson was putting his toiletries into a suitcase propped on a folding luggage rack. A travel bag for suits was already zipped up and hanging on the bedroom door. “When exactly is this happening?”

Hudson stopped packing and flashed his heart-stopping smile—the widest one he had that he used so rarely and which always got the butterflies fluttering in my tummy. He was obviously in a good mood. “The plane’s set to take off late tonight. It’s a long flight. Might as well sleep. Or, we could not sleep.” His eyes gleamed wickedly. “It would be easier to adjust to the time difference if we stayed awake the entire flight.” His gaze wandered to my naked breasts. “I’m sure we could think of something to occupy our time.”

With a frown, I flung the sheet off my legs, rose and headed toward the bathroom. “I can’t go to Japan tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Because I have work,” I called over my shoulder. Thinking of work, I suddenly remembered the whole evening before—Paul and David, and Hudson wanting me to run the club. Then the spectacular lovemaking. I wasn’t sure where that left everything.

“So what about work?”

Where were we in our conversation? Oh, yes, Japan.
“I have work. You know? That thing you do where you go someplace and make lots of money? Even those of us who don’t make lots of money still do the work part. In fact, it’s even more necessary for us.”

“Anything you need, I can provide. I expect to provide.”

I’d left the door open while I peed so I could still hear him clearly. It felt nice having that level of comfort with a guy, but I wasn’t so sure about the provide thing he was talking about. “Hey, we just moved in together. Can we step back and keep this on the topic at hand?”

“Fine. But that discussion will come eventually. Sometime soon.”

My stomach twisted with both panic and anticipation. Dammit, what was this man doing to me?

“You make your own schedule.” His voice seemed close. I looked up to see him leaning in the doorway.

My brow knitted, still hung up on his last statement. I really needed coffee before embarking on such mind-spiraling discussions. “Because I make my own schedule doesn’t mean I can leave on a moment’s notice.”

“Sure you can. I own the club.”

“Funny how you pretend you don’t until it’s convenient for you to remind me.”

He grinned but didn’t dispute.

“And don’t think we’re done talking about the club management.” I wiped, flushed and washed my hands, flinging droplets of water on him as I pushed past him back to the bedroom.

He followed me as I went to my closet. “I didn’t think that for a minute. But right now we’re talking about Japan.”

“I have a meeting set up with Aaron Trent tomorrow. I can’t miss that.”

“Reschedule. He’ll make time for you.”

“That’s so tacky.” I pulled out a pair of plain cotton underwear. I hadn’t showered yet and didn’t feel like wasting a pair of nice ones. “He already thinks I rescheduled once.”

“Why? I thought it had been he who canceled?”

“Long story.” Hudson’s eyes stayed glued to me as I pulled on a sports bra. “And you’re distracting me from my point.”

“I think
you’re
the one distracting me.”

“They’re put away, you sex fiend. You can surely find my eyes now.”

He laughed. Yes, he definitely was in a good mood. “Tell Trent something came up and reschedule.” He handed me a pair of running shorts. “He’ll understand. I’ll make him if I have to.”

“You know I want to handle him myself.” I stepped into the shorts and found a tank to pair with them.

I grabbed some socks and turned to face him. He was staring at me—not my body—at my face, waiting for me to continue. I sighed. He was serious about the trip. And I was not. I gave it sincere thought for about for fifteen seconds.

The idea still seemed ludicrous. “It’s not only him, Hudson. I have other things I’m working on. And I don’t even have a passport.”

“I already have that arranged.”

“I don’t even want to know how you pulled that off.” I pushed past him again and headed for the bed. I sat on the edge and put on my socks.

Hudson appeared from my closet carrying my running shoes.

“Thank you.” He was always so considerate, but I knew his attentiveness this morning had motive. It occurred to me that I could just give in. But I could be stubborn too.

I picked up right where I’d left off with a new excuse. “Also, my brother’s coming out from Boston sometime this week. I need to get him the key to my apartment and let him harass me for some reason.”

Hudson bent to put on my left shoe while I worked on the other. “I can arrange for someone to meet him, you know. It doesn’t have to be you.”

Now that sounded like a good plan, even if I didn’t go to Japan.
Even if I didn’t go to Japan?
Dammit, he had me considering it.

I shook my head. “You seriously have a solution for any protest I make, don’t you?”

“I guarantee that I do. So why are you still protesting?”

“Because I have a life that involves more than you.”

“I hate that.”

I looked up from my tied shoe to see him giving me a pretty effective pout. “Don’t be cute.”

“I want you with me. I’ll use any tactic I can to make that happen.”

He held out his hand to help me up. I took it and was immediately pulled into his arms.

Yeah, that felt good. How had I gone all that time since waking without touching him? He’d become so necessary to my life, to my routine. Was it even possible to spend time away from him? And how much time were we talking about?

Always in tune with me, he spoke directly to my unvoiced thoughts, nuzzling his cheek against mine. “I may be gone for several days. I can’t bear to be apart from you that long. It kills me that you think you can.”

They were the kinds of words I’d always dreamed of being told.
I
was the clingy one.
I
was the get-too-fucking-attached chick. What was it about Hudson that kept my obsessiveness at bay? Did it mean I didn’t feel as deeply about him as I thought I did? That I didn’t truly love him?

No, I did love him. Truly. There was no doubt. It was because I felt secure about his feelings for me, god only knew why, that I was able to remain sensible.

But I also understood that look in his eyes, that yearning to be with someone who didn’t necessarily reciprocate. I’d been passed up and thrown away so many times. It hurt.

Even though Hudson was only going for a short trip and not forever, I got his need and I couldn’t stand the idea of making him feel that misery.

I also couldn’t imagine putting everything on hold and flying off to Japan at the drop of a hat. “I don’t want to be apart from you either, Hudson. I…can I think about it?” I bit my lower lip, waiting for his response, hoping he wasn’t too disappointed with my maybe.

He pressed his forehead against mine. “I suppose.”

Well, he took it better than I’d thought he would. “When do you need a decision?”

“Any time before the plane leaves the runway. Say, ten-ish.”

“Okay. I’ll think about it and let you know by this evening. Does that work?”

“It does.” He stuck his hands down the back of my running shorts and pulled me closer. “You know, every time you say you need to think about something, you end up coming around to my way in the end. When are you going to learn to just say yes to begin with?”

I laughed. “Not today.”

“It was worth a try.”

We held each other in silence for several long seconds. He was out of sorts—in a good way—his mood playful and easy, his touch soft and tender. It seemed every emotional scene we shared was followed by a reunion that brought us closer than we had been before. Our evening before had been one of our worst. But this, like the lovemaking that followed the fighting, was oh, so close.

Thinking about it brought warmth to my chest. “Thank you for last night. It was beautiful.”

“That it was.” He circled my nose with his. “Very much so.” It seemed he wanted to say more, but he didn’t. Instead, he kissed me sweetly.

When he was finished, he pulled away reluctantly. “That’s enough.” He swatted my behind, as if I were the one who’d started the embrace. Then he eyed my outfit as if taking it in for the first time. “So I’m guessing you aren’t going straight to the club.”

I scooped my hair into a ponytail and threw a scrunchie from the nightstand around it. “I thought I’d get a run in first. A real run, outdoors. Before it gets too hot.”

“Good idea.” He looked in the mirror, straightening his tie. “I have an early meeting myself.”

“I figured. You aren’t usually dressed this early.” He had yet to don his jacket and looked positively scrumptious in his fitted maroon dress shirt and skinny black tie. I may have even licked my lips.

“Trust me, precious, if I didn’t have other plans, I would definitely not be dressed.” He did that thing where he scanned my body with his eyes, lighting my skin on fire. “And you wouldn’t need to get your exercise with a run.”

“So sure you’d score, huh?”

He raised a brow. “Wouldn’t I?”

“You would.” He always would. He always did. Fortunately, when Hudson scored, I scored, so it was worth letting him be a winner.

Hudson grabbed his suit jacket, and we left the bedroom together. I snagged my key to the penthouse from my purse and slipped it into the cup of my bra.

His mouth curled into a half smile. “Do you hide everything there?”

I shrugged with one shoulder. “It’s pretty handy if you ask me. They should build pockets into bras. I guarantee they’d sell.”

“That can be our next business venture together.”

I rolled my eyes. Hudson was way more ambitious than I was. Probably part of the reason he was a multi-billionaire and I was living paycheck to paycheck.

“I’m ready to go down. Are you?”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Go down to the lobby, you pervert.”

“No, I need to answer a few emails first. Go on ahead.” He turned toward the library then changed his mind, swiveling back to me. “Hold on.”

He reached for my hand and pulled me in for another kiss, this one deeper yet still more tender than sexual. It was me who pulled away first and only because I knew if I didn’t that I might drown in him. He insisted on one more peck after that.

“What?” he asked when he’d finally let me go.

“You’re so…I don’t know…sweet this morning. What’s up with you?”

“I suppose I’m simply happy.”

“I’m glad. Really glad.” I pushed the button to the elevator then had a horrible thought. What if his unusual demeanor was meant to distract me from the David situation? “Hey, I meant it when I said we’re not finished with the discussion about management at The Sky Launch.”

“Persistent little vixen, aren’t you? We’ll have plenty of time to discuss it on our flight to Japan.”

I scowled. “Now who’s being persistent?” I stepped in the elevator. “We’ll talk later. About all of it.”

The door was closing when his hand stopped it. “Alayna.”

I pushed the
Door Open
button and looked at him questioningly. He continued to lean against the elevator door, his brows knit. “Why did you…come to me last night?”

His wording was tentative, and I suspected he was tiptoeing around the words I had used. He seemed to avoid the L word with quiet precision, I noticed.

Regardless, he wanted to know what had spurred my need for him the night before. It made sense—it must have seemed odd when I’d been so mad and then so desperate for affection. “It’s sort of hard to explain.”

“Would you try?”

I pursed my lips, wondering if I could put into words the strange epiphany that I’d experienced. “I was unpacking. And I don’t know why I hadn’t noticed it before, but I realized the books you ordered—and the DVDs—that they were for me.”

His brow furrowed even further. “I told you they were yours. You know I prefer to read on my Kindle.”

“No, I mean, that they were the books I wanted to read. That you’d thought very specifically about what I wanted. It made me feel good. Made me feel loved. Made me feel loved by you.”

“Oh.” He cleared his throat, and I swear his cheeks seemed pink. “Well, yes. Good, then.” He backed out of the doorway, stumbling and catching himself as he stepped.

“Wow. I had no idea I had the power to fluster you.”

His smile returned though his face still appeared flushed. “Don’t get used to it.”

My grin remained all the way to the lobby.

***

My smile was long gone by the time I’d returned to the empty penthouse.

Instead of bringing me into a calm, meditative state, my run only jumbled up my thoughts. There was so much to sort out, so many conflicting emotions to wade through. Hudson had handled the Paul situation fairly well, and he was going to fix it for me. He deserved me to give something in return. What compromise could I make regarding David? I didn’t want him gone, and I didn’t want to run The Sky Launch. If I went to Japan, would that show him the extent of my love and gratitude? It would be a real sacrifice for me—I really wanted to stay in town, set up an advertising plan with Aaron Trent, and start over with another event planner.

I had come to no conclusions by the time I’d showered and dressed. Then, as Jordan dropped me off at the club a little after eight, I received a text from Brian.

“I’m headed into the city. I’ll be at the Waldorf. What time can we meet?”