The Guide to Getting It On (108 page)

53

Gnarly Sex Germs

T
he most common reason for reading this chapter is when you are worried about having an infection that you’d rather not have, or when someone you had sex with a few weeks ago just sent you a text that starts with “BTW...”

This chapter provides an interesting look at the STI landscape. STI stands for “sexually transmitted infection.” The old term used to be VD or venereal disease, which referred to Venus the goddess of love. But that term fell out of favor and STD took its place. STD stands for “sexually transmitted disease.” But the word “disease” isn’t totally correct. The more accurate term is infection. However, it’s unlikely your crotch will care. Call it whatever you like, just understand that a little prevention can go a long way in keeping you from having to consult this chapter again.

In the pages that follow, you’ll see why condoms are effective in preventing some STIs but not others. You’ll hear that getting an STI like herpes is not the end of the world. You’ll learn why STIs that have no symptoms still need to be treated. And hopefully, you’ll remember that HIV remains the mother of all STIs. It’s just as easy to get HIV as ever. You want to avoid it at all costs. On the other hand, a new strain of antibiotic resistant gonorrhea has recently surfaced. This is not good. Fortunately, condoms work well in preventing the spread of both HIV and gonorrhea.

Unfortunately, nothing you read in a book can take the place of a seasoned observer armed with fresh lab test results. So if you are concerned about having an STI, be sure to visit a healthcare provider or STI clinic. They’ll probably ask you to drop trou. They might take blood, and they’ll most likely have you pee in a cup. That’s a small inconvenience for the benefits you’ll be getting. (See more on this in the section on STI testing.)

Also keep in mind that the information on the pages that follow is just that: information. It is not meant to take the place of diagnosis or treatment by a trained healthcare provider.

Sometimes, It’s a Numbers Game

There would be a big drop in the number of sexually transmitted infections if people dated for a few weeks or months before getting naked together. By then, you would know more about a potential partner than how they fill out their jeans. You might decide “Looked hot, still looks hot, but not someone I’d like to sleep with.” Or maybe it would be the opposite, with the erotic tension that’s been building paying off in extra pleasure once your pants hit the floor.

Epidemiologically speaking, draining a few cappuccinos together and seeing a movie or two before you round third makes really good sense.

Defining an Acceptable Level of Risk

Each year 32,000 Americans die in car accidents. Thousands more are seriously injured. Yet most of us consider driving to be an acceptable risk. However, if 32,000 people started dying each year from a new sex disease, that was killing straight people, there would be an outcry against sex.

Perhaps we believe there is something inherently good about driving and something inherently bad about sex. Or maybe we get more satisfaction from driving. Whatever the case, you can greatly decrease your chances of being killed in a car accident by not drinking when you drive, by wearing a seat belt, and by driving sensibly. The same is true for sex, except for the seat belt, unless you are into BDSM.

Besides using condoms and being picky about new sex partners, getting checked for STIs is an important way to stay sexually healthy.

Getting Tested for STIs—How, Where and When

Just because a partner looks totally hot and hygienically perfect doesn’t mean he or she is STI free. Unless you are in a true-blue never-fool-around relationship, it’s smart to get tested every year, even if you have no symptoms.

Two websites that will give you the addresses and phone numbers of nearby testing locations are
www.hivtest.org
(the Center for Disease Control’s site for STIs) and
www.plannedparenthood.org
. Click on sexually transmitted disease link and enter your zip code. If you’re a college student, be sure to call your student health service and ask where you can get tested.

The cost of STI testing can vary, so if finances are an issue, be sure to look for low or no cost testing centers. Along with needing to visually look you over, it’s likely they’ll have do a urine test for a chlamydia and gonorrhea test. If you are pee shy, ask them if you can fill the cup at home, or get an STD test kit from Walmart. Follow the instructions and include a check for $99. If the people at the post office inquire whether the package contains hazardous materials, you don’t need to answer yes. They ask everyone that.

If you’re a woman, don’t assume you’re getting an STI test when you get an annual gynecological exam. You need to tell them you want an STI test.

The STIs That Condoms Help You Avoid and Why

Some STIs are spread when the genital secretions from someone who is infected make contact with the mucosal membranes of someone who isn’t infected. Other STIs are transmitted mostly by skin-to-skin contact.

Since condoms capture genital secretions, they will help prevent the spread of STIs such as HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and trichomoniasis. They aren’t as effective in stopping STIs such as herpes, syphilis and HPV which can be spread by skin-to-skin contact.

STIs and Your Mucosal Membranes

Moist mucosal surfaces are the passageways in and out of the body, such as the urethra (peehole), vagina, mouth and butt. We utilize them when we eat, use the rest room, and have oral sex or intercourse.

If you can keep an infected partner’s genital fluids from making contact with your moist mucosal surfaces, you can do a lot to prevent catching some of the worst STIs. Condoms are your best bet for achieving this.

Skin To Skin

Some sexually transmitted infections such as genital herpes and syphilis are known as genital ulcer diseases. They can use the skin for entry into the body, in addition to moist mucosal membranes.

You would think you could tell from looking at a person if they have something as gross-sounding as a “genital ulcer disease.” But the ulcers can be so small that it’s nearly impossible to see them. At the very least, you might need a bright light and a magnifying glass. Good luck getting a potential partner to take their clothes off and let you do an inspection like that.

Condoms aren’t as effective in preventing the spread of genital ulcer diseases because there’s lots of skin where the ulcers can be hiding. You’d have to be wear a wet-suit version of a condom to get really good protection.

While HPV or human papilloma virus isn’t a genital ulcer disease, it’s a tough one to prevent the spread of when you are having sex. Condoms can help, but miracle workers they aren’t.

Condoms Work Differently for Men and Women

If a male partner is already infected with an STI, the condom works by collecting and isolating the fluids that might drip, seep, or shoot out of his penis. That way, the infected fluids don’t make contact with your moist mucus membranes.

If it’s the woman who is infected, the condom will keep the STI-infected fluids in her vagina from getting inside the urethra or peehole of the penis.

Good News: Prescriptions for Partners

As of press time, healthcare providers in 32 states were allowed to write prescriptions to treat partners of STI patients without having to examine the partners. With many STIs, treating your partner is as important as getting treatment yourself. Otherwise, you’ll just end up with an STI ping-pong effect, where the untreated partner keeps reinfecting the partner who has been treated. Some states will only allow this option for heterosexual partners, due to higher prevalence of HIV and syphilis infections in male-male relationships.

STI Reduction Odds and Ends

Before presenting you with a blow-by-blow summary of each and almost every sex germ, here are some practical issues to consider about keeping yourself safe from sexually transmitted infections:

Monogamy Only Works for Some:
It would be one thing if people who say they are going to stay monogamous would actually stay monogamous. But that’s not how it always works. Don’t try to fit yourself into a monogamous square if you belong in a round hole. If there is a chance you or your partner might have sex outside of the relationship, keep using condoms.

When Symptoms Go Away:
If you have STI symptoms and they suddenly go away, do not assume the disease has gone away. The most common symptom of a sexually transmitted infection is no symptom at all. It is very common to have an STI and not be aware of it.

25 and Under:
You won’t believe how many people who are twenty-five and under get sexually transmitted infections. If you are young and frisky, be sure to get tested for STIs every year.

Pregnancy and STIs?
You also won’t believe how many women who are single and pregnant get new STIs while they are pregnant or during the first six months after giving birth. One reason is because they figure they can only get pregnant so many times at once, so they stop using condoms. If you are pregnant, please remember about STIs and your baby.

Blow Jobs:
Using a condom while blowing a guy makes sense if you are not in a long-term relationship. Find a brand of flavored condoms that doesn’t taste too hideous. (Of all the different condom flavors, no one makes one called “Semen Flavor.” Hmmm. Wonder why?) Do not use the same condom for oral sex as for intercourse, because it’s easy for your canine choppers to leave little rips in the condom.

Muff Diving:
Using latex dental dams when going down on a woman is someone’s idea of a really bad joke. Using Saran wrap isn’t nearly as bad, although you are unlikely to find “Cunnilingus Directions” on the side of the box. And don’t use cling wrap version. This is not a family picnic and you aren’t trying to keep your partner’s pussy freshly sealed for refrigerating and microwaving later. The pluses of using Saran Wrap are you can see through it, your tongue doesn’t drag across it, and it has no taste. Have the woman lather some of her own spit on the side of the plastic wrap that you are laying over her vulva, then lay it in place. You will automatically lubricate your side of the wrap with your mouth. Then make her casserole sing.

Cold Sores:
If you have a cold sore on or in your mouth, you could give herpes to the person you are having oral sex with. So it’s best to try finger fucking after you’ve washed your hands or give a hand job until the cold sore heals up, assuming intercourse is not an option.

Precum:
When it comes to sexually transmitted infections, precum is just as high-octane as semen. If the penis has an STI, pre-cum will definitely transmit it.

Rimming or Booty Licking:
Rimming is when you use your tongue on a partner’s anus. If you are in a long-term monogamous relationship, you share many of the same intestinal flora, fauna, and bugs, so there’s probably not an increased risk associated with rimming that you haven’t already incurred. But in more casual relationships, you should be concerned about getting things like hepatitis, E. coli, salmonella, shigella, amoeba, giardia, and cryptosporidiosis.

If you enjoy rimming but aren’t in a true-blue relationship, at the very least get a hepatitis vaccination. Straight or gay, you are being a fool if you don’t get vaccinated for hepatitis when you enjoy rimming. Using plastic wrap could be an effective preventative for rimming-associated germs, but tongues that like to rim usually prefer to feel the real thing. Another strategy is to hop into the shower first and soap up. A post-doc fellow at UCLA did a study on germs and hand-washing. She discovered that if you soap-up, rinse, and soap-up a second time there will be a substantial decrease in the amount of germs as opposed to soaping up and rinsing only once. The first soaping helps remove the dead layer of skin cells, but it takes the second soaping to get germs that are hiding underneath. This sounds like particularly good advice for when you’re licking someone’s butt. However, it’s far from fool proof, given there’s a germ-shedding rectum behind the butt you are licking.

Handjobs:
The chances of catching an STI from giving your partner a hand job are about the same as breaking your neck from falling out of bed, although you never know about HPV. What you want to avoid is taking a hand that has a partner’s sex fluids on it and rubbing it on your genitals, unless neither of you has an STI. You also want to avoid getting a partner’s sex fluids into an open cut if you have one.

Intercourse Concerns (Penis into Vagina):
It is highly unlikely that the cute fraternity guy you are about to have sex with is going to say, “I’m totally low-risk except for that little butt-fucking incident last month with the captain of the wrestling team.” Nor will the former high-school cheerleader you’re about to bang admit to having spiked heroin “during my rebellious phase last summer.” Great looks and a clean exterior mean nothing when it comes a partner’s ability to give you a sexually transmitted infection.

Pulling Out:
While pulling a penis out and squirting off to the side may win you the
Birth Control from the Middle Ages Award,
it won’t keep you from getting an STI.