The Guide to Getting It On (104 page)

Period Parties & “You Are Becoming a Woman”

The following Kotex ad from 1942 shows how period education used to be:

Fortunately, things are changing. A lot of mothers today are framing a girl’s first period as something to celebrate and as an important milestone reached in a girl’s life. Some moms take their daughters out to a special lunch or dinner, and some even have parties—which might be a bit much as far as some daughters are concerned. But if parents feel the need to mortify their kid with a cake and party to celebrate their daughter’s first period, at least it’s a step in the right direction.

How to decorate a cake to celebrate your first period is another matter. We at Goofy Foot Press would most likely edge it with pads and tampons made of marzipan, and a confetti of Midols made from sugar on top. As for the cake’s interior, do you stay with a classic white cake with alternating layers of strawberry and raspberry, or do you make a bold statement and go with a red velvet cake?

As for saying that a girl has “become a woman” after her first period, that seems to be stretching it a bit when you consider how early girls are having their periods. The concept of womanhood is more social than biological, and to think that a 12- or 13-year-old girl in Western culture has reached womanhood begs a reality check. A girl’s first period marks an important biological passage, but it’s more reasonable to think of her high-school graduation as a transition into womanhood.

Perhaps the most significant passage a first period marks is it allows a girl to enter into the same “club” that her mom, friends and older sisters are in. This can be empowering and socially important for a girl. Some girls who have their first period later than their friends feel left out of this “club” and can’t wait to join it—until they have their first cramps.

Who Put the “Hygiene” in Feminine Hygiene and the “Sanitary” in Sanitary Napkins? And What about Odor?

Toward the end of the 1800s, germs started to become a big deal, not that they hadn’t killed billions of people in the years prior. But with Lister’s discovery about germs there was no turning back, and the monthly bleed seemed like a perfect target for people who were concerned about contagion.

Some of the greatest perpetrators of menstruation as a hygienic catastrophe were women themselves. Their advice columns for much of the 1900s had the signature of self-loathing and obsessive cleanliness all over it. We have since learned that when it comes to female genitals, cleanliness is next to Godliness only if it is done in moderation. We have also learned that when it comes to germs, your vagina will never be as gross as your mouth or your partner’s mouth.

With so much hygenic hysteria, it was only natural that the companies that made sanitary napkins would play the odor card. However, if there is period-related odor, sanitary napkins may be a source of it. Period flow contains sloughed off or dead tissue. All dead tissue contains organic compounds with names like putrescine and cadaverine. No one will ever confuse putrescine or cadaverine with perfume. This is why period gear like tampons can have an odor.

However, a bigger problem occurs when period flow mixes with butt bacteria (e coli). And the place where that’s most likely to happen is in a pad or sanitary napkin that is trapping both blood from your vagina and moisture from your rear end. Disposable sanitary napkins are the perfect delivery system for one to meet the other. If a pad is what you need, consider using a natural cotton pad that breathes. A lot of women use pads like the Luna pad that are washable and can be reused. (
Note:
our gynecology consultant doesn’t feel that the thong (aka butt floss) is too far behind the sanitary napkin when it comes to possible ways of transporting butt bacteria into your vagina.)

For First-Time Tampon Users

“I didn’t realize the cardboard was supposed to come out (while the cotton wad stays in). It was a rather uncomfortable first hour, ‘til I finally asked a girlfriend, ‘What the hell?’”
female age 28

“I mostly use pads, but they used to get stuck in my pubic hair. OUCH! Tampons are only useful for pools and hot tubs, otherwise it feels really weird walking around feeling like you have a soft dick stuck in you all day.”
female age 21 [Editor’s note: this could be happening because she isn’t pushing the tampon in far enough.]

“Pads were so horrid, even though I used them for many years. They were just so gross, it felt like wearing a diaper, but I could never get the hang of applicator tampons, so I just used pads. When I got to college we got a free trial pack of OB applicatorless tampons and I fell in love instantly and have never looked back!”
female age 20

“I hated pads because I felt gooey and gross when I wore them. The blood never absorbs like the commercials say it does. I hurt the first couple of times I put a tampon in, and had to force it, but eventually that stopped and I didn’t have a problem anymore.”
female age 21

“I never had a problem using tampons, and I hate it when my pubic hair gets stuck to the bloody pad. YUCK. So I’m a tampon girl—though I have to use the slim kind, as the larger ones hurt.”
female age 20

A number of our female readers have reported strange or painful experiences when they first tried using a tampon, including trying to pull out the tampon while it was still dry. This probably resulted from wearing a higher absorbency tampon than was needed and the tampon ended up sticking to the sides of their vagina. Ouch! Tampons come in a couple of absorbencies. It’s best not to use one that is more absorbent than you need.

As for common tampon questions, a tampon can’t get pushed in “too far.” That’s because your vagina ends in a cul-de-sac. Tampons won’t ever float away inside your body, so you don’t need to worry about doctors having to fish one out from behind your lung. Tampons are not like penises—you shouldn’t be able to feel them. If you can, it’s probably because you didn’t push it far enough inside.

Here are some tips on tampon insertion from our female readers. However, always read and follow the instructions that come with the tampons. The companies that make these products don’t want to get sued, and so the information in their instructions is usually the latest and greatest. Do not leave the tampons in longer than the manufacturer says. If you are concerned about tampon-related sickness, see the section in this chapter on TSS.

• Most tampons come with applicators or plungers. Some tampons, like OBs, use the inserting device that Mother Nature provided: your finger.
  
• Putting tampons where they need to go requires three steps: pushing in the applicator, pushing in the plunger, and pulling out the applicator, unless you are using OBs, where there aren’t any messy plungers to throw away that eventually wash up on our beaches.
  
• It might help to coat the end of the tampon with a lubricant like KY Jelly. If you can’t score the jelly, try dabbing a little saliva on it.
  
• Buy or borrow the skinniest tampon you can find. You might try Tampax Lites or Playtex SlimFit regulars for your first time.
  
• Find your vaginal opening. It’s down there somewhere, at the bottom part of your vulva. Spread the lips of your vulva and put your finger in a little way. This is where the tampon will go.
  
• Some women put tampons in while standing with a little squat action or with one leg higher and out to the side. Other women put them in while sitting on the toilet.
  
• Spread your lips with the fingers of one hand, and insert the applicator into your vagina with the other.
  Aim it toward your tailbone and not up toward your stomach!
  
• Insert the applicator so that the wider part of the barrel is almost all of the way in—with just enough sticking out to hold on to. If you don’t insert the tampon far enough inside, the ring of muscles in the first part of your vagina can clamp it, making it feel uncomfortable.
  
• Once you’ve got the applicator in, hold the barrel firmly with your fingers. Push the plunger in. Bingo!
  
• As you pull out the applicator, try not to pull on the string or you’ll pull the tampon out and you’re back to square one. If this happens, push the tampon back in with your finger.
  
• Make sure the string of the tampon is hanging out of your vagina. If it isn’t, don’t worry. Squat and push down as if you are trying to take the mother of all dumps. Reach a finger inside your vagina to see if you can feel the critter. You can always use your thumb and finger to pull the string out. If you have no luck, ask your mom, aunt, grandmother older sister, best friend or boyfriend for help, or call your healthcare provider and speak with a nurse. Again, it’s not like the end of the world, but you will need to get the tampon out in the next couple of hours. (See page 331 for how to pull out a lost condom. It’s not that much different.)
  
• Your vagina might be dry on the last day or two of your period. Don’t hesitate to dab some lube on the tampon before putting it in.
  
• Sorry to be repetitive, but do not have intercourse with a tampon inside. While it’s not going to end up in the next county, it’s best not to have tampon getting smooshed behind your cervix by the head of a guy’s penis.
  

Tampons, Sponges & Toxic-Shock Syndrome

Toxic-Shock Syndrome (TSS) is a rare but sometimes fatal disease caused by the toxins of bacteria that grow in the bodies of both men and women. TSS is now mainly associated with surgery and severe burn cases, but during the early 1980s some women died from TSS following the introduction of a new superabsorbent tampon called Rely.

Contrary to what scientists first believed, the killer tampons were not a breeding site for TSS bacteria. Rely contained two synthetic fibers (carboxy- methyl cellulose and polyester foam) that are thought to have irritated the vaginal lining in ways that triggered the TSS bacteria to produce a dangerous toxin. Tampons are now made from only cotton and rayon. As a result, the occurrence of TSS among tampon users is rare. Your chances of getting killed in a car wreck are 500 to 1,000 times greater than the risk of death by tampon.

It was originally thought that wearing the same tampon for several hours increased your chances of getting TSS. Not so. But the risk does go up when you use nothing but tampons throughout your entire period, even if you change them every three hours. If you are a tampon user who wants to greatly reduce her chances of getting TSS, don’t wear tampons throughout your entire period. For instance, alternate using tampons and pads, or ditch the traditional period gear for a more environmentally sound menstrual cup. Also, some people are naturally more susceptible to TSS. If you have ever had TSS or appear susceptible to it, you are better off not using tampons.

Warning signs of TSS: sudden high fever (usually 102 degrees or more) that includes vomiting and/or diarrhea, fainting or near-fainting when you stand up and dizziness or a sunburn-like rash. Symptoms usually appear very quickly and are often severe. Symptoms can vary, and might include aching of muscles and joints, redness of the eyes, sore throat, and weakness.

If you are on your period, have a sudden high fever and one or more of these TSS symptoms, ditch your tampon at once and make tracks to an emergency room. This would not be a time for modesty—claw your way to the front of the line and let the clerk know there you are on your period and have been wearing a tampon.

There are rumors that tampons contain dioxins that cause TSS. That might be possible if anyone could actually find dioxins in tampons, but the amount of dioxins in tampons is virtually nil. We are exposed to much higher levels of dioxins in the environment than from anything that comes in a box and has a string on the end.

Turning Your Crotch Green

The average woman uses nearly 10,000 or more pads or tampons in her lifetime. If your choice is between pads and tampons, it would seem as though a tampon without an applicator, such as OB, or a pad made of washable cotton, would be the more environmentally friendly choice. Disposable pads contain layers of engineered petroleum products. Tampons are mostly cotton. And it seems that the gynecologists who have consulted on this book aren’t exactly big fans of disposable pads (sanitary napkins), especially if a woman is experiencing crotch irritation. A sanitary napkin made of cotton cloth is much preferred for vulva health, but the final decision should be between you and your healthcare provider.