The Guide to Getting It On (130 page)

Orgasms during Pregnancy

Some women have no interest in sex or orgasms when they are pregnant. Others not only want orgasms, but report coming in awe-inspiring bursts that are more intense than their most memorable pre-pregnant efforts. Sex during pregnancy can also present a slight contradiction: even if she is more easily aroused and her orgasms are more intense, she might take longer to reach orgasm. The payoff is usually worth the extra effort.

One reason for having whopper orgasms during pregnancy might be the increased level of engorgement in the abdomen. With all the extra blood, her uterus stays hard for a few minutes after orgasm. As a result, a woman who had single orgasms before pregnancy may experience two or more at a time while pregnant. But by the end of the pregnancy, some women find that the swelling in their genitals causes a congested feeling that makes coming feel more frustrating than relieving. Uterine contractions might also be contributing to the discomfort.

Male ejaculate contains prostaglandins, and some types of prostaglandins cause uterine contractions. However, studies show that neither intercourse nor male ejaculate induce labor. There is nothing about intercourse, oral sex or male ejaculate that will move your date up or cause you to go into labor. If you have concerns, be sure to consult your healthcare provider.

It is normal for a pregnant woman to have cramps or Braxton-Hicks contractions either before or after orgasm. These cramps can last for a half-hour or more. Some healthcare professionals believe that these cramps help improve the muscle tone in a pregnant woman’s uterus. If the cramping becomes too uncomfortable, you can eliminate one possible cause by using a condom during intercourse or by having the man pull out before he is about to come. See if this makes any difference over a couple of weeks. Another approach that may help relieve cramping is for the woman’s partner to give her a loving foot massage or back rub.

Another unexpected source of orgasms during pregnancy may be the prolific array of sex dreams that some women report having: “Never had one before, never had one after, but had a large number of sexual dreams during.”

Breasts: Tenderness, Expansion & Leakage

Breast tenderness can happen in any phase of the pregnancy, especially during the first trimester. Breasts which used to cherish firm handling might suddenly prefer a light kiss, caress, or no stimulation at all. Some breasts that are painfully tender during the first trimester morph into pleasure zones during the second trimester. Changes like these make it important for pregnant couples to have frequent discussions about “what feels good this week.”

It is normal for the breasts of a nonpregnant woman to swell when she is sexually aroused. However, when a woman becomes pregnant, her breasts may remain swollen all the time. As a result, she may get swelling on top of swelling when she is sexually excited. This might feel painful, or it may feel wonderfully, depending on the woman and the stage of her pregnancy. Also, dietary salt might contribute to the swelling.

For some couples, breast tenderness will make the missionary position a thing of the past long before expansion of the abdomen does. Another problem or delight, depending on your point of view, might occur if the woman’s breasts start to leak during the latter part of pregnancy. This is perfectly natural and is simply a preview of what’s to come. Also, some pregnant women become highly territorial about their breasts in the name of the baby, while others are fine to share the wealth with their adult partner.

Bladder Matters

One of the biggest concerns that women have about sex during pregnancy and for up to six months after is about bladder leakage. It’s one of the reasons why they don’t have sex—because they are afraid of leaking while sexually excited. If this is a concern for you, then it might help to have a conversation with your partner about it, and with your healthcare provider.

Most men won’t give a rip if their pregnant partner pees during sex. Most know that they’d be leaking up a storm if they had a baby using their bladder for a trampoline. So the solution for most couples is to put extra towels down and to get a pee-proof mattress-pad cover. Unlike the loud crinkly covers of old, you can’t even tell the new ones are there.

What’s unexpected for many women is when their bladders continue to leak after delivery. This is not unusual, and it’s important to talk to your healthcare provider about it. That’s because things can usually be done to help. (Kegel exercises can be very helpful for a lot of women with this problem, however getting women to do them regularly can be a challenge, according to our obstetrical consultant.) Fortunately, most guys are smart enough to understand that growing a baby inside of your body can require substantial recovery time. They’re not going to begrudge you some pee when they are relieved it was your abdomen and not theirs that was Junior’s rumpus room for nearly ten months.

Intercourse Concerns Part 1 — Fetal Concussions

It is not uncommon for couples to worry that the head of dad’s thrusting penis is going to bop junior on the fetal brain and knock him senseless. While it might be nice for dad to think his penis is that powerful, the fetus sits in a sac filled with a fluid that absorbs shocks and provides superb protection. To make it even that far, dad’s penis would have to get through mom’s cervix and uterine walls.

The most important consideration during intercourse is to find positions and thrusting styles that feel good for mom and her swollen reproductive organs. If it feels good for mom, chances are that the baby will do just fine. As for questions about squirting junior in the eye with dad’s ejaculate, the uterus is sealed off by a mucus plug that is a bit like the cork in a bottle of wine. The amniotic sac provides a secondary barrier that helps keep the ejaculate at bay.

Intercourse Concerns Part 2 —“The Baby Will See Us”

The human fetus is not taking notes and won’t be emotionally scarred by the things you feel or do during pregnancy, even if you listen to—gulp—rock‘n’roll instead of classical music. Exceptions are excessive drinking, smoking, or doing drugs that compromise the infant’s developing brain.

The fetal brain is not a miniature of the adult brain. Its memory units (neurons) are hardly functional at birth. There is not enough developed brain structure for the fetus to say, “Mom and Dad are having sex and isn’t that disgusting” or on a more positive note, “Mom and Dad are having sex, isn’t that wonderful!”

Why Don’t They Make Sexy Lingerie for Pregnant Moms?

Sex doesn’t stop being an expression of love and intimacy because a baby is on the way. Yet we are often given the feeling that pregnant moms are supposed to be more interested in what color to paint the baby’s room than in being lit up sexually or wondering what the new guy at the office looks like naked. Yes, pregnant moms can feel sexy, and some moms and dads find pregnancy to be sexually exciting. For some pregnant women, nature turns up the horny knob instead of turning it down.

Intercourse during Pregnancy

Some pregnant women cherish the feeling of having both the baby and the baby’s father inside of them at the same time. Others feel like three’s a crowd. Dads, too, have their own issues about sex during pregnancy, some of which are discussed later in this chapter. If you feel like having intercourse while pregnant, important elements are a shared sense of humor and a willingness to explore. Here are some particulars to consider:

Clothes On:
Some couples who are trying new positions do so first with their clothes on. This helps them focus their collective energies on the engineering feat at hand, and it allows them to appreciate the humor of the situation without having to worry about feelings of urgency or declining erections. There’s always time to get naked and actually go for it once the target positions have been mapped out and a strategy is planned.

Penetration:
Some pregnant women have a desire for penetration that’s deep and assertive, while others prefer an approach that is more gentle. Talk it over. Different phases of pregnancy may require different styles of penetration as the pregnant pelvis becomes more crowded. Also, the swelling of the cervix and uterus can make certain kinds of intercourse feel uncomfortable. Let the woman control the thrusting depth, and if this cramps your style, be mindful that there are plenty of dads-to-be who aren’t getting any at all.

Lubrication:
Some women seem to lubricate all the time when they are pregnant. However, there are plenty of exceptions. If that’s the case for you, try adding lube.

Dizziness:
Some pregnant women experience dizziness or indigestion in certain positions or during certain phases of the pregnancy. This can be particularly true when a woman is on her back. Doing it on her side, on all fours, or while on top might suit her better.

Romancing the Cervix:
The cervix of a pregnant woman often swells due to the extra blood flow into the uterus. It becomes soft, and can sometimes bleed with deep penetration. Try shallower thrusting or use positions where the head of the penis romances the cervix more gently. This may be especially wise during the later months of pregnancy, when the cervix starts to ripen. If you have questions or if there is any bleeding, consult with your physician.

Third-Trimester Stretch:
By the third trimester, the cartilage in the pelvic region has had months of pregnancy-related hormones thrown at it. It becomes softer as a result, as part of nature’s conspiracy–uh, plan–to ready the pelvic floor for the joys of childbirth. As a result, a woman may find that pressure on her pubic bone feels a little weird. Couples need to be creative in their search for comfortable intercourse positions.

Too Much Swelling:
For some women, genital swelling may increase to a point where intercourse feels uncomfortable, while for others the desire for intercourse never wanes. Experimenting with positions where the woman has her legs apart might help. Be prepared to shift positions often.

Backaches & All Fours:
With the muscles between her ribs being slowly pried apart and her pelvic floor feeling trampled on, the pregnant female has been known to suffer an occasional backache. Some women find the rocking motion of intercourse, while on all fours, can help soothe pregnancy-related backaches. It can also soothe the throbbing between her partner’s legs.

The Penile Vice (Or Vise) Grip

Some healthcare professionals think it’s good for a pregnant woman to tone and exercise the muscles in her pelvic floor by doing Kegel exercises. What better way to accomplish this than by having a man insert his penis into your vagina, keeping it stationary, while you squeeze it with your pelvic muscles? Most guys would be more than happy to lend a helping penis. This is an exercise that you might keep doing after the baby is born.

When to Stop

Most physicians in this day and age say it’s okay to keep having intercourse until your water breaks. Some couples have intercourse until labor itself begins. There are at least four factors which should influence you on when to stop having intercourse: 1. It doesn’t feel good any longer. 2. Either partner has a genital infection. 3. The woman experiences bleeding or new discharge. 4. Your healthcare provider says to stop.

Oral Sex

The extra lubrication caused by pregnancy can give the vaginal area a stronger taste or smell, which some men notice when giving their pregnant wives oral sex. However, there are no medical reasons to stop giving or receiving oral sex during pregnancy unless the pregnancy is at risk for other reasons.

This is a concern that pregnant women often have, so again, there is nothing about receiving oral sex during pregnancy that will endanger the baby. The one thing a partner shouldn’t do is to make a seal around your vulva with his lips and blow into it like it’s a balloon. But what kind of moron would do that anyway?

Nipple and Perineal Massage

One of the nice things about being pregnant is that when the dad-to-be is complaining about the things he usually complains about, you have the perfect excuse to say, “Shut up and rub my nipples!” That’s because as the final months of pregnancy approach, it might be helpful for a woman to have two areas on her body massaged, or three areas if you count each nipple as having its own private domain. Put lotion on each nipple and massage and knead it, assuming it isn’t too painful. This will help condition the nipples for nursing, and it may also help release extra oxytocin into the system, which seems to be a good thing as the due date approaches. The other area that massage might help is the perineum, which is the real estate between a woman’s vagina and rectum. Some pregnancy aficionados believe that massaging this area helps to make it more pliable and reduce the need for an episiotomy.